get her back: Out of jail for about 6 weeks and I want to fix our marriage

[redcamero88]

My wife and I have been married for 11 years and together for 13 years. We were both 16 years old when we started seeing each other. We were both very much in love. We have two great children together. We seperated on more than one occasion mostly do to my drinking. She allways wanted me to stop but I was too imature to see the real problem with my drinking. Because when I drank (which was almost all the time). During the last 2 years we drifted apart. I never hugged her or kissed her unless she did it first. We made love on a somewhat regular basis but she lost some interest in it because she thought I only wanted her when I was drinking. I also lost some interest in it because of her loss of interest. The six years before this we drifted apart because I was drinking and because the initial flame faded. Anyway everytime we seperated she allways came to my work to talk about getting back together.

 

I was arrested about 4 months ago for eluding a police vehicle. I was drunk and we had a big fight so I went out driving. While I was in jail she had a fling with a coworker. She denyed everything but I found written evidence. Also my sister-in-law works there too. She finally admitted it but said they never had sex. I have my doubts about that though. She said she did it because she felt bad about herself and when he complimented her she felt good. I was never good at giving compliments. She says it is over between them and I think it is. He is also married and only wanted her for sex.

Anyway I have been out of jail for about 6 weeks and I want to fix our marraige. We are still seperated. I quit drinking when I was arrested, I've been complementing her evertime I see her I've told her how much I love her and want her back. We have made love several times at her house. When I ask her if she wants to try to work this out, or if she wants to be with me. All she will do is say she doesn't know. I know she didn't feel loved by me the last 2 years and I know how much that hurt her. She says she is afraid to get hurt again. I'm hurt too from her fling but I miss her so much. When I go and see her I'll ask if she wants me to leave when it's late or if she wants me to stay and she will never give me an answer.She says "I don't know" or "It's up to you". I'm hurting real bad. I want to see her everyday but it hurts to wait for her to come home and see her. I don't know if I should not tell her I love her and hold her when I see her. I want to but it's hurting me when I leave and she won't tell me anything. She won't even say "I love you" to me but she does say she will allways love me. How do I get her back? Or is it really over?

[NEONINK]

You can focus on STAYING SOBER! And quite frankly, you were a lucky man that she didn't leave your ass a long time ago. I suggest AA for you, and Al-Anon for her.

 

Drinking doesn't just affect you, it affects the entire family. You've done some damage fella; maybe she will, maybe she won't. That's her choice considering what you've done.

 

Just show her you are a changed man, and maintain that change. And I will almost promise you one thing, if you ever break that promise, you can kiss it all goodbye.

 

But first, you have to know you can promise yourself a few things.