I Can't Decide Between Love Or Career

[ate_the_paint]

I'm in a conundrum. My career, which I've spent the past several years building, brought me to a small isolated town on the west coast to take over a field office.

 

The company I work for is on the up and up. They just incorporated and are going international, and at the rate I'm moving I hope to be running our entire operations in Asia or Europe within a few years! I'll be set for life!

 

The problem is that I am single in an isolated town (3+ hours from the nearest town). I have very few friends here and no family. Everyone I know is 1500 miles back east! There are no venues (aside from a bar) here to meet people and finding a woman to date is impossible! I've been on a couple of dates with the only women here who meet my standards, but they moved away. The rest of the women here are baby-mamas, BBWs, alcoholics, or all three combined.

 

I'm stuck having to make a major decision. Do I stick it out for a few more years and reap the benefits of great career opportunities down the road, yet remain lonely, friendless, loveless...heck, funless?

 

Or do I move back east and be surrounded by the people I love, meet women, have fun, but be stuck back at the bottom of the job barrel, trying to claw my way up the ladder in the crowded eastern job markets?

 

This is another one of those big decisions to make and I'm trying to weigh and balance all sides. I love my job and my salary but I'm also a social guy and a romantic at heart.

 

Why does it seem like the year 2008 is determined to beat me down? lol

[Ocean-Blue]

ATP, I feel your pain.

 

I am thousands of miles away from my family, my friends, and this guy I call the love of my life.

 

What's worse is that I hate where I live at the moment. I live in the ghetto. I hate walking home and warding off all the stares and double-takes I get. Most of the women here (in this area, not in the city) are missing teeth, have stringy hair and are totally and utterly unkempt.

 

I suppose I have my pick of suitors. But then again, maybe they stare because they've never seen my kind about these parts of town...?

 

I dunno.

 

All I know is that I'm here finishing something I started...something that will propel me to bigger and better things (hopefully?). I could call it quits and run home to mommy and daddy and the dog...but no, this is too important.

 

So I'll endure this, for now.

 

I am moving soon, though. So I look forward to SOME normalacy.

 

You have to weigh your options and figure out what you want. If you think your options are greatly reduced if you move back and value your career advancement, then stick it out...try to branch out and TRY to find out where you can meet normal, attractive women.

 

However, if the situation is so dire that you are having nightmares about BBW choking you with their backfat while you silently scream, perhaps it's time to reconsider things and move closer to home?

 

And are you sure you've exhausted all your options? Are there really no other job prospects waiting for you at home?

[Nemo]

I'll be set for life!

A life with no further challenges sounds so relaxing. I'll be seeing you on the beach.

[fral945]

ate,

 

You have to decide what's more important. My mindset is if you had to live with only one for the rest of your life (a good career or a good lover), which would be more important? It seems to me the odds of landing a good long term career nowadays are about the same as you have of finding a good long term relationship (and I don't think the odds are that good for either). But if you find someone good, you'll be married 40+ years and have someone for a lifetime. If you find a good job you might be there 20-30 yrs tops. So love wins for me. Good love will provide more long term satisfaction than a good job.

 

I am in a fairly small town and I didn't realize until I moved away from college how hard a time I would have finding someone. In college, I had far more options but didn't take advantage, instead focusing on school (unlike most of my other friends). I honestly regret that now. It seems they have the relationship but don't really have to career down, and I feel I have neither.

 

Right now, I'm just work on developing some transferable skills so I can find work in a larger city, where the choices in the types of women I am most interested in will be greater for me. My advice would be for you to do the same, or if you already have some, update your resume and get the job hunt going.

[sedgwick]

I was with you up until the part where overweight women don't meet your standards. Feh.

[Lizzie60]

My only advice.. never ever leave a good career opportunity for love...

 

Lovers come and go.. a good career stays and will serve you for the rest of your life..

 

Just suck it off for a while and see where it goes..

[Ronni_W]

Well, you could spend some of the time on continuing education -- like becoming proficient at more languages, mastering tai chi, learning how to make sushi...or put those neat little sailboats into bottles, or...

 

dates with the only women here who meet my standards,

...or improving self-awareness and how to communicate Self in clear yet non-judgmental fashion. Cos, I'm just guessing but...didn't you mean to type something closer to "...women who share my values and vision" ?

 

Good luck with your decision. It's easier when one isn't facing the prospects that you are, but I think I'd tend to lean towards toughing it out for a few more years, given the extreme rewards for doing that.

[kefka_palazzo]

I was with you up until the part where overweight women don't meet your standards. Feh.

 

He didn't say he was against dating "overweight women". He used the acronym BBW. Most women who use the euphemism "BBW" are obese and unhealthy. The athletic but chubby, 5-foot-8, 155-pound woman, who is often genuinely beautiful, is not usually described as a BBW.

 

A woman can be statistically overweight-- even slightly chubby-- and still beautiful. It's not very common, but I've seen it. However, BBW usually means "Bucket Be With (Ye)".

[Sw3etdev1L]

well, think with the heart.

truth is, if you are good at your job, you can have another job somewhere else.

life??...well, I don't know if this will help but.

When I used to be a teenager, I thought too little about time right?..I guess I thought there were stages in life for a person.

Then I decided to study med. well, I am in intensive care right now in a hospital....Vital signs are taken each hour or, maybe two hours....

just, think about it.

If you really don't mind passing your next time there....then, remain there. If it does make you happy. If not, you can always do what you really want at heart.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Go do the fun thing, "good careers" are overrated anyway

[orangehose]

I agree with those who say to tough it out for a few years. You're a guy, right? So the biological clock isn't ticking, it's more a matter of tolerating some amount of loneliness for a while.

 

That said, if your job ceases to have such huge potential, or if you reach the end of your ropes in this small town, then leave. It's a war of attrition.

[OpenBook]

My only advice.. never ever leave a good career opportunity for love...

 

Lovers come and go.. a good career stays and will serve you for the rest of your life..

 

Amen Lizzie!! Truer words were never spoken, and they go for women as well as men.

 

Just suck it off for a while and see where it goes..

 

Uh... if men could do that, they'd never leave the house.:laugh:

 

But seriously, to the OP - there's always the possibility of conducting a LDR, or maybe looking into some online dating. One of my GF's did eHarmony and hooked up with a guy from Nebraska for awhile... and she lives on the East coast.

 

And in any case, you're not going to be isolated in a small town forever, especially when your career takes off.

[mental_traveller]

This is a no brainer. Focus on the career. Content yourself with meaningless flings or casual fun dating. If necessary, take weekend breaks to locations with more available women. You can always look online for people further away too, invite them over or go visit.

 

Giving up the career for the chance to meet some woman who will probably let you down or be incompatible anyway is just crazy. Once you're set with your job, you'll be having to beat them off.

[mental_traveller]

My only advice.. never ever leave a good career opportunity for love...

 

Lovers come and go.. a good career stays and will serve you for the rest of your life..

 

Just suck it off for a while and see where it goes..

 

That's my experience as well. I'd just add that a good career generally improves your sex life too

[Angel1111]

I don't know what your age is but I think that's somewhat of a factor. This is an excellent chance to sit back and put away the money like crazy, so that when you do find 'the one', the two of you will be so financially sound that you'll go into a marriage with zero debt and possibly even pay cash for a house. And who knows? You might meet someone in Europe when you go there. Love will find you, no matter where you are. Just follow your bliss, as they say. Also, nothing's to say that you can't plan to travel every couple of months and have some fun. You shouldn't let yourself get in a rut, but try to make the most of what you have by balancing the two things because this sounds like a very sweet deal, and I think you already know that.

 

I agree with Lizzie, don't give up a career for love, which you may or may not find if you move and give up your career. This is a grand opportunity to focus on where you want to be and how you'll be prepared when you do meet someone wonderful. So many people have a wonderful income but spend, spend, spend and go into debt, debt, debt. This is not the way to go. Get into the Dave Ramsey 13-wk course and you'll fully understand this and how your life can be. He is awesome.