mixwell Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Hey all... My girlfriend and I broke up and now again that I'm single its nice to be able to hang out/ talk to other woman without getting yelled at.. Anyways my ex had crazy jealousy/ possessive issues. Everything in our relationship was fine but she always freaked out even when I would talk to other girls I worked with and joked with. I tried telling her many times she was the girl I wanted to be with and I wasn't interested in anyone else.. I told her when we split that her jealousy was something that messed up our relationship. I know we could get back together but I don't want to under the conditions that she would want me to cut off all contact with the females.. I have a few co workers that are females that I get along with as friends ONLY and I wish my chick could get past that jealous and realize that it is possible for a man to have females as JUST friends. Basically I was wondering if I should even try to work things out with her (we've been together 3 mths and she is 19, I'm 25) or should I just let it go. It doesn't seem like she is willing to change although we haven't talked in depth about it but I really want to be together I just need her to know that I'm her man and that all I see the females in my life as friends and nothing more. So basically should I just forget it and move on or should I try to work it out with her even though I've told her she is too jealous and see if she is open to trying to change that mindset ? I always felt that people shouldn't have to change to be compatible and thats how I kinda feel like I would be by asking her but I really don't want to give up on this girl because I really do care about her a lot.. Any advice is much appreciated.. Thanks in advance.. MixweLL Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe123 Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Its hard to tell if you should give another chance, but if you didn't want to, then you wouldnt be questioning it - you would just be letting her go and moving on. My only advice is to pick. One way or the other. If you want to give her another chance, talk to her, tell her exactly what is bothering you, and then give it another shot 100%. If you don't, then walk away and let her move on too .. Link to post Share on other sites
vascogirl Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I'm a longtime lurker of this web community,however I have read your threads and I have to say you are a weak person. I don't mean to offend you or sound harsh, but if your coming here for advice so much for your new relationship,it should be a sign for you right there. What I noticed about you is when majority of the people giving you advice saying dump her and its a red alert you don't seem to listen,you just go away and make another post asking for more advice. My advice to you is grow up, you are stooping down to a teenage level. You claim to have a good personality(everyone says LOL) than why are you dealing with a immature girl? With a great personality you should have no problem moving on. I can go on about your post(s) but I don't think you'd understand one bit. I'm sure you'll disappear and come back with more problems with this same female. Link to post Share on other sites
KZ213 Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Jealousy hurts the person who feels it as much as the person who it is about, there is always an underlying reason. If this girl is willing to seek some sort of help in figuring it out, it might be worth it. She feels like every friend you have is a threat, another chance you might leave her, she has very low self worth and that is sad because she is probably a great person who doesn't know she is great. she has probably been "left behind" sometime in her life and is just waiting for it to happen again. It won't be easy to stick with it but if you are honest and respectful and NEVER LIE, then you 2 have a chance. and great credit for you for even trying. I am one of those people who always is waiting for someone to leave.....it sucks and it took me a long time and a few self-destroyed relationships to decide to work on it. If you love this girl, talke to her, be honest, help her see how great she is and how much you love her and if she has had pat trauma, help her get some help, thanks for letting me have some of your time.....K Link to post Share on other sites
vascogirl Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Jealousy hurts the person who feels it as much as the person who it is about, there is always an underlying reason. If this girl is willing to seek some sort of help in figuring it out, it might be worth it. She feels like every friend you have is a threat, another chance you might leave her, she has very low self worth and that is sad because she is probably a great person who doesn't know she is great. she has probably been "left behind" sometime in her life and is just waiting for it to happen again. It won't be easy to stick with it but if you are honest and respectful and NEVER LIE, then you 2 have a chance. and great credit for you for even trying. I am one of those people who always is waiting for someone to leave.....it sucks and it took me a long time and a few self-destroyed relationships to decide to work on it. If you love this girl, talke to her, be honest, help her see how great she is and how much you love her and if she has had pat trauma, help her get some help, thanks for letting me have some of your time.....K Read all his previous post and I think you'll change your mind about the advice you gave. It's good advice but I don't think it applies to this guy situation. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 People with jealousy issues rarely change unless they get help. It's about insecurity and low self esteem- which isn't something that is easily dealt with. You can go ahead and have a talk with her, she'll promise to change... she may be better for a while- but she won't change. She'll be back to yelling at you and keeping you on a short leash in no time. As we mature, we sometimes outgrow these personal issues, but not always. Not without a whole lot of instrospection and self examining. Hopefully, you breaking up with her will be a life lesson she truly does see worthy of examining and seeks some help. Does she realize how self destructive her behaviour is? I am betting from her age, she just hasn't reached a level of maturity to even recognize her issue, let alone examine it and make some steps to change it. You can't change her simply by talking to her. She has to want to change, and she needs to seek some anger management, impulse control help. Therapy could also do her some good. Do you really want to go back to a girl that yells at you all the time. Think of how stress free your life has been since breaking up. It wears away at you to be accused and beaten down with someone else's anger outbursts. I'd walk away from this, I don't how it's possible for her to make any miraculous changes without getting some help first. Trust me- you can't be the one to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
sandrawg Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Yo Mixey, You're getting much the same responses as you did to this posting: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t162200/ I don't think people's opinions have changed much. The girl seems immature. You are the independent type who likes space and freedom. She's possessive and clingy. Sounds like an incompatibility issue. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet&simple Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 No offense, but what did you expect from a 19 year old? On top of that.. jealously isn't something that is easily, if ever, changed. It's only been 3 months.. you shouldn't have to deal with someone who is crazy, possessive, jealous, and immature. You're 25. Find yourself a real grown up relationship and leave the high school drama alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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