Why doesn't everyone cheat?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I personally don't see much difference morally in cheating on or cheating with, but to each his own

 

Morality has nothing to do with it. See a4a's post.

 

a4a's post has nothing to do with how I feel personally about the difference in cheating with/on or my personal stance on the original question.

[Trialbyfire]

BINGO! Exactly my thoughts on it.

+ another! To expand on this, the gettaway driver doesn't have an agreement or direct responsibility to the store or Bank they've heisted.

[a4a]

Morality has nothing to do with it. See a4a's post.

 

Hey I am married to an asshat...... and I have told him if someone comes along don't be shocked.

 

So I would not actually be cheating. I told him what to expect.

 

 

So perhaps my cheating isn't really cheating..... cause I told him?

 

But it is still just too big of a pain in the ass for me to do so.

 

Honestly at this very moment a little side action would be enjoyed.

[JackJack]

Hey I am married to an asshat...... and I have told him if someone comes along don't be shocked.

 

So I would not actually be cheating. I told him what to expect.

 

 

So perhaps my cheating isn't really cheating..... cause I told him?

 

But it is still just too big of a pain in the ass for me to do so.

 

Honestly at this very moment a little side action would be enjoyed.

 

I take it, its still not the right time, or good for you to just get out of this hell you're in is it?

[a4a]

I take it, its still not the right time, or good for you to just get out of this hell you're in is it?

 

End of the month...

It is on the calendar hanging in the kitchen. It is.

 

I likely would schedule my "cheating" on the calendar as well.

[marlena]

End of the month...

It is on the calendar hanging in the kitchen. It is.

 

I likely would schedule my "cheating" on the calendar as well.

 

Precious!!! I just love it!! :laugh:

[GrnEyedGemini]

I have never cheated. I don't know if the reason is on your list, so I'll just write it.

 

Out of respect to my current relationship (in whatever state of shambles that it may be), I simply don't put myself in situations where cheating is an option. I think that it takes more than one "oops" to cheat, which is why I simply don't put myself in those situations. I never have understood how cheaters act like it was a big "oops", when there is an entire series of events that leads up to cheating. The decision to cheat, in my eyes, is made LONG before the cheating occurs. I avoid it all.

 

Even though my current relationship is hurting, I guess it is a respect thing. I don't think I could ever get my boyfriend's face out of my head were I to cheat. Whether he is the "guy" for me or not is irrelevant; I can at least respect him enough to not allow some other guy the opportunity.

 

I also couldn't stand that some "other guy", who I don't care about or know, would have the feeling of satisfaction that he "got me" or "won" at the expense of my bf.

 

At the end of the day, it makes me proud to say that I haven't cheated. I do pass judgment on those who cheat - I wonder why they don't respect them or their SOs enough to NOT **** that other person. I feel sad that they are so willing to hurt someone who loves them. It makes me sad. I don't think that anyone deserves it.

 

 

 

Awesome post. Completely agree 100%.

 

I do not cheat because that's not who I am. I have more respect for my boyfriend than that. I have more respect for my relationship than that. And I have more respect for myself. Cheating just isn't in my DNA.

 

I also grew up witnessing, repeatedly, the devastation caused by cheating. Perhaps that's why I am the way I am about this topic.

 

Trust is too valuable to **** with.

[manugeorge]

I don't believe anyone who does not know me as intimately as my boyfriend can truly and genuinely care about me. Because they haven't seen me cry, they haven't seen me without make-up, they haven't smelled my morning breath and they haven't seen me at my happiest or at my saddest, hence they don't know the true and real me. Therefore, when they profess any kind of affection or love for me, they are only basing their affection on superficiality and this does not flatter me in any way so the chances of me falling for them is very very slim.

My boyfriend has seen all sides of me, yet he loves me anyway, this kind of love, I will honor, cherish and respect over some trivial fling with some schmuck.

 

A schmuck that will flirt with me or try to hook up with me even though he knows I'm taken is not the kind of schmuck worth hooking up with because it shows that he is a deceitful and a dishonorable person who doesn't care who gets hurts as long as he gets what he wants. And if he will cheat WITH YOU, then he will have no qualms cheating ON YOU.

 

 

I've also never cheated because my pride and ego will not let me. I'm not easily swayed by the instant gratification of kissing the hot guy, it really does nothing for me. I am not easily impressed by the garden variety hot guy walking down the street and winking at me. It takes a hell of a lot of courting to get me to fall for a guy long enough to even want to make out with him.

I take pride in people's perception of me and how I carry and conduct myself. Fall over some man drunk and sucking face does not make me feel or look dignified, hence the reason why I won't do it. I don't want to be a disappointment to people who put their trust in me, I take pride in being honest and trustworthy. Most importantly I don't want to be a disappointment to myself.

 

And the biggest reason why I don't cheat is well because I have yet to meet a man who can successfully compete with the one I have at home. . That's just the plain truth and I come across a lot of men daily.

[fral945]

Instead of asking why women cheat or why men cheat, I wonder if it would be more productive to ask why people don't cheat.

 

I don't cheat because the bad consequences outweigh the good ones:

 

The likely issues:

1) More drama and headaches with two women (having to handle one is more than enough)

2) More opportunity for STD's and pregnancy

3) Having to remember my lies

4) Opportunity to make myself into a bad guy to women and get a bad reputation

 

The one possible benefit:

1) I might get more and better sex

 

I really couldn't think of any other reason to cheat. I tend to end the relationship if things are going sour.

 

Were they raised differently? Are they better problem solvers? Are they more empathetic? Do they have better impulse control? Are they more fearful of the consequences? Do they have more respect for people in general, and specifically for their partners?

 

 

Yes, I think I was raised in an abnormal home. That is a two parent home where both parents were loyal to each other and never divorced or had any issues with fidelity. I think I am less empathetic (because I wouldn't tolerate cheating), have better impulse control, and am more fearful of the consequences than the average cheater. I would say a non-cheater does have more respect for their partners.

 

I don't consider this cheating, but I've had ample opportunity as I am frequently approached by married women. Sometimes they are very upfront. It's not cheating for me (as I'm single) but would be for them. I've always resisted the temptation, though, for the reasons I stated above. Plus I wouldn't want to be the guy on the other end.

[D-Jam]

Do they have more respect for people in general, and specifically for their partners?

This is the big one.

 

Imagine someone you know, a good friend. They are in love with someone, very deep. Things seem wonderful until one day they find out that someone has been cheating on them.

 

Now imagine seeing your friend a complete mess, almost suicidal, because of this betrayal. Your friend's world has been shattered and destroyed. It practically kills them and takes them a very long time to heal those wounds.

 

 

I've seen both women and men like that. Call it that I have a conscience and respect for people, but I couldn't live with myself if I put someone through that.

 

I think the cheaters are so immersed with pleasing their own needs that they shut this factor out of their minds. I more think that the pain of being dumped is a far less pain than to find out you've been betrayed.

 

I'll dump a girl first and break her heart with my honor in tact before I dishonor myself by cheating on her.

[vonerik012]

Well, if men cheat can they get pregnant? Obviously not. Do they have control to pull out of the woman they are cheating with? Yes. They are the dominant one in the act..

 

So, for a man to cheat, psychologically there is not that much to lose. I mean no possible huge consequences. I am speaking biologically, as we all know both sexes can get Std's.

 

As you see from the posts on this thread, men do not cheat largely for lack of opportunity.

[Lizzie60]

I don't cheat at least partly because I don't have anyone to cheat on.

 

Well at least that's better than to not finding anyone to cheat with..

[vonerik012]

Why don't all men cheat? Well all men do not have the opportunity, unless they really go out of their way. Men that have plenty of opportunity sooner or later do cheat, or cheat quite often.

 

So for men to say "I never cheat, nor will I ever" usually does not mean much.

[konfuzd]

I don't cheat because I am really picky before I choose to get into a relationship. I will only get into one with someone who consumes my romantic thoughts and fulfills my criteria for a potential husband. If my mind even starts to stray or consider being with someone else, I know the relationship is not for me and I will get out of it before I move onto another.

 

This isn't to say I don't check out other guys and have my own fantasies, but when reality sets in, my man is the only man for me and I wouldn't want it any other way.

[Lizzie60]

People .. NEVER SAY NEVER.. it can happen when you least expect it..

 

I never cheated.. eventhough I do sleep with MMs, I haven't made any promise to anyone..

 

Like a4a.. sex is just sex.. as far as I'm concerned.. I agree with her.. it's only a piece of *ss.. no big deal..

[Ruby Slippers]

Not only have I never cheated, I have never been tempted. I've had opportunities, sure, but I have never considered them seriously. I don't bother with a relationship unless I love the person and see a future for us, and respect, honesty, and loyalty are absolutely inherent to love in my view.

 

It feels wrong to my core. I know that if I were to cheat, I wouldn't even enjoy it because it would feel so contrary to my nature. When I am in love, I don't look at other men in a sexual way, and I only have eyes for my lover.

[D-Jam]

Why don't all men cheat? Well all men do not have the opportunity, unless they really go out of their way. Men that have plenty of opportunity sooner or later do cheat, or cheat quite often.

 

So for men to say "I never cheat, nor will I ever" usually does not mean much.

I have a feeling you've been betrayed and burned. I understand your feelings. It's tough especially when you are with someone whom you think would never do it and he/she does.

 

For me though, I've been rejected enough times for the most shallow and stupid reasons that when I do meet a sensible girl who sees me as I really am (as opposed to wishing for some unrealistic fantasy) and we get together, I become devoted.

 

When I see other women flirt with me (while I am in a RL) I am not thinking I missed out on other chances but more think "where where you crazy women when I was single?" as well as "I'll bet if I didn't have my GF, you women wouldn't even bother looking at me."

 

Call it a chip on my shoulder or whatever, but I feel that if these same types of women who reject me when single suddenly want me now because age crept in on them or they see I have someone (thus I am of "value" to someone) then I don't see it as enjoying the attention while I have it or spreading the seed, but more seeing that I gave a lot of these women a shot and they blew it...their loss in life now.

 

Maybe that's insecure or something, but I don't know. I think my lack of easy women in the past and all the bad luck I've had made me value a RL a lot...add to that seeing the after-effect of someone being betrayed.

 

An easy lay just isn't a reason to toss away a good woman. Lord knows there are so many "damaged" women out there, that a guy shouldn't let a good one go if he wants a long RL.

 

Same deal with women...plenty of losers, douchebags, jerks, etc...why toss away a good one when you found it?

[konfuzd]

Like a4a.. sex is just sex.. as far as I'm concerned.. I agree with her.. it's only a piece of *ss.. no big deal..

 

That's fine if you think this way, so why bother getting into a relationship, and giving someone else false hope of fidelity? That's just selfish and mean.

 

I can say I will never cheat because I have been put in several situations where it would have been really easy, but I have a value system that will not let me follow through.

 

I also know my bf is not an opportunist. A woman he described as "very cute" offered him no strings sex a week before her wedding day as her last one nighter before she walked down the aisle. He walked away from that situation.

 

You can't lump everyone into one category. I know with 100% certainty that I will never cheat and I'm completely confident my man never would either. If there was a shroud of doubt, we wouldn't be together.

[Milkflavor123]

I think men cheating vs women cheating are two completely different animals brother. I'll break it down here for you...

 

Men: They cheat due to hornyness. They just want to get laid. It's pure lust. Very rarely is there emotional attachment.

 

Women: They cheat due to emotions. This guy is nicer than their boyfriend or a bit more "bold" than the man they're with, etc. It's more emotional than just physical.

 

That's why I think when a woman cheats on a guy, it's much more harmful.

 

I am going to have to call Bull**** on this one. Women dont only cheat for the emtional gravitation. If I have ever cheated- it was heat of the moment, god he kissed my neck... ut o. there goes the top, and then you lay there naked with them- wondering, wow I really do like my boyfriend, how did that just happen. Then a couple days go by, when I think- that sex was actually really good. I'd like to do it again with this person. So i try not to hang out with them since basically thats mean!

[norajane]

Well, if men cheat can they get pregnant? Obviously not. Do they have control to pull out of the woman they are cheating with? Yes. They are the dominant one in the act..

 

So, for a man to cheat, psychologically there is not that much to lose. I mean no possible huge consequences. I am speaking biologically, as we all know both sexes can get Std's.

 

As you see from the posts on this thread, men do not cheat largely for lack of opportunity.

 

What in the world does this post mean?

 

Men cheat because they themselves don't get pregnant and there are no consequences to cheating and getting a woman pregnant? They certainly contribute to a woman's pregnancy and are then held legally accountable for child support, and, if they have a conscience, are ethically accountable for their responsibilities to be a father to that child. So that particular consequence to cheating does affect both the woman and man.

 

Or did you just use pregnancy as an example of why women cheat less often than men do, because the consequences to a woman are potentially greater physically?

[bish]

Instead of asking why women cheat or why men cheat, I wonder if it would be more productive to ask why people don't cheat.

 

For all the cheaters out there, there are also people who don't make the choice to cheat when faced with the same set of circumstances.

 

Were they raised differently? Are they better problem solvers? Are they more empathetic? Do they have better impulse control? Are they more fearful of the consequences? Do they have more respect for people in general, and specifically for their partners?

 

It gets down to one's character. Those with better character would rather end a relationship than cheat. If the relationship is that bad, then why cheat? What are they holding on to? Why not just end it and feel free to do whoever you want without feeling guilty? Oh wait, nobody accused them of feeling guilty in the first place.

[MindsEyeBlind]

I personally don't cheat because it's the reason my parents were divorced.

[bish]

Why don't all men cheat? Well all men do not have the opportunity, unless they really go out of their way. Men that have plenty of opportunity sooner or later do cheat, or cheat quite often.

 

Speak for yourself. I had about 3 opportunities to on business when I was still married. Didn't do a one of them. Why? Because I honored my vows....even if my wife at the time didn't. Some of us have a sense of decency.

 

 

So for men to say "I never cheat, nor will I ever" usually does not mean much.

 

Gee, and yet it holds true in my case. I guess sticking to one's principles and making good on them in practice "does not mean much".

[bish]

People .. NEVER SAY NEVER.. it can happen when you least expect it..

 

Only if you are weak.

[NewSunrise]

Came across this site which claims to have isolated the gene that predisposes one to cheat. The scientists studied men because the hormone being examined is known to play a larger role in their brains than in women's brains. Sorry guys...

 

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/health/5978363.html

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080908185238.htm

 

And before you say, "My genes made me do it?" read on. This one is more on the religion side. But plainly put, being predisposed does not mean one is a helpless preprogrammed robot with no moral choice in the matter.

 

http://www.answersingenesis.org/docs2004/1206genes.asp