Rooster_DAR Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Read this, it's another great article on why people cheat. http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/why-we-cheat Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 I don't cheat at least partly because I don't have anyone to cheat on. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 I haven't cheated nor have I been cheated upon that I know of. I have, unfortunately, been struck a few times by the shrapnel that explodes once infidelity is exposed. I even have early childhood memories of these events. I have never observed a satisfactory outcome to infidelity -- never. I am not stating categorically that it doesn't happen but I have yet to encounter it. By way of those experiences, I have learnt enough to know how to avoid anyone I perceive as a potential cheater. I also have no desire to invite the inevitable chaos and far-flung consequences into my life by acting on any impulse to cheat. I don't find it difficult at all to avoid temptation as those early experiences prepared me well. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 I can only speak for myself, I don't cheat because when I am in a relationship I value it too much to cheat. Even if a relationship is difficult I still cherish if too much to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I have never cheated and I believe I haven't been cheated on.. (not that I know of)... Would I? It's hard to say... Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I have never cheated and I believe I haven't been cheated on.. (not that I know of)... Would I? It's hard to say... Ironic you say that. Many therapist agree that many women cheat and never tell their husbands about their infidelity. I'm just saying..... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Ironic you say that. Many therapist agree that many women cheat and never tell their husbands about their infidelity. I'm just saying..... If you're implying that I cheated.. I never did.. do you seriously think that I would lie about that.. I'm an open book.. If I had cheated.. I would just say I did.. no big deal.. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 If you're implying that I cheated.. I never did.. do you seriously think that I would lie about that.. I'm an open book.. If I had cheated.. I would just say I did.. no big deal.. Sorry, no I was not implying anything of the sort. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I have never cheated and I would like to think I never will. I have seen it break not only my own family but others apart, I can't see how people can have it in themselves to break another persons heart in such a way. I am a firm believer in always having a choice. If I am ever that unhappy in my relationship that I would even consider turning to another person, I would end it first. Like I said, there is always a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
blondiepants Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I have never cheated. I don't know if the reason is on your list, so I'll just write it. Out of respect to my current relationship (in whatever state of shambles that it may be), I simply don't put myself in situations where cheating is an option. I think that it takes more than one "oops" to cheat, which is why I simply don't put myself in those situations. I never have understood how cheaters act like it was a big "oops", when there is an entire series of events that leads up to cheating. The decision to cheat, in my eyes, is made LONG before the cheating occurs. I avoid it all. Even though my current relationship is hurting, I guess it is a respect thing. I don't think I could ever get my boyfriend's face out of my head were I to cheat. Whether he is the "guy" for me or not is irrelevant; I can at least respect him enough to not allow some other guy the opportunity. I also couldn't stand that some "other guy", who I don't care about or know, would have the feeling of satisfaction that he "got me" or "won" at the expense of my bf. At the end of the day, it makes me proud to say that I haven't cheated. I do pass judgment on those who cheat - I wonder why they don't respect them or their SOs enough to NOT **** that other person. I feel sad that they are so willing to hurt someone who loves them. It makes me sad. I don't think that anyone deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Author Share Posted September 15, 2008 Out of respect to my current relationship (in whatever state of shambles that it may be), I simply don't put myself in situations where cheating is an option. I think that it takes more than one "oops" to cheat, which is why I simply don't put myself in those situations. I never have understood how cheaters act like it was a big "oops", when there is an entire series of events that leads up to cheating. The decision to cheat, in my eyes, is made LONG before the cheating occurs. I avoid it all. I'm glad you brought that up, because everyone at times is attracted to other people. Just because we are with a partner, doesn't mean our senses shut down and we don't notice others or aren't attracted to them. We are. And I think what you've said here is right on target - we can control our actions to avoid getting anywhere near cheating, even though we might meet someone who is attractive to us. It's interesting that a lot of people here have said they would never cheat on their partner, yet that's exactly the same thing that cheaters who have posted threads also say... I never expected this to happen, but... I wasn't looking for anyone else, but... This isn't like me at all, but... It almost seems like (non-serial) cheaters feel like they have little to no control over their actions when it comes to affairs, even though they make conscious choices that get them closer to an affair with each step. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 jilly's got some good stuff here, primarily, "I don't want to be 'that girl.'" This is the biggest reason I refuse to take a walk on that particular wild side, because I *like* who I am, and because I don't have a hell of a lot of respect for someone who takes the easy way out of problematic relationships by screwing around. cheating isn't going to solve the initial problem, so why bother? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 This is the biggest reason I refuse to take a walk on that particular wild side, because I *like* who I am, and because I don't have a hell of a lot of respect for someone who takes the easy way out of problematic relationships by screwing around. This is exactly my reason though I don't have one ounce of respect for someone who screws around in a R or with someone in an R. I don't believe it makes me more emotionally healthy, I am a long-term thinker but I don't know that all non-cheaters are. I would not steal, beat an animal, or intentionally harm someone. Though there are tons of things I would like to change or do to better myself, I would HATE myself if I did anything that opposed my own sense of integrity. I LIKE that about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I have never cheated since I have been married. It's not a question about morality for me, nor is it fear of the repurcussions, it's just not something that I have consciously thought about. The simple fact is, I have never met anyone that I wanted to cheat on my husband for. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 The simple fact is, I have never met anyone that I wanted to cheat on my husband for. I think is so true of many people. Pure chance. Link to post Share on other sites
flc Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I have never cheated even when my marriage was crap. I made a commitment and believe the most important thing in life is your personal ethics and morals. No matter what happens in life I have to live with myself. I think one thing that plays into this is putting yourself in situations where temptation occurs. I was in sales for many years and I had plenty of opportunity to go down to the hotel bar and get in trouble, I stayed in my room. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 If you're implying that I cheated.. I never did.. do you seriously think that I would lie about that.. I'm an open book.. If I had cheated.. I would just say I did.. no big deal.. but you do help others to cheat. Even though its their choice, you're there for the taking to help them to do whatever they are gonna do. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 My husband's father cheated. I think he saw how much pain it caused his mother so he made it up in his mind he wouldn't do that. Both of my parents haven't cheated that I know. I choose not to because I have more respect for myself and feel if my marriage ever became that crappy and can not be repaired after everything tried, then I'll just be the bigger person and get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 but you do help others to cheat. Even though its their choice, you're there for the taking to help them to do whatever they are gonna do Not the same. Cheat means to deceive your partner. You aren't deceiving your partner with another man/woman. He/she is. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Not the same. Cheat means to deceive your partner. You aren't deceiving your partner with another man/woman. He/she is. IMO, anyone cheating or involved with cheating is being deceitful. More than anything they are being deceitful to themselves. I haven't cheated, I have to much of a conscience for one thing. I was taught early on that anything worth having is going to take some work. If I ever get to a point in my life where I no longer want to work on things, in my relationship to my wife, then I would rather just end it, than go out here and get some side action because I'm being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I don't cheat because: 1. involves too much possible drama if caught. 2. no time to do so 3. no potential partners that are located near. I will state that as I age I am starting to realize a piece of A is just a piece of A. I do not need emotional involvement to enjoy sex. So cheating is a possibility for me.... but too big of a hassle. I don't want some psycho guy thinking we will ride off into the sunset after a little pokey pokey lick lick. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Not the same. Cheat means to deceive your partner. You aren't deceiving your partner with another man/woman. He/she is. I believe she said "help" others to cheat. Kind of like planning the heist and driving the get away car. So if I allow someone knowingly to copy from my test, then I am not cheating, they are? I personally don't see much difference morally in cheating on or cheating with, but to each his own. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I don't cheat because: 1. involves too much possible drama if caught. 2. no time to do so 3. no potential partners that are located near. I will state that as I age I am starting to realize a piece of A is just a piece of A. I do not need emotional involvement to enjoy sex. So cheating is a possibility for me.... but too big of a hassle. I don't want some psycho guy thinking we will ride off into the sunset after a little pokey pokey lick lick. Makes perfectly good sense to me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I personally don't see much difference morally in cheating on or cheating with, but to each his own. Morality has nothing to do with it. See a4a's post. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I believe she said "help" others to cheat. Kind of like planning the heist and driving the get away car. So if I allow someone knowingly to copy from my test, then I am not cheating, they are? I personally don't see much difference morally in cheating on or cheating with, but to each his own. BINGO! Exactly my thoughts on it. Link to post Share on other sites
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