insecurity in relationships...

[luvncurls]

HI,

So I started dating someone recently. Things are going ok. I was stupid last night and I think that he is annoyed with me (see my other post), but I apologized and I think that I am just going to let him call me when he gets to it. However, I find that I am very insecure in general in many of my relationships. I have a tendency to take it overboard and be an insecure and overbearing in romantic relationships, just as I am in my friendships. I don't know. I try, but it's hard not to sometimes. I am aware of it,I just need to be better about it and not give in to my "crazy chick" impulses. Anyone have any advice for a crazy girl trying to reform?

[cybersister]

I know this one. Or at least I think I do .

If I feel insecure I try too hard and end up pushing people away.

I have learned simpy not to-- I take a few breaths and do something I enjoy for me- like talking a wallk; reading a book. that way I am not in their face and when they are ready to make contact with me I am in a better space- feeling better about myself and therefore not demanding and pushy.

Does this help any ?

Works ( though I do slip off sometimes - no-one is perfect.)

[Lovelybird]

I think you pick yourself too much. Try to accept yourself, even when you make mistakes, we are human beings, not god, so everyone makes mistakes. Trying to be yourself and accept who you are, there are two attitudes

 

"oops, I did wrong, I am stupid, why I cannot do better, I am good for nothing" (beat down self, don't accept self, because you rely on your esteem on performances and other's acceptances)

 

"oops, I did wrong, um, certainly I can improve that in future, hehe, you silly girl, but it's ok" (encourage self to improve, but accept yourself, rely on self-esteem on God's acceptance, on who you are, not your performances)

 

If you want to change, you have to change inner image about yourself, have to accept yourself and love yourself unconditionally. If you can get along with yourself (inner peace and inner confidence), you can get along with others

 

Here is a good book, talk about this

 

How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny by Joyce Meyer

[Meaplus3]

HI,

So I started dating someone recently. Things are going ok. I was stupid last night and I think that he is annoyed with me (see my other post), but I apologized and I think that I am just going to let him call me when he gets to it. However, I find that I am very insecure in general in many of my relationships. I have a tendency to take it overboard and be an insecure and overbearing in romantic relationships, just as I am in my friendships. I don't know. I try, but it's hard not to sometimes. I am aware of it,I just need to be better about it and not give in to my "crazy chick" impulses. Anyone have any advice for a crazy girl trying to reform?

 

Believe in yourself and who you are as a person. If your secure with yourself first, then you will be less dependent on others for your happiness. Best wishes.

 

AP:)

[georgejungle]

it requires some head re-wiring. I re-wired a few things

in my own head, but i could use a few other adjustments.

 

There is no other method you need IMO, than some good old

positive thinking and relaxation exercises. Just Do It Yourself.

Gotta talk to yourself, and learn to kinda chill out. Distract yourself

from the whole "Relationship" things and find OTHER things that make

you feel good and make you feel happy.

 

I'm not saying that this is YOU...But sometimes i think people put all

their Happiness Eggs in the Relationship basket. You don't want to put all your eggs in One basket. Meaning, you don't want to find all your happiness soley in a relationship. People who are confident and content

doing their own thing or working on a hobby or a job they really enjoy

tend to be more well rounded when it comes to being in a relationship

and are less needy or insecure.

 

Maybe you should chill and find something you enjoy, get into something

else. At times, relationship things can seem like the End Of The Word...

I know...I've been there. But when we just chill and stay busy and

work on ourselves, meditate, relax, buy a new outfit, get a new haircut,

etc etc, we can see things a little more clearly and hopefully feel

better about things, mainly ourselves.

 

My advice is yeah, let the dude be. Give him some space. And work

on yourself a little bit. There are some great Self-Help books at barnes

and Nobles. Go take some time to hit up Barnes and get a Starbucks

and chill in the self-help section. You'll feel better.