jealous of GF's past

[confused12334455]

I am 25. In a great realationship for 9 months now. Girl is same age. Both of us falling very much in love.

I've know of her promiscuous past. Many guys, one threesome. Got over it.

Recently snooped through some scrap books of hers and found out - there used to BE MANY MANY guys. She cheated on many of them too. Unprotected sex with strangers, banged the president of a company who was probably old enough to be her dad, one double penetration. VERY DISTURBING. Couldn't eat the entire day after finding this. One friend of hers who she keeps in touch with, and who i've asked about whether they slept together was on her list (and she's already told me they never slept together)so she lied to me.

But I know she's different now. Really changed her life. She hasn't cheated on me. Although when i first met her, she was with another guy and cheated on him with me.

But I can't help but be suspicious of her now. Now I'm always afraid when she tells me she's going out with some friends. (Very rarely does this happen though because we spend 99% of the time together) Am i right? as far as i know she really has changed and really has been loyal to me.

 

Also, it bothers me that she leaves those above mentioned scrap books out on display on her shelf. (she has her own place) Is that normal? Is it my business to tell her to get rid of those? Or at least move them to the back of a cupboard or something?

 

Thanks.

[Bryanp]

It sounds like she thinks it is not a big deal or is actually proud of it by leaving her scrapbooks out for you to read. I have to tell you that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She has constantly cheated on her boyfriends and cheated on the last boyfriend to be with you. Please remember the following statement: If they will cheat with you then they will cheat on you. From your description I would be scared as hell to pick up some STD from her because of her past.

 

It is true that people change but from your description this has become her mode of behavior and that anything goes with her sexually. It would be a giant leap of faith to be with someone like this. Don't you think her last boyfriend thought he was the one also until she cheated with you on him? I think it would be difficult to feel very special and proud to be with a person like this. I think you need to protect yourself now and in the future in many ways. I wish you luck.

[cybersister]

I do believe people can change. ( if you see my posts you will see I am in that category, though my indiscretions were not on the scale of your GF)My concern here is that you have found out that she lied to you about one of the guys. why would she do that ? -if she is not ashamed of her past ( and leaving the evidence on display seems to indicate she isn't)

So why lie? And if she lied about that then when are you meant to believe her?

It may be that she lied BECAUSE she has come to feel a little ashamed- if so that is actually a good step in the right direction.

I understand you want to believe she has changed- why would she- what does she get with you that she didn't have before ?

I used to suffer from low self esteem - to sleep around was a way of proving I was attractive. It took a long tome for me to learn I do not have to prove anything .

So I am saying , be cautious, but people do change so there is room for optimisim.

Ask her how and why she has changed, in a non judgemental manner so she will not feel the need to cover anything up.

Good luck.