Am i over reacting or is this wrong on her part? want to cause guy bodily harm! =D

[awesomeness43]

So my gf and i of almost 4 months are in an ldr. Her living situation is her and 3 room mates. (still in college). She just recently moved in and lately has been trying to get close with her roommates. That is fine, i respect that and all. They seemed to like me and we all get along as i have met them on a few occasions and since i helped her move in.

 

Lately though, one of her roommate's friends have been coming over often. I completely trust her and we have a healthy relationship because of our great communication.

 

The guy is a friend of roommate A, and from the get go i knew his intentions with her is that of more than just friends. She tells me everything and i know she is a very honest person. A few nights ago, she told me how her roommate left to get food and left just the two of them alone in the apartment.

 

During the time they were alone, no more than 15 minutes, she told me how he asked really intrusive questions. Questions really personal such as how her and i met which is fine, but when constantly digging deeper is an issue.

Like," how did you meet, did you have sex with him instantly when yall met?" "what race is he, are you in love, and then he starts asking her for her preference in guys..."

 

I was still fine with that and knew he was obviously interested in her. I just told her how i felt but since i trusted her didn't think much of it and just laughed it off. THEEEEN!!!! She tells me how now he constantly comes over and when we are on the phone i hear him pop in her room just to say

"how was your day", " ohh are you talking to your bf and then sound disappointed".

 

What really irked me off is when he was over with her roommate a few days ago. He was talking to her when her roommate was passed out and just started asking her very sexual questions. "how many guys have you slept with", " who is your best partner, whats your favorite position, is your bf good" ? " and then what race do you think is best in bed, wheres the weirdest place you've had sex" ? BLAH BLAH?!

 

What pissed me off is she could of easily just said hes making her feel uncomfortable and chose not to answer but instead gave answered his questions.

 

THIS PRICK! then asks her... " if the perfect guy came along, would you leave your bf"? She answered something along the lines of how i was her perfect guy but he kept pressing the issue. How do you know, blah blha blha.

 

She tells me this and i just get super mad at the fact she is so naive and just doesn't blow him off. Then i get hurt at the fact that last night we were talking on the phone and sounded super tired so i just let her go to sleep. Then she calls me at 6 in the morning, 3 hours after she was "sooo tired" and when we got off the phone. I was asleep and didnt pick up. I call her back when i did wake up and she was acting weird....

 

I asked why she called me that late and what she did to not fall asleep. She tells me how she was about to go to bed but her roommate and the guy went in to her room just to hang out and talk. That ended up turning in to a a few hours and then she tells me how he just "passed out" on her friends bed and how her roommate apologized and asked if she wanted her to wake him up and make him sleep in living room. She told me how she wanted to be nice and just said it was ok. So they were sleeping in the same room but different beds. She tells me how as he left he asked her to go hang out at the pool or grab lunch.

 

I appreciate the fact she told me everything and i know that nothing happened. I just got super mad at her and the fact that it was obvious he wanted to be with her and she just thought it was just friends and allowed stuff to happen. We got in to a huge argument and i havent talked to her for about a day. I wanted to so badly just do something to get back at her and make her feel uncomfortable but not cheat but i just couldn't.

 

She started crying hysterically when i just told her how angry i was and didnt want to talk to her for a while. She apologized and all but didn't know what the big deal was.

 

Nxt time i am in the area i want to just re arrange the pricks face. He is a little jack off that is older but isn't doing anything with his life. I have thoughts of just backing over him or punching him so hard and not stopping.

 

Am i over reacting, did she do anything wrong, how should i/her of handled the whole situation? Is it obvious he is trying to get with her/have sex with her or am i just being paranoid? This has seriously put a strain on our relationship.... Thanks and sorry for super long post. appreciate all feedback.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

You are not overracting at all. It is absolutely ridiculous that your girlfriend is allowing this type of behavior to continue. All she has to is to tell him to stop and not answer any question. Does your girlfriend know how to say NO? I hate to tell you this but I think she is getting some perverse thrill out of this. She continues to play this little game with him and then calls you to tell you all about it. I am sorry but this sounds a little twisted to me. The story about the bedroom is too much. She should not be letting this guy sleep in her bedroom period. Her inability to stand up for herself is pathetic. I would be looking for another girlfriend. I don't see how you can respect her behavior.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

It's clear that you feel safer placing all of the blame on this guy, but your girlfriend is just as guilty as he is. That said, from what you've posted, I'm not convinced he actually is interested in her.

 

"I wanted to so badly just do something to get back at her and make her feel uncomfortable"--this is a childish attitude, and an immature relationship like this surely won't last. You sound insecure and controlling. And you've only been together FOUR MONTHS!!!

[cybersister]

I can see where you are coming from, but also suspect that your GF having just moved in is unused to such situations and was unsure how to stand up for herself.

IF you care for her, calmly explain the way you see it and tell her what you would like her to do next time this pervert is over.

Then the choice is hers.

[BentSpine]

If you gf wanted to reject the other guy, she would. If she doesn't show disinterest, it's because she wants the other guy to keep pursuing her.

[Davey McG]

I was in a very similar situation to you when I first started university.

 

Its up to her, trust me on this. If she wants it stop then she can make it but on some level or other she likes the attention. It doesn't mean she'll sleep with him but that she likes feeling desirable.

 

You've got to tell her that she has to deal with him and be assertive. If she says she can't then you know she doesn't care enough about you and you should end it with her. It sounds hard, but she's not all innocent in this.

 

Be strong early on and it will save much heart ache later.

[awesomeness43]

She told me because she said she didn't think it was a big deal and i do know that she tells me everything. she is the type of girl whom i know if she was to do something bad or no matter what she would tell me but i know she wouldnt cheat.

 

After that whole day with the argument/fights/tears what not, she did everything she could to make it right. Ie, deleting him on facebook, telling her roommates to not have him over and so on.

 

I now just feel horrible for some reason to make her that sad and felt i over reacted. am i right or wrong on this? thx

[cybersister]

no, sounds like you got the message across and your relationship will be the stronger for it .

[movingonandon]

You're not overreacting. Many girls are very gullible and naive and I would not be surprised if something eventually happens with this guy.

Unfortunately, you're kind of screwed: if you tell your gf that this is highly inapprorpiate and that you do not wish that she interacts with him anymore, you'll most likely trigger the childish "you can't tell me what to do" reflex. So, by all means, make your feelings knownd, but calmly and provide arguments. Not that I'm not with you on beating this ridiculous ******* into pulp, but unfortunately this is not an option...

[movingonandon]

She told me because she said she didn't think it was a big deal and i do know that she tells me everything. she is the type of girl whom i know if she was to do something bad or no matter what she would tell me but i know she wouldnt cheat.

 

After that whole day with the argument/fights/tears what not, she did everything she could to make it right. Ie, deleting him on facebook, telling her roommates to not have him over and so on.

 

I now just feel horrible for some reason to make her that sad and felt i over reacted. am i right or wrong on this? thx

 

don't feel bad - nothing short of what she did would be acceptable, and be lucky that this is what happened. I had similar problem which ended with my gf dumping me for the prick. Except that unlike this guy, the faggot in question was a lot more subtle, just being a great friend and all, very "understanding". ****ing weasels - guys who knowingly go after women in relationships deserve to have their ****in balls cut off.

[movingonandon]

Hello,

 

You are not overracting at all. It is absolutely ridiculous that your girlfriend is allowing this type of behavior to continue. All she has to is to tell him to stop and not answer any question. Does your girlfriend know how to say NO? I hate to tell you this but I think she is getting some perverse thrill out of this. She continues to play this little game with him and then calls you to tell you all about it. I am sorry but this sounds a little twisted to me. The story about the bedroom is too much. She should not be letting this guy sleep in her bedroom period. Her inability to stand up for herself is pathetic. I would be looking for another girlfriend. I don't see how you can respect her behavior.

 

i wish i told all this to my ridicolous ex-girlfriend

[In Like Flynn]

Did she tell the roomate what questions he asked etc???