I'm outta there, but we're still seeing each other...

[wanderer]

Hi all, just had a falling out with my girlfriend about a week ago, and we decided it wold be best if we didn't live together any more. So I had to maove back in with my parents. At my age, this sucks. But I'll probably get my own place this fall some time.

 

Anyways, she was was always nagging me about cleaning, etc., and was very stressed about her job. It made me sad that she treated me like that, because I always tried to keep everything clean, take care of things that needed to be taken care of, etc.

 

We started dating about 5 months ago, then became serious rather quickly,after about 2 months. We agreed it seemed natural and comfortable. That was then... We cooked for each other, took trips together, etc. I'll never forget the good times we had together. The sex was fantastic, and we enjoyed each other's company to the fullest.

 

I was always a gentleman to her, but she still got very irate about things like not putting the dishes in the right place, cleaning crumbs off the table, (which I usually did), etc. All this happened only within the last 2 or 3 weeks that we lived together. I have to say it hurt me alot when she asked me to move out, even though it was kindof mutual, as I told her that I was going to talk to her about moving out in a couple of days myself. She said she was stressed 24 hours a day, and couldn't deal with it. I also snored alot, which kept her awake sometimes. I tried snoring pills, which worked sometimes, but not always... I told her it hurt me alot , but that I would get over it.

 

Then, a couple of days later on sunday, I called her and we talked about how each other was doing, etc. I told her I was fine (not entirely true...) and she said she was okay. We agreed that we should still see each other, and that what happened between us (I made the bed wrong, that was the last straw, I think...)shouldn't mean that we shouldn't see each other again. So I agreed, because I still love her, and she said she still has the same feelings for me.

 

We went out last thursday for awhile, and had a good time. I dropped her off at 9, because she had to work the next day, we kissed and that was that. For a moment, it felt like old times. I don't know why, but for some reason she didn't seem to want to let me come up to her apartment. (afterwards was understandable, but when I picked her up , I had to wait in the lobby...odd..)

 

I thought it would make me feel better, but I don' think it did. I wanted to do something with her this weekend, but she said she is too busy, and has to study at the library all day. (She's a museum curator, so that makes sense.) And on her birthday she said she is going to another library in another town to study for her job. That hurt me quite a bit. I have a hard time believing she going to do nothing but study on her birthday.

 

Also, I still have stuff(like my dresser, my clothes are all over the place...) at her apartment that she won't let me come over and pick up. Next week we're supposed to make plans to get my stuff, but that's strange as well. She's always too busy for me to come over and pick up my own stuff! Aaaargh!

 

Despite all of this, I still care deeply for her, (I'm not sure if she believes me completely, but It's true) and I have agreed to do a couple of things to help her out in the future. Some of you might wonder if I'm being used, but the what the heck, we get along well outside of living together, and I enjoy her company.

 

But to finally get to the point of what's really bothering me, and why I'm posting here, is because I'n having a hard time dealing with not being able to be around her anymore like I used to be. Not just for the sex, but just for the little things we used to do together, like studying cookbooks, going grocery shopping, watching cable TV. Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I fall into a dismal pit of despair. Good thing I'm on anti-depressants... I had such high hopes for this relationship, I'd finally met someone who is well-educated, sophisticated, intelligent as well as attractive, and who likes me for who I am.

 

And I'm in limbo as to where I stand in this relationship. Are we free to see other people? Are we still a couple? Are we still exclusive? I am always wondering if she is seeing someone new, I'm very suspicious because I have been cheated on in the past, which is why I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time... And I'm not possessive, I would never bother her or anything like that, I just try not to think about those things, as it will tear me up inside.

 

She also told her friends about me, and how she shouldn't have to baby sit a 30 year old,( I cleaned and did laundry constantly, just not the exact way she wanted)

on the night before I moved out, and criticized me in a negative way for a couple other things as well, which hurt me alot, as I was always trying to help her out with things, and generally tried to be a good boyfriend to her...

 

I don't know, I really don't feel like seeing other people as anything more than friends right now after this. I guess I'll go back to the way things were before I met her. I feel so empty inside, sometimes I feel like nothing matters anymore. I know I should move on, but that doesn't change how I feel right now.

 

I don't think she has any idea how much this really bothers me. I really wasn't totally honest when I told her I was okay. I'm able to conceal my emotions quite well, which isn't alway's a good thing.

I don' know, see how it goes. Sometimes at work I feel like just falling apart. I'm able to maintain my composure though. I also start school this week, and hope I'm in a good enough state of mind to concentrate on my classes.

 

If I see anything that even remotely reminds me of her, I start to become depressed. It sucks. There's a couple interests I haven't been pursuing (like cooking) because it will remind me of her.

 

I'll probably see her next week, as I have to get my dresser back. Don't know when we'll go out again. See what happens I guess. Glad the weekend is over, after this I don't really enjoy the weekends as much. I did go and see a movie with a buddy of mine though, as went to see the Packer game on friday. Avoided mass consumption of alcohol too, unlike the previous weekend. It just makes me feel worse the next day. (drinking, I mean)

 

Well, that's the end of my very long post, we'll see what happens. I feel kindof trapped. But I can't let her go right now. I should no better, I know, but that' easy to say when it's not you and your single or in a perfectly happy relationship...

[Oxydol]

Wanderer....why don't you just print out your posting and let her read what you have written for us. I think she should know what is going on in your head.

 

Why would you tell her you are okay if you are not?

 

And there is nothing in the law books that you have to start seeing other people if you don't want to. Take a breather from the dating scene and spend time with reliable and positive friends....in other words...people who actually do care about you.

[wanderer]

Originally posted by Oxydol

Wanderer....why don't you just print out your posting and let her read what you have written for us. I think she should know what is going on in your head.

 

Why would you tell her you are okay if you are not?

 

And there is nothing in the law books that you have to start seeing other people if you don't want to. Take a breather from the dating scene and spend time with reliable and positive friends....in other words...people who actually do care about you.

 

You're, right, it's not fair to her to just act like everything's okay is it? I don't know if I'm in a state of denial or what, I'm going to talk to her about this this week though, or as soon as I can. Thank you for pointing that out.