Anyone have a revenge affair with MP spouse?

[Lorenzo76]

I am trying to make my marriage work but I am beginning to think the only way I can make it work is if I have an affair too. I have bonded so to speak with my wife's OP spouse. She is a knock out and we are attracted to each other. We have acknowledged the attraction but have yet to act on it. I think if we are ever alone again it will happen.

 

I know it's wrong but I want to have an affair with her. I want her husband and my wife to find out after the fact so they know the pain they inflicted on us. I want to be able to tell the OP to his face that I slept with his wife multiple times and that I have no intention of stopping. It's only a fantasy right now but if I really pursued her I could make it happen.

 

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

[whichwayisup]

Don't lower yourself to that, revenge cheating. Two wrongs do not make a right!

 

Do you have children in this mix of a mess? If so, put THEM first. Be the parent that is stable, not a cheater!

 

Decide to either fix your marriage or end it - Having a revenge affair with the OM's wife is just stupid and intentional.

[carhill]

Is this some sort of a test?

 

So, how does the OM's wife feel about him being with your wife, since you all have bonded and everything? How does a typical conversation go?

[Lorenzo76]

I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship who lives with us 50% of the time. We have no children together thank the lord. My wifes xMP and his spouse are childless. MP shoots blanks.

 

Maybe we should sleep together and just not say anything. That way we can have our revenge and our spouses none the wiser. No matter how hard I try I cannot stop my need to stick it to this guy. What better way than sleeping with his wife, even if he does not know about it, I will know.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, but YOU will be betraying your wife at the sametime.

 

You're not thinking at all here, you're reacting on anger and pain. THINK for afew minutes.

 

This kid is your step-son, like it or not.

 

You also say thank the lord you have no kids with your wife - Well with that attitude, get divorced. HOW is screwing the xMM's wife going to fix your marriage?

[Lorenzo76]

Is this some sort of a test?

 

So, how does the OM's wife feel about him being with your wife, since you all have bonded and everything? How does a typical conversation go?

 

She hates my wife as much as I hate her husband. Believe me I would not have to try hard to get her in the sack. At first we would stroke each others egos and bash our spouses. Then after a while we started talking about everything. That is when the attraction between us really started to develop. We've become very good friends.

[whichwayisup]

Again, how is this going to FIX YOUR MARRIAGE? Or are you looking for a quick exit? Maybe divorce your wife and end up with other guy's wife?

 

Get a grip and think for a second. Please, otherwise you WILL regret messing around like this.

[Lorenzo76]

Yes, but YOU will be betraying your wife at the sametime.

 

You're not thinking at all here, you're reacting on anger and pain. THINK for afew minutes.

 

This kid is your step-son, like it or not.

 

You also say thank the lord you have no kids with your wife - Well with that attitude, get divorced. HOW is screwing the xMM's wife going to fix your marriage?

 

It will make us even. Until that happens I don't think I can even fathom taking her back for good. I am 97% sure we will get divorced either way. We have a long history and MY son does love her (she is the step parent) but he already has a mother.

[whichwayisup]

It is obvious you have no desire to fix your marriage.

 

Sorry I can't help you.

 

Just remember then, you DO have a child to think about - So whatever you decide to do, there will be a fallout and drama to follow. You sure you want to expose your child to this stuff? He isn't blind, nor deaf. I'm sure he picks up on the energy in the house.

[Lizzie60]

I say go for it.. from what I understand, your W and your 'friend''s H are having an affair.. and now you'd love to sleep with his W... why not?

 

What's good for them, should be good for you too... if everything works out... maybe you can swap partners.. and just move from one house to another.. less trouble that way, don't you think.

 

sometimes, I think I would loooove to scr*ew one of the biotch's husband (this big cow from work)... she is a boss of my boss.. and she hates me with a passion (she is a big jealous biotch)... and is now trying to make my life miserable at work.. gosh I wish I knew her H.. I would, for sure, try to seduce him.. to get her..

 

You just gave me 'food for thought'... as soon as tomorrow... I will try to know where he works and how I can get in touch with him.. mouaahahhahaah..

[soserious1]

No good can come of a situation where you and this guy's wife use each other as clubs at gain revenge on your respective cheating spouses.

 

What you need to remember here is that if your wife loved you and her husband loved her that they wouldn't have cheated on you in the first place.They don't want you,nor do they care about your feelings, if anything you 2 getting together will only serve to eliminate any guilt they might be feeling.

[carhill]

She hates my wife as much as I hate her husband. Believe me I would not have to try hard to get her in the sack. At first we would stroke each others egos and bash our spouses. Then after a while we started talking about everything. That is when the attraction between us really started to develop. We've become very good friends.

I'm curious...are you (and/or she) emotionally detached from your respective spouses? If you aren't, I'd be careful. It might sound like the perfect solution/treatment, but all is not as it seems...

 

Is this infidelity episode an anomaly or is either of your spouses a serial cheater?

 

My instinct is, unless she's a serial cheater, you'll likely find resistance when it comes right down to it (the sex part).... on that front, how physical have you all been?

[Lorenzo76]

No good can come of a situation where you and this guy's wife use each other as clubs at gain revenge on your respective cheating spouses.

 

What you need to remember here is that if your wife loved you and her husband loved her that they wouldn't have cheated on you in the first place.They don't want you,nor do they care about your feelings, if anything you 2 getting together will only serve to eliminate any guilt they might be feeling.

 

My wife and I stopped being "in love" long ago. We have a long history and that is what is keeping us together. She was quite heartbroken when her MM kicked her to the curb.

 

I believe her xMP does love his wife because when his wife found out he disgarded mine like she was nothing.

 

I don't know if he is in love with her but I know he sure as hell does not want to loose his wife.

[whichwayisup]

This is where crimes of passion can get really dangerous too. People are capable of doing stupid and crazy things when pushed past their limit.. I mean, what if your wife or her husband freaks out and goes postal?

[Lorenzo76]

I'm curious...are you (and/or she) emotionally detached from your respective spouses? If you aren't, I'd be careful. It might sound like the perfect solution/treatment, but all is not as it seems...

 

Is this infidelity episode an anomaly or is either of your spouses a serial cheater?

 

My instinct is, unless she's a serial cheater, you'll likely find resistance when it comes right down to it (the sex part).... on that front, how physical have you all been?

 

We have been detached emotionally for a long time. As far as I know this is her first affair. I have not cheated on her yet. xMM wife said as far as she knows this is his first affair and she has never cheated on him.

 

My wife and xMP had a full blown EA/PA affair.

[Lorenzo76]

This is where crimes of passion can get really dangerous too. People are capable of doing stupid and crazy things when pushed past their limit.. I mean, what if your wife or her husband freaks out and goes postal?

 

The most my wife will do is cry and maybe yell. I think if her xMP took up with another woman that would make her go postal. That is unlikely to happen though. He's too busy kissing his wifes ass.

 

Now when/if xMP finds out I slept with his wife I hope he cries like a baby.

[JamesM]

Ah, revenge how sweet as a fantasy, but so empty in reality!

 

I predict that not only will you proceed to divorce quicker if you cheat, but you will have ruined your own reputation as the victim. While you may think that this will make you feel on level with your wife, based on what I have read, it will actually make you feel much worse. Right now you actually have the advantage of being the one in the "right." However, if you cheat even if it is in response to her cheating, then you will have stooped to her level and changed everything.

 

Once you cheat, then she will be a victim as well. It will not bring her closer to you, but it will make her angry and self-righteous.

 

IMO, you should choose to forgive or leave. Think of your future. When you leave her, then you will want another GF at some point. As of now, you can say that your wife cheated. But when you cheat on your wife in revenge, then this will be part of the story. Your place as victim will be sullied by this, and many women will look differently at you.

[whichwayisup]

What if she flips out and tells your son? How and what would you say to your kid, face him, answer his questions? All the respect he has for you will be crushed.

 

Put your kid first. Forget revenge.

[Lorenzo76]

What if she flips out and tells your son? How and what would you say to your kid, face him, answer his questions? All the respect he has for you will be crushed.

 

Put your kid first. Forget revenge.

 

Why do you keep bringing my son into this? He does not know about his stepmom's affair. No reason he should find out about mine.

[whichwayisup]

Why take the chance? What if MM flips out, shows up at your house at 2am with a baseball bat? What if he directly tells your son what YOU did with his wife? Never say never..THAT is what I meant by people do crazy things when emotional and pushed past their limit.

 

Why do I keep bringing up your son? Well, you HAVE to think about him because he is in your life!!

 

I bring your son up so you will stop and think. Think ahead - Consquences, the fallout, the gossip...

[Lorenzo76]

Why take the chance? What if MM flips out, shows up at your house at 2am with a baseball bat? What if he directly tells your son what YOU did with his wife? Never say never..THAT is what I meant by people do crazy things when emotional and pushed past their limit.

 

Why do I keep bringing up your son? Well, you HAVE to think about him because he is in your life!!

 

I bring your son up so you will stop and think. Think ahead - Consquences, the fallout, the gossip...

 

You really took the wind out of my sails. I do not want to do anything to hurt my son. I am going to think about how I can get my revenge and not get my son caught up with this. I might have to settle for sleeping with the guys wife and not having the satisfaction of him knowing about it. I really, really wanted him to know but not at the expense of my son finding out. I definetely have to modify my original plans.

[lkjh]

whichwayisup, you shouldn't use is son in extreme cases just to push your opinion. I'm not saying he should go through with his revenge because ultimately revenge does create more revenge. Trying to convince someone using a very rare case will not help, it just seems desperate.

[carhill]

We have been detached emotionally for a long time. As far as I know this is her first affair. I have not cheated on her yet. xMM wife said as far as she knows this is his first affair and she has never cheated on him.

 

My wife and xMP had a full blown EA/PA affair.

Thanks...

 

If you were to characterize your motivation for sleeping/having sexual relations with the MM's wife, what would be your first thought/feeling? I presume you meet and interact with many attractive women, so it's not the attractive and woman part IMO. If you're detached, why not let your wife go and find another, more compatible partner and step-mother for your son? Even though your current wife has proven to be a poor role model for your son, your actions define your contribution to his development. He may not "know", but he knows a lot and sees a lot; think about how you were when a child. When he looks at himself and his actions as an adult, how do you want him to remember you, as his dad?

[underpants]

I can understand the need to get revenge, or at least level the playing field.

 

The avenue and more importantly the motivations behind your idea, I don't think are going to make you feel satisfied, afterward.

 

If you were to have this 'revenge affair' then in essence you would be reducing yourself to that level to get even. In the end, all you have done is show that you are just as flawed as the ones who cheated. That is something you will wrestle with after the deed, delighted fallout and then the realization that you went against your nature to cheat yourself.

 

I'm all for setting up and sticking it to a cheater. However, perhaps there is a way that doesn't allow you to have to become one yourself?

 

Have you spoken with his wife about this? Would she like to teach her husband a lesson?

 

You don't have to sleep with her to get her H's goat, you know. He is probably paranoid that you two are friends. It wouldn't take much for him to assume that there was more going on.

 

If you two teamed up and did some creative thinking I think you could have fun, drive your spouses insane and think about whether or not you two want to stay in these marriages or divorce.

 

I'm sure this is a very emotional time for you and I wish you the best as you get through it.

[Trimmer]

whichwayisup, you shouldn't use is son in extreme cases just to push your opinion. I'm not saying he should go through with his revenge because ultimately revenge does create more revenge. Trying to convince someone using a very rare case will not help, it just seems desperate.

It seems like the divorce is likely to come up on his radar at some point though, don't you think?

 

Your son is involved, by virtue of the fact that whatever feelings, (or lack thereof,) hostility, etc. the two of you have between you will affect him, whether he knows explicitly about her affair or not. All that you both do outside affects that balance inside, and therefore, affects your son. He is already involved.