Anyone have a revenge affair with MP spouse?

[lkjh]

Look I don't mean to burst your bubble but I think she will be singing a different tune a month down the road. Right now she is angry with him and trying to get even but when the dust settles and she really feels that she lost him you will see the real her.

[Reggie]

Pretty amazing story. Is it really true? It's out there.Appeals to my sense of justice, but it may be not have been the best thing for your soul.

[signedin2008]

How did they find out?

 

I don't understand why your wife is so upset? She did it too, didn't she? She started it first, didn's she?

 

As for the OM, he messed up his own marriage and he has no one to blame but himself.

 

I am totally against affair, but although I am against your behavior, I am not as opposed to it as I would to the original affair your W had with this OM. Now, they get to taste their own medicine.

[Lorenzo76]

Look I don't mean to burst your bubble but I think she will be singing a different tune a month down the road. Right now she is angry with him and trying to get even but when the dust settles and she really feels that she lost him you will see the real her.

 

You could be right. What worries me more is that I don't think she would have left her marriage if I was not in the picture. Me I had plans to leave all along. I don't want to be the reason why she leaves. I don't know what the future holds.

[Lorenzo76]

Pretty amazing story. Is it really true? It's out there.Appeals to my sense of justice, but it may be not have been the best thing for your soul.

 

I admit it. I made all this up. Of course it's true even though I wish more than anything it was not.

[Owl]

I admit it. I made all this up. Of course it's true even though I wish more than anything it was not.

 

Why do you wish it was not true?

 

Its exactly what you'd planned on from the very beginning, right?

 

Revenge affair, make her feel bad...nothing to it.

 

Now you're there...and she does feel bad.

 

What's the problem?

[Lorenzo76]

How did they find out?

 

I don't understand why your wife is so upset? She did it too, didn't she? She started it first, didn's she?

 

As for the OM, he messed up his own marriage and he has no one to blame but himself.

 

I am totally against affair, but although I am against your behavior, I am not as opposed to it as I would to the original affair your W had with this OM. Now, they get to taste their own medicine.

 

OW made an amature mistake of not keeping her cell locked and deleting our texts. I don't know if he was suspicious or being nosy but he read our x-rated text exchange.

 

When I told my stbx about my affair the first thing that came out of her mouth was "How could you?" Then I set her off by telling her she was guilty of the same thing and should not be acting like a scorned woman. In fact she should be very understanding. She asked me if I had any intention of ending my affair. I told her no and that I wanted out of the marriage. Then she started throwing **** at me. If I had done that to her she would have had me arrested for DV in a heartbeat.

[signedin2008]

How old are your kids and how old are the OM's kids?

 

What was your wife's reaction when you first found out about her affair? Did she beg you to say? How did your wife and OM meet and how do you know that they are not longer secretly together and continued the affair after discovery?

 

If your wife ever say anything like "how could you?" just resond by saying, I would have never in a million years done it if you have been faithful. Which is the truth, right?

[JustBreathe]

You can't blame another person when you have an affair. Even if they had the affair first. It is a personal decision to have an affair having to do with abandoning your own moral and ethical standards. A revenge affair is your first gut reaction when you find out your spouse is unfaithful. Everyone's tempted. But we didn't. Why? Because we wouldn't go against who we truly are because we were rageful and hurt.

[Lorenzo76]

How old are your kids and how old are the OM's kids?

 

What was your wife's reaction when you first found out about her affair? Did she beg you to say? How did your wife and OM meet and how do you know that they are not longer secretly together and continued the affair after discovery?

 

If your wife ever say anything like "how could you?" just resond by saying, I would have never in a million years done it if you have been faithful. Which is the truth, right?

 

My son is 9 and he is from a previous relationship. Stbx and I have no children together. OW and her husband have fertility issues so they were never able to have children.

 

When I finally had proof of an affair her main concern was protecting OM. OM main concern was protecting himself and he dumped her like a bad rash. After she realized she was just a peice of ass to him only then did she express interest in saving the marriage. Lucky me!! She cried and cried after she was dumped kept on telling me how stupid she was. I did not disagree with her. By then I had gone to a lawyer and already made plans. She could have said anything and would have made no difference.

 

My stbx and OM met at Starbucks. She would go there to study and kill time between classes and he was always going there for coffee. They would always be there at the same time and they started talking. It took off from there. They had deep stimulating conversations over latte.

 

I no longer cared enough to keep tabs on my stbx after D-day. She very easily could have kept the affair going. I kind of doubt it but you never know. If she did it does not matter now.

[Lorenzo76]

It was bound 2 happen. I'm surprised it 2k so long!

 

 

 

Good for her, frankly. What did you expect? Empathy?

 

 

 

Probably. And he's right.

 

 

 

It isn't important what you think about someone else's marriage. It IS important that you stay the heck out of it.

 

 

 

Your lawyer is one of those who's the basis for this joke:

 

Q: Define "Crying Shame".

 

A: A bus full of lawyers going off a cliff with an empty seat.

 

 

 

You'd better hope that the OM doesn't follow her. A better plan would be 2 stop accepting her calls.

 

-ol' 2long

 

I did not expect empathy but she was looking at me like I had betrayed her. I should not have to remind her that she was guilty of the same thing. As far as OM telling my family I fail to see how it will help him. So far it has not. He has not gotten much sympathy from anyone. You know why?? Because he is guilty of the same thing.

 

As far as staying away from OW that is easier said than done.

[Trimmer]

I did not expect empathy but she was looking at me like I had betrayed her. I should not have to remind her that she was guilty of the same thing.

I'm sure you don't, but is it possible that even after her stupid choice, and her betrayal of you, that once she woke up to the enormity of what she had done, you still represented an example of stability and honor in her life? And it does make it particularly brutal, which was probably part of your plan, that you did it after she had already turned back to you. Not excusing her actions AT ALL, but I can see, if she had turned back to you and then you went out and did this, how it would be especially brutal. You knew just how to stick the knife in. Again: mission accomplished.

 

As far as OM telling my family I fail to see how it will help him. So far it has not. He has not gotten much sympathy from anyone. You know why?? Because he is guilty of the same thing.

As far as having the affair with the OM's wife, I fail to see how it has helped you. So far it has not. You will not get much sympathy from anyone. You know why? Because you are guilty of the same thing.

 

As far as staying away from OW that is easier said than done.

Actually, it's easy to do it. It may be hard for you to want to do it, but now that's just another thing you now have in common with the garden-variety WS.

[Owl]

I did not expect empathy but she was looking at me like I had betrayed her.

 

You did. What you did was EXACTLY the same thing she did. You told her that you were willing to reconcile...and then you did this. You are AT LEAST as 'at fault' as she is...if not more. Your actions are EQUALLY AS DESPICABLE as hers. Just as horrible. You are the exact same "kind of person" that she is. Just ADD in the lie about reconciling while plotting this whole thing on top of it.

 

I should not have to remind her that she was guilty of the same thing. As far as OM telling my family I fail to see how it will help him. So far it has not. He has not gotten much sympathy from anyone. You know why?? Because he is guilty of the same thing.

 

And just how much sympathy should anyone be showing YOU? None...at all. You are the same kind of person...with the same moral fiber and make up...as he is. I don't get why you're angry at him...at this point, the two of you have so much in common you should be best friends!

As far as staying away from OW that is easier said than done.

 

What a way to discover the same problems your wife faced at the end of her affair too. Of course...she was tee total scum for not ending it sooner, whereas you're a sweet innocent bystander for not being able to end YOUR affair?

 

What kind of support are you hoping for here??? :sick: :sick:

[Reggie]

Well, I think this was a mistake. But, unlike Owl, I do see a ifference when it is an affair in response to your wife's. In no way is it worse, as some feel, IMO.

I truly think that a typical BS, in the aftermath of discovery, is non compus menatas for a period of time. Your world is just so rocked that you are not dealing with a full deck.

[lkjh]

come on Owl, what he did was bad but she is more to blame. He simply acted on emotion which is dumb but not as bad. He was seeking revenge which a lot of people do but once she had the affair the M was broken. I think what he did was horrible and it will bite him in the a** but she is the one who started the mudslide. He said all along that he was faking reconciliation so he could pay less in alimony, not so he could continue the affair. You may disagree with this but do you honestly think it would have been in his best interest to divorce right away and pay 2-3 times more. I think what he did was wrong but I can not see how he is worse than her. Now he just can't complain about her affair as much; people have revenge affairs.

[lkjh]

When people are hurt they all act different and you may disagree with how they act. That does not mean they don't need help.

[Trimmer]

Trying to compare which is worse is pointless. They were both reprehensible decisions - of admittedly different textures - that continue to have negative effects all around them. To presume that you can measure them along the same dimension to compare their "badness" doesn't do justice to their complexity and virulence.

 

Unfortunately, not the least of the negative effects will now be visited upon a 9 year old boy who has to continue through his childhood in this charged environment.

[Owl]

Cheating is cheating.

 

INTENTIONALLY cheating to hurt someone else is despicable.

 

I don't see what he did as LESS than what she did...I see it as MORE.

 

She didn't have a clear understanding of the devestation that she was inflicing on him...she was just being your typical selfish, self-centered cheater.

 

Lorenzo did this with nothing more than the intention of hurting her and everyone else. He didn't even have the excuse of not realizing what he was starting, unlike his wife and the others who foolishly set themselves up in the first part of an affair.

 

This disgusting debacle was PLANNED AND STAGED.

 

And now this guy is crying because his world went to crap because of it.

 

BOO FREAKING HOO.

 

I'm sorry...I feel LESS compassion and concern for this guy than I do for the OW and OM on the other forum...because again...at least they didn't do it with the planned INTENT of devestation someone and destroying their lives. They just tend to be short sited people...this joker is a whole different kind of poster.

 

He needs help...but frankly, there isn't anything any of us can do for him. I'd suggest a large amount of in-patient therapy...maybe a conscience implant or something.

 

Sorry...I'm just thoroughly disgusted with this whole thing, and I think that this is the most atrocious story I've seen in the last four plus years of being on the boards.

[Reggie]

I agree that it makes little sense to compare the acts. But, the concept that the wife had no idea of the pain and devestation her affair would cause, whereas he did, just does not ring true. A pesron would have had to been brought up in a vacum sealed cocoon to not have an understanding that an affair would wreak havoc and cause intense pain. And, Owl's analysis ignores the fact that a person dealing with the pain of an affair may have diminished capacity.

Her decison to have an affair, thus hurting her husband this badly, set this revenge affair in motion. Despite the appearance of logic and rationality in his planning, I suspect that he was one hurting cookie, cut to the core.

I , like many other BS's, contemplated doing the same thing. I did not and I am glad I did not. But, I certainly understand reacting this way and I think the fact that his wife messed him up so badly mitigates his action.

[Owl]

I agree that it makes little sense to compare the acts. But, the concept that the wife had no idea of the pain and devestation her affair would cause, whereas he did, just does not ring true. A pesron would have had to been brought up in a vacum sealed cocoon to not have an understanding that an affair would wreak havoc and cause intense pain. And, Owl's analysis ignores the fact that a person dealing with the pain of an affair may have diminished capacity.

Her decison to have an affair, thus hurting her husband this badly, set this revenge affair in motion. Despite the appearance of logic and rationality in his planning, I suspect that he was one hurting cookie, cut to the core.

I , like many other BS's, contemplated doing the same thing. I did not and I am glad I did not. But, I certainly understand reacting this way and I think the fact that his wife messed him up so badly mitigates his action.

 

We'll definitely have to agree to disagree. The only thing that set this affair in motion was Lorenzo's lust. Read the very first post on this thread, and pay attention to exactly how he phrased things.

[Lookingforward]

Big dose of poetic justice and karma, anyone ??

[Owl]

Big dose of poetic justice and karma, anyone ??

 

No...poetic justice here would be to find out that one of the four has, for some time, been a carrior of a virulent form of STD that suddenly renders anyone infected completely unable to "function" in that respect ever again...oh...and its horribly contagious with a highly unpredictable incubation period.

[pkn06002]

I agree that it makes little sense to compare the acts. But, the concept that the wife had no idea of the pain and devestation her affair would cause, whereas he did, just does not ring true. A pesron would have had to been brought up in a vacum sealed cocoon to not have an understanding that an affair would wreak havoc and cause intense pain. And, Owl's analysis ignores the fact that a person dealing with the pain of an affair may have diminished capacity.

Her decison to have an affair, thus hurting her husband this badly, set this revenge affair in motion. Despite the appearance of logic and rationality in his planning, I suspect that he was one hurting cookie, cut to the core.

I , like many other BS's, contemplated doing the same thing. I did not and I am glad I did not. But, I certainly understand reacting this way and I think the fact that his wife messed him up so badly mitigates his action.

 

Tell me where does this logic start?

 

Because I am sure the original WS could easily give you reason why she felt justified in having an affair. So what she can lay the blame of her affair at his feet because he hurt her somehow?

[Lookingforward]

No...poetic justice here would be to find out that one of the four has, for some time, been a carrior of a virulent form of STD that suddenly renders anyone infected completely unable to "function" in that respect ever again...oh...and its horribly contagious with a highly unpredictable incubation period.

 

Wow, was that a rough week or what??

 

{{{Owl}}}

[Reggie]

Sorry, I don't think it was lust but hurt that motivated him. This is sheer specualtion, of course. I feel little sympathy for someone getting a taste of her own medicine. Perhaps it is the one thing that will make her grow. She clearly had no remorse and merely returned to her marriage as her primary option dried up.