Anyone have a revenge affair with MP spouse?

[Lorenzo76]

I have resigned myself to the fact that I will have to pay at minimum a portion of her legal fees at least in the beginning. The big ? is the alimony. Two things I have going for me is that my marriage is short term and the stbx already has a job offer. She has 30 days to respond to my divorce petition. That will be toward the end of November. She will graduate in very early December. It's tricky. I can at least console myself with the fact that she has no claim on anything that I aquired before the marriage.

 

I would never use a paralegal for a divorce. That's crazy!!

[theBrokenMuse]

I'd find it amusing that this thread has become little more than a sounding board for people that want to whip out their morality in a big jerk circle and compare sizes if it weren't so increasingly pathetic.

[NewSunrise]

I would never use a paralegal for a divorce. That's crazy!!

You can't now. The minute you filed, there's no turning back.

 

My first xH and I used paralegal. Didn't have any kids, were married for nearly 10 years, both employed. We amicably decided to end the M. We looked around our place, decided what each one wanted, didn't want. Composed a marital separation agreement. Didn't ask for spousal support. Paralegal legally composed the agreement and did the filing. Done. For $500.

 

Wanted the same with the last M albeit he cheated. He behaved the way you're behaving. He suddenly became more protective of what he would lose which was not a whole lot. But he sure thought he could get more out of me. He ended losing more than he estimated. Way more.

 

There's no guarantee she'll take the job. And if she is emotionally distraught by all this, she probably won't. And if she's as "smart" as you are, she won't. Guess what? Another stab in your "perfect" plan, isn't it?

[NewSunrise]

I'd find it amusing that this thread has become little more than a sounding board for people that want to whip out their morality in a big jerk circle and compare sizes if it weren't so increasingly pathetic.

Huh? Sizes? And what are you doing in this department, er thread, I mean?

 

You know you can always whip up your arrow and point to the "search" window and click.

[theBrokenMuse]

Huh? Sizes?

I guess my attempt at a bit of humor was lost on you.

And what are you doing in this department, er thread, I mean?

Curiosity of seeing such a huge thread and boredom but mostly the former. Why is that of any importance?

 

You know you can always whip up your arrow and point to the "search" window and click.

Yes, I certainly could. I could also choose to voice my opinion which is what I ultimately decided upon.

 

I just find it ironic that some who feel the need to denounce, heckle, belittle and outright wait with abject glee for something bad to befall the OP also feel they have moral superiority, somehow. It was just an observation.

[NewSunrise]

I guess my attempt at a bit of humor was lost on you.

I got the humor. Guess you didn't get mine....

<<<sigh>>> still too early. Gotta get more java.

I'd find it amusing that this thread has become little more than a sounding board for people that want to whip out their morality in a big jerk circle and compare sizes if it weren't so increasingly pathetic

And you're doing exactly what you're accusing...just different way. It's all good...

[signedin2008]

My other brother thinks the whole thing is funny as hell and admires me for what I have done.

 

Don't you just love him?

[NewSunrise]

Don't you just love him?

Ohhh, so immensely.....

 

Originally Posted by Lorenzo76

My other brother thinks the whole thing is funny as hell and admires me for what I have done.

Justification...justification...

 

Yeah. It's real cool to screw another man's W just to get even with your W. Good for the both of you! You should be very proud of yourselves.

[You'reasian]

Sooooo glad I'm not married. Lorenzo, wish you the best of luck.

[signedin2008]

Yeah. It's real cool to screw another man's W just to get even with your W. Good for the both of you! You should be very proud of yourselves.

 

I would look at Lorenzo's action VERY differently if he has been cheated on and then sleep with some random guy's wife.

 

This is not just another man or any man. This is the one who screwed up Lorenzo's life.

[theBrokenMuse]

And you're doing exactly what you're accusing...just different way. It's all good...

 

Not quite. I'm not using my own personal sense of morality to condemn another person while propping myself up. I'm just dissecting the thread (because the irony was just too much for me to resist) and for the most part, enjoying the show.

[Reggie]

Not quite. I'm not using my own personal sense of morality to condemn another person while propping myself up. I'm just dissecting the thread (because the irony was just too much for me to resist) and for the most part, enjoying the show.

With a slightly pedantic flavor.

[Lorenzo76]

There's no guarantee she'll take the job. And if she is emotionally distraught by all this, she probably won't. And if she's as "smart" as you are, she won't. Guess what? Another stab in your "perfect" plan, isn't it?

 

She would be crazy not to take the job. She will make way more working than she will get out of me with alimony. I make a good living but I am not rich by any means. There is only so much money to go around.

 

She also has debts that she had before our marriage. Mostly student loans that can't be discharged through a bankruptcy. I was paying on those but that stopped after d-day. Then there is the marital debt which is limited but we still have it. Since I live in a community property state as you so wisely mentioned she is entitled to 50% of the marital assets but she will also have to pay 50% of the marital debt along with all the other debt she has. There is no going around that. The law is very clear. If she wants to hurt herself like that she is more than welcome too. She can make my life hell in the short term but in the long term I will come out ahead should she go that route.

[LifesontheUp]

I'm not going to judge you as I've been a BS.

 

What I will advise you is to pull back from the OW and have some time to yourself. You are going through an emotional upheaval and by getting together with someone else it may ultimately cost you healing time. In fact I reckon it'll end up making matters worse.

 

Why not spend the next 6 months or more putting you and your son first and leave the OW to sort her own marriage/issues out. If after a long period of time both you and the OW are free and want to get together then start off dating and go slow.....whats the hurry?!

 

Fix yourself and heal first....that way you have a better chance at making any relationship work

[NewSunrise]

Not quite. I'm not using my own personal sense of morality to condemn another person while propping myself up. I'm just dissecting the thread (because the irony was just too much for me to resist) and for the most part, enjoying the show.

Aww shucks, Muse...

[NewSunrise]

She would be crazy not to take the job. She will make way more working than she will get out of me with alimony. I make a good living but I am not rich by any means. There is only so much money to go around.

 

She also has debts that she had before our marriage. Mostly student loans that can't be discharged through a bankruptcy. I was paying on those but that stopped after d-day. Then there is the marital debt which is limited but we still have it. Since I live in a community property state as you so wisely mentioned she is entitled to 50% of the marital assets but she will also have to pay 50% of the marital debt along with all the other debt she has. There is no going around that. The law is very clear. If she wants to hurt herself like that she is more than welcome too. She can make my life hell in the short term but in the long term I will come out ahead should she go that route.

Sounds like you've got it all figured it. Guess this ends your revenge on your stbxw.

 

Good luck.

[theBrokenMuse]

With a slightly pedantic flavor.

 

Not quite certain why you think there are doctrinaire sprinkles on the dung heap I posted. I certainly don't think I was obsessing over formalisms.

[Lorenzo76]

Last time I posted I had just told my parents about my indiscretion. OW and I felt we needed to get away. OM was practically stalking her and I did not want to deal with my parents. We went away on a road trip for a long weekend. We did not have anywhere planned, we just drove. With all that driving we had a lot of time to talk. It's made me realize we want different things out of life. She wants to have children and get married again. I don't have any interest in getting married again. My son will be 18 in 9 years. I just don't see myself changing diapers again.

 

When we got back I had to deal with my parents. They are experts at making a person feel like ****. After talking with them I am starting to realize what we are doing is wrong. I've always known it was wrong but I felt I was entitled too given what OM did to me.

 

I got in a fight with with my parents a couple of days ago and moved in with OW. She has her own place now. Not the smartest thing to do I know that. It will be temporary because I don't think we have reached that level of committment yet to be living together permanently.

 

I've really ****ed my life up. I can't even blame OM for this.

[signedin2008]

How are things going now that you and OW live together?

 

What if OM finds out? Is there a chance he might get violent? You just have to be careful about things like that.

 

By the way, is your son from your current wife or previous relationship?

[Owl]

OM knows...he's OWH as well. This all started as a revenge thing by our OP here to get back at his wife and OM for THEIR affair.

 

I don't see any opportunity for advice or support in this situation...this is more like sitting back and watching a slow motion train wreck.

[Steve L]

It wont fix your marriage, its trashed. She is a knockout, you need validation and some revenge feels very good. "two wrongs dont make a right" whoever made that statement never had his wife put on makeup and sexy undergarments, nice sun dress, get in her BMW in the middle of the day because she doesn't work, drive to some dudes house, get on her knees and perform on him while you are at work making a living. Bone her tomorrow, then file for divorce. Leave this skank before she hurts you anymore. Oh, and if you are in a no fault divorce state, take your camera phone and send her a pic of the act in progress, na faces of course.

[Lorenzo76]

A lot has happened since I last posted. I was staying with OW and that lasted about a week. I felt it would be a better living situation for my son to go back to my parents. Believe it or not the divorce has progressed amicably for the most part. There was a very short period of time my stbx was acting like she was going to take me for everything but she saw the light after seeing a lawyer. She has been playing nice because she needs my health insurance until it kicks in at her new job which will be in early March. She has to be out of my house by January 31st. That will give her time to save some money. I wish her the best. I really do.

 

Now for the Jerry Springer part of my life. I was getting a tremendous amount of pressure from my parents to end my relationship with OW. Most of what they said went in one ear and out the other but they did have an impact. My mom told me that if I wanted to have some control and stability in my life I had to end my affair. I knew she was right. I was so sick of the roller coaster I was on. I wanted my life back. I told OW that at this point in my life I could not be in a committed relationship with anyone. It takes her all of 2 days to get back with her husband. This was a very painful time for me. I really do love her but there are way to many forces against us for it to work in our present circumstances.

 

It was very hard to stay away from each other. She was back with her husband and in less than 24 hours and we made contact and we were sneaking around and even slept together a few times. It was mostly emotional though. It was not long before we were caught because OM has been watching her like a hawk. I am surprised it took him as long as it did.

 

After we are busted I get this e-mail from OW telling me we can no longer have contact. The very next day she calls me and says she does not mean it if I will committ to her. I was honest and told her I could not promise her that we would have a future together. So anyway she said that she was going to try to make her marriage work and not to contact her again. That was yesterday. I know someone of you won't believe me but it is finally over. I feel like my heart has been ripped in two but I know we are doing the right thing.

 

Quite frankly I don't know how her husband tolerated everything we put him through. I'm surprised he did not kill one or both of us to be honest. When all is said and done I wonder if he can forgive her for everything. If she really wants to make this marriage work she should leave out most of the details like that he is her second choice.

 

I want her to be happy but I think she can do better than OM. It has to be her decision though.

[Athena]

sorry I skipped from page 10 to here to post...

 

Finishing up a Master's Degree is no small thing, and Lorenzo's wife needs the relative peace to finish such a difficult task.

 

If he filed for divorce prematurely, it would hurt her because it is very difficult to study when your world is turned upside down.

 

Granted, this does not appear to be his reasoning nor his motive (her wellbeing), however, it still works out to be the same action -- don't spoil her chances at finishing strong!

 

Also, some posters state that Lorenzo is ripping his wife off from what is legally owed to her, I disagree... not only because he IS getting lawful legal advice from a paid Lawyer who advised him to do this, BUT additionally, I am pretty sure that the law would only grant her alimony so far as she was unable to support herself... if she was divorced now, and got on her own feet financially in a few months' time, then surely the alimony would be cut. Alimony does not go on ad infinitum.

[Athena]

Since I posted yesterday, I caught up on all the posts, so I now know how it turned out.

 

Lorenzo -- Please will YOU go back to your initial post, and, calling up that wise sage within you now, and with 20-20 hindsight, could you please post an answer to yourself!

 

How would you have advised yourself, now that you know what happened when you took revenge?

[RecordProducer]

You can't now. The minute you filed, there's no turning back.

 

My first xH and I used paralegal. Didn't have any kids, were married for nearly 10 years, both employed. We amicably decided to end the M. We looked around our place, decided what each one wanted, didn't want. Composed a marital separation agreement. Didn't ask for spousal support. Paralegal legally composed the agreement and did the filing. Done. For $500.

Are you kidding me? $500 to a person who's not even a licenced attorney? You could have done it yourself. There are templates for easy cases. With my first husband's divorce, I drew the paper. I took my mother's and chaged two things: I get custody (she didn't have kids with ehr second husband) and I added that he will pay child support in a certain amount. We both signed it and I mailed the document.

 

My current husband had a lawyer draw the divorce papers and it cost him $300. You don't need a lawyer to file for a divorce. You want to have a lawyer if you have a problem with the settlement (if you're afraid you'll get less than what belongs to you and a lawyer can advise you and negotiate for you). If you agreed to sell the house and split the money in half, each keep their own car, agree on how to share personal items, there no kids, and no alimony, you absolutely don't need a lawyer. Filing for an uncontested divorce is realy a letter to the judge saying: call us and divorce us, we agreed on everything in this way (and you say how).