Anyone have a revenge affair with MP spouse?

[Reggie]

Yeah, I agree. Put this behind you and learn from it. No sack and ashcloth needed. You were traumatized and made a mistake. Betrayl like you expierienced will make a person do some weird things. You have no history of this type of thing.

[desertmoon]

Okay, if a calling it a R makes you feel better, go for it. I say fling, you say tomato. He shouldn't f another man's wife no matter what.

 

Calling it a relationship does not make me feel better, but I suspect, reducing it to a "fling" makes YOU feel better----I dare say--some aggression is misplaced here.

 

Lorenzo, clearly you are not in a good place to make commitments of the interpersonal kind and the husband of the MW is quite frankly, showing signs of getting unhinged--perhaps for the safety of everyone concerned, you should really start pulling away (so to speak) from the MM.

 

Good luck to you! May the New Year bring clarity and joy to your life!

[Darth Vader]

My parents could care less about OM. They are using him as a source of information to keep better tabs on me. OM has turned into quite the little PI and he e-mails them when OW and I break NC. As I posted before they are very religious and don't believe in taking revenge. They are really worried about me and since they are retired and nothing better else to do they have it their mission to interfer in my relationship with MW.

 

My parents referred to OM being "broken" because these last few months have taken a toll and he had to take a medical leave from work to deal with all the stress in his life. I guess when OW and I were playing house it almost put him over the edge so my parents say.

 

OW will not stop contacting me. I do not initatite any contact. I was doing good about ignoring her calls but then she shows up at my work. She would not leave until I spoke to her. So we talk and she misses me, can't stop thinking about me, and then asks me to go to a motel so we can have sex. I am sitting there looking at her and thinking what the hell did I ever see in this woman. She is worse than my stbxw. I was not lying I really do feel sorry for her BH.

 

I asked her what is the point of us carrying on like this when she is trying to make her marriage work. She said that her BH needs her and since I won't committ to her she wants the best of both worlds. She flat out admittted it. I respect her honesty but I told her she needed to get a grip. I told her to stay away from my work and me.

 

She is using me for sex and emotional support and she is using her husband for I don't know what. There has to be something in it for her. I realize now I never really knew her at all. She is terrible. She has this spinless man at home bending over backwards trying to make their marriage work and she is doing her best to try and get back in my bed. She has no shame.

 

I told you not to do this, long ago. Have you informed her husband at her attempts to sleep with you and her contacting you? Or rather, have you informed your parents of this, so they can inform OM for you?

[Lorenzo76]

There have been some changes since I last posted. I tried and did my damnest to stay away from MW. I really did. I was even a little bit disguisted with her for her cake eating. Anyway suffice it to say over NYE we decided to get back together. She is as we speak moving out again. I don't know what the future holds. All I know is I can't stay away from her. The OM is now threatening to sue me. I told him to go for it.

 

I talked to my lawyer and he said we don't live in a alienataion of affection state and even if we did he would not have a case. So he is blowing hot air.

 

We are going to try and have a real relationship and date. Everything is out in the open now. There are no more lies or secrets.

 

My divorce should be finalized hopefully in early March. MW if her husband has his way he will drag it out so it could be well over a year before she gets hers. That's fine. So there is my update.

[LostNLonely]

I am trying to make my marriage work but I am beginning to think the only way I can make it work is if I have an affair too. I have bonded so to speak with my wife's OP spouse. She is a knock out and we are attracted to each other. We have acknowledged the attraction but have yet to act on it. I think if we are ever alone again it will happen.

 

I know it's wrong but I want to have an affair with her. I want her husband and my wife to find out after the fact so they know the pain they inflicted on us. I want to be able to tell the OP to his face that I slept with his wife multiple times and that I have no intention of stopping. It's only a fantasy right now but if I really pursued her I could make it happen.

 

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

Many, many years ago, in my early twenties, I had a girlfriend that cheated on me with a friend. I ran into his fat disgusting wife one day at the Wal-mart many months later. She worked there and she always loved my long curly blonde hair, my deep blue-eyes and tall, lean, broad-shouldered physique. Turns out he was in jail at the time serving a few months on a parole violation.

 

I asked if she was lonely. She responded that she was indeed, very lonely. I asked her if she needed some company. She replied that she would love to have some company. lI invited her to stop by my place that evening.

 

She unwittingly made a video-tape with me that evening, where her unscripted performance was more than obvious to anyone who later saw the tape. I managed to elicit sensitive information and details about their inter-martial sex life and even got her to critique and compare our respective performance, attributes, etc. for the camera.

 

I waited until she was pregnant with his second child before leaving the tape in his vehicle outside of his work one day. I left him a note saying that his wife had worked off his debt for him. Things got really ugly afterwards, which I was more than prepared for but the long and the short of it is that revenge is sweet and can be savored for many years.

 

I say do it, and if it feels good, do it in the road, and if you want to enjoy it years afterwards, make a video of it.

[Lorenzo76]

Many, many years ago, in my early twenties, I had a girlfriend that cheated on me with a friend. I ran into his fat disgusting wife one day at the Wal-mart many months later. She worked there and she always loved my long curly blonde hair, my deep blue-eyes and tall, lean, broad-shouldered physique. Turns out he was in jail at the time serving a few months on a parole violation.

 

I asked if she was lonely. She responded that she was indeed, very lonely. I asked her if she needed some company. She replied that she would love to have some company. lI invited her to stop by my place that evening.

 

She unwittingly made a video-tape with me that evening, where her unscripted performance was more than obvious to anyone who later saw the tape. I managed to elicit sensitive information and details about their inter-martial sex life and even got her to critique and compare our respective performance, attributes, etc. for the camera.

 

I waited until she was pregnant with his second child before leaving the tape in his vehicle outside of his work one day. I left him a note saying that his wife had worked off his debt for him. Things got really ugly afterwards, which I was more than prepared for but the long and the short of it is that revenge is sweet and can be savored for many years.

 

I say do it, and if it feels good, do it in the road, and if you want to enjoy it years afterwards, make a video of it.

 

Damn!! How did it get ulgy? Did he just threaten you or try and harm you physically?

 

My thread is a long one but I did end up having an affair with OM's wife. The first time we had sex we met up at their vacation house. We had sex in their bed, on top of HIS pool table and every room in the house. Then we took his boat and I used his fishing equipment to catch us dinner. I even walked his dog. We also had sex in his and my wife vehicles. I am not proud of my actions anymore but at the time I was on a high for days.

 

I know he regrets the day he ever met my stbx wife.

[signedin2008]

So, how is your wife doing? Any regrets on her part? Is she updated on your recent activities with the MW?

 

Is the OM consider hooking up with your wife again?

[Tony]

Amidst my shock and awe, I have to praise all the participants of this thread for staying on topic after the fifth or sixth post (where they usually go off topic)....and now more than 300 posts....and still on topic. This is an absolute first for this forum. Thank you all and congratulations.

 

Now, please, back to the topic!

[Lorenzo76]

So, how is your wife doing? Any regrets on her part? Is she updated on your recent activities with the MW?

 

Is the OM consider hooking up with your wife again?

 

I don't really speak with my stbx wife. Our communication is handled through lawyers. If she wants to see my son I told her early on she had to go through his mother which she does.

 

I wish OM would hook up with my stbx wife. That would keep him out of my hair. I don't think that will happen. OM was only using her and when d-day happened he kicked her to the curb. That was an extremely painful experience for her.

 

Out of the 4 of us she is the one that is in the best position. She is starting a new life and has a great new job. She would be crazy to look back and get herself involved in this crazy drama we have going.

[Steve L]

Wont work. Tried it. Then you start to think..well how many times did they do it and what did they do, so on. Bottom line, after all is said and done...She did it first and you ccan never top that. You will resent her for putting you in that position and it will only make things worse..trust me. Now, you can file for divorce and go get sum a dat! THAT my friend I can tell you feels good.

[signedin2008]

Wont work. Tried it. Then you start to think..well how many times did they do it and what did they do, so on. Bottom line, after all is said and done...She did it first and you ccan never top that. You will resent her for putting you in that position and it will only make things worse..trust me. Now, you can file for divorce and go get sum a dat! THAT my friend I can tell you feels good.

 

Have you read the posts or did you just read the title of the post?

[Owl]

I'm curious how Lorenzo feels about his wife, and about OM.

 

I'm wondering if his perspective has changed any?

 

Now that HE has had an affair...and tried, most unsuccessfully, to end it...does that change his view on his wife? Does that change his feelings towards OM?

[pizzagirl]

This is such a crazy story. It sounds like your wife's cheating sent you off the deep end. No doubt, the pain and anguish associated with that type of betrayal makes folks nuts to some extent.

Sounds like there is damage all around, now. Have you given any thought to getting your child in counseling? This must be confusing as hell to the kid.

I wish you could have restrained yourself from acting on the normal desire for revenge. I know most folks seem to contemplate it. But, something clicks before they get to it and they do not follow through. Maybe you need to look at why this thing drove you so much harder than most folks in seeking revenge.

 

Wow, this is a wild crazy story. Every action has a consequence that is for sure. You wanted your wife to "pay" for the pain she caused you and I believe you exacted a keen revenge, ditto for the husband. But who else "paid". I think your child paid in that children NEED stability, your now exwife abandoned that and, sadly, how did your actions help? The satisfaction of revenge sex was sweet, sounds like it was therapuetic for both you and OM wife as well, but it is a tough way to make anything stick between the two of you, if that is what you want.

 

How else did you "pay". Your retaliation removed any chance at reconciliation, but is that any real payment, not really, I think you were done. You felt better and flushed out any resentments and saved on depression. But how does one "pay" when you choose to retaliate in kind? After years of counseling and very little sex i cheated on my ex. I felt so horrible I confessed in counseling and was laughed at that my ex had tried to have two affairs with exfriends and crowed they never enjoyed sex with me anyway. How did my ex pay? I no longer felt guilt as i took up with someone new. But How did I pay? that was more subtle as the words of my ex exonerated my behavior and I found it easy to justify actions that before were not in my code of conduct. I paid as my conduct invited acceptance of before unthinkable behavior. My feeling "justified' allowed me, what I thought was a "free", but in reality it led to allowing justificaton into my morals and eroded my conduct.

 

What i did was then allow behavior that if someone hurt me then all bets were off, they had broken a contract and I was "free" to exact repayment. but in what form, repayment in kind sinks one into the same behavior as one was hurt by. I am not rejecting revenge out of hand, but the real cost is what happens to oneself when one can "justify" behavior. I once had a friend that thought i was making a move on her husband because we went jogging once a week together and she wasnot interested. Later, this 'friend" justified stealing a client of mine because she was able to pretend I had betrayed her friendship. My point is she was not the kind of person to betray another, She was a sound a moral person, but by "justifying" that she THOUGHT I was making a move on her husband she allowed behavor outside her code. When i confronted her on her missassumptions, she had already done the deed but since she was not the kind of person to steal, she had to evict me and hold to the justification.

 

Roberto, your wife hurt you and your affar partner was hurt by her husband. You had great sex, got revenge( for you) but this other person may have wanted to reconcile, you hurt your childs ability to have any further association with your ex and hurt any emotional continuity that may have been of benefit to your kid. Worse, you allowed behavior into your conduct( due to revenge) that will be easier to do next time. maybe next time you are the cheater and tell yourself "all women are untrustworthy so i may as well...." What I am saying is you have paid a price that you do not know yet its full consequence. I hope the sex was great because that is ALL you will ever get. be well. This is my first post. I am not holier than thou, I already had that "Groundhog day" and have played more than one part in the drama, and I am shocked how my first action led to me having to repeat this more than once.

[Lorenzo76]

I have not been here in months. I went back and reread some of this thread. What a crazy time that was.

 

MW and I are still together. Her divorce is still dragging along. OM has finally given up hope of reconciling with MW. That does not mean he is making their divorce easy. I believe he would rather drive them to bankruptcy than let her be legally free to marry me.

 

We've been able to start a relationship and have been very happy together. In the past I could not decide if we had a future or did not have one but I see us being together forever now. Once everything finally calmed down it all came together. She has met my son and he likes her very much. All of my family with the exception of my parents have met her. They will not until after her divorce is finalized. They finally realized they were not going to break us up so finally gave up.

 

After dealing with my ex wifes affair I thought back then it was the worst thing to happen to me. Now I feel like thanking her because her cheating freed me to be with the woman I feel I was meant to spend my life with.

 

My one regret in all of this is that I set a horrible example for my son. Even with that huge regret if I had to do it over again I am not sure I would have made a different decision. I feel like this was fate and we are meant to be together.

 

Life has been really good these last few months.

[joyz]

 

After dealing with my ex wifes affair I thought back then it was the worst thing to happen to me. Now I feel like thanking her because her cheating freed me to be with the woman I feel I was meant to spend my life with.

 

My one regret in all of this is that I set a horrible example for my son. Even with that huge regret if I had to do it over again I am not sure I would have made a different decision. I feel like this was fate and we are meant to be together.

 

Life has been really good these last few months.

 

 

wow, what a story! the best example for your son will be seeing you happy and living a full life with the woman you love. i wish you all the best

[tami-chan]

Welcome back to the board, Lorenzo! I hope you and your SO will have a better take on marriage than your original partners. Sending you good wishes!

[tami-chan]

That speaks a lot to your character. Not even for you son would you change your behavior if given the choice. God always looks out for the innocent, he did for my kids, he will for you. He can bless your child to be happy and healthy in spite of his parents.

 

 

My one regret in all of this is that I set a horrible example for my son. Even with that huge regret if I had to do it over again I am not sure I would have made a different decision. I feel like this was fate and we are meant to be together.

 

The fact that you recognized it and regret it, speaks volume of your character. You said you are not sure if you would have made a different decision. Well, it was done, you will never know if you would have or you would not have. I think, from here on,since you recognize the damage it might have cause your son, you are going to have to make sure you and your son and the rest of the family heal from this.

[z1850]

The only way this would work out in the long run is if each of you got a divorce, then married the other. There's nothing morally wrong about that.

 

In psychiatric terms, you have sublimated your desire for revenge into a socially accepted arrangement--marriage.

[Owl]

Good luck.

 

Try to use what you and MW learned through all of this to safeguard your next marriage.

[broadway11]

Wow...This is a crazy story! I guess it's probably wrong that I'm laughing at the MM....so upset over losing his wife yet chose to cheat on her and now is trying to make you feel guilty. What a hypocrite.

 

I don't think what you did was right, but I'm glad that things have settled down for you. Hoping that her divorce goes through with no problems and you can put all of the nastiness behind you.

[blueintheface]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[blueintheface]

Congrats!! It's nice to hear of the somewhat happy ending.

 

Just wondering ... did you change your mind about the future kids? I know professional therapists generally say check your long term goals with your partner but i have friends who have a set plan of no kids, no pets and then they meet the right person and this stuff changes. So di your long term goals change?

[Athena]

Congra2lations, Lorenzo. You've found your @$$holemate.

 

So long as the 2 of you remain shallow and selfish, you'll do fine.

 

-ol' 2long

 

On the contrary, it serves his and her spouse right for messing about in the first place... bet his wife regrets her so-called wonderful affair!

Funny how the cheating spouse thinks it's great when they are screwing around in secret behind their faithful partner's back, and think they hold all the cards, only to discover how painful it is to have the same done back to them... ha ha... and then to see her H with the OM's wife forever more, well, she has no one to blame, but herself.

 

I am sick to death of these f'en cheaters who happily screw around and think nothing of it, in the process most betrayed spouses suffer untold pain which lingers for years.... sucks when their little plans backfire on them like this.

 

Lorenzo, good for you for not falling victim to your CW's tactics! I am glad you turned the tables on her.

Sucks to be her...

 

Tell me, what is her take on affairs NOW?! Do share.

[Reggie]

How is your child doing with all this? I would imagine it is very confusing for him. It is a very strange story.