Anyone have a revenge affair with MP spouse?

[Lorenzo76]

Do you have any long term plans for your OW?

 

No I don't have any long term plans where OW is concerned. Neither one of us is in a position to really make plans. We can take it one day at a time and see where it takes us.

[Lorenzo76]

Now isn't that special?

 

You've found your @$$holemate!

 

-ol' 2long

 

I'm being honest. It's because of my deep feelings for her I have not told her husband.

[Owl]

Nice.

 

Don't you feel better now?

 

There is absolutely NOTHING different between you and OM now.

 

You're both EXACTLY the same kind of man, with the same moral set.

 

Congratulations.

[Adunaphel]

Ditto on what JustBreathe and Owl said.

[Trimmer]

I'm being honest. It's because of my deep feelings for her I have not told her husband.

 

The irony is amazing. All my anger and need for revenge is gone. To be honest I am really happy since I started my affair.

So does that mean that you understand and empathize with her reasons for having her affair? And your anger and feelings of revenge are gone because you realize that there was no reason to have them in the first place? Are affairs OK now, because you've discovered that they're fun?

[Lorenzo76]

So does that mean that you understand and empathize with her reasons for having her affair? And your anger and feelings of revenge are gone because you realize that there was no reason to have them in the first place? Are affairs OK now, because you've discovered that they're fun?

 

I know affairs are wrong. I know what I am doing right now is wrong. It goes completely against how I was raised and what I believe. I don't know what has gotten into me. I feel no guilt or remorse what so ever for my affair. I do empathize with my stbx wife and now understand the feelings she must have felt during her affair. My anger is gone and it's because of my affair that I now feel this way. I know it sounds crazy but I wake up happy and I can hardly wait to start the day.

 

My stbx and OM got the ball rolling on this. OW and I are looking out for ourselves now and doing what is in our best interest. Even though I empathize with my stbx I don't feel I owe her anything. That's why I have no problem faking reconcilation because it will benefit ME $$$$ wise.

 

If I had gone through with my orginal plan to tell OM my life would be in complete choas right now. Instead I am having the time of my life. It's sounds so ****ed up. I know that.

[Owl]

Yep...it is f***'ed up.

 

Personally, I feel more sorry for your wife and son at this point than anyone else. I think you may well be the first person I've seen on this forum that I think actually had this coming to him.

 

I don't believe that your choice to do this was a result of your wife's affair...I think its a clear indication of the kind of person you are, the morals that you (don't) have.

 

At least SHE may be trying to do an honest reconciliation...do you have any idea at all how many people out there would give their arm to actually have a spouse want to reconcile?

 

The good news is...I can't possibly see why you'd need to post here any further for support...you found your own answers.

 

Goodbye.

[michelangelo]

and marry the OM's wife. Have many babies.

 

If he truly is sterile, then you have it all. Not!

 

I am sorry your wife's foolishness led you to do something like this. But at this point you ought back off from continuing the destruction.

 

You cannot control all aspects of this affair even if you can justify it in your mind. One of you is going to slip up and the fantasy of it will disappear and the ugliness will taint you both.

[lkjh]

Owl, don't get me wrong I think it is wrong that he went through with this plan but are you honestly shocked that people have revenge affairs? What makes you feel sorry for his wife? Please don't say that she is trying to reconcile, sometimes people can not get over there SO f****** another person. Look what he did was messed up but are you honestly going to say that you have never taken revenge against anyone in your life.

 

Lorenzo, your messing up and its going to blow up in your face. You need to stop now before you are left with absolutely nothing including your respect.

[Reggie]

Your wife's affair did a number on you. I can certainly understand that. It's about the most painful expierience I've ever been through. I'd cut yourself some slack on acting so nuts in doing this(non compas mentas). But, you will feel better about yourself if you stop and divorce first. I hope you do well, financially and otherwise in the divorce. I think you have a resonsible, and fair plan in making sure she is done with school and employed before filing. Very good job in keeping a cool head in that area.

[signedin2008]

I have to disagree with some posters here. I don't think what you did amount to the lowness of what the OM and your W did.

 

No one will accused the court of being a killer for executing a murderer, or at least not put it at the same level as the murder.

 

What you are doing is NOT right, but, they deserve what they get for being the initial adulterers and cheaters. It's called karma. Your affair with OM's wife would have never happened if those two didn't run around sleeping behind their spouses' back.

[Trimmer]

It's sounds so ****ed up. I know that.

Well, I can agree with you on that one.

 

I have to disagree with some posters here. I don't think what you did amount to the lowness of what the OM and your W did.

 

No one will accused the court of being a killer for executing a murderer, or at least not put it at the same level as the murder.

But punishment is treated as a grave and serious undertaking by "the court." The act of executing someone is solemn and not taken lightly. If you showed me an executioner who came away after a few executions and said "Woo Hoo!!! Damn! I really love killing people, and I'm having so much fun that I'm really looking forward to doing it again! Bring 'em on!!!" I might listen to an argument that what he is doing isn't equal to what the condemned did to receive their punishment, but I would still strongly question his character, stability, and humanity.

 

What you are doing is NOT right, but, they deserve what they get for being the initial adulterers and cheaters. It's called karma. Your affair with OM's wife would have never happened if those two didn't run around sleeping behind their spouses' back.

Oh, so you are essentially arguing "They made him do it...." No dice. He, alone, owns his behavior; he had the options in front of him, and he made his choice. The OP bears full and sole responsibility for his decision to enter the affair.

 

And while I abhor the weakness of character that prevented his wife from resisting the temptation to engage in an affair and choosing fidelity and honesty, what I see in the OP's situation is a calculated decision, intentionally designed to inflict maximum pain, followed by a slip into an embarrassingly garden-variety "I can't believe how I got here..." type of affair.

 

He supposedly went into this with a specific plan for a specific purpose. Does his inability to stick to that plan and resist the emotional temptations of the affair demonstrate any smaller weakness of character than his wife's? And was his initial cold-hearted plan to have the affair to inflict pain really that much less abhorrent than his wife's behavior?

 

You are essentially making the argument that "well, at least his behavior isn't quantitatively as bad as his wife's was." I say the situations are more complex than can be measured simply along the same dimension, and that his behavior is nonetheless manifestly disturbing all on its own.

 

I'll let the OP have both the first and last words in this post.

It's sounds so ****ed up.

[Owl]

Owl, don't get me wrong I think it is wrong that he went through with this plan but are you honestly shocked that people have revenge affairs? What makes you feel sorry for his wife? Please don't say that she is trying to reconcile, sometimes people can not get over there SO f****** another person. Look what he did was messed up but are you honestly going to say that you have never taken revenge against anyone in your life.

 

Lorenzo, your messing up and its going to blow up in your face. You need to stop now before you are left with absolutely nothing including your respect.

 

Shocked? No.

 

Disgusted? Yes.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. What he's done is every bit as disgusting, reprehensible, and horrible as what was done to him.

 

Have I ever taken revenge? Yes.

 

Have I ever allowed that revenge to change me into the person that brought me to that point in the first place? No.

 

Hey...I won't lie. I considered revenge that was equal to or worse than this. I'm ex-military. I had an...'interesting' military career. OM was single in my case...quite frankly, my first thought and fantasy for a long time was simply removing him from the equation...permanently. It would have been very, very simple and easy to accomplish...and to get away with. My wife knew full well that it was a possibility...she tried like crazy to warn OM, but he blew it off...which made it all even funnier to me.

 

But...at the end of the day...my personal morals prevented me from actually doing anything along these lines.

 

The difference here is that this guy basically decided to do the same thing that his wife and OM did...cheat...and now he's here trying to gloat about it.

 

Yes, I find that disgusting.

[Sal Paradise]

Shocked? No.

 

Disgusted? Yes.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. What he's done is every bit as disgusting, reprehensible, and horrible as what was done to him.

 

Have I ever taken revenge? Yes.

 

Have I ever allowed that revenge to change me into the person that brought me to that point in the first place? No.

 

Hey...I won't lie. I considered revenge that was equal to or worse than this. I'm ex-military. I had an...'interesting' military career. OM was single in my case...quite frankly, my first thought and fantasy for a long time was simply removing him from the equation...permanently. It would have been very, very simple and easy to accomplish...and to get away with. My wife knew full well that it was a possibility...she tried like crazy to warn OM, but he blew it off...which made it all even funnier to me.

 

But...at the end of the day...my personal morals prevented me from actually doing anything along these lines.

 

The difference here is that this guy basically decided to do the same thing that his wife and OM did...cheat...and now he's here trying to gloat about it.

 

Yes, I find that disgusting.

 

Note to self.

 

Never piss off Owl.

[smithsonjake]

i would def go and **** the hell out of her, if its consentual, do it, and dont plan on keeping it a secret. the truth generaly finds a way to escape. be open with ur spouse- what the hell!!

[pelicanpreacher]

You've deftly sidestepped the painful course laid out for you by your wife and her OM when you decided to emark on a revenge affair with the OM's wife. Down the road though when your child comes of age and seeks your counsel and guidance on how to walk through this world with integrity and moral conviction maybe you should tell him how you handled this situation. This way when he faces the hard obstacles he's destined to encounter in the future his inner compass will be aligned with yours to ensure the apple of his being doesn't fall too far from the tree.

 

You can no longer be the hero in your eyes for you alone made the conscious decision to fall from grace! Don't bother digging a hole to bury your misdeeds for all things hidden in the dark shall eventually come to light. I wonder if this will still all be worth it when you have to witness the dissapointment in your son's eyes!

[Lucky_One]

Simply put - Your wife and OM did something wrong. They are being punished for it on a daily basis.

 

You and BS are doing something wrong. You aren't being punished. And in fact, you are working on further punishing your wife by screwing her out of marital assets.

 

Sorry, but I think that you could very possibly be a jerk at home, and your wife sought comfort and emotional connection with a real man. Part of the reasoning for believing you are a jerk? You are waiting to file for divorce bc you are protecting your stupid money - not to protect your son or to work on gaining custody.

 

It's all about the money and about the revenge and about the loss of pride. It's not about love at all...

[lkjh]

You've deftly sidestepped the painful course laid out for you by your wife and her OM when you decided to emark on a revenge affair with the OM's wife. Down the road though when your child comes of age and seeks your counsel and guidance on how to walk through this world with integrity and moral conviction maybe you should tell him how you handled this situation. This way when he faces the hard obstacles he's destined to encounter in the future his inner compass will be aligned with yours to ensure the apple of his being doesn't fall too far from the tree.

 

You can no longer be the hero in your eyes for you alone made the conscious decision to fall from grace! Don't bother digging a hole to bury your misdeeds for all things hidden in the dark shall eventually come to light. I wonder if this will still all be worth it when you have to witness the dissapointment in your son's eyes!

 

So, do you always advice people to act in the same manner that who have?

 

Luckyone, when people are hurt and angry they do stupid and painful things! His actions do not make him a jerk, it makes him a man that did a very stupid thing. Would you prefer he divorce his wife now and allow her to take half of everything he has with none of the debt? After all if he divorced her she could probable make away with almost all of his investments even if she(her affair) was the reason for the divorce.

[Lucky_One]

In almost all cases, she is legally entitled to half of THEIR marital assets. Everything they own (and owe) is half hers and half his.

[Lionblade]

Simply put - Your wife and OM did something wrong. They are being punished for it on a daily basis.

 

You and BS are doing something wrong. You aren't being punished. And in fact, you are working on further punishing your wife by screwing her out of marital assets.

 

Sorry, but I think that you could very possibly be a jerk at home, and your wife sought comfort and emotional connection with a real man. Part of the reasoning for believing you are a jerk? You are waiting to file for divorce bc you are protecting your stupid money - not to protect your son or to work on gaining custody.

 

It's all about the money and about the revenge and about the loss of pride. It's not about love at all...

 

It's not all about money but the man has a right to protect what he RIGHTFULLY earned. Do you expect him to be cheated on and to take on your moral righteous views to have the wife possibly divorce him for the other man (reconciliation doesn't always work) and take half of what he has? That's straight up BS. You're probably one of those woman who unconsciously believe that even if the man was cheated on, it's probably his fault anyway for not being up to par with the wife's expectations.

 

In almost all cases, she is legally entitled to half of THEIR marital assets. Everything they own (and owe) is half hers and half his.

 

Even if he slaved for that money and possibly earned it before their marriage?

Just because it's legal, doesn't make it right. Especially if she's a working woman as well. Eye for an eye is what I say even if it's wrong. If someone kills someone, they deserve to be executed and if someone cheated on another they deserve what's coming to them. Just because someone doesn't agree with your super righteous views, doesn't make you any more "humane" than the other.

[Lorenzo76]

Given the circumstances I would be crazy not to look out for myself and fake reconciliation. My lawyer and I have a plan. As long as I stick too it I should come out of this marriage financially unscathed for the most part. Our marriage is not considered long term but since she only works part time I would get hammered with alimony. Once she is working full time in December it won't even be a factor for the courts to consider since she will be self-supporting. I will be saving myself a **** load of money.

 

As for custody of my son he is from a previous relationship. She has no rights to him. He already has a mother

 

As I said before I know what I am doing is wrong. I still don't get why I should be "happy" that my wife wants to reconcile much less give a right arm for it. I would not give up an eye brow to be perfectly blunt. Why should a BS be grateful for the crumbs that are thrown their way?

 

Instead of being pissed and angry all the time my affair has allowed me to let the anger go and move on with my life.

 

Things are getting a tiny bit complicated with OW. She said she is falling in love with me and can't stop thinking about being with me. We agreed from the beginning no promises and expectations. I feel that slowly starting to change and it scares the hell out of me. The more time we spend together the closer we get. It's not about revenge anymore. That's for sure.

[cherrymoon]

Your lawyer is going to have to change his underwear when he hears what you are doing.

 

People are getting hurt it doesn't matter who is right or wrong here.

 

The thing is you are still married so what you are doing completely undermines any moral higher ground you were on previously.

 

I won't consider judging you as I have seen first hand what an affair can do to the BS.

 

When your relationship ends with OW you may actually realise that you wanted your wife all along and it may be to late.

 

Your wife will find out especially as OW is telling you she has feelings. Something is going to snap here and she will either tell her H or your wife.

 

How vengeful do you feel now that OW is hurting as she wants more now.

 

One thing I would say is, I am not sure how much help you will receive from posters if you are asking for help on dealing with OW.

You are an adult and you are being very spiteful and selfish (I am not saying you don't deserve to be), you know the right thing to do.

I am sad that this has happened to all four of ye.

There is nothing that can justify an affair but the way you entered yours tends to make it harder to deal with as you kinda used this OW.

 

Look again as someone who had an affair I know i sound very hypocritical, I don't mean to I just am pointing out how it reads.

 

I can never understand how people can have more than one affair after they have seen the damage the first one caused, I also don't understand how someone who has been cheated on can do the same thing. I know that because of your wifes affair you no longer feel love for her and you don't respect her. Some of those feelings will pass, It has for my H. The hurt is still there and he reacted in the worst way when he found out but I knew it was his hurt.

 

Stop this for your sanity and your health.

End your marriage if that is what you want and only sleep with unmarried women. Your self esteem will suffer if you don't.

 

I wish you luck and I hope you find your way in this.

[Owl]

Lorenzo...what ARE you hoping to gain by continuing to post here about your affair?

[Trimmer]

Given the circumstances I would be crazy not to look out for myself and fake reconciliation. My lawyer and I have a plan. As long as I stick too it I should come out of this marriage financially unscathed for the most part. Our marriage is not considered long term but since she only works part time I would get hammered with alimony. Once she is working full time in December it won't even be a factor for the courts to consider since she will be self-supporting. I will be saving myself a **** load of money.

 

As for custody of my son he is from a previous relationship. She has no rights to him. He already has a mother

 

As I said before I know what I am doing is wrong.

You do know that it doesn't make it any less wrong because you claim that you know it's wrong?

 

Out of curiosity, I'm interested in specifically what parts of your behavior you think are wrong... The idea of taking revenge by stooping to your wife's level? Using the OM's wife as a tool of that revenge? "Faking reconciliation," i.e. knowingly lying to a relationship partner who is making a genuine effort?

 

Saying "I know it's wrong" and then doing it is disingenuous. What you're really saying is "I know you think it's wrong, but I don't, because I've got myself an excuse."

 

I still don't get why I should be "happy" that my wife wants to reconcile much less give a right arm for it. I would not give up an eye brow to be perfectly blunt. Why should a BS be grateful for the crumbs that are thrown their way?

I wouldn't tell you any of that. I would say get out, with your sanity, your class, and your morality intact. Although it's probably too late for that now.

 

Well, at least at the end of it all, you can be proud that you turned out to be just the kind of person your lawyer would have wanted you to be. Now there's an accomplishment.

 

Things are getting a tiny bit complicated with OW. She said she is falling in love with me and can't stop thinking about being with me. We agreed from the beginning no promises and expectations. I feel that slowly starting to change and it scares the hell out of me. The more time we spend together the closer we get. It's not about revenge anymore. That's for sure.

That's shocking, because we know how women are normally so easily able to keep sex and emotions separate. Hmmm, it's totally mystifying how in the world things could have turned out this way...

[Lorenzo76]

Lorenzo...what ARE you hoping to gain by continuing to post here about your affair?

 

I don't really have anyone else to talk about it with. The friends and family that I do trust not to say anything I don't want to get them involved. This is a board about affairs. At the very top it says:

 

In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 

That statement tells me anyone is welcome to post and that you don't have to be a BS wanting to save your marriage to post here.