How can I let Him Know i'm interested?

[dcgirl33]

I think that sharing dinner portions and a little feeding each other is fun but I wouldn't even try that on a first date. I mean I will generally not even go into for a kiss on the first date without some strong signs. Where you doing a lot of touching with him or giving him other signs that you were open?

 

If you are asking me...yes, we were touching eachother quite a bit. I get that he is a touchy feely person. When he's talking to you. I definently gave him a sign he could get a kiss later, but I never did anything to encourage him to suck my fingers at the dinner table and if I did, I sincerely apologize to him and all of the otehr patrons from last night.

[LoveLace]

I have this sorta thing happen from time to time. You don't mention it but I'm guessin' you get a good vibe from this fella.

 

I like to take this sorta thing slow, but it sounds like you two are in sorta a rut. I think you oughta just say something about the weather, and let'er roll from there:

 

You: Gittin' a might coolish

Him: Yep.

You: I been noticin' we're always on the same train

Him: Yep

You: Well, my name is DCgirl.

Him: Yep

You: You gotta name, or is all you say "Yep."

Him: My name is "Shy Charlie. I'm glad we're on the same train 'cause I think you're right purdy, and I like coolish weather."

 

Brilliant. I say go with that!

[2sunny]

has he dated much since his divorce? any word on the who and why or why not?

 

did he say what it was about you that kept him returning to the train station?

 

as far as your son - do you have specific boundaries, guidelines and rules that you require him to follow? if not, at least start on a plan of consistency where discipline is concerned.

 

the fact that you seem to acknowledge an out of control child and are unwilling to change that is concerning... man or no man involved. it is your job as a Mom to be the parent and be tough and consistent enough to raise a decent person in the world. no medicine can give you results like good parenting.

 

what does the child do that is out of line? how can you change to allow him to understand who the boss is?

[dcgirl33]

The boy is just and inattentive child. You'll find yourself repeating your self a lot. Really, " inattentive child" is a type of ADD. It aappears that he is not listening. Other than that, he's fine. Anyway he is now of the suppliment called attentive child. There's no behavior modification that can correct this. It s real medical condition. It has nothing to do with my parenting. He started is suppliment for the first grade this August and he is a changed person. He's actually listening. He's never been out of control. You wouldn't even catch on that something is up with him and listening until after about a few weeks of watching him.

[dcgirl33]

has he dated much since his divorce? any word on the who and why or why not?

 

did he say what it was about you that kept him returning to the train station?

 

 

He said he hasn't dated much because he was at another command for many years and was entirely too busy. At this new command, not so much. As for what it was about me, he said once day he was walking behind me and saw me make a motion with me hand as if I was going to push the guy in front of me by his butt (like you would do a little child) to make him walk faster. I do that a lot when I am walking thru the subway, but I don't actually touch the person. He said that his original impression of me was that I was very serious and when he saw me do that, it just tripped him out and he couldn't stop watching me after that.

[2sunny]

then as a parent - keep things simple with him.

 

give him one task at a time - tell him ONCE - while he is looking you in the eyes - and make him repeat back to you what the task is (so you know he heard you correctly and understands the task).

 

when he is finished - small praise or thank you to him... then do it again. this could be with simple things such as "Gray, Mommy needs you to go get your coat and bring it here."

 

starts him with good communication habits as well.

 

i am not trying to criticize your parenting abilities DC- just trying to problem solve with you for a lifetime of enjoyment with him instead of frustration. to start while they are young is beneficial.

[dcgirl33]

Trust me, I've tried these things and he can tell you what exactly you just. I have a Bachelors in Psychology. When he told me that his new little friend wasn't at school one day and couldn't "help him listen" that is when I was finally ready to admit that there was really something wrong with him and it was not something that he could control on his own. It's like telling a child with full blown ADHD to control themselves. They can't and if left uncheck they will be labled a behavior problem in school. The new teacher was sending notes home saying he wouldn't listen. It's the only complaint he's ever gotten. His doctor who has been in practice for 50 years finally admitted that she has always suspected (since he was 3 years old) that he was an inattentive child and finally diagnosed him. She didn't want him on any drugs that is why she kept denying that there was anything wrong with him and the listening. I'm glad she didn;t suggest drugs because the Attentive Child suppliment I get from GNC is just fine and does the trick.

[dcgirl33]

The boy is just and inattentive child. You'll find yourself repeating your self a lot. Really, " inattentive child" is a type of ADD. It aappears that he is not listening. Other than that, he's fine. Anyway he is now of the suppliment called attentive child. There's no behavior modification that can correct this. It s real medical condition. It has nothing to do with my parenting. He started is suppliment for the first grade this August and he is a changed person. He's actually listening. He's never been out of control. You wouldn't even catch on that something is up with him and listening until after about a few weeks of watching him.

 

 

OR maybe we should go over there this evening, so that I can aquaint Counsel (Darren) with Gray's "little problem?" Hee-Hee-Hee!

[rod_in_gtown]

OR maybe we should go over there this evening, so that I can aquaint Counsel (Darren) with Gray's "little problem?" Hee-Hee-Hee!

 

Lol, now you want to see if he'll run for the hills?

[dcgirl33]

Yeah, that will be the test. People have wild views about parenting and then when you present someone with a child that they may suspect is ignoring them, you never know what you'll get. That's why mom has black belt in Ju Jitsu. Just in case anybody runs out of patience with "the boy" you know. We can do this peaceful like or if a potential "co-parent" wants to get rowdy , he can BRING IT!

[rod_in_gtown]

Yeah, that will be the test. People have wild views about parenting and then when you present someone with a child that they may suspect is ignoring them, you never know what you'll get. That's why mom has black belt in Ju Jitsu. Just in case anybody runs out of patience with "the boy" you know. We can do this peaceful like or if a potential "co-parent" wants to get rowdy , he can BRING IT!

 

Sounds like mom really wants to test her Ju Jitsu with Mr Counsel. I wonder how that would stand against Mi-Ki-Do

[dcgirl33]

Hee Hee! Not really. I called him and agreed to this evening. He's making dinner for us and then we are out. Gray doesn't have to think he's my BF. He's met several of my male co-workers. This will be another one of them for now. It will be fun. It's important that I give him this token position as the "Leader" in the beginning. This is important to the male ego. Also, today on the phone he thanked me for agreeing and said that he doesn't want to go home to an empty house now that he has a friend.

[dcgirl33]

Babe,

 

I'm leaving now. I'll come get you two at 7:45 p.m.. Thank you so much. After this evening, we can see each other Saturday like we agreed. I'm sorry if I was such a pest about seeing you this evening and I hope you don’t think I'm crazy. I might be a little crazy about you. I can’t believe I actually stayed at work all day when the only place I really wanted to be is in your arms. You were really on my mind all day. I sent that other email to one of my colleagues instead of you. Laugh out loud!

You're clouding my mind. I can’t wait to hold you tight.

 

XOXOX

Darren

[DaisyBelle]

OK, "my man" and "babe"?! And "can't wait to hold you tight"? After 24 hours?! What's the rush here?! DCGirl, do you seriously like that kind of stuff? I'm honestly asking you, I'm not at all being sarcastic. It would freak me right out. You said no initially and he ignored that. That sounds very controlling to me.

 

Now you're taking your child to a strange location with no one else around?

Each time I read this thread, I get more weirded out. Is anyone else with me on this? Or am I the minority? I'm really scared for you.

 

Alright, I'll stop blathering and just wish you the best. Just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for you. I do wish you the best tonight, DCGirl. Please be careful!

[2sunny]

ooowwwweee!

 

you may need to slow down the train!

 

caution here - caution.

 

also, if he is that smitten your son will DEFINITELY notice that he is an interest to you. kids notice body language way better than adults. the touching and close proximity gives it away every time for kids. it would be better to go without your son for the time being, but it may be too late now...

 

is he picking you up at 7:45? i thought that was when you were to return home from the evening? i'm confused about how the evening is to play out... fill me in.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

DaisyBelle, I'm with you on this one! This whole situation sounds off.

 

First of all, you can call him your co-worker, but your son knows. He sees things you don't think he sees. I don't have children, but I have always heard that you should keep things as stable as possible for children of divorce. Introducing new men willy nilly can really disrupt their perception of the world.

 

I'm not saying don't date, but your son is your first priority and I feel that you are caving in to this guy's aggression.

 

Secondly, he is not respecting the boundaries you are trying to set. You told him that you did not want to bring your son to his house, and he argued with you on that point. Why, he asks? I was already at your house, what is the big deal? Then he says you can't say no?!? He sounds aggressive and controlling.

 

Babe? I want to hold you tight? Telling you his fantasies about you? Way, way too much for a first date and first round of communication. Just way too much.

 

Finger kissing, stepping over you....well, that just sounds strange to me.

 

I'm really not trying to rain on your parade, so please don't see it that way. What I see is a very excited woman who has been fantasizing about this guy for a long time, and now it is coming true. You really, really want this to happen. Nothing wrong with that. As an outsider, though, I'm looking at this situation a little differently, and I see warning signs here.

 

 

Please proceed slowly! And yes, I DO hope that this guy turns out to be the real deal!

[rod_in_gtown]

I guess you all forgot how it feels when you're head over heels for someone. I can relate. I practically moved in with someone after the first time I met them...

 

You're just hearing the surface of the whole situation. If she's comfortable enough to do it, and feels she can defend herself if the need should arise, then I'm all for her doing it. Honestly, you people need to stop being so scared of everyone all the time and actually make some human connections out there.

[2sunny]

I guess you all forgot how it feels when you're head over heels for someone. I can relate. I practically moved in with someone after the first time I met them...

 

You're just hearing the surface of the whole situation. If she's comfortable enough to do it, and feels she can defend herself if the need should arise, then I'm all for her doing it. Honestly, you people need to stop being so scared of everyone all the time and actually make some human connections out there.

 

 

that's not it at all.

 

it's a matter of her having firm and reasonable boundaries for herself and her son - and him respecting those boundaries.

 

that is just the basics of a HEALTHY relationship... and this is just getting started on the wrong foot.

 

i am looking at the bigger picture - from wanting it to be a healthy dating scenario.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

[/b]

 

 

that's not it at all.

 

it's a matter of her having firm and reasonable boundaries for herself and her son - and him respecting those boundaries.

 

that is just the basics of a HEALTHY relationship... and this is just getting started on the wrong foot.

 

i am looking at the bigger picture - from wanting it to be a healthy dating scenario.

 

 

I agree. And I have many, many human connections. I go out about 4 times a week just to see everybody. I'm not always hangin' here on LS!

[rod_in_gtown]

Hahaha!! Ok, I didn't mean to say that you were all hermits sitting all day behind the computer. I was trying to emphasize the point that there are many people out there who buy into the mass media panic that seems to prevent people from taking chances, and missing out on getting to know great people out there.

[Lucky_One]

Ok he's officially "nearly creepy".

 

7:45? Wouldn't a 6 year old be getting ready for bed by then?

[dcgirl33]

Hahaha!! Ok, I didn't mean to say that you were all hermits sitting all day behind the computer. I was trying to emphasize the point that there are many people out there who buy into the mass media panic that seems to prevent people from taking chances, and missing out on getting to know great people out there.

 

 

You're right on! Anyway he meant to say pick us up at 6:45p because he took us home at 8:30pm. You all need to calm down. I know what i'm doing. I used to earn my living reading peoples faces and figuring out what they might do next. I was a field investigator for child support enforcement. I had to meet guys in person and demand to know where they work or lived, which ever one it was that I could not find out on my own. We needed to know where to serve them to have them appear in court. Nearly, everyone of them told me on the phone that if they ever saw me they would hit me square in the face. That never happened and never came close to happening. And I was in the Bronx, NY on the Grand Concourse the majority of the time.

 

Anyway, we had a nice dinner last night and he even gave me a napkin to wipe my hands. I don't think he's trying to control me. That would be impossible. He's just lonely and excited about having some company particularly, the company he's been wanting. Gray didn't pay much attention to him or us. Darren has a Wii station and that's all Gray needed to know. he tried to interact with Gray, but Gray was tied up with the Wii.

So we had a lot of time to talk and get to know eachother better. I still have a wonderful feeling about him and I like him even more today than I did yesterday.....and this weekend I think I'm going to give him some.

[dcgirl33]

DaisyBelle, I'm with you on this one! This whole situation sounds off.

 

First of all, you can call him your co-worker, but your son knows. He sees things you don't think he sees. I don't have children, but I have always heard that you should keep things as stable as possible for children of divorce. Introducing new men willy nilly can really disrupt their perception of the world.

 

I'm not saying don't date, but your son is your first priority and I feel that you are caving in to this guy's aggression.

 

Secondly, he is not respecting the boundaries you are trying to set. You told him that you did not want to bring your son to his house, and he argued with you on that point. Why, he asks? I was already at your house, what is the big deal? Then he says you can't say no?!? He sounds aggressive and controlling.

 

Babe? I want to hold you tight? Telling you his fantasies about you? Way, way too much for a first date and first round of communication. Just way too much.

 

First, this is the first "love interest" my son has ever met in 6 years. The boy could be in a whole lot worse situations. Second, are the "boundaries i'm trying to set" more important then giving this my best shot? No! It's OK. Darren can win this thing about me bringing Gray with. So what? At the end of the day, I will have won far more. Realy, he was right to push past that obstacle. That has been my excuse for almost 7 years now. I can't date because I don't have a sitter for Gray and Gray can't see any boyfriends, etc. Just a bunch of excuses to not take chances.

 

Darren read me correctly and I'm glad he didn't let it happen to him. He's smart and a guy has to be smart enough to get around me. I recognize that I have some behaviors that are anti-relationship. The truth is that Gray hasn't changed much in my life. In my heart of hearts I am a singular person. Once Gray came along, there was me and Gray and then there was the rest of the world. I'm don't want that anymore. I think part of being a good parent is getting the best situation possible for Gray if it is reasonable to do so. Darren is going to get my FULL cooperation until he shows me why he shouldn't have it.

[rod_in_gtown]

I'm so freaking happy for you!

[dcgirl33]

OK, "my man" and "babe"?! And "can't wait to

Now you're taking your child to a strange location with no one else around? Each time I read this thread, I get more weirded out. Is anyone else with me on this? Or am I the minority? I'm really scared for you.

 

You're forgetting that he lives literally 6 1/2 blocks from my house in a row house like me. Furthermore, he has flowers in his downstairs windows and no curtains as I discovered yesterday. His house is not a good place to be committting any crimes. He would need more privacy from the neighbors.

If anything ever went wrong, the neighbors could hear HIM screaming easily.

 

DaisyBelle, make a list of all of the things FEAR cheated you out of.