How can I let Him Know i'm interested?

[rod_in_gtown]

You're right on! Anyway he meant to say pick us up at 6:45p because he took us home at 8:30pm. You all need to calm down. I know what i'm doing. I used to earn my living reading peoples faces and figuring out what they might do next. I was a field investigator for child support enforcement. I had to meet guys in person and demand to know where they work or lived, which ever one it was that I could not find out on my own. We needed to know where to serve them to have them appear in court. Nearly, everyone of them told me on the phone that if they ever saw me they would hit me square in the face. That never happened and never came close to happening. And I was in the Bronx, NY on the Grand Concourse the majority of the time.

 

Anyway, we had a nice dinner last night and he even gave me a napkin to wipe my hands. I don't think he's trying to control me. That would be impossible. He's just lonely and excited about having some company particularly, the company he's been wanting. Gray didn't pay much attention to him or us. Darren has a Wii station and that's all Gray needed to know. he tried to interact with Gray, but Gray was tied up with the Wii.

So we had a lot of time to talk and get to know eachother better. I still have a wonderful feeling about him and I like him even more today than I did yesterday.....and this weekend I think I'm going to give him some.

 

So when are you going to see him again? Saturday? I have a suggestion. There is a Colombian Film playing at AFI on Friday and Saturday night. The lead actress of the film will be there after each showing for a Q&A session. The film is in spanish with english subtitles and it's called Paraiso Travel.

 

I heard it was REALLY good.

[DaisyBelle]

<< DaisyBelle, make a list of all of the things FEAR cheated you out of. >>

 

Fear hasn't cheated me out of anything, fortunately. I just do things differently than you, e.g., I meet dates in public places, I drive myself to the location so I'm not alone in a guy's car, I make sure friends know where I am, etc. Fear hasn't prevented me from doing anything, but my personal comfort level has shaped my comportment; that's a big difference. Those are the things that make me feel safe, so I do them. You just have different things that make you feel safe, so you do those things. Neither is right nor wrong, just different.

 

Like you, I've lived all over the place (world, actually) and have dated all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. But being in a law enforcement environment has also helped me balance my curiousity with caution because I've seen some end results that weren't so good. Again, just because you do things one way and I do things another doesn't make either method right or wrong.

 

I'm hugely turned off by people who gush right off the bat. That's just me. It's not that I'm afraid of it, it's just something that turns me right off because past experience has shown me it's contrived. As quickly as they turned on, they turn off. But your experience may be different. You like someone coming on so strong so quickly and I'm not judging you by that. Just for me, it's a red flag due to history. Again, just differences in opinion.

 

In terms of children, my parents used to drag me along on their post-divorce dates and it was awkward and uncomfortable to see my parents in a romantic situation. I was exposed to things a child shouldn't be exposed to. So, for me, I'd never take my child - if I had one - on my dates. At all. But that's just me, not you.

 

So many of the things I'm conveying to you aren't fear based, they're based on red flags I've seen happen with both me and my friends, specifically, coming on really strong at the beginning, ignoring your "no", bringing a child along on dates...my friends and I have been through those things and statistically, they're red flags. That doesn't mean they're always bad things, it means simply that: they are often troubling things. So when I see those things in your posts, I think, Yikes! I've seen that before and it USUALLY ain't good. However, YMMV.

 

I really do wish you the best and am glad things are working out for you.

[dcgirl33]

Actually, I mentioned to him last night that I have never seen Luray Caverns in Luray VA. and he said we'll go this Saturday. Gray has a swimming lessons and usually spends sat or sun with my sister so he

won't be going. It kind of a ways away and I hope he can drive there and drive back. I don't want to hear anything about him being tired and us needing a HOTEL. I think it's about 2 or 3 hours away. It's near Skyline Drive.

[dcgirl33]

<< DaisyBelle, make a list of all of the things FEAR cheated you out of. >>

 

Fear hasn't cheated me out of anything, fortunately. I just do things differently than you, e.g., I meet dates in public places, I drive myself to the location so I'm not alone in a guy's car, I make sure friends know where I am, etc. Fear hasn't prevented me from doing anything, but my personal comfort level has shaped my comportment; that's a big difference. Those are the things that make me feel safe, so I do them. You just have different things that make you feel safe, so you do those things. Neither is right nor wrong, just different.

 

Like you, I've lived all over the place (world, actually) and have dated all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. But being in a law enforcement environment has also helped me balance my curiousity with caution because I've seen some end results that weren't so good. Again, just because you do things one way and I do things another doesn't make either method right or wrong.

 

I'm hugely turned off by people who gush right off the bat. That's just me. It's not that I'm afraid of it, it's just something that turns me right off because past experience has shown me it's contrived. As quickly as they turned on, they turn off. But your experience may be different. You like someone coming on so strong so quickly and I'm not judging you by that. Just for me, it's a red flag due to history. Again, just differences in opinion.

 

In terms of children, my parents used to drag me along on their post-divorce dates and it was awkward and uncomfortable to see my parents in a romantic situation. I was exposed to things a child shouldn't be exposed to. So, for me, I'd never take my child - if I had one - on my dates. At all. But that's just me, not you.

 

So many of the things I'm conveying to you aren't fear based, they're based on red flags I've seen happen with both me and my friends, specifically, coming on really strong at the beginning, ignoring your "no", bringing a child along on dates...my friends and I have been through those things and statistically, they're red flags. That doesn't mean they're always bad things, it means simply that: they are often troubling things. So when I see those things in your posts, I think, Yikes! I've seen that before and it USUALLY ain't good. However, YMMV.

 

I really do wish you the best and am glad things are working out for you.

 

Well, people are different and I know me. The fact that If i'm actually going ahead with this, is telling me alot about the whole thing. I'm the QUEEN of fear. Fear keeps us safe and alive. Anyone who isn't afraid is a damn fool and I wouldn't recommend them. And the fact that I'm not afraid of THIS lets me know it's alright.

[dcgirl33]

So I just emailed Romeo and asked him, "Are you going to be able to drive there and back Saturday? Isn't Luray Caverns about 3 hours away?" His reply is copy and pasted below......I ain't callin' sh_t!

 

Jane,

 

I can drive there and you can drive back or we can find somewhere to stay and I can drive back on Sunday morning. It would be nice to see the Caverns at night. I'll bet it's beautiful. Call around and see if there is a place near the Cavens.

 

Very Truly Yours

Darren

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I know nothing of these particular caverns, but the ones I've been too are just as dark at night as in the day. Am I missing something?

[rod_in_gtown]

Actually, I mentioned to him last night that I have never seen Luray Caverns in Luray VA. and he said we'll go this Saturday. Gray has a swimming lessons and usually spends sat or sun with my sister so he

won't be going. It kind of a ways away and I hope he can drive there and drive back. I don't want to hear anything about him being tired and us needing a HOTEL. I think it's about 2 or 3 hours away. It's near Skyline Drive.

 

Lurray is about 1.5 hours away, (unless you're coming from new carrolton or all points east of the beltway).

 

you should NOT need to stay at a hotel if you go. There are a bunch of apple farms as you pass the shennandoah park, and I usually have lunch in one of the BBQ places along the way... hmmm. I LOVE lurray, it's a GREAT date to go to.

[rod_in_gtown]

So I just emailed Romeo and asked him, "Are you going to be able to drive there and back Saturday? Isn't Luray Caverns about 3 hours away?" His reply is copy and pasted below......I ain't callin' sh_t!

 

Jane,

 

I can drive there and you can drive back or we can find somewhere to stay and I can drive back on Sunday morning. It would be nice to see the Caverns at night. I'll bet it's beautiful. Call around and see if there is a place near the Cavens.

 

Very Truly Yours

Darren

 

You can't go in the caverns at night. It's a park and it closes early just like other parks. they don't really have self-guided tours if I remember correctly. and it doesn't make a difference whether you see them during the day or at night. It's underground!

 

It's too early for a hotel sleep-over. and Lurray is a day-trip not a weekend get-away. Plus I think the nearest lodging is an econo-lodge that is not in very good shape.

[Lucky_One]

He is awfully polished at all of this, isn't he?

[dcgirl33]

I just told this fool all of the places I called were booked this weekend and his reply....

 

 

No, I just called Luray Caverns East and they're not booked. They are directly across from the Caverns. I'm thinking we can catch the last tour at 6pm. The West Motel there also has opening. Did you call those?

 

XOXOXO,

Darren

[rod_in_gtown]

I just told this fool all of the places I called were booked this weekend and he reply....

 

 

No, I just called Luray Caverns East and they're not booked. They are directly across from the Caverns. I'm thinking we can catch the last tour at 6pm. The West Motel there also has opening. Did you call those?

 

XOXOXO,

Darren

 

Tsk tsk... I don't advocate lying... Just tell him you don't want to sleep over. I think it may be too soon. Specially if you guys haven't had sex yet. And it's not that far. You can do the drive there and back on the same day. Where in DC do you guys live? East? West? North?

[StartingOver07]

Hmmm.. I was liking this guy until this latest bit with the caverns. It's awfully soon for an overnight and since he knows you have a child I find it odd that he assumes you could just be gone so readily.

 

What is your gut saying, DCG?

[Lucky_One]

I thought you said you were always in control in your relationships, and that you fully intended to call all the shots in this one?

 

You said, "I'm not seeing him on Wednesday night!" - and you did.

You said, "No hotels for you!" - and he told you to book one.

You said, "I ain't calling sh*t!" - and you called around.

 

I guess those two places are NOT booked. He's going for the $76/night options.

[dcgirl33]

We live in NW D.C. and he knows that my son will be at my sisters Saturday night where he always is. I don't like that he's basically calling me a liar. Yes, I am lying, but he's making me lie.

[2sunny]

uh oh...

 

time for plan B for saturday date...

 

moving to quickly - things are... he's being a little too presumptuous.

 

an evening out is a lovely idea - but he's making ME even feel hurried -rushed.

 

i'd slow down DC.

[dcgirl33]

I thought you said you were always in control in your relationships, and that you fully intended to call all the shots in this one?

 

You said, "I'm not seeing him on Wednesday night!" - and you did.

You said, "No hotels for you!" - and he told you to book one.

You said, "I ain't calling sh*t!" - and you called around.

 

I guess those two places are NOT booked. He's going for the $76/night options.

 

 

Woooo! I didn't call sh_t. I just lied and said I did. And I believe what I said is that I can usually control the outcome and we'll jsut see how this comes out, but I can guarantee you that I won't be in a hotel saturday night. Regardless, of whatever lie I have to tell.

[Lucky_One]

Woooo! I didn't call sh_t. I just lied and said I did. And I believe what I said is that I can usually control the outcome and we'll jsut see how this comes out, but I can guarantee you that I won't be in a hotel saturday night. Regardless, of whatever lie I have to tell.

 

Why are you lying? Would it be ok for you if HE were lying to YOU?

 

This is the very very beginning of a possible relationship. This is when honest communication about boundaries and expectations is needed - not lies.

[dcgirl33]

Why are you lying? Would it be ok for you if HE were lying to YOU?

 

This is the very very beginning of a possible relationship. This is when honest communication about boundaries and expectations is needed - not lies.

 

 

In my life I've found that when a man is suggesting sh_t like this, it's because he doesn't want the truth.

[2sunny]

i agree. just be honest and tell him that the plans aren't within your comfort zone.

 

hey - remind him that you are new to this. if he wants to balk at your honesty you can always tell him that you don't intend to continue under the circumstances.

 

that will either make him rethink the plans or back off a tiny bit.

 

either way - i see it as a win -win.

 

although realistically - it will probably make him want you more.

[Lucky_One]

I told you..I don't have any free sex for anyone. I don't think that's where this is going. No one has ever gotten any casual sex from me.

 

They may have planned for some in the beginning, but before they knew it, they were in a committed, full blown, long term relationship. I'm pretty good at controlling the out come.

 

My shortest relationship lasted 3 years and the longest lasted 5 years.

I slept with the 6 years one on the first date.

 

This is what you said about control. And I have got to say - he is doing a whole more controlling than you are. "Let's see how he responds to No." "The boy won't be meeting anyone for a while." He tells you what he wants, and you capitulate. Or you lie.

 

Doesn't want the truth? Are you serious? How many guys do you see come here on LS saying that they don't want the truth from women? In MY life, I have found that people want mutual respect, admiration, and honesty. I don't have time in my life for game-playing (I was involved with some for a short period of time, and never ever again).

 

Good luck, have fun, stay safe. You and I obviously see men, honesty and dating differently.

[dcgirl33]

No, Darren. I didn’t call either of those. I didn’t call anywhere really. For reasons that are my own, I afraid I'm going to have to strongly object to the over-night thing. Would you like to do something else, if you don’t want to drive there and back in the same day?

Jane

[rod_in_gtown]

We live in NW D.C. and he knows that my son will be at my sisters Saturday night where he always is. I don't like that he's basically calling me a liar. Yes, I am lying, but he's making me lie.

 

Hey! where's the fun, crazy Jane we've all come to love?! Don't lie to him, just hit him back with something like

 

"You don't call the shots here!! I will pounce you when I'm good and ready damn it! You just go lick your fingers until we go to luray on saturday and BACK on saturday!"

[rod_in_gtown]

No, Darren. I didn’t call either of those. I didn’t call anywhere really. For reasons that are my own, I afraid I'm going to have to strongly object to the over-night thing. Would you like to do something else, if you don’t want to drive there and back in the same day?

Jane

 

Well, this is good and direct too.

[2sunny]

No, Darren. I didn’t call either of those. I didn’t call anywhere really. For reasons that are my own, I afraid I'm going to have to strongly object to the over-night thing. Would you like to do something else, if you don’t want to drive there and back in the same day?

Jane

 

perfect! upfront and straight forward. good girl! i'm proud of you understanding your boundaries and allowing him to be aware of how you need things to go.

[dcgirl33]

This is what you said about control. And I have got to say - he is doing a whole more controlling than you are. "Let's see how he responds to No." "The boy won't be meeting anyone for a while." He tells you what he wants, and you capitulate. Or you lie.

 

Doesn't want the truth? Are you serious? How many guys do you see come here on LS saying that they don't want the truth from women? In MY life, I have found that people want mutual respect, admiration, and honesty. I don't have time in my life for game-playing (I was involved with some for a short period of time, and never ever again).

 

Good luck, have fun, stay safe. You and I obviously see men, honesty and dating differently.

 

Settle down, Luck One. I don't have to hit a man over the head wiith the REAL Jane right off the bat. Some things are negotiable. I wouldn't want anyone that doesn't bend from their original position ever. I'm flexiable on some things. I stick to the real stuff, however. Like this Hotel. Hell to the no!