friendships

[april1325]

i have a couple of people that I call "friend." My soon to be ex thinks that was one of our problems;that i didnt have enough friends. He was the type of person who cares what everybody thinks of him, and has to be center of attention. I am content setting at home by myself. i dont feel like I have to impress anyone. The only people that I feel I have to impress is my boss, teachers, or family. I am very picky when it comes to making friends. I dont use drugs nor want to be around people who do. Needless to say that was all of my H friends. friendship means a lot to me, and I just cant befriend anyone. I talk to some people over the internet, but they are just acquaintences. I think a lot of my problems with my husband was he thought he had to spend most of his time at his friends. He calls them friends,but they are all just using each other for what the other one has. I dont need people like that in my life. I would like to have more friends, but friendships take a lot of work. i just cant trust anyone. a friend to me is someone i can go to and talk, and not worry about them repeating what i said. A person you can just be yourself. I find that hard to do around his "friends"; that may come back and rob me, because they want drugs. He makes it sound like I am the only person who is picky when it comes to friendship. Are any of you all like this when it comes to friends? I dont see this as a bad quality, but hey everyone is entitled to their own opinon.

[JohnnyBlaze]

No, especially in a situation like this, it's not a bad quality. I've known a few junkies who came back and robbed their friends and their family. If their own families can't trust them, why should I?

 

I'm like you. I have acquaintances, but not many friends. An acquaintance can ask me to get him/her another beer while I'm up, understanding that they'll owe me the next round, or the money when I get back. With friends, I don't keep tabs on asks. A friend can call me at 3 in the morning and ask for an emergency favour (and some have). I may grumble about being woken up at an ungodly hour, but I'm getting dressed and looking for my keys while I'm doing it. And there's never a question of 'owing'. We do it because we're friends; we never expect or ask anything in return.

 

As I once said to a friend "an acquaintance asks 'what else can you do for me?' and is disappointed when the answer is 'nothing'. A friend asks 'what else can I do for you' and is disappointed by the same answer." Ask yourself; do you think your H's friends have ever wondered what they can do for either of you?

[april1325]

His friends have never wondered what they can do for us. It is what he can do for them or vice versa. I dont speak or associate with any of them.

 

He is kind of new to the town we live in, and I have lived here on and off for the most part of my life. It is a small town, and everybody knows everybody. While he is discovering new people; I already have known them for a few years ,most of my life, or know of them. I tell him dont hang out with these people because I know how they are. I give him details of how these peole do each other. he dont believe what I tell him,until they screw him over. Guess who has to go behind and pick up the pieces? Me. one ex. is a few weeks ago he was messed up and this guy beat the crap out of him, and all the while his "friends" were sitting back and watching. Guess who he dialed, and it wasnt his friends. I may be seen as a b!tch by his friends, but I really don't care what they think of me. He just dont grasp the concept of I dont care if so-and-so does not like me. He has to be liked, and if not it just kills him.

 

I agree with what you said about friend and aquaintances. I love my few friends to death and would do anything in a minute for them.