Passionless husband

[Ann]

I feel odd writing about this, but I hope someone can help.

 

I have been married for 17 years, and have 2 kids. About 4 years ago, my husband started acting cold towards me(this happens to be 3-4 weeks after he started taking prozac for anxiety).This was very out of character, he was always just the opposite. Until this time I thought we had a near perfect relationship, and so did our friends. After about a year, he told me he didn't love me any more and wanted a divorce. He gave reasons that were totally false (though I think he might have believed them himself). The problem was, I wouldn't sign the papers (which he had drawn up himself) until he left the house, which he refused to do. I went through absolute hell for about a year, then one day he asked me what would make me happy. I told him I would be happy if he would just leave, so I could get on with my life. At this point, he started crying, told me he was sorry for the way he had been acting, and asked me to forgive him, if I ever could. It took a few months, but I did forgive him, which is hard when you've been hurt so bad. OK, I'm going along thinking everything is fine again, when suddenly he tells me he is not interested in having sex anymore. Well, for those of you out there who have any knowledge of prozac, this is fairly typical. I asked him to talk to his doctor about it, which he did. The doctor put him on something else, but it didn't help. Soon, he gets to the point where he doesn't care enough to even talk to his doctor. Then, within a few weeks, he says "please don't do that" when I try to cuddle in bed. It "bothers" him. I ask him whats wrong, he says "nothing". Now it has deteriorated to the point that he acts like I have "cooties" if I even hug him. He still insists that there is nothing wrong, he just doesn't feel like being close, and is only "being himself". Can he honestly think this is normal? Any advice?

[Shirley]

I feel odd writing about this, but I hope someone can help. I have been married for 17 years, and have 2 kids. About 4 years ago, my husband started acting cold towards me(this happens to be 3-4 weeks after he started taking prozac for anxiety).This was very out of character, he was always just the opposite. Until this time I thought we had a near perfect relationship, and so did our friends. After about a year, he told me he didn't love me any more and wanted a divorce. He gave reasons that were totally false (though I think he might have believed them himself). The problem was, I wouldn't sign the papers (which he had drawn up himself) until he left the house, which he refused to do. I went through absolute hell for about a year, then one day he asked me what would make me happy. I told him I would be happy if he would just leave, so I could get on with my life. At this point, he started crying, told me he was sorry for the way he had been acting, and asked me to forgive him, if I ever could. It took a few months, but I did forgive him, which is hard when you've been hurt so bad. OK, I'm going along thinking everything is fine again, when suddenly he tells me he is not interested in having sex anymore. Well, for those of you out there who have any knowledge of prozac, this is fairly typical. I asked him to talk to his doctor about it, which he did. The doctor put him on something else, but it didn't help. Soon, he gets to the point where he doesn't care enough to even talk to his doctor. Then, within a few weeks, he says "please don't do that" when I try to cuddle in bed. It "bothers" him. I ask him whats wrong, he says "nothing". Now it has deteriorated to the point that he acts like I have "cooties" if I even hug him. He still insists that there is nothing wrong, he just doesn't feel like being close, and is only "being himself". Can he honestly think this is normal? Any advice?

 

Hi!

 

The medication is what's keeping him happy now. See, for the first thirteen years of your marriage, he thought that you were the one who was making him happy. Or the one who was keeping him sane. His depression got to the point where it was unbearable, so his doctor put him on the medication. You didn't say how long he had been seeing a doctor before he started taking the prozac. And the reason he changed after those three or four weeks is because that's how long it takes for the medication to start having an effect. So all of his feelings changed when the prozac started working and he could no longer interpret those new feelings. All he knows is that he feels different now, but he has no idea how to deal with those new feelings. According to him, he's happy just being him now, where before, he thought he was happy because he had you. He still wants you there, but he doesn't "need" you in order to be happy. The medication is taking care of that. So yes, he does actually think that everything is fine. People on prozac still need continuous counseling. They need someone to help them interpret all of these changed feelings.