The latest...and most disgusting move...

[spinningwheels]

As I have posted, I have not responded to MM messages, but I know he is still in town, as he has called from home.

 

Out for dinner tonight and my cell rings, out of state number, I don't answer because it would be rude to my friends, plus, I don't know the number.

 

On my VM, from MM child..."Ummm, daddy, are you coming to the beach this week???" "umm, call me daddy, I love you...mmm bye". Could hear his w whispering in the background to tell him to call her.

 

Okay, child doesn't know my number, wife purposelydialed my number and had child leave that message on my VM. I think it is just sick. I'm sure child was just handed the phone after the beep because there was a pause.

 

I just backdoored him the message from my phone and shut it off again.

 

Does Anyone see how wrong this is??? I know that he never goes a day without talking to his child. She did this on purpose to hurt me, and him. I'm sure that he already spoke to his child and said goodnight.

[bentnotbroken]

As I have posted, I have not responded to MM messages, but I know he is still in town, as he has called from home.

 

Out for dinner tonight and my cell rings, out of state number, I don't answer because it would be rude to my friends, plus, I don't know the number.

 

On my VM, from MM child..."Ummm, daddy, are you coming to the beach this week???" "umm, call me daddy, I love you...mmm bye". Could hear his w whispering in the background to tell him to call her.

 

Okay, child doesn't know my number, wife purposelydialed my number and had child leave that message on my VM. I think it is just sick. I'm sure child was just handed the phone after the beep because there was a pause.

 

I just backdoored him the message from my phone and shut it off again.

 

Does Anyone see how wrong this is??? I know that he never goes a day without talking to his child. She did this on purpose to hurt me, and him. I'm sure that he already spoke to his child and said goodnight.

 

 

No. No more than what you and her H did. It seems about the same level.

[wildsoul]

That is grotesque. :sick:

 

Have you added to your blessing count the fact that you won't have her in your future as the xW and co-parent to your step kids?

[noforgiveness]

She suspects he didn't go because of you. She suspects he let his child down because of you and she is right. She is fighting for her family and her child

 

Be proud, it seems he chose you and let the child down.

 

Do you really feel her trying to save a family is more disgusting than what you are doing? Tell the man to grow some balls and get honest with his wife so she can stop torturing herself.

[NewSunrise]

Be proud, it seems he chose you and let the child down.

Huh?

 

What is there to be proud of?

[noforgiveness]

Huh?

 

What is there to be proud of?

 

nothing but this is what she wanted and she chose it. I was being sarcastic. She got her way. Sadly I don't think she'll be happy with her prize and she knows this already.

 

What a POS this poor excuse of a man is.

[spinningwheels]

I think that the way he treated all of us is disgusting...however, noforgivness...she knows the truth. How much more honest does he have to be...and even if she didn't hear all of the words from him, she hacked his e-mail account and saw our conversations about this vacation. She is not wondering why he is not there...she knows. She is making that child leave a message instead of making the child have fun with cousins and aunts, and babies, and the beach, and games...etc....there was no reason to have that message left for me, except to manipulate everyone.

 

I will not...repeat... WILL NOT respond to her. Or him. I'm sure that she thinks I will be calling any moment, because I usually return her calls. However, I will not respond to a message left from his child.

 

I am done playing games with them, but she is not! I have left her alone. I deserve the same in return. As I said, I'm sure that he will go there tuesday-friday, unless something has changed. This message was uncalled for and deserves no response from me. I just really had hoped that she would enjoy her vacation with her child and giant family. Obviously she is sitting on the beach plotting ways to get to me and him. Child could call father's number by heart, no mistake, she dialed my number for the child.

[spinningwheels]

if I were her, which, thank god I'm not. I would be putting on a happy face with my child, maybe until child was in bed. And would do my best to have a great vacation with my family. That would be my best FU to my husband. I might cry at night alone, but I would be having a blast with people that I don't get to see often, and be playing all day with everyone on the beach, followed by great meals and drinks. Instead, she plots these things and then drags others into it. Yes, I drag Loveshack strangers in it. I don't speak about any of this with my friends or family, let alone obsess about it anymore. But believe me, if I were away, it wouldn't cross my mind. They have great weather all week, I wish she would just enjoy. And Leave Me Alone! She must know he is not here, as he is at home and she can reach him there...and if she wanted to, she could reach me at my home to tell we were not together. Don't drag a child into this.

[noforgiveness]

why do you deserve to be left alone by her? You are f%^%^$% her husband. You deserve whatever she dishes out as long as it does not harm you.

 

You have harmed their marriage beyond anything you can imagine.

 

She sounds about done. you will shortly have the honor of caring for a lost sad broken man crying that his daughter is angry at him for having a girlfriend.

[lkjh]

You have to be kidding!! You are shocked that things get messy when you mess with a married person. What did you think she would do, send you a fruit basket?

[spinningwheels]

noforgivness, I find that odd that I deserve anything she wants to do to me. I have always spoken to her with respect. She has always come to me with questions, and I have always answered her honestly. What more can I tell her....or are you saying I should allow her to leave random messages on my phone? I have never even thought of getting a RO on her, because I understand that she does not want to give up on her marriage yet.

 

So are you saying that I should allow her to do or say anything to me??? Where is her husband's responsiblity in this equation? I have no superpowers to make him cheat. She knows how he is....she was once me....she should take her manipulations to him, and if they are not working there, why would she think she can affect me? If she saw my last e-mail to him telling him to have a wonderful vacation, then she should know that I said go, have fun! I won't be here. It was always HIS choice...not Mine!

 

This has be going on for three years, take it out on him! He did this!

 

Although, I really don't care what she says to me, I do find it very NASTY to bring a child into it. Whenever I spoke with her, I only returned her calls or e-mails when I knew child was not at home. I always tried to protect the child from everything, she is dragging a child into a this point, and I find it very sad. (although, the child did not know who she was leaving a message for, MM does, as I backdoored him the message). That probably backfired because I'm sure he is angry with her now. Their sick agreement was to keep child out of the line of fire.

[norajane]

I'd say it's time to get a new cell phone number and disconnect this one.

 

You're done with them, right? Then let it all go and move on without them.

[NewSunrise]

nothing but this is what she wanted and she chose it. I was being sarcastic. She got her way. Sadly I don't think she'll be happy with her prize and she knows this already.

 

What a POS this poor excuse of a man is.

No prob...Yep. I agree with you on the last sentence.

[wildsoul]

I always tried to protect the child from everything, she is dragging a child into a this point, and I find it very sad. (although, the child did not know who she was leaving a message for, MM does, as I backdoored him the message). That probably backfired because I'm sure he is angry with her now. Their sick agreement was to keep child out of the line of fire.

The biggest problem here (now) is that you've been all mixed up in a drama triangle with the MM and the W (and the child too.) Honestly doll, the only way out is for you to go NC with all of them. "Back dooring" the message to him was unhealthy because it's the same boundary-crossing behind the back pattern. Someone needs to stop the madness! You say you want out. Prove it. Be the one that goes NC. Nothing less than NC will do.

[noforgiveness]

noforgivness, I find that odd that I deserve anything she wants to do to me. I have always spoken to her with respect. She has always come to me with questions, and I have always answered her honestly. What more can I tell her....or are you saying I should allow her to leave random messages on my phone? I have never even thought of getting a RO on her, because I understand that she does not want to give up on her marriage yet.

 

So are you saying that I should allow her to do or say anything to me??? Where is her husband's responsiblity in this equation? I have no superpowers to make him cheat. She knows how he is....she was once me....she should take her manipulations to him, and if they are not working there, why would she think she can affect me? If she saw my last e-mail to him telling him to have a wonderful vacation, then she should know that I said go, have fun! I won't be here. It was always HIS choice...not Mine!

 

This has be going on for three years, take it out on him! He did this!

 

Although, I really don't care what she says to me, I do find it very NASTY to bring a child into it. Whenever I spoke with her, I only returned her calls or e-mails when I knew child was not at home. I always tried to protect the child from everything, she is dragging a child into a this point, and I find it very sad. (although, the child did not know who she was leaving a message for, MM does, as I backdoored him the message). That probably backfired because I'm sure he is angry with her now. Their sick agreement was to keep child out of the line of fire.

 

 

OMG are you serious? What fun for him playing you two against each other. Gosh you chat, You tell her the truth. How noble you are. Are you in the bedroom? Do you hear his lies? Guess what? He can tell you what he wants. He's still married. Don;t know where you're from but he has a long way to go to dump the wife. Why waste your life on someone you know is this cowardly?

 

Oh and good luck with a happy future. She will always be there. You will always wonder. His dd will always hate you.

 

Please I hope you are done. He deserves to be done.

[spinningwheels]

norjane, I actually have a new phone with a new number. My old number needs to stay active for a while, due to my current job search. I am looking for a better position and have hundreds of resumes out there with my old phone. I was planning on just keeping that one turned off after next week and just listening to messages. They are both blocked from my home phone, and as soon as I get a new position I will cut off old phone. Sadly, I don't think anything will pan out until after the election. Just my feeling...but, even today I sent out two new resumes, which I paid $400 bucks to get professionally done. I am not messing with them or their contact numbers. However if you call my old number after next Monday you will only get voice mail. Usually, during working hours it is on vibrate only, as I can't answer then either.

 

newsunrise, I think that you are right, even if he did all that was expected at this point, I won't want him. I am so angry that it all came down to this again. I have grown and changed in the three years that we knew each other. I have become stronger. I have a much easier time of cutting him out of my life.

[spinningwheels]

OMG are you serious? What fun for him playing you two against each other. Gosh you chat, You tell her the truth. How noble you are. Are you in the bedroom? Do you hear his lies? Guess what? He can tell you what he wants. He's still married. Don;t know where you're from but he has a long way to go to dump the wife. Why waste your life on someone you know is this cowardly?

 

Oh and good luck with a happy future. She will always be there. You will always wonder. His dd will always hate you.

 

Please I hope you are done. He deserves to be done.

 

Actually from speaking to her, I know what she is told, and I hear her feelings also. Three years ago, she told me the lies he told her about me. Today, she tells me the truth, and also, that she is staying there until her ducks are in a row, and she has confirmed that they do not have sex. From her mouth...not his....she can't stand him, he can't stand her. It was at first about her love for him, in the past two years it has turned out to be about her child and money...This came from her mouth. I stopped believing him when he tried to lie to her about be three years ago...and even then, she didn't really believe it. She kind of laughed about it when we spoke in Feb. I actually don't hate her, as I said before, I feel bad for all of us. As I am done, they are stuck with their miserable lives together, and they both agree that they are miserable. Probably the only thing that they agree on.

[NewSunrise]

Spinning,

 

Walk away. The writing is on the wall. Bright and loud. It be different if there were no children involved. But, reality is there is a child.

 

Remember when Moses (I'm not religions, by any means, but this came to mind immediately) told the two women who claimed the child was theirs and the only way to know which mother the child belong to was that he was going to cut the child in half?

 

The point is, be the better person of the three and walk away. True, you intitiated the mess. Your MM assumes part of the blame. Put yourself in the wife's shoes. She's just as desperate as you are in keeping this liar. The difference is they have a child together.

 

If in the future you two are meant to be together, it will happen. If that marriage is to fall apart, it will. If your affair is the reason/catalyst that will make that M salvagable, allow it. Give that family/marriage a chance to see where it goes. If you were her, wouldn't you be fighting to save your marriage and family?

 

In other words.....WALK AWAY.

[spinningwheels]

I hear you loud and clear. I am walking....I was giving him this chance to prove himself...no vacation...plans to move on.

 

He is well aware of her feelings for him. We have found her on numerous datings sites spilling her life and looking for someone. If that was not enough for him to cancel his vacation and then do something special with his child at a different time; Then I know nothing will change them. I know it is an unpopular opinion--but she is not perfect either. She is on a certain dating site with pictures posted looking for men. He has seen them! His wait until Oct.1st does not stand with me anymore.

 

He might surprise me by not going at all and being set up in a new place by OCT1. But I highly doubt it, because they are both afraid. They both want a safe place to fall with little fallout from it. She won't find it soon, and I won't allow it. As I said, his deadline for himself was the 1st...but did not include him moving in with me...all becasue I put his child first. Maybe I should have said screw it, let him come here and bring his child around (as I said, I lived with a man with 2 children, divorced for quite a time, but, even then it was an ajustment, never would allow him to jump his child into my life. He thought it would be fine)... I think that is wrong. Which is why, amoung the five thousand other things that I don't post that you don't really have the whole story. And probably why I get slammed here. I do know alot more than I am saying....but seriously it would take a book to write out this sick relationship between all of us. I almost would love to post his wife's link to the dating site. But I won't. As I said, no one, but the child, is innocent. She was his OW, I am his OW she is looking for an OM to rescue her.

 

I am just trying to get some support here. I think I am doing well. I have not spoken to him since Friday, and I believe that was only text.

[noforgiveness]

No you are not doing well. You have been in this game for 3 years with his wife and child and you still hold out hope that you have successfully broken up this family.

 

You feel good you have always been honest? No you have not. Everytime he snuck off with you, called you, emailed you, you will complicent with his lies.

 

Those lies are now yours to live with. I think he's yours along with the daughter. Good luck getting what you wanted.

[NewSunrise]

I hear you loud and clear. I am walking....I was giving him this chance to prove himself...no vacation...plans to move on.

Good! BUT, remember this. You can't get love by giving ultimatums. And that's exactly what you did. The only ultimatums you should allow to give is to yourself. You know what get when you give ultimatums? Resentment.

 

She is on a certain dating site with pictures posted looking for men. He has seen them!

So what? She's probably doing it to make him jealous. But that's between them.

 

She was his OW, I am his OW she is looking for an OM to rescue her.

And you won't be the last. There will be another OW to take your place.

 

I almost would love to post his wife's link to the dating site. But I won't.

Why would you even think of such thing? You see, SW, this is where I think the reason "why" you've been "slammed". Do you see the tone, the anger and hostility in your words? You claim to know a lot but you rant in circles pretty much about the same thing. It's all about what "you think" is going on. And that we (the posters/repliers) don't know much of anything because we don't seem to know the whole story other than what we read from you. Personally, I think you've gotten a lot of support and sound advice. But reading your replies, most just went over your head. Not slamming you. Just telling you as though I was talking to my sister.

 

My sister went through the same crap with a MM who made promises to her he had no intention of keeping but sucked her into it. She believe he was going to perform certain things like getting a D from his W. He never did. The xwhole is still married and he's onto another OW. She finally walked away and found an awesome single dude who adores her.

 

It is tough to be in your shoes. Remember that what you are experiencing is pretty much the same thing his wife is experiencing-----betrayal. On top of that is how will she manage to take care of their child IF he does leave.

 

The tough part for anyone in an A is not being able put themselves in the shoes of the betrayed.

[spinningwheels]

Newsunrise, thanks for your post. I know I sound angry, and I am. I think after all of his bs, I deserve to be. She never lied to me. He lied to both. I am really posting this week alot due to the vacations stuff. After next week, I will probably only check in once in a while. Once I move on, I try to cut myself off from all of this and just keep stepping forward.

 

I think that the reason I post about personal things that I know about his wife it is to show that she is not that innocent in all of this. She is not trying to make him jealous. She is stuck like him and won't move on without a backup plan. He didn't find her on websites. I did. Because during our time apart, I did try online dating until I met someone. Once I found her and saw what she was posting, I Never told him. Not until we were secure again a few weeks ago did I show him. He didn't care. I think that would make him look like the good guy if she left first. Whatever. The only reason I jested about posting that site is because, I feel slammed alot of times. Like poor BW in the dark pining for her H. Not the case, not only from me speaking with her, but also her postings for a love relationship on the internet.

 

Noforgivness, what do you mean I will end up with him and his child??? I think I will end up without out him. I can't be with someone who waffles on being with me because of their cowardness.

 

As I said, I am not here to get bashed...I have actually calmed myself down alot in the past few days and have come to many decisions.

 

I need to get ready for work, but will check in later or else in the morning.

 

Thank you for all of answers, even if I piss you off.

 

Final question??? What if she pulls the dirty card again and calls this number....let child leave message, or behave like I normally do and answer and speak with her. I really have nothing left to say. She knows all. So what would the point be??? I don't think she will call again, unless he really doens't go there on Tuesday...he left an angry message to me about her phone call, as I'm sure she got one also. As I said, the child is always out of bounds. So, she may have screwed up him going there anyway.

[NewSunrise]

Newsunrise, thanks for your post. I know I sound angry, and I am. I think after all of his bs, I deserve to be. She never lied to me. He lied to both. I am really posting this week alot due to the vacations stuff. After next week, I will probably only check in once in a while. Once I move on, I try to cut myself off from all of this and just keep stepping forward.

You're welcome. This is a good place to vent. You may not always like what you read, but hey, consider it an "chop suey", meaning everything and anything.

Final question??? What if she pulls the dirty card again and calls this number....let child leave message, or behave like I normally do and answer and speak with her. I really have nothing left to say. She knows all. So what would the point be??? I don't think she will call again, unless he really doens't go there on Tuesday...he left an angry message to me about her phone call, as I'm sure she got one also. As I said, the child is always out of bounds. So, she may have screwed up him going there anyway.

You do NOTHING. The greatest and sweetest revenge besides success is SILENCE. Doing nothing in this case, speaks volume of one's character.

[OWoman]

As I have posted, I have not responded to MM messages, but I know he is still in town, as he has called from home.

 

Out for dinner tonight and my cell rings, out of state number, I don't answer because it would be rude to my friends, plus, I don't know the number.

 

On my VM, from MM child..."Ummm, daddy, are you coming to the beach this week???" "umm, call me daddy, I love you...mmm bye". Could hear his w whispering in the background to tell him to call her.

 

Okay, child doesn't know my number, wife purposelydialed my number and had child leave that message on my VM. I think it is just sick. I'm sure child was just handed the phone after the beep because there was a pause.

 

I just backdoored him the message from my phone and shut it off again.

 

Does Anyone see how wrong this is??? I know that he never goes a day without talking to his child. She did this on purpose to hurt me, and him. I'm sure that he already spoke to his child and said goodnight.

 

That's pretty sick. She's obviously run out of resources to stoop so low - you're really getting to her, Spen - she's feeling MM slip out of her hands, and she knows she's lost... but she wants to go out in a blaze and she'll take the kid with her, if necessary. She's pretty desperate, and her autodestruct button is fully depressed. Sad for the kid, but some parents just don't have boundaries.

 

Insulate yourself as best you can from this woman. Her implosion does not have to include you. She can do it fine all by herself.

[Lizzie60]

I totally agree with OW.. she's stupid.. and it is sad to pull her kid into the mess.. that's an immature mother.. what an idiot!

 

I just hate people who drag their children into their personal 'war of the roses'.. dumb dumb dumb...

 

Just ignore her.. and as soon as you're over with your cell phone.. drop it in the closet garbage bin...