NoIDidn't Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Spinning is still playing pick me and the MM is still on the fence. He played it safe. He didn't go on the vacation and lose his OW, and he didn't hang out with the KNOWN OW so he might be able to save face with his family. What a loser! Why is Spinning even talking about him anymore? Move on already. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Spinning is still playing pick me and the MM is still on the fence. He played it safe. He didn't go on the vacation and lose his OW, and he didn't hang out with the KNOWN OW so he might be able to save face with his family. What a loser! Why is Spinning even talking about him anymore? Move on already. This MM (or any other, for that matter) simply can't win! Had he gone on holiday, Spin would have been told, see, you mean nothing to him, you're just a bit of flesh on the side, it's his family that really matters and you're nothing. So he chooses Spin. And doesn't go on his holiday. But instead of being told, see, you mean more to him than his family / BW / marriage, you're not just a bit on the side, he's really making it clear who he'd rather be with... oh no! Spin gets told she's "still playing pick me and the MM is still on the fence". Funny how what's so black and white one way - when it favours the BS - is never quite so black and white when it favours the OW. I guess some people's prejudices just won't allow them to see beyond their own predetermined outcomes, irrespective of what evidence they're given. Oh well. No surprises there, really. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 This guy isn't ever going to change. He married his OW, who is his current wife. He now has an OW, and he's also had other OW, other than spinning. This cycle of his will never end, because that's who he is. A liar, a serial cheater who can't be happy with just one woman in his life. He won't change, even if he leaves his current wife - Ends up with spinning, it won't be long before he goes chasing for another OW. Amen. I must admit, my opinion of him cheating on his wife changed for me once it was stated she was the ow to him in his previous marriage. I feel bad for the kids though. It is a shame that adults don't always act like adults. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I've got to disagree with you, Owoman. He didn't choose ANYONE. He didn't go on vacation with his wife. He didn't choose to be with the OP. The guy is clearly CAKE-EATING at its finest...he's fighting tooth and nail alright...to keep BOTH his affair and his marriage. He's made it clear...he's not going to divorce his wife. He's equally made it clear that he's doesn't intend to end the affair anytime soon either. The guy IS a real loser...no matter if you look at it from the BS or OM/OW standpoint. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 noforgivness, I find that odd that I deserve anything she wants to do to me. I have always spoken to her with respect. It doesn't matter what you've said to her or how respectfully you think you treated her, she feels incredibly disrespected and she's not likely to let it go that easily. Her pride, ego, spirit - everything was attacked when her husband had the affair. Not to say that you weren't sucked in and lost perspective, too, but when we get involved in these kinds of situations, we can't forget how much we are playing with fire. So even though you've walked away, she has not - it's her life and she is hurt to the core. And she is not likely to trust or forgive any of it anytime soon. I don't think her son knew he was leaving a message to you. I think he thought he was actually leaving a message to his dad. She's messing with your head but I don't think the kid knew what was going on. Just take it as a lesson learned and that this is part of the price. I've been there, felt a little tricked and pretty stupid. I thought he was leaving her but I made an assumption I shouldn't have made. And even though things didn't get nasty, I know that from this point forward, I will never, ever - not in a million years - get involved with a married man again. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Spinning Wheel since you are so "raw" with hurt from this situation and have let them go why don't you -CHANGE YOUR NUMBER AND EMAIL? Then you won't have to worry about contact. Why don't you????? Well, first she seems to say she's done and moving on: I will not...repeat... WILL NOT respond to her. Or him. I am done playing games with them, but she is not! I hear you loud and clear. I am walking....I was giving him this chance to prove himself...no vacation...plans to move on. ... and people supported her and suggested that a way to enhance this "done-ness" would be to change her cell #, etc. But then it turns out that her version of "done" isn't really quite done, is it? I said I was done IF he went on this vacation. He gave himself the deadline of Oct 1st--not me. If he stayed here and worked out his life, then I was willing to listen to him. He has not gone on vacation--I am very upset because he was trying to get me to compromise and "allow" this vacation, and then work on his life. I told him vacation--we are done. No vacation, I will continue to watch his behavior. So, is she done or not? So, no, I am not going to respond to his wife or him at this time. I am very angry about his pushing me to my limit about this week at beach. I think he wanted me to cave...but, I gave way too much in the past. I really think he is shocked at my behavior...no crying, screaming,begging, just saying have a great trip...but he did not go. Even though he stayed here, I will not be seeing him. He set up the timeline for his "new" life, so I will sit back and watch him. She is not done; she is not moving on yet. She's still in the game - she may have found a power position within the relationship, but she's definitely still in the game. That's very different from taking control of her life by moving on and truly leaving it all behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Actually he is winning and he is not as big a loser as many of you might think. He's got Spin still talking about him. I wonder if my exs talk about me as much? So, he is still in Spin's life (And yes I would of changed my number, especially if I was the idiot who decided to play the other person role, why should I expect to come out unscathed?). He got the other woman who he forged a relationship based on a lie, with other women who's relationship is based on a lie. He is a winner because he has women willing to play his game. So what if he loses a foolish playtoy? He can always find another one. So, lets give the playa his props, he has women like Spin willing to be what he wants them to be. Spin it is only going to keep on hurt and carrying on if you are in his life. How do I mean by in his life? Thinking about him, directing false emotions at him (You need to take FULL ownership for your actions not him. He did not make you be the other woman.) Stop knowing when he is on vacation or who is the new other woman in his life. Even if you hear about it, you need to build that so what attitude. And most importantly, GET A REAL BOYFRIEND!!!! Get a real man you can have in your life or if your on break from men (and don't blame us because you chose to get caught up in adulterous affair), get back into old hobbies or find some new ones. And when those times of pain come over you, remember that the relationship you had was not real, it was toxic, and that you want better. DNR DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinningwheels Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 Haven't really had time to respond to anything the past few days!!! DNR, you are really funny! No I didn't--he would have happily spent everynight here with me! He did two years ago when she knew about me...he did last year 4 nights (while going with her for three to the beach) knowing about me! He begged to be here. I Said No! He doesn't care what she knows! I didn't want him here! Angel--I never thought his child knew he was leaving a message for me...I know the child was handed the phone after the beep, and thought the message was for the child's father. I have not spoken to him once....have not responded to his messages, e-mails texts. I have not responded to her! It is what is is. If he makes the changes that he promised than I will think about dating him. He gave himself the deadline. I will wait and see. I am not back in, and I was never out. I said No Vacation. He complied. I felt pushed to the point where he wanted me to accept a half a trip, and I am still pissed about the pressure. At that point they should have been talking seperation, and discussing it with their child, not going on a vacation with 6 other families. So, who the heck knows what is going on in his life, and really, I don't care! I do have an e-mail ready to go for him, which I will NEVER post here, due to the bashing I got. I have not said a word to him since Sept. 10th...wow! This has gone on too long and I feel very numb. HE GAVE HIMSELF THE DEADLINE, not me. I will now hold him to it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 If he makes the changes that he promised than I will think about dating him. What changes? Do they include: -Working on himself -Going to therapy -Learning how to be with just ONE woman, be committed and not cheat? Basically this guy has years of work to do on himself. I would hope you have enough self respect and smarts to demand that he fixes himself before you even CONSIDER dating him, alone have him in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 No I didn't--he would have happily spent everynight here with me! He did two years ago when she knew about me...he did last year 4 nights (while going with her for three to the beach) knowing about me! He begged to be here. I Said No! He doesn't care what she knows! I didn't want him here! No offense, spinning. But this post really reveals how much this man has helped you lose your sense of self and decency. If he would have happily spent every night with you, then why didn't he. Why did he ONLY spend four nights with you? It seems that you take great joy and pride in the things that he does that disrespect his W and his M. Why is that? ETA: And he is still sitting on the fence. He is only choosing to appease both women and it seems that both are more than willing to play his game trying to win his affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinningwheels Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 No I didn't--last year he stayed four nights and went to the beach for three. This year he didn't go at all, and wanted to be here. I would not allow it. (He begged to come here, or me to go there). He pushed me too far on this issue, and he gave himself the deadline. So, I am avoiding him. NC. Fine with it. Way too busy to concentrate on his bull****. Big case coming to court, thought we were going to settle, but I may have to go to the other side of state for trial. Work has gotten crazy..hopefully only for a day or two more, I am not prepared to go on a work trip! Need to get dog care set up. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Hopefully you'll continue to not make time for his bs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinningwheels Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 with my job, he has no idea where I will be or when. At the office a lot, or court, or even in a different county or city. No Clue. I am hoping to settle this BS (bull**** case) because I am not prepared to go two hours away and stay at a crappy hotel. But, on a good note, I found a few that will allow my dog to come along. I think Whichway is right, he needs therapy, I asked him to do that alone and with me. I have really no hopes for him right now. I really need to concentrate on my job, which has been so great..I can work alot from home...but now it is crunch time. Plus I was looking for something else. I would like to change to a different area of law, and have a bunch of resumes out there. Civil Litigation is really starting to wear on me....believe it or not, I'm trying to get into family law. At least it is in one place, plus no late night emergency calls, work, etc.... I am tired from work, and I am tired from him! I actually have had some great sleep these past couple nights because my brain is fried. I think that he has made his choice well before his Oct. 1st deadline! If he wanted to be with me he would have shouted it. You don't drag someone around by their nose saying wait a couple weeks. Whatever. When the 1st comes I won't be surprised. He is a spineless piece of ****. Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I think Whichway is right, he needs therapy, I asked him to do that alone and with me. I am tired from work, and I am tired from him! He is a spineless piece of ****. This is so pitiful.... You "think" he needs therapy? Anyone getting into affairs NEED some sort of therapy. And even if they are not and feel the need, they should have some therapy. If he's all that you've described, exactly why are you posting so much about him again? You call him a "spineless POS", but how much spine do you have to move on and post a happier, not so angry driven post? Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 She already has him back in her good graces. It won't take much work on his part. looking for an apartment etc etc and she's back. The sad thing is she will become involved and then will be the 3rd woman he commits to and then gets an ow on the side. Why do you feel you are different? He cheated on his first wife. Married that ow and is now cheating onher. What makes you different. I'm sure his now wife, former ow, thought she was different too and it was the wifes fault he cheated not that this man was broken inside and will always be searching for his next ego boost. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I think Whichway is right, he needs therapy, I asked him to do that alone and with me. He needs to go on his own for a very long time before he can go to therapy with you. If ever. Fixing himself should be number one. And right now, from what you've said, I can't see him doing that, let alone changing his whole life around by Oct 1st. Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 He needs to go on his own for a very long time before he can go to therapy with you. If ever. Fixing himself should be number one. And right now, from what you've said, I can't see him doing that, let alone changing his whole life around by Oct 1st. Completely agree with. By himself. Time is a ticking....tick-tock, tick-tock. Hell, I'm moving on the 1st. I started packing few days ago and I'm still not half way! Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 You've asked the man you are having an A with to go to couples counseling and IC?! There is so much wrong with this statement!! Sneaking around behind the W's back AND you need counseling to fix issues in the A?! Where would the poor counselor even start? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinningwheels Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 NewSunrise--all he has to pack is his clothes and the bed he bought for his apartment the last time he left! He doesn't want anything else from the house, so as not to disrupt his child. The bed is stored in the garage. Sleigh bed, matress, etc...everything else he would have to supply, so NO, he would not be packing... He could throw everything into a couple of suitcases and use his friends truck for the bed set. But--Don't really care. I did send him my f-off e-mail tonight! He thinks he has been doing everything right. He HAS DONE NOTHING RIGHT for over three years, so maybe he is right now, but I am too pissed and too tired to deal with it! I believe if he really does go on with his plan, then on Oct. 1st. he will be alone and have the time to deal with his life ALONE! He does need help. I am willing to go to counseling with him, degrade me if you want, but He will be on his on. I will see if he can ever man up! Also, NewSunrise, I have posted happy posts about going out with friends having dinner drinks! I saw "Ghost Town" this weekend, "Burn after Reading" last weekend..had great meals, went to bars for football on Sunday!!! Where do you see me being unhappy and posting angry thoughts! I am having a blast...what you see here is a very small part of my daily life...maybe you should get out more! We could do movie or resturant reviews together! I have a fantasically happy life without him--which in itself--kills him, and why he wants to change! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 So it's still not clear to me: have you decided for yourself to move on, regardless of what he does at this point, or are you giving him until Oct 1, in a "wait and see" posture? If the latter, what would he have to do to attract your interest? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Yes you guys are right. She has not changed her phone number or email address because she is hoping that he will come back to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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