Lies, cheating, and my LDR

[Mr.Fixit88]

First time posting . I think this site is a testament to the greatness of the internet BTW. To think your advice could have saved some young lovers heartache! So be honest, I want your opinion and remember I love her.

 

We've been together almost 2 years. Pulled my v-card and any other card ya can think of. We managed her first spring semester with minimal fighting, now she has her first full year at college. Shes 350 miles away. We send an average of 100 texts a day, talk every other night, and see each other one or two weekends a month.

 

I was the other man in her first long term relationship, she loved him very much. 5 days before she left me for college she made out with a co-worker. He had been very flirty with her at work and of course offered to drive her home after every work party. Just a kiss.

 

Here's the the problem. She lies, big and small. I found all this out through snooping, instinct, and baiting her into lies. Her lies are comforting, convincing, and elaborate. She lied to me and went to a party with her co-workers, which ended in this kiss.

 

When I found out about the party I forgave her, and poured out my heart in a speech about how honesty would make our love last. She looked me in the eyes and promised to be honest. I found out about the kiss a day later. I very much doubt she could stop lying (to spare my feelings), big and small.

 

We've been fighting. I weigh out every situation she places herself in. She party's every weekend, drinks, meets lots of guys. She loves attention, is incredibly social, and cares very much for other peoples opinion of her. I'm 100% opposite.

 

I believe she honestly regrets her mistakes and has grown since her first relationship; I’m not easy to convince either. Can we last? How do I start to trust her again? I see myself becoming controlling and I hate it. This was the short version .

 

 

 

Thoughts? Advice? Don't spare my feelings, tell it how you see it. Thanks for the reply's in advance!

[Jordane]

You can't trust her...and shouldn't if she can't stop lying. Trust is about honesty and she apparently cannot be honest, so how could you possibly trust her?

 

Is it going to work? NO. Unless you enjoy being deceived on a regular basis.

[Goodin]

It sounds like she is very immature and self centered based on what you said about how she parties and her need for attention on top of all the lies.

 

Trust and respect is the foundation of a solid relationship, even before love...without trust and respect you have nothing to work with. She cannot be trusted and she does not respect you. My honest opinion for you, my friend, is to immediately dump her flat cold and cut out all contact with her. You will be much better off without her and maybe she will realize what an immature twit she is and change her ways.

 

 

 

Best of luck.

[Mr.Fixit88]

Thanks for the replys!

 

I dont take issue with her partying, drinking, or her need for attention. Thats 99% of humankind. She lies about things like.. its a team party, I have to go. Which in reality its a party that her team was invited too, many girls will be working or not attenting. Small things that wouldnt bother me when I trusted her. Or she'll just leave out information that would be bothersome to me. Im guilty of many lies likes these myself.

 

She's also the kindest person ive ever met, outgoing, and sweet. I have never seen her putdown someone in any situation. She's not a horrible person, just has flaws.

 

Don't think she lies all the time, I think I made it seem that way. Its more of a recent problem. For all I know she could have stoped. I know she regretted how she acted over summer. The distance seems to make everything harder.

 

How can we build trust 350 miles away?