Why does he need to talk to other sexy women on the internet?

[TeTe]

My boyfriend and I are on Myspace and thats how me met. We have been dating for about 6 months now. He has tons of friends on myspace.... more than 800. I have noticed all along that he converses with women. He told me its all innocent and I believed him. The issue came up a couple of days ago, when he said a women was talking him sexually about a comment he had made on masturbation on his mood. She played upon that and started flirting with him. He said he didn't respond back. Then the next morning I saw that she had made a comment (in a flirty way) to him. Then I knew there had been more correspondence between them. Which made me angry, because he told me he cut it off. Then I noticed after looking at her comment that it was about her photos. He had made several photo comments to her. Not particularly flirty, but none the less, he went to the trouble of "checking her out". So I confronted him on what was happening between the two of them, since he had already told her supposedly to not talk to him... by the way, this woman is a Sex radio show host. He said nothing, he was just talking to her about her radio show. I asked him why was he looking at her photos (really hot sexy ones)? He said he just was curious about what she looked like. So we got into a confrontation about him talking to women on the internet. Of course, he twisted it around into me being jealous and controlling. Basically I said I am going to watch him and be smart about it, after all thats how he and I started on here. He insists I have nothing to worry about and he doesn't view them as people. He said he won't talk to women in a sexual way, if they start then he will stop it, just because it bothers me so much. My point was, why does he want to talk to them in a sexual way. He also told me that he thinks it fun and would be talking to them sexually if I didn't say anything he WOULD be talking to them sexually. This bothers me tons. Why would a man feel the need to talk to other women, when he would be starting out in a new relationship or even happy in a relationship? We have a great sex life and I feel that I have a great body and not bad looking myself. I am not bragging, but I have worked very hard for the way I look. I lost 55 lbs and have improved my looks.

[PandorasBox]

So since you met him through Myspace, did either of you exchange sexual conversations between you?

 

Bottom line, he seems he can not be trusted to not talk to these women, why continue to put up with it?

 

"he said he doesn't view them as people."

 

What does he view then as then?

[TeTe]

Of course... it turned sexual pretty quick, when we met and more developed. Can you see my concern? He still proclaims though that he is not seeking any other woman seriously and I have nothing to worry about. I tried to understand the part about him not viewing them as people. I really didn't get that one. That concerns me as well.

[sandrawg]

Of course... it turned sexual pretty quick, when we met and more developed. Can you see my concern? He still proclaims though that he is not seeking any other woman seriously and I have nothing to worry about. I tried to understand the part about him not viewing them as people. I really didn't get that one. That concerns me as well.

 

When he says he doesn't view them as people, maybe he means, there's no chance he'd even meet these women in real life, so he just doesn't think of them as real.

 

Maybe he's just a typical guy and likes attention from women. The problem is, these flirtations could lead to something more, and it's disrespectful for him to continue flirting if it bothers you.

 

If he doesn't stop when you ask him to, then you need to consider whether you want to stay with a guy who doesn't respect you.

 

I really hate the whole "jealous and controlling" accusatory crap. It's just a way for them to continue getting their way while making US feel bad.

[blair08]

Just tell him since it seems he is ok with talking to other women, then he should have no problem with you talking to other men.

 

If he hooked up with you through Myspace, then yes, its highly likely he is doing exactly with the other women what he did with you by talking sexually. He sounds like a player.

[TeTe]

About When he says he doesn't view them as people, maybe he means, there's no chance he'd even meet these women in real life, so he just doesn't think of them as real....

 

He pretty much told me that that is how he viewed it. Yes I know all about the "typical guy stuff" I have been told many times. But I agree that since its the way we met and I know the potential. He claims he won't talk sexual to them though. I believed him 100% until I saw the activity that he brought my attention to (about the sex radio host hot woman) talking to him. Then I investigated and didn't like what I saw.

[blair08]

About When he says he doesn't view them as people, maybe he means, there's no chance he'd even meet these women in real life, so he just doesn't think of them as real....

 

He pretty much told me that that is how he viewed it. Yes I know all about the "typical guy stuff" I have been told many times. But I agree that since its the way we met and I know the potential. He claims he won't talk sexual to them though. I believed him 100% until I saw the activity that he brought my attention to (about the sex radio host hot woman) talking to him. Then I investigated and didn't like what I saw.

 

 

What do you feel you need to do?

[TeTe]

I want to be able to trust him. I whole heartedly did, then I saw his activity a could of days ago with this other woman on Myspace. That pretty much messed my views up more than anything.

[sandrawg]

I want to be able to trust him. I whole heartedly did, then I saw his activity a could of days ago with this other woman on Myspace. That pretty much messed my views up more than anything.

 

Trust, communication and respect are the foundations of any good relationship. Sounds to me like you don't have those things with this guy but maybe 6 months is too early to tell.

[Capricciosa]

I need to say I've been through this and it turned out badly. His friendly comments back and forth became more flirtatious, then he created a new email address that he could have virtual sex through, and finally, he was making plans to meet with her (and she thought she was getting a good, solid man out if it), while we were still together. Of course, I dumped his a$$, and I don' t know what happened to her, but at the height of it, he'd be up all night on the computer. That's cheating in my books, plain and simple. It is not what a man with a girlfriend does. Don't stand for it. And don't let him turn it into your problem.

[PandorasBox]

Most people will show you who they are in the beginning of the relationship. I think its obvious what he is showing you how he is. If he is talking to other women, he is NOT ready to date just one person exclusively yet, he is still playing the field.

[TeTe]

In reference to Capricciosa's comment... Thats my worst fear. Especially since we are still kind of newly dating... 6 months. I just don't understand why he would want to talk to other women, when we are getting along so well. Its like he doesn't want to close that door for some reason. OK I have to go for a few hours, but I want to hear more opinions.

[sweet&simple]

I agree with the above that he's showing his true colors-- while it's normal to flirt maybe with people you know in real life, just in passing, whatever.. it's another thing to seek out these women. Is he adding them on myspace/finding them-- or the other way around? Either way, what's the point.

 

I just don't get it.. why does he even need a myspace, especially if he only uses it to primarily talk to girls he doesn't know?

 

It's definitely sketchy and would make me uncomfortable too. If I went on my boyfriends page and saw a bunch of flirty comments from other girls I'd feel embarrassed really because everyone knows he has a girlfriend.. having other people see his blatant flirtation with other people who make me look like an ass.

[Capricciosa]

In reference to Capricciosa's comment... Thats my worst fear. Especially since we are still kind of newly dating... 6 months. I just don't understand why he would want to talk to other women, when we are getting along so well. Its like he doesn't want to close that door for some reason. OK I have to go for a few hours, but I want to hear more opinions.

 

For the record, my whole relationship with the guy lasted 7 months. He doesn't want to close that door, or he's incapable of closing that door. Either way, it is not good for you.

[TeTe]

He says its no longer an issue, which I guess that means he won't do it again. I hope not. I don't want to constantly wonder about it. You are right, its not good for me. Now he mentioned going to a nude bar with a friend in the near future. Not sure if he will or not. I don't feel I have the right to say anything about that, for fear of being a "controlling girlfriend". I can't lie, that will hurt me as well if he goes.

[JackJack]

Of course its not an issue to HIM. I think he is telling you what you want to hear. Now he is saying something about a nude bar. He is telling you right now how he is or plans on being, its up to you if it will hurt you or not by staying in the situation.

[Capricciosa]

Not sure I would like my guy going to a strip joint, but it seems qualitatively different than the messaging with an available woman who is not being paid to give him attention. I don't think he's willing to give up his habits--which ones you can live with and which ones you can't will be the deciding factor. And why should you have to do all the adjusting?

[vonerik012]

In reference to Capricciosa's comment... Thats my worst fear. Especially since we are still kind of newly dating... 6 months. I just don't understand why he would want to talk to other women, when we are getting along so well. Its like he doesn't want to close that door for some reason. OK I have to go for a few hours, but I want to hear more opinions.

 

Men biologically like variety, and the internet makes it very very easy...Keep that in mind when you meet men from the internet. He probably already met a few while he was with you.

[sweet&simple]

In regards to the nude bar, you have EVERY right to express how you feel about it. It's not controlling to tell him it will hurt your feelings for him to participate in that kind of behavior in that sort of establishment. You're not saying to him, "you can't do this, that, and whatever else," you're letting someone you're in a relationship know things that you are uncomfortable. You have every right to express yourself, don't you dare tell yourself otherwise.

[TeTe]

Thank you very much. That helps a lot! I know people go to places like that. Whatever for them. It would hurt me. Its the way I feel. Another friend told me that maybe I should go with him and his friend if they want to go. But I don't even know how I would say anything to him about it... that would be kind of awkward to "invite myself" to this place with his friend. Why a nude bar anyway? Why does it all have to do with sexy stuff anyway?

[vonerik012]

Thank you very much. That helps a lot! I know people go to places like that. Whatever for them. It would hurt me. Its the way I feel. Another friend told me that maybe I should go with him and his friend if they want to go. But I don't even know how I would say anything to him about it... that would be kind of awkward to "invite myself" to this place with his friend. Why a nude bar anyway? Why does it all have to do with sexy stuff anyway?

 

Let me put it this way.. Be happy you are in the USA.

 

In many other countries, the men do not understand AT ALL why American men would pay to go to a strip joint JUST to look at naked women. They do not have strip joints.

 

The men go to brothels and whorehouses.

[sweet&simple]

Thank you very much. That helps a lot! I know people go to places like that. Whatever for them. It would hurt me. Its the way I feel. Another friend told me that maybe I should go with him and his friend if they want to go. But I don't even know how I would say anything to him about it... that would be kind of awkward to "invite myself" to this place with his friend. Why a nude bar anyway? Why does it all have to do with sexy stuff anyway?

 

Sadly, we can't answer those questions for you. You'll have to ask him.. if you tell him it would hurt you and he still insists on going, maybe suggest you'd be more comfortable with it if you were allowed to come [don't "invite yourself," per se, more or less put the option out there.] A relationship involves compromises, this can be an example of that.

 

Honestly, I'd be weary about all the "sexy stuff," too. The flirting, the commenting on sexy pictures, wanting to go to strip clubs. Have you asked him if he's in this relationship fully, or if he's looking elsewhere [that doesn't necessarily mean cheating either.]

[Trialbyfire]

TeTe, just ask for his user id and password on myspace while you're together. Sign on immediately so he can't delete any messages. This will tell you clearly why he has 800 friends.

[MindsEyeBlind]

TeTe, just ask for his user id and password on myspace while you're together. Sign on immediately so he can't delete any messages. This will tell you clearly why he has 800 friends.

 

While this is a bit sneaky, it is also a good way to calm your concerns. Be careful what you wish for though.

[Trialbyfire]

While this is a bit sneaky, it is also a good way to calm your concerns. Be careful what you wish for though.

There's nothing sneaky about asking for something straight up. If he refuses, he's more than likely got something to hide.