Question

[Lamplava]

Hi, I just want to start off by saying that this is a really stupid question, and I feel like an idiot for asking it.

 

There is this girl in my class (high school) who I really like, but of course, you guessed it, I am too afraid to talk to her. She keeps to herself and doesn't usually talk to people, which makes it somewhat better, but not really.

 

I'd like to add her on facebook, and maybe start talking to her via MSN, but I'm not sure if that comes off as creepy. Not being able to talk in person but instead resorting to sitting behind a computer screen.

 

So I guess my question to everyone is, which is the better option? Making it easier for myself by getting to know her online first, or just sucking it up and talk to her in class.

 

Thanks

 

PS: I'm not sure if it shows up, but my real age isn't 28, it is 17. I feel at this age I should be confident enough to talk to her, but I'm not.

[ed-205]

There's no such thing as a stupid question, it's the *answers* you gott'a look out for!

That being said, here's mine.

 

Your age has nothing to do with it. Seeing someone you want to get to know better can always be a challenge and a test of your self confidence no matter how old you are. What you lack is experience, and self confidence, and there's only one way to get that, by meeting those challenges face to face. Chances are that she has no more experience than you, and she may be feel just as uncomfortable as you do about getting to know each other.

 

I'm sure you've heard all the usual advice - just be yourself, practice good hygiene, dress appropriately, etc. I say you might even read up on some How To's on making friends and flirting, just to gain some comfort in these areas. Wikipedia is actually a good source, and its free.

 

I think it's always best to be up-front and honest, and the best way to do that is to simply get to know her in real life. IM and Facebook are OK, but I would talk to her in person first, and tell her I wanted to add her as one of my friends. That, at least, would show that you have a genuine interest in her, and that you have the self confidence for a "real" relationship, and not just an online thing.

 

Remember also that you are both still very young, and that not every relationship will develop the way you want it to. That's not a Failure, it's just the way life happens, and it happens to *everybody*. There will always be a "next time", so don't think you only get one shot at it. The only things people really regret later in life are the things they *didn't* do, so take your best shot, and realize that for better or worse you did the best you could with what you had.

 

Good luck!

[JohnnyBlaze]

I agree with Ed; talk to her in person first. Once you've talked to her a few times, then think about adding her on Facebook, but not until then.

 

What's her thing? You mentioned that she keeps to herself. Is she a bookworm? A solo athlete (swimmer, runner ,etc)? There has to be something that she likes to do. Knowing what that thing is might give you an inside connection with her.

[Lamplava]

Thanks for the good advice. The problem is, the class I am in is impossible to get her alone to talk to her. Is adding her to facebook first totally creepy and out of the question?

 

Thanks

[ed-205]

Thanks for the good advice. The problem is, the class I am in is impossible to get her alone to talk to her. Is adding her to facebook first totally creepy and out of the question?

 

Thanks

 

It's not totally creepy and out of the question so much as pointless as a way to get the attention of someone you see in person almost every day. Kind of the 21st Century version of "I'll pencil you in". It also smacks a bit of low self confidence, IMHO. Face book is OK for maintaining contact with people you already know, but not necessarily a good way to get to know someone, especially when you have the chance to meet them face to face.

Why is it impossible to get her alone, and why do you *need* to get her alone? Just make eye-contact with her and smile, she'll *know* you want to meet with her.

Like JohnnyBlaze says, do a little research. There must be *something* she does the other 23 hours of every day where you can make a connection.