brainsucker Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 my husband has an addiction to porn and because of it he is now facing criminal charges. this situation has opened his eyes in a way my complaining never could and he is finally discussing ways to overcome the addiction. i want to help him but i dont know if what he is suggesting would help or not. he has asked me for nude pictures of myself. since i am who he should be looking at anyway, he feels that if he had these pictures he could look at them instead of strangers, that way it will be me he is getting turned on by. on one hand i think it might be a good start but on the other hand i feel it would only enable the problem and prostitute myself in the process. im not a prude and i want to help but is this the way to go or does anyone have a better suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 How does one face criminal charges for looking at porn? Did he download illegal material? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brainsucker Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 ive been doing a lot of research on porn addiction lately (website called man on the road) and i have discovered that it can lead to criminal acts. that is the only reason i link it to his situation. he is facing 2nd degree felony charges for sexual assault. now, just because im willing to help him overcome his addiction doesnt mean i support his actions in any way so please dont start lecturing me about that. i just want to know if what he suggested sounds like a good idea to begin the process of breaking the addiction and get some other suggestions Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 It would be like giving a crack addict a bump here and there. It won't help at all. Suggestions? He needs to be in treatment if he has carried it to the point of sexual assault. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Brainsucker (what a name! ) For what my opinion is worth, I'd feel pretty dirty cheap and used if my partner were to ask such a thing of me. What, no respect? What he's asking you is not help in curing, but providing an excusable substitute. You have no guarantees as to what will be going through his mind looking at photos of you. Besides, he has - You. Why then, would he want photos, when he's got the real thing? I don't follow his argument, except to think that he's just trying to find ways and making excuses of still indulging his desire to see porn. In your shoes, I'd tell him 'no'. He has to 'cold-turkey' on this one, face the full measure of what must be done, and get to the real and fundamental cause of his addiction, not supply him with something to mask the symptoms. I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brainsucker Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 well.... he doesnt have me right now. ive thrown him out of the house and i wont let him come around. like i said, i dont condone his actions. that being said, i do still love him and while i know he needs to be in therapy (working on finding one that specializes in this type of thing) i want to help him. i just dont know how. Link to post Share on other sites
zxcirce Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I don't believe that his addiction to pornography and the fact that he is a sexual predator are related at all. Therefore, I don't believe that helping him with the addiction will change the fact that he is a sexual predator, and you are going about this backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brainsucker Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 through all of the research ive done on this subject i have learned that they ARE related. i dont mean that everyone who looks at porn will be a sexual predator or even everyone who is addicted will become one but they are linked. i know that is hard for a lot of people to understand( before the research i may have said the same thing) but being a porn addict makes you more likely to become a sexual predator than others. Link to post Share on other sites
zxcirce Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 What I mean to say is that I don't believe trying to help him break his porn addiction will change the fact that he is a sexual predator. I don't think this is a good way of going about "helping" him "get better." Giving him pornographic pictures of yourself will help nothing. What about if and when he continues to look at other porn or god forbid sexually assaults someone else? Are you then going to believe it's your fault because your pictures weren't enough? It may be true that porn addicts are more likely to commit sexual crimes, I don't know those statistics. If this is true, who can say that it isn't the result of a pathological person (sexual offender) using pornography, rather than a pornography user turned violent? Know what I mean? Mixing up cause and effect? Why stay with a man who has shown you these true colors? Who has shown himself capable of felony sexual assault on another human being, regardless of whether an addiction fueled it or not? Link to post Share on other sites
vascogirl Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Wow, I never thought porn addiction could lead to criminal stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 through all of the research ive done on this subject i have learned that they ARE related. i dont mean that everyone who looks at porn will be a sexual predator or even everyone who is addicted will become one but they are linked. i know that is hard for a lot of people to understand( before the research i may have said the same thing) but being a porn addict makes you more likely to become a sexual predator than others. I don't think this addresses the point zxcirce was making.... Treating the porn addiction isn't going to change the fact that he's a sexual predator. It's as if you found a lion in your kitchen, so you decide to hide the steak. You've still got a lion in the kitchen. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 It's probably correlation but not causation. I'd recommend you send him to recoverynation.com And, nobody here knows the full story, so I'd "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged". Regardless, I'd certainly proceed with caution. Good luck, es PS I personally don't believe the "disease model" of addiction. I believe, for the most part, in personal responsibility. I also don't believe in judging/rating people. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Ages ago, someone was telling me about a child protection seminar they'd attended, which focused on the problem of child pornography and argued that what starts off as morbid curiosity can develop into active abuse. The example she gave me, cited in the seminar, was along the following lines: Out of curiosity, the individual browsed a child pornography site which provided him with free access to a small range of pictures. In order to get free access to a wider range, he was invited to submit innocent pictures of his own children - which he did. To get access to an even wider (more extreme) range, he was to submit pictures of the children unclothed. As his addiction to the site increased, it gradually developed to a point where he submitted pictures of himself abusing the children. The argument was that some adults may be "groomed" into abusing their children via the method of fuelling (and increasing) their addiction to child porn...and rewarding them as they pass through the stages of addiction to such porn to, finally, becoming active participants. The ultimate aim being to increase the amount of porn the site held in its archives. The example I've given can, of course, be criticised for being a second hand account of anecdotal evidence provided at a seminar. I don't have access to any authoritative materials that may have been provided at that seminar. I think any relationship between porn addiction and direct sexual abuse must be quite difficult to research. Certainly, I did some googling before contributing to this thread to see if I could find anything in support of the arguments presented at that seminar my friend attended. All I could find, in the way of authorities, were various quotes and unsubstantiated claims by people who work in child protection or are involved in campaigning against child porn. You don't mention the kind of porn your husband is addicted to. As far as the process of helping someone to break an addiction goes, that's probably an area for experts to get involved in. I'm sure those experts could comment on the feasibility of using nude pictures of yourself to help your husband change his behaviour. Meantime, here's an article I found which discusses methods used to help people to break out of these patterns: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6711363.stm I would think that changing the thinking patterns that contribute towards this type of addiction/behaviour is a pretty difficult process - and that someone who's heavily addicted will seize any rationalisation they can to continue with the addictive behaviour. ETA I worked on a child protection helpline a while back. Occasionally I'd get calls from men who talked about having an increasing desire to abuse children. Some seemed to be hoax callers, but others sounded genuine. All calls did, of course, have to be treated as genuine. There was a helpline that call handlers could refer these people to (our helpline was anonymous and callers' numbers weren't traced) so that they could discuss their feelings and thoughts with people who were specifically trained in that area. In view of the amount of stuff that's available online, I think there does need to be an emphasis on encouraging people to recognise, in the early stages, that they may in fact have a problem...or be at risk of developing one that could ultimately pose a risk for other people. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 my husband has an addiction to porn and because of it he is now facing criminal charges. this situation has opened his eyes in a way my complaining never could and he is finally discussing ways to overcome the addiction. i want to help him but i dont know if what he is suggesting would help or not. he has asked me for nude pictures of myself. since i am who he should be looking at anyway, he feels that if he had these pictures he could look at them instead of strangers, that way it will be me he is getting turned on by. on one hand i think it might be a good start but on the other hand i feel it would only enable the problem and prostitute myself in the process. im not a prude and i want to help but is this the way to go or does anyone have a better suggestion that's a thoughtful suggestion. try to exhaust him in bed. he'll be too tired to get up and log on lol on a more serious note, seek counseling or spiritual guidance. Link to post Share on other sites
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