I just met this girl & I think she only wants to be friends

[tackleboxteddybear]

Ok Im new here.

 

Im 23 male whose had girl trouble for quite a while.

 

Im not unattractive & just this week decided to go sober.

 

My thing is that I just met this girl & I think she only wants to be friends or so I hear.I took her out yesterday to a movie with a frien of mine & his girlfriend (as she is his girlfriends friend as well).Last night I heard she liked me as a friend.

 

But later after the "date" when I dropped her off I walked her to her house where I gave her a sweet nonesexual peck on the lips to show good intentions rather than just wanting a shag.All that night she & I where flirting pretty much.

 

 

Then today I here from one of my other friends she "just wants to be friends".

 

Ouch Im heartbroken.

 

See the thing is all my life this has been the response of the girls I was (& were ) intrested in.

 

Ive only had about 3 girlfriends & have been horribly burned each & every time with their mind games or attitudes.

Many female friends of mine can vouch for my sweetness & passion for a meaningful relationship & my sometimes quirky since of humor which may cause a rucus of laughter most of the times.

But all the women seem to want are the womanisers (which if my luck keeps going the way it is I may try to become one but I dont really have the mentality to do so).

 

What do I need to do to draw more positive & desired feed back from them?

 

Im a lead singer of a band (though we havnt decided on a name & we r still working on a few songs).I write poetry & luv to ponder the world & am a bigtime thinker who usually at parties tends to be the loner.I know many PPl & get along great with every body & respect all ppls beliefs or religions & opinions.

 

What am I doing wrong & why do the perverbial morons & aholes always get the girl even though i may look better?

 

Do I need to build more muscle & be more asertive because Im not to good at BSing?

 

Can I get a lil info here?

[shortc8k]

Keep on being who you are. Don't change to get a woman's attention because it will only backfire when your true self comes through and it will end up hurting you. Also it sounds like you are seeking the wrong kind of person for yourself. I know because I'm like you, the nice loner girl at the party that gets along with everyone but can't get a date with a guy or only manages to attract losers and players. But just keep an open mind and a well guarded open heart. And be clear about what you want with the women you date. Honesty goes a long way and is very attractive. And believe it or not, Church is a very good place to meet people with good intentions, women who want the same thing you do. Another suggestion is try to become friends first. You'll meet someone who's like you if you just put your best qualities to use and be true to yourself and what you want. There's someone out there for everyone.

[BlockHead]

Understand that women are not that much different from men. I believe that many women are equally hurtful, and as narcissistic as men. My observation is that most people in general dislike insight and curiosity. They don't want to know about the inner working of machines, society, or even our souls. They seem to be satisfied with the shallow existence of daily life, and simple routines. You like the deeper meaning of things while they prefer the glitter and glamour.

 

I can only suggest that you should find someone who is as intuitive as you. I tried looking in a university once. I was shocked to find out how dopey some college women really are. I am sure that you will do better.

 

If you are trying to "fall in love," don't waste your time. It isn't really love, but instead, an erotic sexual fantasy generated by the subconscious to increase the chances of pairing. Those emotions will always fade over time.

 

I believe a relationship will only last when both you and your partner have mutual respect for each other. Anything short of that is not worth the effort.

 

I cannot stress this enough. Listen carefully for lies!!! There are too many malicious and hurtful people out there.

[tackleboxteddybear]

WEll its turing out that she calls me more than I call her & I only call her when I miss her phone calls.She calls twice a day.

 

What should i think?

 

well tonight we had band practice & she came to spectate & didnt talk to me at all but to say by & goodnight but prior to she called & said she was on her way.

 

DAMNIT Y R GALS SO COMPLICATED>URGH LOL

[Dragonflys]

The fact that you describe yourself as a loner, very introspective etc doesn't work against you at all, I'm testament to that.

 

Being a womaniser doesn't help either, unless you just want a 'shag'.

 

Real women respond to men who are confident about themselves. I know for sure that if you change your outward attitude to them everything will change. This is from a guy who went through almost all of his twenties without a gf.

 

I changed my attitude. I stopped waiting for each woman I met to like me, rather, I liked myself and expected there to be women who will like me if I kept meeting more. Look at your track record, you have had gf's, so if there are three of four you have had, then there will be more down the track. You have to stop focussing on the woman who happens to be cute and in front of you and wasting all your energy there. I guarantee, there is no bigger turnoff for a woman than a guy who waits around hoping to convince her that he is likeable. Again, I'm testament to that experience.

 

You just have to love yourself for who you are and be that person. Smile and enjoy life. If she aint the one, then go on with your life as you were and let it be her bad luck she isn't interested. Your a great guy, I can see that, so she's missing out. If you would like to woo a little, do things within your character for her - i.e sing a song you wrote for her or something .but afterward then walk away and do not expect anything in return. That the sign of a genuine guy who gives, and also has the confidence to get on with his life.

 

I think in this case, if she wants to be your friend, then do just that, but expect no more. Show this girl respect by giving her exactly what she wants, she may be just blown away by that. Then make sure you are not always where she expects you to be, and be out having fun with others. If there is a smidgen of interest that will bring everything to life.

[tackleboxteddybear]

WEll just like the topic says.

But Im kinda gettin mixed signals cause eversince I told her how I felt she has called me well lets put it this way she takes up 25% of the space on my caller ID.

 

Ive come to deal with the hole friends agenda & made peace with it but still wouldnt mind the extra mile.

 

But as Ive said she tends to call between 2 or 3 times a day not even givin me a chane to call.

 

Is she unknowingly likeing me more than a friend or what?

 

Ill keep talking to her & put aside my desire to be more than just friends for the time being & probably move on but what should I Make outof this.

[Thor]

In my experience with this situation, I have found that once a girl/woman wants you to be a friend that it is very difficult to move away from that perspective. The amount of times that she calls you is probably related to the fact that she wants to affirm your position of a friend. Friends talk quite a bit. They talk about everything from little things to big things. They also talk about the opposite sex too. So, if you find yourself having to answer a question like, "there's this new guy and he's really cute..." you'll know for certain that you're just a friend to her. Besides, having friends that are the opposite sex can be very handy at times. It gives you a different perspective of how something may be perceived that you and your guy friends didn't think of.

[tackleboxteddybear]

Well last night I talked to her for like 4 hours until 430 am.

 

Found out we have mucho stuff in comin.

[dalmatianbaby]

Just be her friend for now. If its meant to be, it WILL happen. The best thing you can do is just be there for her when she needs you and don't change the style of your relationship as it stands. This situation reminds me of a song from a few years back....SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST....

 

Only time will tell!! Worrying about changing the situation will only make it unnatural. She needs to see the real you...not the one that is trying to woo her. Women respond to the little things.

 

One day at a time, my friend, one day at a time...

 

Dalmatianbaby

[tackleboxteddybear]

well with me.

 

I got to meet her kinda late round ten supposed to be there earlier.We said our hi & all but I saw all these well 2 guys hittin on her threwout the night.One i think she felt kinda bad for & she had a walk with him cause he imbarrassed himself by asking one of her friends right infront of her to put in agood word for him.But she looked at me all night.That one guy made a fool of himself many a time & i felt bad for him as well.

 

the second guy she was just repulsed by & looked at me again hoping for a rescue.But I figured she just wants to be my friend so Ill let her fend for herself.LoL that kinda urked her a lil but we laughed about it.

 

Then we went to go look at mars with my drunken marine buddies telescope & a cop pulled up behind us just as we were leaving.THen he pulled to about 20 feet at teh stop light & read my tags.LoLbut then skirted off.

 

we went to jack in the box & we flirted & laddi da now were at home its351am & im now talking to her on the phone.she called me again late night.

[my_mother's_daughter]

are you still drunk?

[tackleboxteddybear]

Originally posted by my_mother's_daughter

are you still drunk?

 

No i did not drink lastnight nor did she.

 

I havent drank in days.Damn I had a dream last night about her.DAMN DAMN DAMN.

 

I know not why i feel head over heals for her & she feels im a very very good friend.Maybe ive made her change her mind wish ful thinkin.

[tackleboxteddybear]

well im sure ppl have read my past posts about this girl I really like that just likes me as a really really good friend & we talk all teh time get along very well & talk till sunrise at times as well.

 

My friend is advising me to just take her pull her to me with a nice firm hug & plant one on her beautiful lips.

Should I try to assert myself in this manor?

 

I really really like this girl.Moreso than she might imagine & I know more bout her than her friends do due to our conversation.

 

Damnit I wont give up on her.

 

\

So should I pull her off & kiss her?

Should I suprise her with flowers?

 

How do i get further with her( i dont mean sexually this is a girl who I want in my arms who I would watch fall tosleep & sit there & watch adoring her write poetry & all the good stuff & sex maybe every now & then)?

 

I guess i may sound obsessive in a sense but Ive only heard of & seen girls like these in my dreams.SHes not the most attractive gal in the world & she definatly aint ugly shes not fat & shes not skinny.

 

& she kept my damn hat tonight I tryed to get it back but she wouldnt give it to me.I also gave her an ERNIE from sesame street beenie baby i won at the skate rink in a machine.

 

 

WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO WIN HER OVER?

[tackleboxteddybear]

Oh well she found out a guy she likes kinda likes her too.

 

I gotta move on.

 

This sucks.

 

IF he hurts her lets just say Ill need to find someone to match my new boot im sure yal get the hint.

[moimeme]

She found a guy in less than 24 hours?

 

In any case, never just grab someone and kiss her unless you are getting that 'kiss me' look - the one where you look at each other's lips just before somebody leans in. Particularly if you are not even going out. I think the 'friend' who told you that wanted to see you get smacked.

[Jim24]

I suggest you either move on or sit back and see how long her new relationship lasts. But if it lasts too long, move on. Trust me, if you spend your life focusing on "that one perfect girl" you may wind up missing out on some others you may find to be just as good, or better. Trust me, you may not think there are any others, but there are.

[IRULE]

this may be old but why dont you ask her out,steak and lobsters good, or does no one do that anymore.

[subtitled]

dude.... if you were in australia i would offer you more than friendship!

 

Your predicament seems to mirror my own... i get the "oh she's the funny, friendly, reliable friend-type" all the time.. infact i just wrote a post about it. i'm insanely into music too.. this is just scary the parallels...

 

its really hard to not be disillusioned when you care so much about people and all you get is a half-harted response.

 

dont worry, i guess maybe one day we'll find someone who reciprocates our feelings. also, you're still young.

 

why don't i take my own advice lol??

[jenny]

im going to take some ethical flack for this, but, giggles, c'est la vie. i have posted before on the value of the'kiss now' theory of dating and i stand by it.

 

the good part about the "just kiss her, dammit" bit is that it strategically puts the relationship into crisis. she must either decide to firmly and clearly reject you, hence ending the manipulative friend state, or she'll go for it. she actually sounds kind of interested to me, but she won't be for long if you keep pussying around. i think i've had a total amount of six or seven guys friends who could have been placed in either catergory but they just kind ended up as buds. i love them as pals, don't get me wrong, but my new understanding of this is that they were frequently NOT happy in the role. why didn't i just jump them? well, i suck. i'm conditioned through years and years of training to suck. i'm trying to suck less .

 

no matter what, after this moment you can not be put into the UNIX category. you might lose her as a friend, but oh well, she doesn't sound like she was too great of a friend anyway. possible gain > perceived loss =risk.

 

xox, j

[tackleboxteddybear]

Originally posted by jenny

im going to take some ethical flack for this, but, giggles, c'est la vie. i have posted before on the value of the'kiss now' theory of dating and i stand by it.

 

the good part about the "just kiss her, dammit" bit is that it strategically puts the relationship into crisis. she must either decide to firmly and clearly reject you, hence ending the manipulative friend state, or she'll go for it. she actually sounds kind of interested to me, but she won't be for long if you keep pussying around. i think i've had a total amount of six or seven guys friends who could have been placed in either catergory but they just kind ended up as buds. i love them as pals, don't get me wrong, but my new understanding of this is that they were frequently NOT happy in the role. why didn't i just jump them? well, i suck. i'm conditioned through years and years of training to suck. i'm trying to suck less .

 

no matter what, after this moment you can not be put into the UNIX category. you might lose her as a friend, but oh well, she doesn't sound like she was too great of a friend anyway. possible gain > perceived loss =risk.

 

xox, j

 

Damn it now shes going out with the guy whom I think she was just infatuated with but she tries to compare him to me.

 

Ill try to move on but she calls me atleast 3 times a day & said (while she was pooring out to me crying & telling me her problems) that if I ever stop talkin top her she would kick my ass or kill me or somin.

 

I think she is confused & doesnt know what she really wants. but its time for me to set sail & leave port because seemingly otherwise she doesnt want to be a part of the voyage I call life.