Dating and Separating

[rluv]

Hi everyone -

 

Need some good advice!! I have been dating a separated man for 5 months. He has been separated from his wife for a year and a half. He owns his own house, she lives in her own house with her boyfriend for whom she left him for. They have two small girls. He knows I am not happy dating a married man, as I am finalizing my own divorce, but he has not even filed yet. He says she was going to pay, but she has never seen him date/with anyone else before, but she doesn't like it. I told him I think she still has feelings for him, and he told me he was going to confront her about this, along with having her pay for half of the divorce. That was two nights ago, and I just saw him earlier today, and he never even brought it up, not once yet. This really hurt, given the seriousness of our conversation. He even said a week or two ago he was going to have to look for an attorney on his own, because she was probably not going to do anything on her own, now he his not even bringing the subject up, just letting it drop. What should I think?? Please, some advice!! Thanx so much!!

[2sunny]

it's none of your business really.

 

it's also your choice whether to be involved in all the chaos of a divorced or step aside until he has it finalized.

[Curmudgeon]

He knows I am not happy dating a married man, as I am finalizing my own divorce...

 

Reread what you wrote and then decide what, if anything, you're going to do about it.

 

Maybe he's not really happy dating a married woman.

[PWSX3]

The way I read it is your are still married as well or just divorced.

 

My question is why would you want to get into another relationship so fast?

 

I am in the process of a divorce myself, neither of us have filed but I am taking some divorcecare classes & the one thing they keep saying over & over is it is better not to jump into another relationship, heal from this one & make sure you are over it.

 

I know there are some out there that can get right into another relationship & do just fine but I guess on the average it doesn't work.

 

For me I am going to stay single give that a try for a while & try to figure out who & what I want in life.

[3grlzmom]

it's none of your business really.

 

it's also your choice whether to be involved in all the chaos of a divorced or step aside until he has it finalized.

Wow sunny, that's brutal - true - but brutal.

 

rluv, you hit on so many red flags in your own post, seems like its a gimme. He is still hung up - maybe not on her, but definitely not on you. His no-where-near STBXW is living with the man she left him for 18 MONTHS ago, and he's waiting because he wants her to pay for half of the divorce??? If it were just a matter of paperwork, why does it matter who files & pays? After 18 months, if he wanted it (you??) bad enough, he would make it happen.

 

Now if you make it past all that and still really want the guy, let him know. Tell him everything you are feeling and thinking. If he really cares, he will make something happen and keep you informed. If he doesn't, count yourself lucky for finding out early, and move on.

[vascogirl]

I totally agree that it's up to you to continue what your doing.

[rluv]

3grlzmom -

 

Thanx soooo much - yours is by far the best reply post I've received. It's helped me to see things very clearly. I have been separated a lot longer than he has, and inexperience (first time divorcing, bad attorney), has kept me from being finalized and divorced by now. I just got a new attorney (thank goodness). I'm a lot more emotionally separated from my ex I believe. Your post has also emotionally settled me. Thanks so much for starting my day out right!!