The new sexual revolution: Porn, Swingers, and shifting moralities

[manugeorge]

At the end of the day, life is about caring far more than it is about swinging.

 

I actually don't know any young unmarried couples that swing. I've always attributed it to an older mature married couple thing.

[sxyNYCcpl]

OP--

 

Do you have kids? If so, what have you told them about sexuality in the confines of a relationship?

 

Yes, we have a 16 year-old boy, though he is my wifes child from her first marriage. This is, for both of us, our second and last.

 

He's been taught about sex, what it is, how it works, etc. We've told him that we don't feel he's mature enough to be participating at this stage in his life, but that if he chooses to disregard that advice, to please, please glove up. We've really not giving him any advice or instructions on the question of monogamy, figuring he'll figure out what he wants for himself when the time comes.

 

So far as we know, he's not aware, though we acknowledge sometimes kids know things, or think they do anyway. He has met a number of our playmates, but from his point of view, they're just regular adult friendships.

[grogster]

I actually don't know any young unmarried couples that swing. I've always attributed it to an older mature married couple thing.

 

You're correct. Based on my limited experience, most of the swinging is done my middle-aged (or older) couples. My last GF, who's 53, was a swinger and a huge BDSM fan. All the players she knew were in their 40's, 50's and 60's.

 

Mature marrieds are the market for swinging.

[EnigmasMuse]

Nothing is more attractive than a couple in their 50's and 60's swinging. :laugh:

 

I saw a documentary on couples who swing before, this was based back in the late 70's early 80's. It showed clubs that were for swingers, and yes, alot fo them were older men/ women. Although there were some who might have been younger. None of that appealed to me at all, but that's just me.

[sxyNYCcpl]

I actually don't know any young unmarried couples that swing. I've always attributed it to an older mature married couple thing.

 

Historically, that's true, well depending on your definition of "older & mature". I'd say 30's and up. However, I see that changing with more and more 20-somethings showing up, which is one of the reasons for my belief that it's growing.

[manugeorge]

You're correct. Based on my limited experience, most of the swinging is done my middle-aged (or older) couples. My last GF, who's 53, was a swinger and a huge BDSM fan. All the players she knew were in their 40's, 50's and 60's.

 

Mature marrieds are the market for swinging.

 

So isn't there something to be said for that? that these are people with enough life experience under their belt to know what they are getting themselves into and to have enough emotional maturity to handle the fall out and consequences?

 

My parents often tell me that when you get to a certain age, you realize that life is not really worth sweating the small stuff. That there is a certain freedom and disillusion that comes with old age, where you realize that life is not nearly as complicated as you tried to make it in your youth.

 

If a 60 year old couple wants to sample some strange, I say more power to them, they've earned the right.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Where am I supposed to be shifting them to? I like them where they are.

 

I did not say yours were, or should be shifting. I said I believe society as a whole is shifting, which does of course mean that some individuals are changing their outlook. It does not require unanimity, however.

[EnigmasMuse]

I did not say yours were, or should be shifting. I said I believe society as a whole is shifting, which does of course mean that some individuals are changing their outlook. It does not require unanimity, however.

 

I know you didn't. I'm just saying, I like MY morals just fine.

[grogster]

Nothing is more attractive than a couple in their 50's and 60's swinging. :laugh:

 

I saw a documentary on couples who swing before, this was based back in the late 70's early 80's. It showed clubs that were for swingers, and yes, alot fo them were older men/ women. Although there were some who might have been younger. None of that appealed to me at all, but that's just me.

 

So true. That's one of the many reasons I refused to go over to the dark side. Lousy aesthetics. It's not like the movies.

 

"If a 60 year old couple wants to sample some strange, I say more power to them, they've earned the right."

 

 

Well said, manugeorge. Those of us in our 50's are healthier, stronger and in much better shape than our parents were at that time in their lives. Often, good health leads to good sex.

[Moose]

Like wildfire, and we Christians have been told that this would be happening...

 

It's only going to get worse too....a lot worse.....Revelation 9:1-21

[sxyNYCcpl]

For the same reason I don't eat cheesecake everyday even though I like a good piece of cheese cake. I would be fat... You can't see the damange sex does. but don't be fooled that it isn't doing it's own damange.

 

Sex, like most things, does have risks, the most notable of which are unwanted pregnancies and STI's. If you can avoid those, though, I'm not sure I know the damage of which you speak.

 

So one can't help but wonder just how much this fantasy world has defined what sexuality is for us. Especially for women as defined by what men want women to be and not who wome really are. I don't really think we have reached a point where men really accept women for who they are and for what their true sexuality is. Over extravigated body parts, with over extravigated actions with over extravigated moans and groans is how porn defines a woman's sexuality. We have to look a certain way now and act a certain way to be worthy of having a male who wants to be with us. And this standard is defined in porn, a medium that men are very suseptial to and who if they are honest, really do want their own woman to act more like the girls in porn and be more like the girls in porn.

 

Is art imitating life or vice versa? Granted, in the real world, not everybody is a 22-year-old hardbody with 6% body fat and unlimited stamina. On the other hand, in the real world, not everybody is capable of playing football, yet we have the NFL. It makes sense that those who get paid to have sex on camera, like those who get paid to play football on camera, would be the best of the best.

 

But I'm still not clear, specifically, what you find different about porn sex and real sex. Forget physical perfection vs. the real world, we know that's there, but what actions do you find unrealistic? You did mention moans and groans, and while it may be exaggerated a bit, in my experience, women who are in the throes of passion tend to sound, more or less, like porn. Which can be annoying when it's 5AM, I'm trying to sleep, and there's 3 couples still going at it on another bed!

 

Do I think men want women who f**k like porn stars? Yeah, that's sort of the foundation of my whole theory. Men want that, pretty much always have. What's changing though is that women are realizing they want it too, which is why we're seeing these societal shifts.

[Kasan]

Those of us in our 50's are healthier, stronger and in much better shape than our parents were at that time in their lives. Often, good health leads to good sex.

 

I can attest to that!!

 

I'm wondering if the swinging lifestyle is more of an urban thing? No one that I know participates in this that I "know" of. Perhaps "know" of is the proverbial key................... they are pretty traditional from outward appearances, but who really knows what goes on behind closed doors........

[Jersey Shortie]

I believe that more and more people are realizing you can have both.

 

 

People might be thinking they can have both but I would really question the validly in truly being able to have it both ways. Society told women they could both work and have a family. And while women can infact work and have a family, it doesn't come without it's repercussions. More women away from the home, more children on their own for a longer time, more men having to compete with women for earning the money, women doing both most of the house work and having to now work on top of that, women who come home tired and don't have the time to connect to their husbands.... I don't buy into the idea that people can have both and that there aren't negative reprocussions to it. It also speaks of our laziness to think that we can have life both ways, don't have to make a choice one way or another just to self gratify ourselves in the moment. I think we are a rather gluttonous society over all and it doesn't speak very well for any of us. The message is if it feels good then it's okay to do. And that just isn't the real truth.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Like wildfire, and we Christians have been told that this would be happening...

 

It's only going to get worse too....a lot worse.....Revelation 9:1-21

 

Ah, the fundamentalist crowd is heard from. Tell me, what evidence do you have the the book of Revelation was not just a drug-induced hallucination? Why was the Revelation of Ezra not included as well?

 

Coming from a guy who trusts his impulse control so little that he won't even ride in an elevator or car alone with a woman, I'm not sure your idea of healthy sexuality is even relevant. How does that work exactly, if you're alone on an elevator, it stops, but not at your floor, a woman gets on... you literally bail out? LOL!

[ThumbingMyWay]

I would agree we have gone through a sexual change within society, but I disagree that this "revolution" has or is leading to healther, happier, more open and connected relationships. People want life both ways and they don't want to have to make a choice either way or put the work into anything for the long haul. If you think about it, the ulitmate demise of people is their desire to pick short term pleasures over long term goals. Want that donut? Go ahead? Want to go back to school but having too much fun going out everytime instead? That's okay. Want to bang someone else? Go ahead. Want that new Hummer that eats gas like a cow in a field? Go ahead. New pair of over priced shoes? Get it! You want it, you get it. We must have what we want and we must have what we want now. Your current marriage having issues? That's okay. Just divorce and find a new mate. That one doesn't work out? That's okay..there are 6 billion people on the plant that want to bang as much as you do. We live in a *me* society that we treat disposably.

 

 

just thought this was a brillinat post.

 

I see things the same way and its scares the hell out of me.

 

 

 

People might be thinking they can have both but I would really question the validly in truly being able to have it both ways. Society told women they could both work and have a family. And while women can infact work and have a family, it doesn't come without it's repercussions. More women away from the home, more children on their own for a longer time, more men having to compete with women for earning the money, women doing both most of the house work and having to now work on top of that, women who come home tired and don't have the time to connect to their husbands.... I don't buy into the idea that people can have both and that there aren't negative reprocussions to it. It also speaks of our laziness to think that we can have life both ways, don't have to make a choice one way or another just to self gratify ourselves in the moment. I think we are a rather gluttonous society over all and it doesn't speak very well for any of us. The message is if it feels good then it's okay to do. And that just isn't the real truth.

 

I like the way you think ,wish there were more of us.

 

 

I have nothing to add on this matter, just giving a "props" to JS...

[blair08]

Some people swing, some don't.

 

Some love porn, some don't.

 

Some believe in monogomay and practice it, some don't.

 

Some believe in marriage, some don't

 

Some think its ok to run around on their partner, some don't.

 

That pretty much sums it up.

 

People either do, or they don't in their life, period.

[Moose]

Tell me, what evidence do you have the the book of Revelation was not just a drug-induced hallucination?

Scriptures clearly indicate that God had sent an Angel....not "Angel Dust" ...that's the only evidence I need. If you want/need more, feel free to study up on it yourself.

Why was the Revelation of Ezra not included as well?

Can you be more specific?

Coming from a guy who trusts his impulse control so little that he won't even ride in an elevator or car alone with a woman,

You're clearly making an assumption here, it's not my impulse control I'm concerned about. It's the situation in which I allow myself to be in that could be dangerous. I know what the eternal consequences are, and it's not worth even chancing it.

How does that work exactly, if you're alone on an elevator, it stops, but not at your floor, a woman gets on... you literally bail out?

Laugh all you want, but yes....I certainly would....

[Jersey Shortie]

Thanks Thumbing My Way!

 

 

Sex, like most things, does have risks, the most notable of which are unwanted pregnancies and STI's. If you can avoid those, though, I'm not sure I know the damage of which you speak.

 

Well, I can also avoid regular coke and get the diet version. But just because it has no calories doesn't mean it isn't going to rot my teeth.

 

Issues about sex go beyond the obvious of STD's and preganacy. Social concerns, how each gender views the other, sexual practices that become the "norm" based on things that were once *only* fantasy....all of these factor in. You are what you concern yourself with. Spend time doing charity work? Then you are more likely to be thinking about other ways to help people. Spend time looking at porn? Then you are more likely to view sex with a porn twist. The damage is in creating a society that is basing its *new* reality on fantasy expecations and a society that tells it's self it's okay to do something because it feels good. That is the definition of selfish. Just because something leaves no physical proof to a human body of the damange it is doing, doesn't mean it's not there mentally and socially.

 

 

Is art imitating life or vice versa? Granted, in the real world, not everybody is a 22-year-old hardbody with 6% body fat and unlimited stamina. On the other hand, in the real world, not everybody is capable of playing football, yet we have the NFL. It makes sense that those who get paid to have sex on camera, like those who get paid to play football on camera, would be the best of the best.

 

It's both. I have no doubt that porn imitates real life on some factors. I also have no doubt that porn over-exploits and has set unreal expectations about sexuality for men and for women.

 

Those that get paid to have sex on camera are usually not because they are the best of the best. And if most men think that the women in the porn are the best of the best, then this would be another example of how unrealistic men have become about real women.

 

You are also comparing a career, the NFL, that is about a skill that is practiced for years and that most of the players remain in for years. To an industry that takes girls who in most cases need the money, have no other prospects, or are young and inexperience with life to really understand the choice they are making at the time. And before you know it the industry is chewing them up and spiting them out in a 6 month to year time span. Most women in the porn industry don't last over a year because of the toll it takes. Most women in the porn industry are expected to do more graphic and violent sexual acts if they want to remain making money. There are *some* rare cases like Jemma Jaminson (who is an entirely messed up emotionally indivdual) who actually don't have to partake in the porn career time span life cycle. So again please tell me that men wish they had a more porn-like life and please tell me we are a better off society for it.

 

You did mention moans and groans, and while it may be exaggerated a bit, in my experience, women who are in the throes of passion tend to sound, more or less, like porn.

 

Is that life imitating *art* or *art* imitating life.

 

 

 

Do I think men want women who f**k like porn stars? Yeah, that's sort of the foundation of my whole theory. Men want that, pretty much always have. What's changing though is that women are realizing they want it too, which is why we're seeing these societal shifts.

 

Yeah...all women want to be porn stars and be treated how porn stars are treated. Holy crap! Women are finally realizing that porn stars have it made and now we all want to be one! Sweet Jesus if you really believe that is what women really want.

 

Women want men to like them. Wome want men to think they are beautiful, even when they have surpassed the age of 22. ( gee women ask for to odamn much don't they). And women are behaving in a way that they think will get a man's attention and affection. It unforuntetly has come to that men do infact like porn girls and what is shifting is that women are being more like porn girls to meet the fantasy ideal. But that isn't progression and that isn't freedom.

 

I really seriously don't know one woman that wants to have to reach a hard-body 22 year old breasted implanted ideal while she is called a slut and get a guys sperm all over her face. I often wonder if men even know how or want to know how to please a real woman of if they only want to please a woman if it fits their porn-ideal of what pleasese them.

[grogster]

I can attest to that!!

 

I'm wondering if the swinging lifestyle is more of an urban thing? No one that I know participates in this that I "know" of. Perhaps "know" of is the proverbial key................... they are pretty traditional from outward appearances, but who really knows what goes on behind closed doors........

 

Swinging might be more prevalent in urban areas. My ex-GF lived in San Francisco when she swung. Alas, we did not swing, which was fine with me. Swinging, like many, things, is better imagined than done.

[Trialbyfire]

I can attest to that!!

 

I'm wondering if the swinging lifestyle is more of an urban thing? No one that I know participates in this that I "know" of. Perhaps "know" of is the proverbial key................... they are pretty traditional from outward appearances, but who really knows what goes on behind closed doors........

No. It's reliant on who you choose to surround yourself with. Reality is as you want to make it, no matter where you live.

 

Swinging is a kink, just like any other kink. Instinctually, men and women are territorial.

[grogster]

Some people swing, some don't.

 

Some love porn, some don't.

 

Some believe in monogomay and practice it, some don't.

 

Some believe in marriage, some don't

 

Some think its ok to run around on their partner, some don't.

 

That pretty much sums it up.

 

People either do, or they don't in their life, period.

 

Blair, how dare you be measured, balanced and realistic! Where's that Moral Passion, the Hellfire, the Brimstone?

 

Where's the Rage!!!

[blair08]

Blair, how dare you be measured, balanced and realistic! Where's that Moral Passion, the Hellfire, the Brimstone?

 

Where's the Rage!!!

 

 

LOL grog.

 

I guess I felt the hellfire and brimstone approach might would fall on def ears anyway, so why bother. I have a feeling it will anyway, because people are going to do whatever they want.

 

Not that it can't be debatable, it just feels as if these things are always debatable and its the same ol thing.

[grogster]

LOL grog.

 

I guess I felt the hellfire and brimstone approach might would fall on def ears anyway, so why bother. I have a feeling it will anyway, because people are going to do whatever they want.

 

Human nature is a b#tch. Do you realize how perfect this world would be without humans.

[blair08]

Human nature is a b#tch. Do you realize how perfect this world would be without humans.

 

 

I wonder, what life would be like without humans. If we're not here, how would we know how perfect it is?

 

Sorry, off topic.

[2nd-Best]

 

Is art imitating life or vice versa? Granted, in the real world, not everybody is a 22-year-old hardbody with 6% body fat and unlimited stamina. On the other hand, in the real world, not everybody is capable of playing football, yet we have the NFL. It makes sense that those who get paid to have sex on camera, like those who get paid to play football on camera, would be the best of the best.

 

 

Are you kidding me? I rarely ever find female and especially male porn stars attractive, and they are HARDLY the best of the best! what makes them the best? the fact that the most of them are emotional and mentally damaged souls who hardly EVER actually look like that when they start out, how many porn stars do you know of who have large NATURAL breasts? and I know for a fact that majority of men prefer natural big breasts, but woman who are natural and happy with themselves small tits or large usually dont tend to sell themselves short by ****ing for a living, its called prostitution and there is NOTHING that differs hookers from pornstars aside from a street corner!

Its not hard to fake an orgasm, so I don't know how that makes these woman the best of the best?

Anyone and I mean anyone can pick up a video camera and film themselves and people will watch it if they like porn and they will jerk off to it, so I cant agree with you when you say that these woman are the top of the pickings.. because its simply just not true!

I have never once seen a natural beauty in porn like Angelina Jolie,Megan Fox or Halle Berry whom as far as talent and beauty go, they are what i would consider the best of the best on screen.. not damaged drug addicts who pay for the looks by injecting,cutting, stuffing **** into there bodies and cutting there vagina lips off so there genitals can look like a little 1 month old babies!

 

I think you get that i disagree.. lol