The new sexual revolution: Porn, Swingers, and shifting moralities

[sxyNYCcpl]

Next thing y'know, he'll be on a mission to "liberate" women everywhere from their sexual repression... with or without his W's blessing.

 

LOL, worry not. I would never disrespect my wife in that manner, any thing either of us does has the full blessing of the other.

 

I am deeply suspicious of the intentions of any man who expresses such concern about women's sexuality being repressed.

 

Why?

 

No matter what they say, men do NOT value promiscuous women, other than as a vehicle to satisfy a man's sexual urges.

 

Some men do, some men don't. The question that's germane to this conversation is whether or not the number of men who value that is increasing vs. those who don't. Based on two admittedly anecdotal pieces of evidence, I say yes. Those points are:

 

1- The increasing number of couples participating in consensual non-monogamy.

2- The reaction of men when they learn of my lifestyle, which is almost universally something like, "Wow, you're a lucky guy, I'd love to try that but I don't know about my wife."

[marlena]

I don't see a revolution at all. Quite the contrary. I see a revival of puritanical thinking and fake morality.

[norajane]

Some men do, some men don't. The question that's germane to this conversation is whether or not the number of men who value that is increasing vs. those who don't. Based on two admittedly anecdotal pieces of evidence, I say yes. Those points are:

 

1- The increasing number of couples participating in consensual non-monogamy.

2- The reaction of men when they learn of my lifestyle, which is almost universally something like, "Wow, you're a lucky guy, I'd love to try that but I don't know about my wife."

 

If you're looking for anecdotal evidence, you really do need to read some of the retroactive jealousy threads. They're mostly men posting about how they're eaten alive inside by the knowledge their gf's have had multiple partners in the past, or experimented with threesomes, etc. They hate that their women have had sexual adventures with other men - they want to be the man their woman has those adventurous experiences with and feel like there's nothing left for them to show her to rock her world. And they're universally younger men, not the older generation. I'd never heard of that years ago, but it seems to be a growing trend. Google retroactive jealousy, or do a search here. It's an interesting phenomenon.

 

I suspect those husbands who would "love to try that" are thinking of how they would like to be free to have sex with other women, but would feel very differently if their wives expressed such a desire, and would feel sick at seeing their wives having sex - and enjoying it - with other men.

[Trialbyfire]

Yup, I'm smelling it.

 

Next thing y'know, he'll be on a mission to "liberate" women everywhere from their sexual repression... with or without his W's blessing.

 

I am deeply suspicious of the intentions of any man who expresses such concern about women's sexuality being repressed.

 

And anyway, it's all moot what a man says... especially about sex and women. It's what he DOES that matters.

 

No matter what they say, men do NOT value promiscuous women, other than as a vehicle to satisfy a man's sexual urges. This has been a Law of the Jungle ever since I've been around, anyway... and I don't see it changing anytime in the near future. Men are nothing if not consistent.

Do you suppose there's any personal gain inherent in wishing this?

[Trialbyfire]

If you're looking for anecdotal evidence, you really do need to read some of the retroactive jealousy threads. They're mostly men posting about how they're eaten alive inside by the knowledge their gf's have had multiple partners in the past, or experimented with threesomes, etc. They hate that their women have had sexual adventures with other men - they want to be the man their woman has those adventurous experiences with and feel like there's nothing left for them to show her to rock her world. And they're universally younger men, not the older generation. I'd never heard of that years ago, but it seems to be a growing trend. Google retroactive jealousy, or do a search here. It's an interesting phenomenon.

 

I suspect those husbands who would "love to try that" are thinking of how they would like to be free to have sex with other women, but would feel very differently if their wives expressed such a desire, and would feel sick at seeing their wives having sex - and enjoying it - with other men.

To use the instinctual argument, men are instinctually territorial. It ensures unbroken lineage for "his" progeny.

[marlena]

Do you suppose there's any personal gain inherent in wishing this?

 

Nah, why would you have such a silly idea?

 

Sc*** me and I'll set you free!!!:laugh:

[Trialbyfire]

Nah, why would you have such a silly idea?

 

Sc*** me and I'll set you free!!!:laugh:

Whoah, what a wonderful deal! I get personal freedom for a quick spread!

[marlena]

Whoah, what a wonderful deal! I get personal freedom for a quick spread!

 

You will be a sexually emancipated woman thanks to one man's sacrifice.:D:D

[Trialbyfire]

You will be a sexually emancipated woman thanks to one man's sacrifice.:D:D

Without three easy payments of $19.99? Where's the catch? There's GOT to be a catch!

[marlena]

Without three easy payments of $19.99? Where's the catch? There's GOT to be a catch!

 

Yeah, he probably gives your info away and then you get blasted by all this sperm (oops, sorry, I meant to say spam)!

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah, he probably gives your info away and then you get blasted by all this sperm (oops, sorry, I meant to say spam)!

Nothin' says lovin' like a good quality condom!

[grogster]

To the original poster: This is not your target audience.

 

Rather, you're being whipsawed by the anger of the Shack's Religious Right and the scorn and ridicule of bright, experienced women who detect in you a mid-life crisis and sexual opportunism.

 

My advice: get thee to a site whose posters are more receptive to your swing song.

 

The Shack don't swing.

[marlena]

Rather, you're being whipsawed by the anger of the Shack's Religious Right and the scorn and ridicule of bright, experienced women who detect in you a mid-life crisis and sexual opportunism.

 

 

Since it is no secret that I do not belong to the Shack's Religious Right, I can only assume that I classify as being one of the many bright and experienced women on LS.

 

I am really flattered, Groggie, especially coming from you!

[Jersey Shortie]

I think it borders on almost criminally cruel that we have insisted that women in our society have such a stunted relationship with their sexuality, and think it's quite refreshing that we're slowly, finally moving past that.

 

If it matters, and in case you didn't already know this, I am not a woman. These comments are based on my observations of human behavior.

 

Ask any young woman today from 18-30, and ask her if she feels more liberated and free in her sexuality. Ask her what issues she has had concerning relationships and men in her age group. Ask her if she still feels she has it better then past generations. Ask her if she feeels she has to conform to certain stereotypes about seuxality. I think the answers would surprise you. 12 year olds giving bjs on the back of the bus to little boys isn't sexual revolution. Random hook ups that have replaced dinner and movies out isn't sexual revolution. Learning to gyrate around a pool in Stripper Exercise class isn't sexual revolution.

 

We have moved past women having to act like they don't enjoy sex and have fast forward right to the other end of the spectrum where women are suppose to behave like hyper-sexualized acrobats. That isn't sexual revolution and if you look around sexual expression is till very much stunted. Women today are damned if they do and damned if they don't in many ways.

 

 

Crying out loud....women have ENOUGH expectations thanks to people who believe like you do....

 

 

[The Collector]

Ask any young woman today from 18-30, and ask her if she feels more liberated and free in her sexuality. Ask her what issues she has had concerning relationships and men in her age group. Ask her if she still feels she has it better then past generations. Ask her if she feeels she has to conform to certain stereotypes about seuxality. I think the answers would surprise you.

 

Actually I think the answers would surprise you. Hey this forum has plenty of 18-30 year olds, why not start a thread asking exactly that? 'Do you feel more liberated and free in your sexuality than women did 30 years ago.' Go ahead and collect some data JS, I'll stand by the results if you will.

[morelaugh]

Actually I think the answers would surprise you. Hey this forum has plenty of 18-30 year olds, why not start a thread asking exactly that? 'Do you feel more liberated and free in your sexuality than women did 30 years ago.' Go ahead and collect some data JS, I'll stand by the results if you will.

No, I actually think the results would surprise you.

I'm not sure if LS is really a represntative sample, but there are statistics on that on the Internet.

 

I tend to agree with JS on this one.

 

Female sexuality was repressed for a long time, but what we today have is not so much liberation as it is complying with the male taste. I don’t think women are free to express their own sexuality – they are free to behave in the way men expect them to show their sexuality. The difference is huge. Women are not liberated – it’s just the type of their enslavement that’s changed (previously they were expected to behave like Madonnas, now they are expected to behave like whores)

 

If I look through the history, I would even say that my generation (40 somethings, in the western world) had it better than most – we were relatively free from the past repression and not yet so obsessed to be like porn stars, who were mainly joke in our time.

 

It’s heartbreaking for any parent (male of female) to look at their 12 yo daughter trying to look like and behave like a whore. She doesn’t express her own sexuality; she is just a product of over sexualised society. Good luck to those little girls, but I don’t see how they can grow out of this unscarred and as healthy sexual beings.

 

For those of you who love statistics (and by statistics, I don’t mean a single article in Cosmo or Playboy), may want to look at the number of young girls/women with the eating disorders due to, above mentioned, unrealistic expectation on women. Look at the number of plastic surgeries among women. It can’t be further from liberation when a women subject herself to the operation just to look better to men (no offense to those here who have done that).

 

In short, I believe that women liberation is an unstoppable process, it will happen, but it will take time.

 

I don’t envy young women today - they have it the worse than their mothers and maybe even grandmothers.

 

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Having said all this, I'm sure men enjoy this time more than many others

[Jersey Shortie]

Could you imagine any other social group or ethnic group being degrading and humliated and used such as women are in porn? Could you imagine of there was a billion dollar industry of just african americans or jews that white people or catholics were using to get off too that treated thsoe people less the na person and more of a object to be used and discarded? If you think of it in those terms, it flabbergasts me that it's okay to treat women llike that when we would never stand for an ethnic or religous group to be respersented as we repersent women in porn.

[Trialbyfire]

Each set of parents or parent is responsible for their child's or children's well-being. If children are given sufficient confidence, a strong moral upbringing and plenty of love, they will rely on these foundations after they grow out of their formative years when becoming young adults.

 

While peer groups and pop culture do have impact on children, coping mechanisms revert to core foundations.

 

To tie this into the current thread topic, you can either raise your children to be driven by pop culture or be driven by what they feel is right, as defined during their formative years. You can only blame so much on societal influences, if your children catch you whacking off in front of porn. If your children are aware that you swing, your little sons and daughters will grow up with the same morality.

[morelaugh]

To the original poster: This is not your target audience.

 

Rather, you're being whipsawed by the anger of the Shack's Religious Right and the scorn and ridicule of bright, experienced women who detect in you a mid-life crisis and sexual opportunism.

 

My advice: get thee to a site whose posters are more receptive to your swing song.

 

The Shack don't swing.

You’re right there, Grogster - wrong forum.

 

Contrary to popular opinon, I personally went through the swinging phase much earlier in life and, I suppose, if someone asked me then, I would tell them that was the best thing ever.

It’s just - I know more about it now.

 

Sorry, OP, but I feel you missed something in your youth and are trying to make up for it now.

 

And I’m glad you debase the old myth about the women who always think they look at least 10 years younger than they really are. The truth is, very few people actually do. Sorry, again, I just find that obsession with youth amusing – in men and women both.

[morelaugh]

Each set of parents or parent is responsible for their child's or children's well-being. If children are given sufficient confidence, a strong moral upbringing and plenty of love, they will rely on these foundations after they grow out of their formative years when becoming young adults.

 

While peer groups and pop culture do have impact on children, coping mechanisms revert to core foundations.

 

To tie this into the current thread topic, you can either raise your children to be driven by pop culture or be driven by what they feel is right, as defined during their formative years. You can only blame so much on societal influences, if your children catch you whacking off in front of porn. If your children are aware that you swing, your little sons and daughters will grow up with the same morality.

I’m guessing you don’t have children.

 

In theory, you’re right.

 

In practice, it doesn’t always work that way. It’s not all about the parents. You do your best, and your best is actually what modern psychology believes is the best, and it still doesn’t work

You do a big no-no, and it actually works.

 

There are no hard rules in parenting and it is by far the most difficult job I’ve ever had. But there is one rule that pretty much doesn't change:

Never underestimate the influence of the society and peer pressure.

[Trialbyfire]

I’m guessing you don’t have children.

 

In theory, you’re right.

 

In practice, it doesn’t always work that way. It’s not all about the parents. You do your best, and your best is actually what modern psychology believes is the best, and it still doesn’t work

You do a big no-no, and it actually works.

 

There are no hard rules in parenting and it is by far the most difficult job I’ve ever had. But there is one rule that pretty much doesn't change:

Never underestimate the influence of the society and peer pressure.

You're right, I don't have children. For certain though, I can look to the morality and foundations that my parents taught my sibs and myself. We all uphold that morality.

 

It's also being taught to the next generation. To this point, it continues to work.

[morelaugh]

You're right, I don't have children. For certain though, I can look to the morality and foundations that my parents taught my sibs and myself. We all uphold that morality.

 

It's also being taught to the next generation. To this point, it continues to work.

 

Of course you should do your best as a parent, of course you are proud when it works and it does work often.

 

All I’m saying is – you do your best, but there is no guarantee of results. The fact that parents are human and sometimes make mistakes doesn’t help either.

 

What is the fact though, is the influences outside the parental home – they are present and we simply can’t afford to ignore them.

In fact, that would be one of those mistakes.

 

----

And I am saying that as a mother of very well adjusted teenage sons.

[westernxer]

Cut off the cable and internet for one week and you'll never hear anything about a revolution.

[Trialbyfire]

morelaugh, you can only control so much, especially within the lives of teenagers. The more you put a strangle-hold on them and their environments, the harder they'll rebel when they have the chance. Some continue to rebel all their lives, projecting the restrictions from parents, to "the man".

 

You have to rely on their good judgement, the good judgement based on foundations that you personally have laid for them.

 

If they're been given the strength and confidence, they're not going to allow pop culture to affect them in ways that are detrimental to their well-being. Sure, they'll make some mistakes on the way but gain experience. We all have to learn some way.

[grogster]

This Thread began in praise of polyamory and has evolved into an earnest discussion of proper parenting and moral foundations.

 

That's the Shack.