The new sexual revolution: Porn, Swingers, and shifting moralities

[sxyNYCcpl]

Because I do not feel like it is OK for my SO to masturbate while he is fantasizing about slutty porn chicks.

 

What is it OK for him to masturbate to? How are you harmed by him doing so?

 

I have no respect or use for anyone who is willing to do something like the porn sluts do.

 

Specifically what acts do you find so appalling?

[rainfall]

What is it OK for him to masturbate to? How are you harmed by him doing so?

 

Specifically what acts do you find so appalling?

 

 

I am harmed by him doing so because that shows that he is not satisfied with me and our relationship. If he is masturbating to anyother women it is not ok. I am harmed because if he is masturbating to oter women then something is missing in our relationship.

 

I find it appalling that they are willing to degrade themself by doing the things they do.

[The Collector]

I would still stick with slutty on that one.

 

You're so sexist.

[sxyNYCcpl]

I am harmed by him doing so because that shows that he is not satisfied with me and our relationship. If he is masturbating to anyother women it is not ok. I am harmed because if he is masturbating to oter women then something is missing in our relationship.

 

What if, as a matter of fact he is not dissatisfied with you or your relationship? What if nothing is actually missing? Does that change your perception?

 

Why do you think being in a relationship with one person precludes garnering sexual energy from another?

 

I find it appalling that they are willing to degrade themself by doing the things they do.

 

What things? Why are they degrading?

[rainfall]

You're so sexist.

 

 

How am I sexist?

[rainfall]

What if, as a matter of fact he is not dissatisfied with you or your relationship? What if nothing is actually missing? Does that change your perception?

 

Why do you think being in a relationship with one person precludes garnering sexual energy from another?

 

 

 

What things? Why are they degrading?

 

 

Something is missing if one partner has to seek out sexual satisfaction through other people. I feel if you are in a relationship with someone you should be in it because you love them and want to be with them. You shouldn't have to share them with porn sluts.

 

As for what do I find degrading. Anything they do pretty much.

[manugeorge]

I would still stick with slutty on that one.

 

How can you be in a relationship and be slutty? You're not screwing around (basic definition of "slutty", right?), just screwing your SO.

 

Or are there other definitions of slutty besides sleeping around?

[Jersey Shortie]

Dang!, how you gonna cop out like that? where is JS fire and brimstone? You didn't ask me direct questions though, if you did, I really would answer them, it is kind of hard to read through 21+ pages of threads trying to extract your questions.

 

But fine, be like that then. What a jip!

 

 

Errrr, I have no reason to answer to you for anything. Your weak attempt to try and shame me into replying is elemantary. There are certain posters I find more engaging then yourself. Maybe that's why you feel jipped.

[rainfall]

How can you be in a relationship and be slutty? You're not screwing around (basic definition of "slutty", right?), just screwing your SO.

 

Or are there other definitions of slutty besides sleeping around?

 

 

If someone is posting videos and/or pictures online of them having sex then even if they are in a relationship I still think they are slutty. They know people are going to watch the videos and probably masturbate to them. They are posting them with the knowledge that they will be viewed by others and used for sexual satisfaction.

 

That makes them trashy (better word then slutty?) to me.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Something is missing if one partner has to seek out sexual satisfaction through other people. I feel if you are in a relationship with someone you should be in it because you love them and want to be with them. You shouldn't have to share them with porn sluts.

 

So porn is bad because porn is bad, even if there are no quantifiable impacts on the relationship. I see.

 

As for what do I find degrading. Anything they do pretty much.

 

So sex is inherently degrading. Not that I am even remotely surprised that you would say that. I submit your issue with porn is merely an extension of your unhealthy relationship with your own sexuality.

[The Collector]

How am I sexist?

 

Even if you think both sexes are equally reprehensible, 'slut' doesn't condemn men in any way the same way as it does women.

 

Off-topic, I am so drunk right now. Jon Spencer was awesome and I told him so.

[manugeorge]

Errrr, I have no reason to answer to you for anything. Your weak attempt to try and shame me into replying is elemantary. There are certain posters I find more engaging then yourself. Maybe that's why you feel jipped.

 

Um... Yeah, still a cop out:p

[rainfall]

So porn is bad because porn is bad, even if there are no quantifiable impacts on the relationship. I see.

 

 

 

So sex is inherently degrading. Not that I am even remotely surprised that you would say that. I submit your issue with porn is merely an extension of your unhealthy relationship with your own sexuality.

 

 

Sex is not degrading. I like sex alot actually. What is degrading is that your SO is watching other people having sex and thinking about having sex with them. Porn is bad because it shows something is missing in a reelationship because you are having to seek outside influences to be turned on.

[manugeorge]

If someone is posting videos and/or pictures online of them having sex then even if they are in a relationship I still think they are slutty. They know people are going to watch the videos and probably masturbate to them. They are posting them with the knowledge that they will be viewed by others and used for sexual satisfaction.

 

That makes them trashy (better word then slutty?) to me.

 

 

Trashy does seem to fit better. Just arguing semantics here.

[Jersey Shortie]

Um... Yeah, still a cop out:p

 

I feel like I am back in my babysitting days. Thank you.

[quankanne]

if there some specific behaviors you'd like to throw out there as being what men want, but women don't despite the fact they're providing it, it should make for an interesting conversation.

 

how 'bout this twist: Men want a whore in bed, but a madonna otherwise. If a woman expresses a "healthy" interest in sex, there's something wrong with her. I've encountered this a lot during my heyday, and my healthy outlook was somehow "warped" because I never fit into some ideal concept men have of me. Which is why someone like Lizzie can be refreshing in her blunt approach to a very natural function. See, I think men want women to fit inside little boxes: There are women you look at and jackoff to, and then there are the women you bang indiscriminately, then there's the woman you get in a committed relationship with, and she is not really allowed to be in touch with her sexual self because it threatens the average guy.

[sxyNYCcpl]

What is degrading is that your SO is watching other people having sex and thinking about having sex with them.

 

Why? You throw that out there like your stating a simple, indisputable fact. You've made no point that backs up your position whatsoever, all you've done is restate your position in different ways.

 

Porn is bad because it shows something is missing in a reelationship because you are having to seek outside influences to be turned on.

 

What if it's not to get turned on? What if one person likes watching, like one might watch a sporting event? What evidence do you wish to proffer that use of pornography by definition is indicative of other relationship problems? Restating your opinion over and over again is simply repetitive, not productive.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Men want a whore in bed, but a madonna otherwise.

 

MEN don't want anything. Man-A wants one thing, Man-B wants something else, and Man-C agrees with Man-A and Man-D thinks they're all full of bovine excrement.

 

But your original point was that some women were providing sexual experiences to men solely because the women in question believe that's what men want, not because they want it themselves. This statement has nothing to do with your original hypothesis.

 

If a woman expresses a "healthy" interest in sex, there's something wrong with her. I've encountered this a lot during my heyday, and my healthy outlook was somehow "warped" because I never fit into some ideal concept men have of me.

 

No offense intended, but I'd suggest if you're encountering this attitude over and over, you may be choosing your men poorly.

 

See, I think men want women to fit inside little boxes: There are women you look at and jackoff to, and then there are the women you bang indiscriminately, then there's the woman you get in a committed relationship with, and she is not really allowed to be in touch with her sexual self because it threatens the average guy.

 

At the risk of being repetitive, we can discuss this if you'd like, but it's not even remotely related to your original thesis.

[manugeorge]

I feel like I am back in my babysitting days. Thank you.

 

Yet another cop out. I know, I'm really bored tonight.

 

I mean the questions I asked have been asked before in some way or the other. And they have gone unanswered so I'm sure I'm not the only one who is curious about your answers to them. If anything it should be flattering that instead of telling you to shut the h*ll up, your opinions are actually being solicited.

 

You are fond of writing these long posts/replys, often repeating what you've said before. What is another one, eh?

 

But you said you don't want to answer them (wonder why) so I'll respect your choice and drop it.

 

 

 

 

 

But it's still a cop out though....sorry,sorry, I couldn't resist. Ok, I'm really going now:D

[Mr. Lucky]

There are certain posters I find more engaging then yourself.

Jersey, I always knew your heart belonged only to me .

 

Wait, was that mental adultery?

 

Mr. Lucky

[norajane]

Good one!

 

How about porn with actual couples in it? you know cheap camera in their bedroom broadcasting it for the world to see? What category do they fall into?

 

Exhibitionists.

[Jersey Shortie]

But you said you don't want to answer them (wonder why) so I'll respect your choice and drop it.

 

You're not respecting anything. You've contrived the answer that best suits your agenda and have attempted to twist things around to suit your agenda. It is for that exact reason that you are not receiving the answers you so desire. I am and never have been afraid to answer any question on this topic. If you wonder why you're questions have no received a reply, you should really take a look at your approach. Call it a cop out as much as you want. I will continue talking with other posters about the subject.

 

 

Jersey, I always knew your heart belonged only to me .

 

Wait, was that mental adultery?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Not at all. You aren't a fantasy.

[quankanne]

But your original point was that some women were providing sexual experiences to men solely because the women in question believe that's what men want, not because they want it themselves. This statement has nothing to do with your original hypothesis.

 

but I've moved on to my next point. It doesn't render my original post invalid, just takes another turn in the conversation. And really, both DO play into each other: Women are expected to sexually be what men want, hence the madonna-whore comment.

 

men want to pigeon-hole women into certain roles (as described before) and rarely appreciate the woman who breaks out of those roles. When you say, "if you're encountering this attitude over and over, you may be choosing your men poorly," you have a point. However, I was dating all kinds of guys, and invariably, they did not like being with a woman who was in touch with her sexual self. Probably because it meant they weren't in control, or something.

 

Deep down, men just do not want a woman who break the mold when it comes to sexuality.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Deep down, men just do not want a woman who break the mold when it comes to sexuality.

 

I disagree. Certainly speaking for only myself, I absolutely do not feel that way, quite the opposite in fact. But I am not men, I am just a man. I think there are more like me out there than you seem to think. Which of us is right? Who can say?

[quankanne]

I don't deny that there *could* be more men like you out there, but you're the kind of guy gals like us read about, not meet in real life. Must do a survey of my girlfriends to see what their experiences were and if that refutes my theory.