Guardguy Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Does anyone else get the relationship "Ups and Downs???" You know, one minute you're on a high because things with your boyfriend/girlfriend are going very well, but two seconds later, because something happened, however small or insignificant, you feel depressed or sad. I go through this constantly--more so now than ever with this new girl I'm dating. I'm a 29 year old guy, who's currently in a relationship with the same girl for the last 3 1/2 months. She's beautiful, fun, and always showing me new things to do. I really like this girl and hope things with her keep going this well. However, for some reason, I'm constantly going through peaks of really good moods and valleys of really sad moods. When she calls at night--I feel great, like this girl really likes me. When I don't hear back from her on email, I feel bad, and question what could be wrong between us. When she smiles at me and kisses me good night, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. But when she doesn't call or asks me to hang out for the night, I feel like it's the end of the world. I realize that it is very early in our relationship and that everyone needs their space sometimes. That is why I'm begining to wonder if something is wrong with me. Do I have a mild form of depression? Has anyone else out there experienced this before? How did you come to terms with it and get over it? What do you recommend I do to stop this problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 How about you stop relying on HER actions for your happiness? I think that's your problem here. If you want to see her a certain night, YOU ask her. Don't wait for her to ask you. It sounds as though you need some other hobbies to keep you occupied when you cannot be with your girlfriend. It also sounds like you may be a little insecure as well. Don't worry though, we all at least have one insecurity or another. I don't think you're depressed. You rely on her for your happiness which isn't a good thing. Your world should involve her in it and not revolve around her. Once you can be happy AWAY from her, it should get easier. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 I am thinking that this is just a form of insecurity, actually. i have felt that way at times, but you have to realize that its all going to be ok. is she really doing anything wrong though? i think something you could do is journal when you start feeling these feelings. or maybe call up a friend and talk to him to get your mind off of it. but you need to explore why you feel these feelings. maybe you have fears of saying good bye or being alone....or a fear that she wont like you- thus why you feel bad when you hope for something and then she doesnt give it. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Nothing is wrong with you at all. This gal is an absolute genius, knowing exactly how to keep your interest at its peak. If she were predictable, you'd be bored as hell. If she keeps this up, the two of you will be married in notime. If she starts doing everything exactly as you expect, you'll get bored to tears. You've got a real smart girl on your hands. The only thing you can do is play her game better than she does. haha Link to post Share on other sites
sunnie23 Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 i get that way all the time with my bf, and the general concensus here is that i'm insecure. so i took that advice, and like leikela said, when i want something to happen to make me happy, i initiate it myself. things are better, i feel better, and with all the pressure i had on my bf gone, i'm sure he feels much better. just be careful not to smother the girl. we hate that. ~s Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 There is a theory (which Tony seems to subscribe to) that this sort of 'excitement' is just the thing to keep a guy interested. There is another theory of relationships that says only some people like that sort of roller-coaster. However, the best piece of information I ever read was an article on how to distinguish between infatuation and love. Love trusts the other when the other is not near and is warm in the memory of the loved. Infatuation worries whenever the person isn't around. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 moimeme WRITES: "Love trusts the other when the other is not near and is warm in the memory of the loved. Infatuation worries whenever the person isn't around." Wow, I love that!!! What great wisdom and so true. It makes you wonder how many people know what real love is...or have even ever experienced it. Do you remember where you found the article? Link to post Share on other sites
sunnie23 Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 the only problem i see with the love/infatuation post is that Guardguy didn't say he was in love with his gf. they've been together 3 1/2 months, perhaps he still is in the honeymoon phase, which from what i understand has a lot to do with infatuation. either way, he does seem a bit insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
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