Why the anger..Can someone explain?

[Confusedtothemax]

Hi,

Been reading the forums for a few months now and finally decided to post for some help! I am 42 and husband is 36, we have been together 17yrs and have 2 kids 15 & 8. In April I found a strange phone # on cell bill and ?? it to husband. He lied and said it was a male friend from work which in turn he confessed a week later it was a female co-worker(just a friend). Well we had an argrument and things were bad for about a week but we kissed and made up and he told me how much he loved me things went Ok for another week. In the mean time I kept checking cell bill and about a week after making up he called her and was on the phone for 45min. with her. Well I was really pissed and asked him what was going on with her, he said she was just a friend and that she was married and had 2 kids.

 

Well after that day husband said he was NOT going to stop calling her beacuse it was only a friendship, he also stopped talking to me and told me to stop pushing him . Now I check cell bill daily and they are calling each other 2-3 times a day! It is now the end of May and husband has been sleeping on the couch since our last arguement. I tried to talk to him numerous times but got the same answer"stop pushing me". At the beginning of June I had enough and asked him if he still loved me (he said NO) then I asked him if he wanted a divorce, he said yes!! I asked him to move out and he did 2 weeks later(has his own studio apt..

 

At the end of July he came to the house and spoke to my daughter telling her that he was with someone(the just a friend) but now he tells my daughter that she & her husband are divorce and he just lives there because of the kids. he said that he thinks its his soulmate and he can really talk to her

 

I had been NC with him intill middle of Aug. when he called to ask me about gas bill, he was calm and talked to me Ok.

 

He has been picking up kids on either Sat or Sun and I do not talk to him or let him in the house. On Labor day he called and spoke to the kids, he told D that he had to got to the drs. that he was not sleeping well, had stomach pains, broke out with a rash and was loseing hair due to stress.

 

The week after this my son was sick and he came to pick them up for the day, well I went on the porch to talk to H and I was shocked, he lost alot of weight and looked very pale,could not see his hair as he had a cap on!

 

This past Sat. I needed to call H and ask him to at least let me know if he was going to miss a week of child support as he had missed the 2 weeks prior I was very calm when I spoke to him and told him I did not call to argue, his tone of voice was so filled with anger towards me and he was raising his voice! I asked him why was he was acting like this towards me and all he said was "I pushed him" I don't get it!! He should be happy, why is he being such an a$$ to me when this is the 1st time I have called him in 3 mo. Whats going on with him, is he depressed? Or is guilt kicking in? Why the anger towards me when just the month before he spoke to me fine.

 

Any advice, I am so confused!!

[stampdaddy]

I would venture to guess that the "greener grass" on the other side of the fence has died.. Things arent working out as he thought they would and reality is kicking him in the a-holey..

DO NOT let this change your direction though...

[Confusedtothemax]

I would venture to guess that the "greener grass" on the other side of the fence has died.. Things arent working out as he thought they would and reality is kicking him in the a-holey..

DO NOT let this change your direction though...

 

What should I do? Do I keep up with the NC? Did he actually lose his love for me 1 one months time? We have not had any major issues in our marraige except this!1

[stampdaddy]

What should I do? Do I keep up with the NC? Did he actually lose his love for me 1 one months time? We have not had any major issues in our marraige except this!1

I can't tell you what to do, but what IS obvious is this: HE LEFT YOU AND THE KIDS! For what?? Another woman.. Maybe he will feel like it's the biggest mistake of his life. Maybe you can forgive mim. Maybe He will do it again. Maybe YOU will find someone else and remember this.. There are a TON of "maybe's", and I know it's confusing, but it is for YOU to figure out..

[TrustInYourself]

Hi,

Been reading the forums for a few months now and finally decided to post for some help! I am 42 and husband is 36, we have been together 17yrs and have 2 kids 15 & 8. In April I found a strange phone # on cell bill and ?? it to husband. He lied and said it was a male friend from work which in turn he confessed a week later it was a female co-worker(just a friend). Well we had an argrument and things were bad for about a week but we kissed and made up and he told me how much he loved me things went Ok for another week. In the mean time I kept checking cell bill and about a week after making up he called her and was on the phone for 45min. with her. Well I was really pissed and asked him what was going on with her, he said she was just a friend and that she was married and had 2 kids.

 

Well after that day husband said he was NOT going to stop calling her beacuse it was only a friendship, he also stopped talking to me and told me to stop pushing him . Now I check cell bill daily and they are calling each other 2-3 times a day! It is now the end of May and husband has been sleeping on the couch since our last arguement. I tried to talk to him numerous times but got the same answer"stop pushing me". At the beginning of June I had enough and asked him if he still loved me (he said NO) then I asked him if he wanted a divorce, he said yes!! I asked him to move out and he did 2 weeks later(has his own studio apt..

 

At the end of July he came to the house and spoke to my daughter telling her that he was with someone(the just a friend) but now he tells my daughter that she & her husband are divorce and he just lives there because of the kids. he said that he thinks its his soulmate and he can really talk to her

 

I had been NC with him intill middle of Aug. when he called to ask me about gas bill, he was calm and talked to me Ok.

 

He has been picking up kids on either Sat or Sun and I do not talk to him or let him in the house. On Labor day he called and spoke to the kids, he told D that he had to got to the drs. that he was not sleeping well, had stomach pains, broke out with a rash and was loseing hair due to stress.

 

The week after this my son was sick and he came to pick them up for the day, well I went on the porch to talk to H and I was shocked, he lost alot of weight and looked very pale,could not see his hair as he had a cap on!

 

This past Sat. I needed to call H and ask him to at least let me know if he was going to miss a week of child support as he had missed the 2 weeks prior I was very calm when I spoke to him and told him I did not call to argue, his tone of voice was so filled with anger towards me and he was raising his voice! I asked him why was he was acting like this towards me and all he said was "I pushed him" I don't get it!! He should be happy, why is he being such an a$$ to me when this is the 1st time I have called him in 3 mo. Whats going on with him, is he depressed? Or is guilt kicking in? Why the anger towards me when just the month before he spoke to me fine.

 

Any advice, I am so confused!!

 

His relationship with the other woman is not exactly what he expected. It probably ended and now he's wondering what happened with his marriage and questioning the events that led to his current situation.

 

Typically we tend to blame others, rather than inflect on our actions and behaviors. His thoughts will be how you contributed to the end of your marriage, rather than how he has contributed.

 

The interactions in our relationship can define how we feel in the moment. These action/reactions can either feed or deny an affair. I think it's pretty obvious how your husband feels about the situation, now that his new relationship has gone sour.

 

He's going to blame you rather than blame himself. He's definitely woken up from the fantasy and the fog has lifted. The grass is definitely not greener. Who is to blame? Well certainly it's not his fault, right? So he's assigning blame.

 

In the past, you gave ultimatums and demands and took a very hard line with him. Do you still want to play hardball? That's up to you. The most you can do at this time, is take a responsible look at what you want. What do you feel and think about all this? Then decide the appropriate action to take.