This amazing girl....

[Soru]

Okay theres this girl in my art class that I really, really like. Like seriously I can't stop thinking about her. We talk occassionaly and I guess we're friends but I want so much more from her that it's killing me. I can see a relationship happening if I really attempted to gain her attention, but theres a problem...She's already got a boyfriend. Everytime I see them together I get so depressed, and theres nothing I can do about it. The thing is, she doesn't really seem to be having that much of a good time with this guy...Or at least thats how it appears to me. I'm a pretty confident person, but when it comes to girls that I like, my manliness just vanishes.

 

 

Flirting with her is the problem. I have so many oppurtunities, but I can't bring myself to flirt with her the way I want to. I always end up chickening out, and instead of being a confident, funny guy I end up being awkward. I dont know if I love her, but I really like her. She's always on my mind.

 

How can I show her that I'm different that most guys? How can I gain her attention and get rid of this damn shyness?

[johndoe0701]

You need to present yourself to others in the class that don't make you feel awkward in a manner that is confident and funny and most importantly so she can observe your interaction. Once she sees that you are a cool person and that you are easy to talk to she will be receptive to you when you get another opportunity to talk to her.

 

Another idea that works well and is an act of human nature is to ask favors from her. Start off small and then build up. The concept behind asking someone for a favor is that the person you ask will justify in their mind that you are a person worth doing the favor for. In essence they will have to "Fuss" over you and in order to do that, they will convince themselves you are a nice person worthy of their time and effort.

 

Good luck..

 

Johndoe

[Green]

Let me introduce myself I'm the most confident man in the world or atleast tied with the other perfectly confident men on this planet. There quest you can go on to once and for all get rid of your fear and self doubt and finaly realize who you are and how to "just be yourself" as most would tell you. I'm not sure how old you are or if your in HS, College or whatever butt you need to strike up flirtatious conversations with random attractive women, make them strangers like a customer at a store you just happen to be in... I mean I bet every time you go somewhere whether it be the mall, the supermarket, what every you good looking strangers... walk up say "hi" then try to talk about what evers on your mind then say you enjoyed talking to them and you'd like to do it again some time hand them your phone and get their number... then try and txt for dates... then do the oposite of friendly and romanticly persue them by trying to kiss and touch... and finaly you'll be ready. Remember strangers.... and attractive to you what ever that means

[SilkLeaves]

I'm sorry but if she already has a boyfriend, there isn't much you can do, apart from just being friendly and flirtatious. It may be that she is perfectly happy, but you are just looking for little hints that she isn't happy and enlarging them. If the relationship isn't happy, then you also need to be careful, as you may be the rebound option. And of course, you want her to like you for you, not because you're a friendly face during her unhappy relationship (yeah?). Even if they split up, I wouldn't advise trying anything for a good few months, so it doesn't seem like you're taking advantage.

 

Really, if you want this I don't see any reason for you not to persue it, but you'll need to understand that it will be a long time before anything can work out well, and you'll need to be extra-careful with it. You'll also need to prepare yourself for the other outcome - she may not return your feelings for her.

[superd]

I am sick of all this "you gotta be confident" cliche' advice. Gimme a break!!!

[Green]

I am sick of all this "you gotta be confident" cliche' advice. Gimme a break!!!

 

Confidence is the key, women love confidence, heck people general like a confident genuine person more then some self-doubting shy afraid to be himself person. While telling some one to be confident can be compared to telling a person to go fast before a race its not exactly the same because everyone has the power to be confident if they just ignore the fear and self doubt in their head.

[Soru]

I don't really wanna wait for so long though

 

I guess all I can do is be her friend for now and wait for them to break up, or maybe attempt to wedge myself into their relationship, and she'll eventually lose interest in this other guy? Most people say to just be confident, but the anxiety just takes over my head. I'm too nervous that I may say the wrong thing and ruin my chances completely, and I need to stop thinking that way, but i can't.

[Soru]

This just in....She broke up with her boyfriend Saturday! How the hell do I approach her now? Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated

[Green]

This just in....She broke up with her boyfriend Saturday! How the hell do I approach her now? Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated

 

just ask her out and don't bring up the fact she broke up with her bf, if she brings it up listen then try to change the subject gogogogo its all you

[Krajt]

If she's just broken up the chances are she will want to be single, or she might surprise you and want to date you, but be warned! You could prove to be a rebound and nothing more. Also, do not try and become her shoulder to cry on in the vain hope she will fall for you. It's nonsensical and manipulative. More often than not this serpent like behaviour lands people into the friend-zone.

 

Oh! You will also benefit from paying heed, NO WOMAN and I mean NO WOMAN is amazing. They start off AMAZING and then their true colours shine through and you have a ruined image of that person because you have built them up (mentally) into something they are not.

[Soru]

That is very true Krajt. I know next to nothing about her lol. But this is my chance to come in. I'll do whatever it takes to not be the "rebound" boyfriend, and I'll sure as hell stay clear away from the friend-zone. So I'm gonna ask her to Homecoming tomorrow

[Green]

lame, you should ask her to hang out... its alot pressure to just flat out ask some one you don't know to something like homecoming... ask her hang out, conversate... a few hours will go by and you'll feel like you knew eachother forever

[Soru]

So no to asking her to homecoming? I see what your saying and all but maybe if I can somehow ask her in a way where she won't feel like it's too much of a date?

[Green]

So no to asking her to homecoming? I see what your saying and all but maybe if I can somehow ask her in a way where she won't feel like it's too much of a date?

 

ask her out in a way that it doesn't neceseraly seem like a date like over to your place to watch a movie on your nice tv or to a barnes&Noble to look at books and drink coffee.... and then just be really flirtatious/touchy and if you havnt found an oportunity to kiss her during the date then just kiss her on the lips as you say goodbye

[Krajt]

That is very true Krajt. I know next to nothing about her lol. But this is my chance to come in. I'll do whatever it takes to not be the "rebound" boyfriend, and I'll sure as hell stay clear away from the friend-zone. So I'm gonna ask her to Homecoming tomorrow

 

Too formal, too starchy. I disagree with KMT when he says go in for the kiss, you can try it, but I wouldn't. Firstly she won't see it as a date, she will probably see it as two "friends" hanging out together, so if you go to kiss her or start being touchy feeling, if she doesn't feel ready for that, you will more than likely shoot yourself in the foot.

 

The art is trying to not to make a meet up sound like a date whilst ensuring you do not behave as a friend towards her. Do you play any sport like Tennis? Invite her for a game and that way you can have play some sport, have some fun and have a nice conversation without feeling like a date and without feeling like two friends are hanging out together.

[Soru]

Well the main problem is talking to her in general. That damn anxiety just takes over my brain and I dont know how to think or anything. No other girl does to me, just her. It's so frustrating because she's so "innocent" that it's seemingly impossible for me to try to flirt with her. I dont want her to think I'm weird or anything because I may end up saying something wrong and thats where the anxiety comes from. I asked her about homecoming, and she said that she was going to homecoming with her friends instead of an actual date. But then some other girl who hangs with her a bit told me that she was trying to meet up with some other guy at homecoming.... (apparantly her and the new guy aren't going together but meeting?)

 

 

I know that I have to step up my flirting game, but I just don't know what to do. Asking her to homecoming seemed stupid because I haven't spoke to her enough without feeling awkward asking her, and it does feel like maybe this other guy is a rebound. So maybe I should backoff for a while, and see what happens?

[Green]

I actualy don't believe in the rebound concept, seriously after I broke up with a girl I had been dating for a while I didn't go out with the mentality the next person I would date would be some hypothetical rebound person who I would dump... from what you described she doesn't sound like shes in some dazed an vulnerable state of mind right now where the next guy she dates will just be dumped or what ever... Anyways just go do something already man, flirt with her... I don't know why you built her up to epic proportions in your mind you don't even really know her yet your all fixated. Snap out of it and start trying some bold moves out... report back

[Soru]

Okay well today kinda sucked. Me and her actually had a solid conversation, flirting, and laughing right? So after I noticed her getting a little more comfortable I simply ask her what she's doing for homecoming, and she just says "I'm going with some of my friends..." I frown at her and reply, "that's no fun. You should go with a guy.." And then before I could say anything else, she nervously said "Well ummm I gotta pee." And she just darts into the bathroom

 

 

I was shocked to say the least. One of her closer friends told me that she (the girl I like) had figured that I was about to ask her, and the friend told me that she doesn't do well with situations like that. I don't know know how to interpret that at all. Is she afraid of hurting my feelings or is she just shy? The friend even told me that she was indeed going with her friends, but to also hang out with some dude who already has a date, and she seemed really excited. I don't know what to do. I'm just starting to think that she's just afraid to say no, and not come off mean. This sucks.

[Krajt]

It doesn't sound good, I mean why would a girl rush off to the bathroom when a guy she is attracted/interested might ask her out to homecoming? Her friend could be helping her mate let you down gently! I could be wrong!

[Green]

Soru you always go about this wrong I told you not to go down the Home Comming route. First off you shouldn't even care what she thinks or if she likes you just try and get her to hang out where its like a date but you didn't call it a date and keep that flirting thing going and then just kiss her out of the blue... and if she gets mad you kissed her be like you couldn't help yourself and it was her fault for being hot and batting her eyes or whatever. that was a pretty obvious/ lame attempt with the hole I think you should be going with a guy routine. Oh and you need to stop focusing on this one girl if your single you should keep your eye open for beauty all over town... you know kinda of the oposite of how a guy in a relationship should be... see a guy in a relationship technicaly should only have eyes for one girl if its monogamus relatoinship... but when your single its perfectly cool for you to flirt and look at all the girls around so don't get all obsessed with this girl who youve tricked yourself into thinking you know... and don't be affraid to give it a good hard try and get flat out rejected by her... be sneeky about it girls enjoy that.. Girls don't enjoy will you go to homecoming with me... as a first date. Its one step away from aproaching a girl wit flowers and candy the first time you ask her out its to much. girls enjoy mystery

[Soru]

Yeah I see what your saying. I just had mad pressure, and was sorta convinced to ask her by many of my friends. I now know to never really take their word when it comes to my relationships with people.

 

So anyway it kinda bothers me that she did that though instead of flat out talking to me, and telling me she had other plans for homecoming. Should I bring up to her how it kinda pissed me off? Because one thing I can't stand is when someone isn't straight up to me. This on it's own kinda zapped me back into reality and made me realize that she's not a goddess, but a typical girl with flaws and not to bow to her as if she was some deity. So in a way her little non verbal refusal put some backbone into my spineless self. But I dont want to come off as mad cuz she didn't reply to my offer like i wanted, but mad because she wasn't real to me. I'm still feelin her despite all this. I might just tease her about it so she knows that I'm not sour about it, and that I know that she knew I was gonna ask her out.

[Green]

Your not listening to a word I said. Firt off girls are never straight foward they expect you to read their mind... and to a degree its pretty easy to read their mind. Look dude just do the thing where you invite her to something non threatning that doesnt sound like a date and then get touchy and try to kiss her. I wouldn't confront her about anything unless you've given up on her and you think it would be funny to see her squirm... I blame you for all of this... stop passing the buck to her or your friends advice and take some responsibility... You can do it.