Should I Pretend I Don't Care (When I Do)?

[Owl]

You're deciding not to divorce...but you also have no desire at all to make your marriage better.

 

And you think this is good for the kids...how?

 

It DOESN'T give them a good environment. It doesn't teach them anything positive about relationships, marriage, it just teaches them that they should stay in a loveless relationship at all costs.

 

It MIGHT provide them a more stable income.

 

But it DEFINITELY defeats any chance of them seeing anything other than dysfunctional relationship behaviors. They learn that mommy and daddy don't love each other, and that its ok to cheat on spouses, lie to each other, etc...

 

This isn't 'moralizing'. This is pointing out to you the flaws in your logic.

 

I fail to see how what you're doing is GOOD for anyone...but yourself.

 

 

As to responding to the text...

 

"I'm sorry we went down this path. I realize now what a poor example I've set for my children in pursuing you. I realize that asking you to be my lover while I'm married to someone else is wrong. Please accept this apology, and I will contact you no longer."

 

If you're asking for advice on how to pursue this woman while still keeping your wife and family as your backup in case that romance fails...I'm afraid I can't help you there.

[jj33]

Bob she obviously has feelings for you and you are going to pursue her. So lets cut to the chase. This will play out one of two ways.

 

1. You will get into an affair, you will go back and forth about leaving your marriage and you wont because of the factors you have listed. The OW will be devastated. Do you really want to do that to her. While you are going back and forth it is possible the strain will ruin your relatoinship with the OW.

 

2. You will get involved with OW and eventually your eyes will be opened and you will leave, perhaps with less drama than I imagine and you will leave and live happily ever after.

 

You arent ready to do it because you dont want to leave unless you KNOW OW is there for you... but you dont have a crystal ball. She might say yes if you leave I will give this a shot with you, but there are no guarantees. The future holds no guarantees for any of us.

 

So you need to make a decision. Are you ready to end your marriage? Because your relationship with OW will stand a much better chance of being successful if you are clear on that and take steps to end it before you go through the drama of an affair which will be very painful for OW and is clearly something that violates her personal code.

[2sunny]

my last post didn't say stay in the marriage.

 

i just said that since you have chosen to stay - there's really no incentive for the OW to hang around - and i don't blame her.

 

if it's your choice to change that - then so be it.

 

but your wishy washy fence sitting is painful. why should the OW sit around and wait for you to decide that she should put up with being 2, 3, 4 or 5th on your list of priorities. that's really not fair to her and doesn't look like love to me...

 

just pointing out the obvious here.

 

she loves you/ you love her - so what? if you intend to do something different - you can allow her to understand that you are available - physically and emotionally AFTER you are divorced. that would be the fair way to approach a relationship with her.

 

if you stay with your wife - well then, accept it for what it is - faults and deficiencies and all... but stop whining.

[GreenEyedLady]

If you like the OW even a little bit, don't do this to her. You have no idea what you're asking and if she agrees, she has no idea what she's agreeing to. But she will find out.

 

And she may hate you for it, eventually.

[jj33]

GEL that is exactly what I have been trying to say - well said.

[frannie]

Uh, guys...gals....HELL-OOOOO???

 

Why is everyone telling me to FIX my marriage when there is nothing to fix?

 

There is no desire on my part or my wife's to "fix" our marriage. Period. We agree to stay together for other reasons: comfort, compatability, friendship, kids, our church/religion, social expectations, financial considerations, etc....long list. But our marriage is not about love; it never was and we had no illusions about that going in.

 

Bob I think you're getting the responses you're getting because you're setting up this idea that leaving has to be for good reasons (obviously), because to your mind, staying married 'for the kids' is the best for the kids. Well, people don't agree with this latter part of your thinking. People are saying, 'well then, fix up the marriage' because IF you are staying 'for the kids' then you need to think about whether that is actually in their best interests or not. What image of marriage, of love even, are you giving to them... and so on.

 

It's not (I don't believe) because people are saying you SHOULD fix up your marriage, per se, but that you are presenting just 'staying married', as opposed to being in a good marriage, as something which outweighs your other options: as you put them, 1) being happy alone, or 2) being with OW.

 

And on that score (number 2 option), I'd just say that putting that much pressure on HER right now would not only be unfair, it would jeopardise any future relationship you might have with her. You can't make her the reason you divorce. Just for example, what happens if you start to have relationship issues down the line, as everyone does at some point!... the temptation for you to throw recriminations, or for her to feel guilty for YOUR choice will be there, and damaging.

 

Now - back to my original question posed earlier today - what is the best response to that stunning text she sent last night? From my previous post:

 

""I haven't responded to her text, don't know what I should do now. I'm paralyzed with uncertainty and fear of making the wrong move. So I'll ask you: why do you think she told me this? She didn't have to say a word, but chose to share her feelings with me. Why would she do this?

 

And how should I respond? In a text? Jeez, what do you say to a heartfelt confession like that in 160 characters or less?

 

Should I call her and try to talk thru it on the phone? Or ask to see her in person? Should I confess my feelings to her or just accept her decision and give her the support she needs to stay strong in her new relationship?Help??? "

 

She is plainly saying to you that it's not too late, if you act now. She doesn't want support with her new boyfriend, she doesn't want to be friends (can't because of her feelings): she wants YOU. But she is very smart, and has made it clear she wants you on condition that you're not married. Otherwise it's game over.

 

Now, you want (or think you need) assurances from her that if you leave your wife, she will be there. Even that she 'wait' for you while you get your act together. Hence you're wondering what to do... go and declare love and ask for her reassurances..? NO. Because asking for her either to wait or to assure you that she'll be there if you divorce is as I said above, putting unfair pressure on her. It's up to YOU to make the decision on your divorce, she doesn't want to be a cause of that, nor does she want to be waiting in the wings. She wants you to be a man and do what's necessary and then come to her.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't reply and tell her how you feel! But asking for reassurance, etc. is imho the wrong way of doing it. And asking her to wait in any capacity makes her some kind of Other Woman, and I can assure you that she will probably take that as something of an insult, and unworthy of you.

 

That text, out of the blue after you'd given her a really hopeless, half-hearted 'goodbye' of a text that made you sound like someone to whom life happens instead of a man who is in control of his own life... well, it shows she cares immensely for you and wants/needs you to act.

[Owl]

For the most part, Frannie's 'interpretation' of my post at least is good.

 

I'm not telling you that you have to stay married.

 

That's YOUR choice to make, or not.

 

What I'm saying is that if you're CHOOSING to stay married...FOR WHATEVER REASON...then you owe it to everyone involved to make it a GOOD marriage, or at least give it your best possible effort. And that starts with ending your affair, and OW out of your life forever.

 

Doing anything less is NOT in the best interests of ANYONE...you, your kids, your wife, or even OW.

 

 

If you're choosing to be with OW...that means ending your marriage...for all the same reasons I cited above.

 

This isn't rocket science.

[JillnoJack007]

I do agree with not staying in a marriage just because you have kids. I know it's a hard thing to do as I've been in that situation. The situation where I have kids with my husband, he has another woman but he wants to continue the relationship with the both of us. I tried my hardest to stick around and try to keep my family together for our kids. They deserve mom and dad. I had it. BUT...They DON'T deserve an ALWAYS angry, ALWAYS arguing mom and dad. If its inevitable then do what's right. If there is hope, and you BOTH want to work at it, then GO FOR IT! I ultimately filed for divorce. I went the no lawyer route through divorce4her.com and it was the best move I've ever made. No excessive fees and additional time in court etc...With kids I was able to divorce my spouse without even seeing him. Weigh your heart but don't stay where you don't want to be just because....ONLY reasons you should stay because of...LOVE and RESPECT for your spouse. You guys were there b4 the babies and hopefully after they leave the nest. If you can't visualize that then question your heart.

 

Jill

[SerenityX2]

It's clear why you came here looking for validation. And I feel for you I really do. Trouble is you are complicating this and hiding behind the "big, bad religion" that won't let you do as you want.

 

I know you don't want moralizng, and I'm sorry but aside from thinking about leaving your marriage, you oughta seriously consider leaving the Catholic faith instead of making a sham of it.

 

Interesting how you never answered Owl's query about possibly going back to the Bible on answers God would give you.

 

If Catholicism was so important to you, you would have also known among the other things, they frown on sex before marriage too. We all do sin, correct, but the point is learning from that confessing and trying to do better in that arena, anything less and you are kidding yourself you are truly Catholic....sorry not only am I not like that...neither are fellow Catholics that I know...don't get me wrong, I know cafeteria Catholics like you exist...but that following isn't even close to what the Church teaches.

 

Both you and your wife and from what I read are making a total mockery out of it and in NO way are "practicing" Catholics. It's a hell of alot more than showing up for mass and pretending to do right. That's lovely that while living quite comfortably, you think you're sacraficing so much. But have you truly prayed for HIS will...not want YOU want, funny thing is, his will is what will bring you the joy.

 

God wants people from all pens, just because I am Catholic doesn't mean I think that's the end all and be all....there are many religions who are not as strict I suppose. However I found in following those rules i.e. God's path for me, my life is fully blessed. The point is you can still be on God's path and be of a different faith...or honestly, no faith at all...it's how you treat people....the Golden Rule.

 

I'm honestly not a basher...but when you take pot shots that "most" Catholics are like you and marry for obligation and not love...sorry but you are clueless as to what Catholicism is about and no wonder you are conflicted trying to live that, but clearly making justifications b/c you can't.

 

If you AND your wife can't tear down from scratch and rebuild on better ground...your best recourse for your kids would be to divorce...it's actually okay on grounds of infidelity and start over with new life and new faith.

 

You brought religion into this...I don't usually come onto threads "preaching"...but you act like there aren't loving "Catholic" marriages so I'm here to speak up on that behalf. Catholicism can be a source of great joy but not if you don't embrace those gifts, then it's an albatrose.

 

Sorry for your pain, but you, not God nor his tests are creating it...God doesn't give you a mountain that you can't climb or temptation so great that there's no window. Free will

[taylor]

It's obvious you want to stay in a loveless marriage and get your love on the side outside your marriage.

 

The OW is telling you that you can't have it both ways. Good for her.

 

If I had to predict the future on this one I would say

 

1. In 10 years you are going to regret staying in a loveless marriage..and when your children are grown and married you will envy their loving marriages.

 

2. In 10 years, you will regret not following your heart by taking a leap of faith with the OW. You will regret staying in your marriage.

 

3. In 10 years, the OW will be thankful and proud of herself for not letting you turn her into something on the side that could have scarred her for life. She will probably fall in love again with someone else and will marry for love. And you will envy her for that.

 

Where does that leave you?

[phoenixrising]

Bob, I've thought quite a lot about the posts you have made, because the words are so close to those said by my xMM.... when we decided to see where things went, at the beginning, we got to the point where you and OW are... and he asked me for just 3-6 months, so he could have the time he needed to get his mind untangled. But the whole time he said he was leaving... and I truly believed him, he was so sincere, and I had no doubt he loved me. But then after 6 mos he said 1-2 years, and then said "when this...", "when that..." and then suddenly it was 4 years later. We were so deeply in love at that point... but it had gone on so long that he expected that I would stay even when he felt he couldn't leave his family. He even told me that our relationship HELPED his marriage to be bearable... The problem is that I began to lose respect for him, as I felt that his waffling and confusion was simply a way to avoid making a difficult decision.

 

If you feel the OW may be the woman you truly love, it may be best if you could simply let her know how you feel about her. Ask her if she feels the same way. If you both do, then tell her you will do NC for a given period of time, say 2-3 months, and at the end decide firmly whether you will leave your marriage. Give yourself a deadline to make the decision and then stick with it one decision or another. But I do agree with all - if you decide to stay in your marriage, stay in it with the intent to have a true "marriage" not this sham of a marriage you are staying in for religion, kids... convenience... man up, Bob. A woman likes a man who can make a decision, and this wishy washy confusion is not too attractive. I finally asked my xMM to make a firm decision and to stick with it by letting me go if he planned to stay married for the near-term, and only to come back if he was free to build a relationship. It's been almost 4 mos since we "broke up", and while he made the decision to stay with his family he is finally following through on my request to let me go. I can see that he still loves me, but I respect that he's finally being a man I can respect, and not trying to have the best of two worlds. This shows me that he cares not just about himself, but about me. And while I'm moving on, which I have to do (and which your OW is doing), if things change for him we may be able to start over. If he had continued to try to have his cake and eat it too, I wonder how much respect for him would have remained...

 

Anyway, just my thoughts.

[81West]

It's obvious you want to stay in a loveless marriage and get your love on the side outside your marriage.

 

The OW is telling you that you can't have it both ways. Good for her.

 

If I had to predict the future on this one I would say

 

1. In 10 years you are going to regret staying in a loveless marriage..and when your children are grown and married you will envy their loving marriages.

 

2. In 10 years, you will regret not following your heart by taking a leap of faith with the OW. You will regret staying in your marriage.

 

3. In 10 years, the OW will be thankful and proud of herself for not letting you turn her into something on the side that could have scarred her for life. She will probably fall in love again with someone else and will marry for love. And you will envy her for that.

 

Where does that leave you?

 

Hi Taylor. I've followed your story, and the framing of your response to Bob made me wonder where you see yourself in 10 years at this point in your recovery from your EA. Do you think you'll still be married to your current husband?

 

If you don't want to respond to this (and on somebody else's thread no less!) I'll just take this opportunity to let you know I hope things are resolving for you and that you have a sense of happiness in your current situation once again.

 

(Sorry for the threadjack!)

[herenow]

So, having read only a part of this thread, please forgive me if this has already been discussed. The OP says that his current wife was there for him when he was going through a divorce. Does this mean that his current wife was the OW at that time? If so, it seems like there is a pattern here with both of them. Both Bob and his wife are having affairs now and it seems like their own relationship started as an affair. Sorry f I'm wrong about this, but it just may be a lifestyle for both of them.

 

The problem I see is, when does it end? If he leaves his wife to be with the OW, will the pattern continue? IMO, the Bob needs to face his own issues before he can be happy with anyone.

[Bob54]

I'm not telling you that you have to stay married.

 

That's YOUR choice to make, or not.

 

What I'm saying is that if you're CHOOSING to stay married...FOR WHATEVER REASON...then you owe it to everyone involved to make it a GOOD marriage, or at least give it your best possible effort. And that starts with ending your affair, and OW out of your life forever.

 

 

This isn't rocket science.

 

Owl, I don't know why you (and a few others here) keep insisting that it's up to me (and somehow, me alone) to make my marriage a GOOD one.

 

How exactly do you make a good marriage out of one that wasn't good to begin with? Let's face it, if it wasn't a love match 15 years ago, how's that going to change all of a sudden now?

 

And what am I supposed to do, give my wife an ultimatum and tell her to dump her boyfriend of 5 years or she'll lose me forever?

 

And what purpose exactly would that serve? Either she will a) obey my demand and dump the man who makes her happy just to come home to me every night - the guy who does'nt make her happy, or b) she will divorce me in a heartbeat to go be with the man who makes her little toesies curl... and throw our family life into total disarray.

 

Besides, why would I want to deprive my wife of a relationship that makes her happy if I'm not the right man for her and she knows it? I care for her and want her to be happy. She is - why take that from her for the sake of uh, "saving" my marriage?

 

Making my wife dump her OM and me letting go of my OW won't do a damn thing towards making our marriage any better. It would only serve to increase the isolation and loneliness we both feel. Isn't it healthier for both of us to have romantic love elsewhere rather than being bottled up with no healthy outlet for that expression of feelings we obviously don't have for each other now, and never did?

[Bob54]

So, having read only a part of this thread, please forgive me if this has already been discussed. The OP says that his current wife was there for him when he was going through a divorce. Does this mean that his current wife was the OW at that time? If so, it seems like there is a pattern here with both of them. Both Bob and his wife are having affairs now and it seems like their own relationship started as an affair. Sorry f I'm wrong about this, but it just may be a lifestyle for both of them.

 

The problem I see is, when does it end? If he leaves his wife to be with the OW, will the pattern continue? IMO, the Bob needs to face his own issues before he can be happy with anyone.

 

No, my wife and I were friends in high school and college, dated a little when we were young, but decided we were better off as friends. When I was legally separated from my 1st wife, we reconnected and as she was also going thru a divorce, both of us were lonely and a bit vulnerable. We winded up sleeping together a few times and...9 months later....you get the general idea. But no, she was more like a FWB, not the OW.

[phoenixrising]

Bob's comment: "Isn't it healthier for both of us to have romantic love elsewhere rather than being bottled up with no healthy outlet for that expression of feelings we obviously don't have for each other now, and never did?"

 

Yes, Bob - it's healthier for you, but if the OW feels love for you, it's certainly not healthy for her. Again, I feel that if you love OW you should understand that this is not in her best interests. Perhaps, given you obviously want to save your marriage above all else, it would be best for you to find a woman who is willing to settle for less than a full relationship. I'm sure you can find this if you keep looking. Based on my observations here at LS there are many MW who want a relationship on the side while keeping their "marriage" intact.

 

You may want to consider this, rather than continuing to pursue a single woman who respects "relationship" enough to not settle for less than a whole relationship.

[Mino]

Owl, I don't know why you (and a few others here) keep insisting that it's up to me (and somehow, me alone) to make my marriage a GOOD one.

 

How exactly do you make a good marriage out of one that wasn't good to begin with? Let's face it, if it wasn't a love match 15 years ago, how's that going to change all of a sudden now?

 

And what am I supposed to do, give my wife an ultimatum and tell her to dump her boyfriend of 5 years or she'll lose me forever?

 

And what purpose exactly would that serve? Either she will a) obey my demand and dump the man who makes her happy just to come home to me every night - the guy who does'nt make her happy, or b) she will divorce me in a heartbeat to go be with the man who makes her little toesies curl... and throw our family life into total disarray.

 

Besides, why would I want to deprive my wife of a relationship that makes her happy if I'm not the right man for her and she knows it? I care for her and want her to be happy. She is - why take that from her for the sake of uh, "saving" my marriage?

 

Making my wife dump her OM and me letting go of my OW won't do a damn thing towards making our marriage any better. It would only serve to increase the isolation and loneliness we both feel. Isn't it healthier for both of us to have romantic love elsewhere rather than being bottled up with no healthy outlet for that expression of feelings we obviously don't have for each other now, and never did?

Is this not sick???? Both of you, H and w decide to stay in a sham M and justify it with" staying for the kids" in the meantime... both of you are using others to get your needs met. Sick, Sick Sick... I think you and your wife deserve each other... MHO. Both are cowards in there own way, to selfish to make it right. All in the name for the children... Maybe you and the w should try swinging? That way you too don't have to lie to your ow/om. Hell, just hire the babysitter for the night and you could go swinging with your w.. It would be much easier, and much more honest then what your doing now...Plus you and your w will be spending quailty time together:rolleyes:

[mental_traveller]

You have two choices. Divorce, then marry this woman and be happy. Or stay married to someone you don't love, cut this woman out of your life, and be unhappy.

[frannie]

Making my wife dump her OM and me letting go of my OW won't do a damn thing towards making our marriage any better. It would only serve to increase the isolation and loneliness we both feel. Isn't it healthier for both of us to have romantic love elsewhere rather than being bottled up with no healthy outlet for that expression of feelings we obviously don't have for each other now, and never did?

 

'Healthier' for who? Certainly not for children growing up with the lies, nor for the other people who find themselves unwitting partners in it all.

 

For her sake, I hope your OW sticks to her guns and stears well clear of you. This has been a very interesting thread. I'm glad you posted in the OP forum, although at first I wondered why it wasn't in 'infidelity'... now I can see that it's a terrific warning and wake-up call for potential/current OPs.

 

[OWoman]

No, my wife and I were friends in high school and college, dated a little when we were young, but decided we were better off as friends. When I was legally separated from my 1st wife, we reconnected and as she was also going thru a divorce, both of us were lonely and a bit vulnerable. We winded up sleeping together a few times and...9 months later....you get the general idea. But no, she was more like a FWB, not the OW.

 

Now I SERIOUSLY don't get this! IIRC, you claimed earlier on in the thread that you didn't want to D your W because of your religious beliefs?? But yet, you've already gone through a D... Religious beliefs didn't stop you then... and if they've been recently sprung, you've still managed to get over your past "sin" just fine and indulge in - and condone - even bigger "sins" in the eyes of your so-called religion. I'm sorry, but this just doesn't add up - either your "religion" is just a handy excuse to hide behind when you don't have the balls to act, or you are the very epitomy of hypocrisy.

 

You're right dumping the OW, and your W dumping the OM, won't fix your M. Your M can't be fixed until you - and your W - are. Who I feel sorry for are your kids - growing up in such a household where hypocrisy reigns and they're told, don't do as I do, do as I say, and get shown a picture of "love" as alienation and M as a hollow sham, and adults as spineless hedonists clothing themelves in a verneer of respectability. Don't think your kids can't - or won't - see it; kids do. They may pity you but they won't respect you, and they certainly won't respect any of the hypocritical "religion" or the values you claim to espouse. Best start saving up - you'll need the money to pay for their bail, or their therapy, or their drug rehab.

[jj33]

Dont get taken in by the religious red herring guys. Thats is not what this is about.

 

As Bob said earlier this is about his finances, his family his friends the community i.e. "the greater good".

 

Bob what you say to the OW in a text doesnt matter - you cant have your cake and eat it too with THIS OW. Maybe someone else but not her and if she weakens and lets you be a cake eater you will ultimately lose her. But maybe that is what you want because ultimately she will expect you to leave and you dont want that.

 

You are asking us for a how to manual on how to be a cake eater. Wrong forum

 

Man up Bob. OW hit it on the head with regard to your family.

 

If you are staying for financial and respectability reasons (tho God knows the cat is likely out of the bag and howling on the streets on that one) then thats your choice.

 

Find someone who is happy being the OW but dont pull this woman into your mess.

 

Edited to add: And you say its about this woman. But its not. If it were your situation is so transparent you would leave. You want this woman because she doesnt want an A, you admire her values. A woman who was willing to have a no strings attached sex with you wouldnt meet your criteria. You want the ego boost of being with someone who loves you and wouldnt normally do this, but you dont want to give someone with that values set what she expects in return.

 

Its all part of your hypocrisy Bob but you cant seem to see that....

 

I was the OW in a very similar situation and if you care about this woman AT ALL you will leave her alone.

 

Its one of the ground rules isnt it? You dont play these games with someone who loves you Bob.

 

She is not just some woman you met in a bar looking for a one night stand. And dont say you are not playing - you are because you have nothing to offer her in return except the pleasure of stolen moments with you.

 

Get with the program Bob. Dont be so arrogant and selfish. You will hurt her deeply and she will come to despise you. Is that what you want Bob?

[phoenixrising]

Exactly, JJ - this shows exactly the thoughts that MM/MW have that pull trusting women (like me, unfortunately) into a quagmire of dishonesty, selfishness, false hope, excuses, and confusion. Given the toxic similarities with my own situation I am absolutely relieved that I finally ended my own relationship with MM. I realize after hearing Bob's words - which are so similar to those of xMM - I'm realizing how naive I was to believe any of it - and I'm no innocent spring chicken!!! Wow.

 

As for you, Bob, Mino's suggestion might be your best solution. I would say please don't try to pull any more innocent victims into your fantasy world, but I truly don't think you are concerned about anyone's needs but your own at this point. I would also say that you should take some time on your own to get your head on straight, but I don't see that you have the courage to do this. Heck, you don't even have the courage to ask your own wife to respect you by not flaunting her relationships in your face. Where is your courage? Your self respect? Your pride? Your respect for your children? Bob, you need to step back and see just where this path has left you... and so some serious self-introspection.

[jj33]

I thought that might resonate with you Phoenix. Been there done that got the T shirt.

[jj33]

And Bob. The lesson I mentioned a few weeks or months ago?

 

You need to really really look at your life and figure out what it is that you want.

 

Does the facade mean so much to you that you are willing to live like this for the next 20-30 years (or until your W decides to go off with one of these men).

 

Or are you brave enough to get out of this and risk finding your own happiness.

 

The road you now want to pursue is going to bring great unhappiness to any woman who gets involved with you because you dont want a woman who honestly wants what you want - it doesnt fit with what you believe your values to be.

 

You are working a big double standard Bob. You and your W can be unfaithful but the woman you love must be loyal and true...

 

I am not bashing you Bob. But take a good hard look at yourself. You are dangerous to any woman who gets involved with you right now. That cant be what you want.

 

You need to take a good hard look in the mirror and face who you are based on your actions versus who you want the world to think you are. You are a man in a sham marriage Bob. You arent the first. And sadly you wont be the last.

 

That Bob is your values conflict. I feel for you on a certain level. You feel trapped by circumstances. But you are not. You have the power to change things as surely as you have the power to hurt the OW by continuing to pursue her.

[MichelleS1983]

We are both Catholic and don't believe in abortion, so of course I married her...

Oh yes, you're what's known as a "Cafeteria Catholic." You pick and choose which rules you want to follow, all depending on how they serve you.

 

Check.

 

Sex before marriage, A-OK. Multiple marriages, A-OK. Lying, A-OK. Cheating, A-OK. Abortion - "God no, we'll burn in Hell because we're pious Catholics!!

 

Puh-lease. I love when people play the religion card.

 

Not sure if I can do this friendship thing, but I don't want to lose her from my life completely, so this is the only choice I'm being given...in my heart, I know she is doing the right/honorable thing.

LOL - you two honestly believe that? Go ahead and pour a little MORE sugar on this bullsh*t but it's not going to take away the odor of bullsh*t.

 

So I guess my only option now is to go back to my loveless marriage, focus on spending more time w/ my kids, and try to forget her.

Wow, you play the martyr role so well. I find it kind of amusing that you continued to breed with a woman you claim you didn't love. Oh yes, that's right - isn't that another Catholic rule that you can't use birth control? I forgot that was another offering on the Cafeteria Catholic menu. Silly me.

 

I can't be near her without wanting to hold her. I can't hear her voice on the phone or even get a text from her without my solar plexus doing backflips. I can't sleep at night for thinking of her. She is inside me somehow and I can't get her out of my head...and believe me, those thoughts have nothing to do with platonic friendship!

LOL - you are page #16 in the Mid-Life Crisis Catalog. How cliche.

 

They are telling me the only way is to make a clean break, even if I have to pretend I don't care for her. They tell me to stop talking to her, stop seeing her, do't answer her calls, don't respond to texts, just vanish.

Like you'd take their advice anyway. Maybe you should buy a Harley - alot of mid-life crisis guys buy a Harley, get a Corvette, or have an affair. You'd done the affair thing - have you tried the other two options?