Mysticrose Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I have been married for 7 years this year and with My husband for 8 years. We have 3 children and this year in June I walked away from everything and meet somebody new.Why did I leave??? My husband forgot I existed and I thought he no longer loved or cared for me and someone who was a friend became more. The problem is I now live 800 miles away from everything I miss my kids my heart is in a million parts I miss my husband I love someone else and I dont know what to do. My husband has begged me back so many times even though he met somebody new our emotions change daily and probably from reading this you can imagine what a mess things are. Can somebody please help me I dont know what to do. Rebuild my marriage or walk out on my supposed new life? I feel so weighed down with guilt Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 You just up and left your 3 children and moved 800 miles for a man? Do your kids and your husband a favor. Stay in the relationship you are in. Link to post Share on other sites
In Like Flynn Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 At first, second, and third glance this appears to be a easy answer. Go back and try to make the marriage work. Get back closer to your kids....noone is worth losing that. You don't want to look back 5 years from now with should of and wish I did this. Drop everything and get back with yoou family!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Lady, do you realize that you ABANDONED your husband and children? If your husband wanted to, he could file for Divorce, go for ABANDONMENT to obtain sole custody of the children(yes, that happens), and yes, your hubby would get it! Seriously, do you even have any idea how much you hurt your family?! Was it worth it? Were all the intense screaming orgasms worth the truma that's been inflicted upon your family on all levels? You could try to fix the marriage, but, it sounds like your husband has moved on. If he doesn't want to try to fix it, leave him alone, get a divorce, but, Don't you dare try to take anything away from him, including the children! He shouldn't have to pay for your selfishness! You did this to him and your children! He's not to blame. I know it's a harsh reply, but you have to face the reality of your choices, and where your choices have gotten you. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 You are aware that what you did is horrible! You up and left your marriage and children for some man. Do you even care about your family? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I have been married for 7 years this year and with My husband for 8 years. We have 3 children and this year in June I walked away from everything and meet somebody new.Why did I leave??? My husband forgot I existed and I thought he no longer loved or cared for me and someone who was a friend became more. You left because you felt your husband thought you didn't exist...And you thought he didn't love you. Well, it's really too bad you didn't communicate this with him, instead of choosing to go off, dump your husband and kids to go be with the other guy. Painful lesson... The problem is I now live 800 miles away from everything I miss my kids my heart is in a million parts I miss my husband I love someone else and I dont know what to do. My husband has begged me back so many times even though he met somebody new our emotions change daily and probably from reading this you can imagine what a mess things are. Can somebody please help me I dont know what to do. Rebuild my marriage or walk out on my supposed new life? I feel so weighed down with guilt How long were you gone? All you can do is focus on your kids, try to be the best mother to them. Make it up to them, that you left.. As for your husband, he's hurting and probably has no trust in you, since you left once, why should he trust you again? Go to counselling, work on you. Maybe, just maybe if he sees that you're a responsible adult who is ready to take on the committment of being a wife and mother, he may take you back. Until then, I wouldn't push. Work on your issues. Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I am rather understanding person but... if a mother abondones her three children to be with some man... she is completely worthless in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 We have 3 children and this year in June I walked away from everything and meet somebody new.Why did I leave??? My husband forgot I existed and I thought he no longer loved or cared for me and someone who was a friend became more. I'm sorry, but I think you're not telling us everything, or you're sugar-coating it somehow. You may blame your husband (possibly rationalizing your actions after-the-fact) for "forgetting you existed" (what does that mean anyway, can you explain that in more specific detail?), and you thought he no longer loved or cared for you, but that can't possibly answer what motivated you to leave your children. That action isn't about your husband, or anything he did. That one had to come from you. In order for us to understand you, you need to fill in a little more detail, and before I can even begin to try to understand you, I need to know more about how and why you left your kids. How old are they? Your oldest can't be more than 7, so your youngest can't be over 5, and probably younger... What kind of contact have you had with them since you left in June? ...I dont know what to do. Rebuild my marriage or walk out on my supposed new life? You do realize that those options are not opposed to each other, but rather they are complimentary? To rebuild your marriage, you would, indeed, have to walk out on your supposed new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Federica Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Please try to retain some sympathy and a little dignity when responding to posts. Whatever our personal opinions, please consider that the OP has taken the time to seek feedback in the first place. Whilst it is understandable in the circumstances to have strong feelings on the subject, distress can make a person seeking counsel, less articulate. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
theBrokenMuse Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I don't think it was just a case of boredom or feeling unwanted. A healthy thought process would not have lead you to the decision to abandon your own children so you could move 800 miles away regardless of what your husband did or did not do. I suggest getting into intense therapy to find out the real reasons behind why you would do something so traumatic and damaging to your own family. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I am in the first stages of a divorce & my w moved out on me after 26 yrs so it is a little different, but I am trying to deal with the part of the relationship that I had control over. I have been reading some books & trying to learn about this divorce stuff. One of the first things they say is; if you have doubts then you need to get out of the rebound relationship you are in. As long as you are in that relationship there is no way you will be able to work on your marriage. Even if you don't feel like you want back into the marriage you need to be alone & figure out why you did what you did. Get some counseling & work on your issues that you have. Most of the time if you find someone new there is a reason & you need to figure out what that reason was (unless it was physical abuse or drinking, etc) its not always just because someone would pay attention to you. I feel most of the time if you try & work on your marriage it won't work. Me & my stbx separated for 7 months, then after a year she is gone again. Even if you do work on the marriage it will never be the same & you don't want it to be the same because you already know it didn't work so you have to figure out what went wrong & what you can do different. That is one reason having your own time & not having the OP in your life is so important. I wish you the best because you have done something that will change your life forever. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Federica, Life is not about holding peoples hand when they do something horrible and hurtful. A mother who walks out on her three children for another man is not someone who deserves sympathy. She needs to wake up and do whats right and fast before it has long lasting affects on her kids and this is something that will hurt her children in the long run. She does not have time to seek a councilor to figure herself out because she has three children that need her. There is a such thing as being to nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 You do realize that those options are not opposed to each other, but rather they are complimentary? To rebuild your marriage, you would, indeed, have to walk out on your supposed new life. Please try to retain some sympathy and a little dignity when responding to posts. Whatever our personal opinions, please consider that the OP has taken the time to seek feedback in the first place. Whilst it is understandable in the circumstances to have strong feelings on the subject, distress can make a person seeking counsel, less articulate. And since your comment went to the issue of articulation, if it was partially directed at my comment above, I want to make sure I clarify... I wasn't just being snippy about the syntax of how the OP constructed her point. I was making the point that if she considers "rebuilding her marriage or walking out on her new life" to be alternative choices, then her thinking is still muddy, as these are not different alternatives, they are nearly the same thing, or at least overlapping. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 OK...here's the thing...at some point...you have to CHOOSE who you want to be with. And...just as important...you have to STICK to your choices. You faced the same decision my wife did about four years ago. She met someone online, and started to fall in love with him. When I confronted them, he bought plane tickets for her to live with him...she was faced with that choice then. She ended up not going...and it took her a while to decide that it was indeed the right choice. BTW...we had four kids living at home at that time. You chose the other way...now you're gone, and living with OM instead. And you're not sure you've made the right choice. There's no way WE can tell you if you did or not. You're the only one who can see that whole situation and decide which way to go. But once you decide...you'd better plan on doing WHATEVER you choose wholeheartedly, because your choices not only impact you, they also directly impact your children, your husband, and the OM as well. So...make a choice. Come up with a gameplan that supports that choice....and then follow that gameplan wholeheartedly to the end. Make darn sure that the choice you make IS one you can follow wholeheartedly...and in reality, only one of those two choices is going to be that one..and only you know which one that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Karma101 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I feel most of the time if you try & work on your marriage it won't work. I get the feeling that this is the consensus at LS - That reconciliations don't work. But on other well-known marriage building sites, they say that most marriages don't end in divorce, they end in reconciliation. Maybe this is specific to when infidelity is involved? Just curious, as to why you say this and why there appears to be such a divided feeling about marital reconciliation between these 2 sites. My own marriage ended with me filing for divorce after several failed attempts at reconciliation. But then again, he was a drunk, a cheater and no children (thank God!) were involved. Even so, some days I feel like I abandoned him and just gave up. Guess these questions are part of my own healing process... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 It can work, but only if BOTH people are willing to work their butts off and do everything required TO make it work. That and alot of love, patience and faith. Some people don't have it in them to try to fix it, in fears of getting hurt again, or it not working out. Some forgive, some don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 My marriage reconciled...and I believe that many can. But I completely agree with WWIU's points...it ONLY happens when both decide that they WANT to, and they both work long and hard on fixing the problems. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 You just up and left your 3 children and moved 800 miles for a man? Do your kids and your husband a favor. Stay in the relationship you are in. I agree. Her husband, hopefully stbXH, and her kids need to start healing. Link to post Share on other sites
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