Strip Clubs Not Just About Lap Dances

[Stepmom]

My first post so some brief history. Dated my husband thru HS and college. I broke up with him after college. He eventually married, had 4 kids, divorced. We got back together 10 years ago, married for last 5. We are in our late 40's and until now have had a strong marriage.

 

In June, he came home from a business meeting in the city at 3:30AM. Said he had been at a hotel bar but I knew it had been a strip club as I knew he wasn't having an affair. It took me 3 days to get an admission. Turns out he has been going 2-3 times per year with friends from work, to a "high end" establishment in Manhattan. I was livid as I knew he had been to strip clubs once or twice before our wedding and had asked him not to go again.

 

It has taken me 3 months to get nearly all info out of him about these experiences. He has been getting lap dances nearly every time, but only 2 weeks ago I found out he and his high-rolling coworkers have been renting VIP rooms in this establishment, where each gets his own stripper for the night (all sit in same room together with their strippers, talking and getting lap dances). On 2 of those occasions they paid (always business expense) $600/hour for these strippers to eat in the strip club steakhouse with them, then go to VIP room for a few hours. One night's bill at the client's expense was $25000 for 6 guys. This has been mind blowing for me. He insists you get nothing extra for this money. Frankly even if you don't get anything extra I see this as just too much like hiring an escort, walking right up to the door of prostitution to be acceptable, which it wasn't for me to begin with.

 

This is such a multilayered issue for me and I am evaluating whether I should be staying in this marriage. First, I am certain there was so sex in any form and he immediately promised not to ever go back. I do believe this. Says he was never really comfortable in the situation. My husband is not the most socially comfortable person and claims he is too nervous to get aroused by the lap dances, altho admits to the titillation. Insists he was there primarily for the guys, male bonding (?) and that the women become very secondary to the experience. He says many of them are not too bright and the conversation is difficult to sustain. Apparently hours in the VIP room is about sitting on a couch with your stripper, talking and getting intermittent dances.

 

I have been going out of my mind, crying everyday. 3 months later and can't get beyond this. Have seen my therapist a few times. To me, this is blatant infidelity. There is generally no one with whom to talk to about it. I see he is ashamed and humiliated by his behavior, but I ask what kind of person in a committed relationship would find it necessary to seek out this intensive female/stripper companionship, even if in the company of friends a couple times per year? He says it has only been in the past 2-3 yrs this has been going on with the VIP room. I know there is one guy in the group who acts as the organizer, and has questionable morals (he left once with his stripper and never came back), but I don't want to use this to excuse my husband as just following the pack mentality.

 

So what do I do? Don't want to make a hasty decision about leaving but am having a hard time getting control of my emotions to be rational. Don't know if I can ever feel the same about him. Do I have to give him a second chance since he probably won't ever go back? The deception has killed my trust for sure, but I think I am more upset that he would find a way to rationalize seeking out hours long companionship with a strange woman like that when things between us have been solid. He is now telling me he loves me all the time, altho I wonder if he isn't really saying "please love me". I have read at least 6 books on stripping and am convinced the strippers don't want these guys or even any physical touch in most cases. My husband isn't the type to be getting their phone numbers.

 

Sorry for length.

[The Collector]

There's a song 'There is no ****ing in the VIP room' Like it's a con, they act like there will be, but there isn't.

 

However, I know some strip joints employ strippers who are prostitutes when they are out of the premises.

 

Either way he's been lying to you about something very serious and seedy, and it's good reason for a break-up if you feel decieved and humiliated.

 

On the other hand, I buy that he may have been coerced by his friends to go there and not enjoyed it too much (but I bet he didn't hate it either) and if he got to put it on business expenses he may have thought what the hell.

 

But he knew he was deceiving you again and again. I'd rank it lower than an affair and say he may well have never slept with any of these women. But if my woman was doing this, she'd be lucky to not get kicked to the kerb, no excuses. Get him to give you £10 000 and you'll forgive him...

 

I have dated strippers by the way, and they are usually not prostitutes, just cock-teasers. But some are both.

[jj33]

I can understand why you are upset. I do however know men who go to these things with business associates and clients. Its not what they really want to do. Some of them cringe at the thought (and these arent my bfs so they have no raeson to lie). Yes its titallating but they'd prefer not to go.

 

They go because they feel that they have to. Sometimes Its a peer pressure - demonstrating that they are "one of the guys", sometimes a client or their boss really wants to go and they do it to curry favor. There can be a lot of pressure to go sometimes. Yes you want your husband to be strong enough to withstand the peer pressure, impress the boss and the clients with his work not the fact that he holds his own at the lap dancing club. But your husband has said he wont go again.

 

If you really love your husband and you trust him, aside from these incidents, perhaps if you go to MC you can work through this.

[TigerCub]

You do have every right to be upset, bottom line is he did lie and deceive you. I personally don't know why you put so much value on the fact that he promised never to go there again, when he already made that promise to you before and broke it.

 

You're right in that you shouldn't be quick to make a decision and throw away your marriage, but this issue does need to be dealt with because you can't get passed it and you can't regain any trust in him - understandably. Maybe you guys can try talking to a marriage councelor and hopefully you guys can work things out.

 

Best of luck

[quankanne]

don't dismiss the idea that it's peer pressure forcing him to join in the reindeer games, even though I agree with you being upset. Get thee to marriage counselling and find a way to work through this. Even if it's to offer him an out by letting him know it's okay to tell his coworkers, "yeah, the little missus will go ballistic if I go, and I'd just rather not have to deal with that for a few hours of titillation" – that might make you sound bixchy in their eyes, but oddly enough, I think they'd swallow that excuse a lot quicker than if he were to flat out say he's not interested, you know?

 

meanwhile, try to get a grip on your emotions, then calmly explain to him why this is a violation of trust in your opinion, that this *could* be a deal-breaker, but you still want to resolve this issue mentally and emotionally because you love him.

 

as for the rest ... hell, $25,000 a night just to rub your crotch up against some stranger's?!!! I'd volunteer to do THAT for a few hours, would it ever go toward knocking out past-due bills! THEY might not be too happy at getting a spastic chunky monkey gyrating at them though:p

 

seriously, though, if he's a decent guy to begin with, these visits might just be an aberration, you know? Especially if the guys are pressuring him to take part and he hasn't figured out an "opt-out" solution.

[Lizzie60]

To think that they've been spending all that money on strippers.. that he visited stip clubs before your marriage.. that he's been to clubs AFTER your marriage.. and that he never had sex with these women.. come on.. he's lying to you..

[Stepmom]

In all honesty I have to say he never really did promise me after that one confrontation before we were married he would never go again. I just assumed since my feelings were then exposed, he would have enough respect not to do it. Apparently all I did was push him underground.

 

TigerCub you'd have to see his shock and amazement at the depth of my anger and sadness, and his body language to know he is not going back. After my first therapist visit his first question was "are we getting divorced"? He's been thru one bad divorce and I think lives in some measure of fear of having to do it again. Too bad his judgement regarding that wasn't intact before making the decision to go to strip clubs.

 

I just can't get past the fact that this type of behavior shows an absolute dearth of respect for a spouse who is known to be opposed. In that vein, how do you forgive? I am really being tested.

 

He accompanied me to the therapist once, 2 weeks ago to "pay the piper" in his words. Told me yesterday he's not going back. I am overreacting and giving this much more power than it ever had on its own. Therefore, it is my problem. Nice, huh? So glad he checked that box. The therapist says the key to getting over this will be thru his empathy and disclosure. Still working on that.

 

Part of the issue here is just my shock and amazement that this man would be involved in this type of activity. Even when we were in our 20's, when you would have expected this type of behavior, he never participated. Said he was 40 before he allowed himself to be talked into going to a SC. That is how I know it is part of the work crowd, but still doesn't excuse his behavior. It has been a trauma for me to find out the man I thought I knew so well isn't that person after all. I have lost 15#, which is a good thing, but I can't focus or sleep well anymore. How can a 48 yr old compete with a 20 something body-wise? Even though I am still thin and attractive.

 

Does anyone know any couples who have gotten beyond this with time? I fear I won't be able to.

[2sunny]

To think that they've been spending all that money on strippers.. that he visited stip clubs before your marriage.. that he's been to clubs AFTER your marriage.. and that he never had sex with these women.. come on.. he's lying to you..

 

my gut says he's lying his a$$ off. he didn't intend for you to find out - so now he's minimizing it.

 

25K is a LOT of money! you don't pay that kind of money and not get the full benefit of the gals private areas. plus most men don't stand around until 3:30 in the morning just for a gal to essentially tease him for the whole evening. do you remember what his demeanor was when he arrived home so late?

 

the money they paid should mean she gave him anything and everything. if nothing else - they show the man their bare crotch area and stick the hiney up in his face - even with a 20 dollars lap dance. the boobs are normally in his face but he's not "supposed to lick or suck." then the gal grinds on the d!ck against their thigh so they can get off if they want to. even if it's not allowed... who's to say that a large man who's hard and popping out of his shorts can't accidentally slip it in if she is riding it on his leg?

 

lizzie- if a guy paid you eight thousand dollars for one evening - don't you think he would expect to get laid?

[djhall]

I have been going out of my mind, crying everyday. 3 months later and can't get beyond this. Have seen my therapist a few times. To me, this is blatant infidelity. There is generally no one with whom to talk to about it. I see he is ashamed and humiliated by his behavior, but I ask what kind of person in a committed relationship would find it necessary to seek out this intensive female/stripper companionship, even if in the company of friends a couple times per year?

. . .

So what do I do? Don't want to make a hasty decision about leaving but am having a hard time getting control of my emotions to be rational. Don't know if I can ever feel the same about him. Do I have to give him a second chance since he probably won't ever go back? The deception has killed my trust for sure, but I think I am more upset that he would find a way to rationalize seeking out hours long companionship with a strange woman like that when things between us have been solid. He is now telling me he loves me all the time, altho I wonder if he isn't really saying "please love me". I have read at least 6 books on stripping and am convinced the strippers don't want these guys or even any physical touch in most cases. My husband isn't the type to be getting their phone numbers.

From my perspective, the good news is that you recognize you are having a hard time getting control of your emotions and being rational. The bad news is, your reactions seem to me to be out of proportion to what you know of the offense.

You say you are convinced the strippers don't want the guys or even any physical touch with them. You certainly can't believe these women are interested in any emotional intimacy with the men either. You also acknowledge that he is not the ringleader and he apparently is not seeking out this kind of activity on his own, but is only going along when a client or coworker arranges it as business relationship building activity and he is not paying.

Then you turn around and say that the deception is less important to you than the fact that your husband is seeking out intensive female companionship and treating his interaction with these strippers as blatant infidelity. He obviously isn't seeking out this activity, or he would be going on his own or arranging these excursions himself and/or paying for it. Similarly, you are devastated by the companionship and infidelity with these women, even though you acknowldege that there is no actual physical or emotional intimacy, only the thinnest illusion of it.

I'm not saying what he did is in any way not something that you have a right to be upset about. I'm just pointing out that you are reacting emotionally to something you know is not real.

[jj33]

I do know people who have gotten beyond it. And the key as you say is the empathy and the trust in the relationship so that you dont even think for a moment that you are competing with the girls at the club. He is there, yes he may be titillated yes but its fake. They are not you. They dont have your depth (or if they do that is not what they are sharing in the VIP room) your history together etc etc.

 

Essentially its a question of your relationship combined with his empathy. Its a fact of getting older. The minute we feel we are competing with 20 somethings on pure physicality we lose in most cases.

 

His lack of empathy and his unwillingness to meet your concerns halfway are a bigger red flag to me than the fact that he went to the club. Its that attitude that may explain your furor and hurt over the whole issue.

 

I had a boyfriend many years ago who used to go to one of those clubs with his clients. If it had been someone else I might not have been OK with it. But he was devoted to me. I teased him about it and said what does that say about you - that you secretly consider sex to be a spectator sport? I am sure I dont understand, but to me it is a very adolescent view of women as seductive unattainable sirens. Now that I am older I think I would have a harder time with it if my partner went to one of those places. So I am not suggesting you should be OK with him going.

[2sunny]

can i ask why his first marriage failed? this may give some insight...

 

did they ever do marriage counseling?

[Stepmom]

First marriage failed he says because he felt it was an emotional wasteland. He initiated counseling, wife walked out on 2nd or 3rd session. I do know her, there are indications of alcohol abuse. I'm sure he contributed his own stuff to the situation.

 

He was under therapy himself for a long time for anxiety reasons and was guided by professionals in the divorce process. He and I met with a therapist earlier on, who knew the story from his first marriage and said it was probably better it broke up.

[djhall]

25K is a LOT of money! you don't pay that kind of money and not get the full benefit of the gals private areas. plus most men don't stand around until 3:30 in the morning just for a gal to essentially tease him for the whole evening.

You'd be surprised what men with money will pay to have attractive women pretend to be attracted to and exited by them.

2if nothing else - they show the man their bare crotch area and stick the hiney up in his face - even with a 20 dollars lap dance. the boobs are normally in his face but he's not "supposed to lick or suck." then the gal grinds on the d!ck against their thigh so they can get off if they want to. even if it's not allowed.

A very accurate description of exactly what you get for your money. A little meaningless small talk so the gal pretends to be interested in you followed by a lot of show with a little bump and grind. The bump-and-grind is rarely aggressive enough or sustained long enough for a guy to get off, unless he has a real hair trigger.

who's to say that a large man who's hard and popping out of his shorts can't accidentally slip it in if she is riding it on his leg?

Every club and VIP room I have ever seen, save one, has had a enforcer monitoring all activities and areas for that kind of activity and to ensure that the men are not allowed to touch the girls in any "priate areas". The clubs are ususally monitored fairly heavily by law enforcement and even one incident of a stripper letting a client touch her or deliberately getting a customer off can cause the owner to lose his entire business.

 

For 25K they could easily have gotten a lot more action if they were looking for it. Strip clubs are horrible wastes of money unless you are looking to show off, get an ego boost at having girls fawn over you for $$$, or you want to act like a big shot and show how much cash you can afford to blow.

[Lizzie60]

my gut says he's lying his a$$ off. he didn't intend for you to find out - so now he's minimizing it.

 

25K is a LOT of money! you don't pay that kind of money and not get the full benefit of the gals private areas. plus most men don't stand around until 3:30 in the morning just for a gal to essentially tease him for the whole evening. do you remember what his demeanor was when he arrived home so late?

 

the money they paid should mean she gave him anything and everything. if nothing else - they show the man their bare crotch area and stick the hiney up in his face - even with a 20 dollars lap dance. the boobs are normally in his face but he's not "supposed to lick or suck." then the gal grinds on the d!ck against their thigh so they can get off if they want to. even if it's not allowed... who's to say that a large man who's hard and popping out of his shorts can't accidentally slip it in if she is riding it on his leg?

 

lizzie- if a guy paid you eight thousand dollars for one evening - don't you think he would expect to get laid?

 

Of course, they got laid.. and got bj's and the whole nine yards.. it is very naive, to think that for $25,000 all they got was 'teasers' and girls to dine with.. come on.. this is insane.. they got what they paid for and more..

 

Of course they are no emotional attachment..but these men are addicted to the 'excitement' .. the 'kinkiness' of those girls.. these girls are professionals... they dressed accordingly... they know how to please men.. and for $25,000 let me tell you that they probably performed at their best.. they want to see those men again.. they pay well..

[2sunny]

You'd be surprised what men with money will pay to have attractive women pretend to be attracted to and exited by them.

 

A very accurate description of exactly what you get for your money. A little meaningless small talk so the gal pretends to be interested in you followed by a lot of show with a little bump and grind. The bump-and-grind is rarely aggressive enough or sustained long enough for a guy to get off, unless he has a real hair trigger.

 

Every club and VIP room I have ever seen, save one, has had a enforcer monitoring all activities and areas for that kind of activity and to ensure that the men are not allowed to touch the girls in any "priate areas". The clubs are ususally monitored fairly heavily by law enforcement and even one incident of a stripper letting a client touch her or deliberately getting a customer off can cause the owner to lose his entire business.

 

For 25K they could easily have gotten a lot more action if they were looking for it. Strip clubs are horrible wastes of money unless you are looking to show off, get an ego boost at having girls fawn over you for $$$, or you want to act like a big shot and show how much cash you can afford to blow.

 

well i guess when you put it like that i would bet money that it wasn't your usual strip club that they paid the bill to.

 

there are certainly private escorts around that will set up this scenario for men that are willing to pay.

 

find out where they were and who got paid! you have some follow up work to do. something tells me they weren't in an ordinary strip club after all.

[jj33]

The girls arent getting the $25 grand - it goes to the club and probably included drinks as well as the use of the VIP room. It is as DJ said the ultimate masters of the universe way of showing off. And the men arent paying for it. Surprising that any company is shelling that out in light of the state of the economy but there you go. And some guys do stand around until 330 even if they dont get laid. Guys who dont want to go home, guys who love a night out with the boys surrounded by beautiful women etc etc.

 

It sounds crazy but its a real ego thing for some of them.

[Stepmom]

Remember that the $25K covers dinner and no doubt an enormous bar bill...these rooms are called champagne rooms and the strippers get a cut of whatever drinks are purchased so I believe nearly half of this bill was accounted for by food and drink. My husband likes champagne so no doubt his clients were buying it in volume. Also, there were at least 12 people eating and drinking, and at least 6 strippers at the rate of $600 per hour for 4-5 hours. In Manhattan, and in this high end club, these rates are not shocking.

 

I do know the rooms are all monitored by security cameras and bouncers. I am not so naive I have not questioned these charges to death. Yes, my husband did lie to me for 5 years so I can only hope he has fessed up to the true happenings now that this has been exposed. I'll never know for sure. Knowing him for most of my life as I have, I really don't see him as being the type to have participated in a true sexual experience. I think he is a person who doesn't feel good about himself deep down, and any gratification came from the attention he was paid by a young woman (and that is offensive enough as it is). I have asked repeatedly about hand jobs, blow jobs, the girls pulling their g-strings aside, crotches in the face. He vehemently denies any of this has happened to him or his friends. He also says they are all in the same room while this is all going on and I know he would never be able to perform publicly if you know what I mean. He claims he barely gets an erection (ok I have a hard time with that one) if at all, and ejaculation flat out does not happen. He laughed hysterically when I asked if the guys all go in the men's room after a lap dance. He insists the lap dances are "clinical", impersonal and not as sexual as one would imagine. He also insists he has not, could not hold hands or make out with one of these girls as that would be too personal. He told me the last time he went he stayed longer than he wanted to because the clients didn't want to leave. On the way home, and not for the first time, he said to himself this is a depressing experience, and he didn't want to go back because it had ceased to be fun. He says the stripper veneer wears away the longer you spend with them and that many are not too bright.

 

My head is just swimming. What to believe????

[djhall]

Of course, they got laid.. and got bj's and the whole nine yards.. it is very naive, to think that for $25,000 all they got was 'teasers' and girls to dine with.. come on.. this is insane.. they got what they paid for and more.

The "standard" rate to be teased by a stripper in an upscale club is roughly equal to the cost of a good lawyer in the same area. The OP said the club was in Manhattan and the girls were getting $600 an hour, so that doesn't sound too unreasonable for the going rate of a high end strip club. (though it sounds absolutely insane to me personally).

 

$20 is fairly standard for a lap dance in a low end club in an average town, so it should cost considerably more than that at a high end club in Manhattan, probably two to three times that much. Those $20 lap dances rarely last more than 2 minutes as the clubs cut the songs short, so a stripper doing one 2 minute lap dance every 5 minutes at $20 each is making $240 an hour. Double or triple that at a high end club and you are looking at $480 to $720 an hour that these strippers are pulling in for nothing more than show and tease.

[Stepmom]

Lizzie there was no sex and no bj's. I am certain of that. 2Sunny I know exactly which club they went to in Manhattan. It took the therapist to get that disclosure. The credit card shows the charges as a Steakhouse, not a club, which was why I didn't figure this out sooner. They also had to pay $500 per hour for the VIP room and the night ended by 2:30. We live an hour away from the city. I have done the math time and again. It adds up to the story. The question for me is do the strippers actually get the entire $600 per hour? This includes lap dances which are not itemized to the $20+ charge you would expect when hustled out on the main floor.

[2sunny]

well - my xH denied seeing a gal until he had no choice.

 

even at that juncture of DDay he was trying to pass her off as some real estate gal showing him property in Mexico.

 

i had hard evidence and when he realized what i actually knew (which was a lot) that is only when he knew he couldn't minimize his affair any longer.

 

sometimes - men just refuse to tell the full truth. maybe even to themselves.

[jj33]

The strippers do not get the entire 600 - they have a split with the club.

[2sunny]

Lizzie there was no sex and no bj's. I am certain of that. 2Sunny I know exactly which club they went to in Manhattan. It took the therapist to get that disclosure. The credit card shows the charges as a Steakhouse, not a club, which was why I didn't figure this out sooner. They also had to pay $500 per hour for the VIP room and the night ended by 2:30. We live an hour away from the city. I have done the math time and again. It adds up to the story. The question for me is do the strippers actually get the entire $600 per hour? This includes lap dances which are not itemized to the $20+ charge you would expect when hustled out on the main floor.

 

25K to a steakhouse? i think i'd be checking on the logistics of what kind of establishment they are actually running. nice cover.

 

you know - even when we entertained large groups at high end restaurants for a meal and a lot of drinks the bill was never more than about 200.00 per person - including a ton of expensive wine and drinks. that's really only a very small percentage of 25K. the balance goes to the girls entertaining the men.

 

maybe it included the gals doing each other for the men to watch. that happens a lot too.

 

no touching per se- but the men get the benefit of the view of the gals with each other. every man's fantasy.

[JamesM]

Since a quick google search revealed which high end "gentleman's club" you are referring to, I am guessing that blatant sexual favors did not occur on the premises. Having said that, bouncers can be paid to look the other way when discrete favors are done. And with the club you mentioned, being as big as they are, police will be "tipped" enough to look the other way, too. The big concern always is an undercover sting operation. When guys spend as much as your husband's gang does and on more than one occasion, then I am guessing that they are considered safe enough for a few "extras."

 

Truthfully, I am guessing he is telling partial truths. Actual bjs, hjs, etc. did not happen, but I am also going to say that this does not mean he did not have a "happy ending" prior to his leaving. Lap dances cannot be considered clinical by any means unless one is completely nervous and out of it. These girls are professionals as Lizzie said, and their goal is to keep the guys excited until their pockets are emptied. However, if each girl has received enough tips, then it is easy enough to "finish" the guy off before he leaves so that he comes back again. A few extra "grinds" or an extra tough is all it takes at that point.

 

Otherwise, I really am stuck as to why guys would pay $600 an hour without receiving complete satisfaction. High end Manhattan escorts cannot be much more expensive than that, can they?

 

I may be showing some ignorance regarding strip clubs, but enough online reviews have shown me that anything can happen at strip clubs...all depending on location and the amount of money laid down.

 

As for your marriage, I am definitely on the side that says this can be worked out. It will take work and complete honesty, but I have seen worse situations end quite happily. He needs to always let you know where he will be when on these company trips, and he needs to have his cell phone on. If his goal is to have you trust him, then he needs to bend over backwards to earn that trust.

[2sunny]

If his goal is to have you trust him, then he needs to bend over backwards to earn that trust.

 

exactly! and because it seems the opposite is happening - is why it seems that something is more than fishy.

 

 

either way - that was a very expensive steak - i hope it was worth ruining his wife's trust over an expensive steak, some expensive champagne and some naked women. all for the sake of good business relations.

[djhall]

Lap dances cannot be considered clinical by any means unless one is completely nervous and out of it.

The problem is, the girls don't really enjoy the contact or like the customers, and it is hard to pretend convincingly otherwise. Even if they are as convincing as hell, the rules and the structure of the environment don't really let you forget. "Oh, you are so cute, you get me so excited, hey, don't touch!' "Oh, you are so interesting and fun to be with, but the song just ended, so do you have another $20?"

These girls are professionals as Lizzie said, and their goal is to keep the guys excited until their pockets are emptied. However, if each girl has received enough tips, then it is easy enough to "finish" the guy off before he leaves so that he comes back again.

This would cause its own set of problems. First not every guy want to leave with a wet spot on the front of his pants and underwear full of cum. Second, when the happy ending happens, the flow of cash ends too, and guys aren't going to keep paying for tease when they know they can get an orgasm. How do you know when you've gotten all their cash? Why would they pay $15,000 if they got a happy ending after $10,000 the last time? If you only do it at closing time so you don't lose more business, why would they come in and start paying early in the evening instead of waiting till closing? Finally, if he can get a happy ending that way, why can't he get a HJ inside the pants? If so, why can't he get one with you rubbing it ouside the pants? You gotta draw the line unless you are going to front for prostitution and risk the whole business, and the line gets drawn typically at not getting the customer off.

Otherwise, I really am stuck as to why guys would pay $600 an hour without receiving complete satisfaction. High end Manhattan escorts cannot be much more expensive than that, can they?

Because the guys usually are not looking for sex per se. In a typical strip club, even a regular guy who is nothing most women would look twice at gets to look at attractive naked women half his age who are willing to pretend that he is interesting and attractive and a magnet for all kinds of horny young women. He knows it isn't true, but as long as he keeps spending money, which he can earn more of, he get to see naked women he would otherwise never get near and gets to experience at least the superficial experience of having young attractive women fawning over him and competing with each other for his attention, which is something he would never otherwise experience.

 

In the case of the high end clubs, this is supplemented by the experiece of being a "big shot". You get to show off how much money you can afford to blow, you get pampered and fawned over, you get to hang in the "VIP room", etc. The average exec gets to pretend to be a movie star or celebrity for a while.