Ex contacts you after a LONG time

[Rhythm28]

My ex tried to make contact with me recently. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Dumped me. No biggie. Went our own seperate ways.

 

It was an ugly break up on her part so it's not like she could call me and say hello as if nothing happened. Lots of bad blood.

 

When an ex has contacted you after a considerable amount of time, did they try and crawl back or did they act as if nothing happened? Just curious to hear other stories.

[0hpenelope]

My ex tried to make contact with me recently. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Dumped me. No biggie. Went our own seperate ways.

 

It was an ugly break up on her part so it's not like she could call me and say hello as if nothing happened. Lots of bad blood.

 

When an ex has contacted you after a considerable amount of time, did they try and crawl back or did they act as if nothing happened? Just curious to hear other stories.

 

 

Dear sweet jeebus, 3 years?! What the heck?

 

The longest time period I had was a year and when Derek said hi, I just kind of stared at him with a blank face. I don't necessarily know if he acted as if nothing happened. Actually, I don't even remember and I really don't care to remember.

 

You sound like it didn't you weren't fazed, so that good. But man, if Lawrence tried to get in touch with me after that time I'd imagine I'd run the opposite direction - or something close to it. Geez... 3 years... I'm sorry, I know this happens to some people, but I just can't imagine not letting sleeping dogs lie. I hope you don't interpret my reaction as rude. I'm just "What the heck?" all over the place right now.

 

My avatar pretty much sums up my reaction.

[Geishawhelk]

Why did she contact you?

Was there something specific, or was she just doing it "for ol' times' sake".......?

[EmperorR]

maybe realized tv grass isn't greener on the other side

[Rhythm28]

Why did she contact you?

Was there something specific, or was she just doing it "for ol' times' sake".......?

 

 

Don't know. She hung up when I finally answered. I'm guessing it may have something to do with her engagement to another guy breaking off.

[CaliGuy]

If she recently was dumped, broke off an engagement or whatever, the reason she is contacting you is simple.

 

She needs an ego boost and wants to get it from you.

 

If she dumped you and you haven't talked in three years, do you think you were ever a priority in her life? No, of course not. She doesn't have regrets. If she did she would have broken it off with that guy and pursued you heavily. Also, she called and did not say anything. How *chicken bleep* is that?!

 

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. You can prove to her that you're fine without her by not acknowledging her at all. Don't answer the phone when she calls, don't reply to VMs or Email. Simply move on with your life without her. Like the movie Swingers -- You don't call! Ever.

 

Think of this as an ego boost for you, especially if you don't respond to her. After three years, she called you. Good for you. Now just ignore her and the tables will be turned. Instead of her ego being boosted, YOURS is

[BackonTrack]

3 years is a long time.

I called an ex up that I dumped 8 years later, after I was hurt.

I realized, oh my god, this must of been what my ex was going through when I ended it with her.

 

Turns out she wasn't inlove with me anymore but still gave me a shot to be with her. Hanging around her made me realize why I dumped her and why I was with her. She hadn't changed at all. She was like I remember, more mature, smarter, she's on her way to get a pHD. She was always bright. She said she never stop loving me but realized how I viewed her, so she stop investing emmotional support into me because she knew nothing will come out of it. She said the happyiest she has ever been was with me, she said because we never argued.

 

By sheer luck, another ex of 8 years whom I stop seeing contacted me 2 weeks later. She said she always wondered what happen to me. I don't think she stop loving me. She said she seen me on myspace and wasn't sure if she should contact me, she thought I would not respond, leads me to believe she still had feelings for me all that time.

 

I started datting her as a result, she wanted more. She knows I do not care for her in that way. She stop giving me what I wanted (sex and company) once she realized the relationship would not progress. I have not spoken to her in 2 weeks. I've started datting her after my most recent ex and I broke up.

 

My current EX, has not attempted to contact me in 7 months, except once to menton I was harassing her. No word after that. Something was wrong with her mentally. I think she wanted more, I did not give it to her. She started cheating on me. We were together 9 months.

That was about 14 months ago. It ended officially about 7 months ago.

 

If this current ex attempts to contact me after any period in time, I do not think I will respond. I think I will just leave it in the past. Its all based on situtation, and in your particular case, well your ex will call back if she really wants to talk to you. If not just write it off as her needing someone to talk too since her engagement was broken off and she thought of you.

 

If you don't have any bad memories then give her a call.

Why not catch up? Afterall you guys were intimate with each other.

[Frankasy]

Well actually I was in the same situation as you expect that I called my ex and I dumped her 3 years after. She seemed happy to see me at first but than I found out that she had a bf. I almost got into a fight but decided to let the summer come and when school began I would deal with it. I found true love during the summer and I stopped caring about her, she wasn't worth it.

 

Oh and yeah, I called her 3 years after with the hope of getting back together although now I regret wasting those 3 minutes on the phone with her.

[Rhythm28]

If she recently was dumped, broke off an engagement or whatever, the reason she is contacting you is simple.

 

She needs an ego boost and wants to get it from you.

 

If she dumped you and you haven't talked in three years, do you think you were ever a priority in her life? No, of course not. She doesn't have regrets. If she did she would have broken it off with that guy and pursued you heavily. Also, she called and did not say anything. How *chicken bleep* is that?!

 

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. You can prove to her that you're fine without her by not acknowledging her at all. Don't answer the phone when she calls, don't reply to VMs or Email. Simply move on with your life without her. Like the movie Swingers -- You don't call! Ever.

 

 

 

Think of this as an ego boost for you, especially if you don't respond to her. After three years, she called you. Good for you. Now just ignore her and the tables will be turned. Instead of her ego being boosted, YOURS is

 

 

Oh yeah it was an ego boost. I must have done at least one thing right Kinda like I won the "game". Who would break down first. Wasn't me.

[Intergalactic]

my ex ex from about 5 years ago sometimes txts or calls or msgs me on msn to tell me that i'm awesome and i look great and that he's "never found anyone like me". it makes me feel great because i just don't care anymore!

[Rhythm28]

If she recently was dumped, broke off an engagement or whatever, the reason she is contacting you is simple.

 

She needs an ego boost and wants to get it from you.

 

If she dumped you and you haven't talked in three years, do you think you were ever a priority in her life? No, of course not. She doesn't have regrets. If she did she would have broken it off with that guy and pursued you heavily. Also, she called and did not say anything. How *chicken bleep* is that?!

 

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. You can prove to her that you're fine without her by not acknowledging her at all. Don't answer the phone when she calls, don't reply to VMs or Email. Simply move on with your life without her. Like the movie Swingers -- You don't call! Ever.

 

Think of this as an ego boost for you, especially if you don't respond to her. After three years, she called you. Good for you. Now just ignore her and the tables will be turned. Instead of her ego being boosted, YOURS is

 

Hey dude, I just read a thread you started back in '05. The person you were then and the person you are now are a complete 180. What happened? Did you get her back? I've read alot of your posts and while they're pretty much "right on" it seems like you've got some hostility pent up inside. Not a bad thing as this is the place to get it out. How did that situation turn out by the way? Just curious.

[CaliGuy]

Hey dude, I just read a thread you started back in '05. The person you were then and the person you are now are a complete 180. What happened? Did you get her back? I've read alot of your posts and while they're pretty much "right on" it seems like you've got some hostility pent up inside. Not a bad thing as this is the place to get it out. How did that situation turn out by the way? Just curious.

 

 

Nope, I didn't and that's a blessing in and of itself Be thankful that we oft times do not not get what we want.

 

I think a lot of people tend to take a post as being hostile. When I formulate a reply, it's never with malice intended. Just a healthy dose of reality. It’s the same sort of advice I got when I came to LS (and quite often ignored). Even today I still make mistakes. We're all human. As long as we're learning from them and moving forward, that's all we can do.

[joybean72]

If my stbx contacts me years down the road once this divorce is final for any reason, I'd keel over! Well I'd say, "F*%K YOU!"....then I'd keel over.

[sunshinegirl]

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. You can prove to her that you're fine without her by not acknowledging her at all. Don't answer the phone when she calls, don't reply to VMs or Email. Simply move on with your life without her. Like the movie Swingers -- You don't call! Ever.

 

You do see the irony/contradiction in the above, right? You're not indifferent if you're trying to prove something.

 

Indifference is not caring whether the person is in touch, and not caring whether or not you respond - saying hi if you feel like it, or not responding because you don't feel like it.

 

[BCCA]

You do see the irony/contradiction in the above, right? You're not indifferent if you're trying to prove something.

 

Indifference is not caring whether the person is in touch, and not caring whether or not you respond - saying hi if you feel like it, or not responding because you don't feel like it.

 

 

I think what he was trying to say is that to get there, you need to put this person completely out of your life for long enough to let the feelings wear off. Becoming indifferent, to me, takes a really long time. It's not something you can force or wait for. It just happens one day, and usually by the time it does, the ex is so far removed from your life that being friends seems pointless.

[CaliGuy]

I think what he was trying to say is that to get there, you need to put this person completely out of your life for long enough to let the feelings wear off. Becoming indifferent, to me, takes a really long time. It's not something you can force or wait for. It just happens one day, and usually by the time it does, the ex is so far removed from your life that being friends seems pointless.

 

Exactly. And sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it...

[Taramere]

I think usually it depends on an ex's method of trying to contact you. If it's through something like Facebook, I wouldn't read anything into that other than boredom and curiosity. I think after a certain amount of time, bumping into/hearing from an ex just becomes a case of "Wow - you! How are you doing?"

 

On the other hand, if it was a really acrimonious break-up then that's a bit different. She maybe wants to try to resolve things if she's had a sudden blast of awareness of guilt about behaving badly - and wants to speak to you with the ultimate aim of making herself feel better. I can't imagine a rational person could think that an ex they'd parted on bad terms with would want to hear from them three years later. So my bet is that whatever her motives for contacting you might be, they're primarily selfish ones.

 

As long as you've resolved things in your own mind and don't feel you'd derive any benefit from meeting her, I'd be inclined to completely ignore her efforts to contact you. Even a gracious rebuffal can be regarded as encouragement by a particularly nostalgic or lonely ex....and it's not as though you owe her anything.

[Melrapuo]

You do see the irony/contradiction in the above, right? You're not indifferent if you're trying to prove something.

 

Indifference is not caring whether the person is in touch, and not caring whether or not you respond - saying hi if you feel like it, or not responding because you don't feel like it.

 

 

Well, I can see what you're getting at. But I don't believe that you have to be like "I'm gonna prove to you that I don't need you by not contacting you/responding to your calls!" Think of it more us just a /shrug. You see they called or texted or whatever, and you just do nothing about it. You let the phone ring, delete the e-mail or message.

 

Paying no attention to it is indifference. Indifference comes from NEVER contacting them back. And I think either way, if you are trying to prove something or not, indifference still stays as indifference. Its all about the intentions on the part who is indifferent.

 

Can I say indifferent/indifference enough? lol

[l0stMike]

I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and ask something...

 

Do all ex's think this way, and behave this way? Isn't there anyone out there who is an ex or has an ex and would pick up out of genuine curiosity or some other bottled feeling? Or does everyone just have to play the "if its in the past, it stays in the past" game?

 

Honestly, if my ex called me, I'd pick up. I'm single now and regardless of how I feel about her or not, I'd still hear her out. Am I really a minority, and if so, is that a bad thing? I'd rather talk about things regardless if they have the outcome that I want or don't want. It's a conversation that may be meant to happen regardless of what it's about.

 

The whole "what's meant to be, will be" conundrum doesn't always result from someone not taking action.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and ask something...

 

Do all ex's think this way, and behave this way? Isn't there anyone out there who is an ex or has an ex and would pick up out of genuine curiosity or some other bottled feeling? Or does everyone just have to play the "if its in the past, it stays in the past" game?

 

Honestly, if my ex called me, I'd pick up. I'm single now and regardless of how I feel about her or not, I'd still hear her out. Am I really a minority, and if so, is that a bad thing? I'd rather talk about things regardless if they have the outcome that I want or don't want. It's a conversation that may be meant to happen regardless of what it's about.

 

The whole "what's meant to be, will be" conundrum doesn't always result from someone not taking action.

 

I had an ex who I ran into time-to-time, and since it wasn't a bad breakup, I got a kick out of seeing him. We'd both married and had kids, were friends I thought, then he was going through a D and showed up at my place (this was between this M and my last) thinking we could hook up. That was weird, and a NO.

 

I see no reason not to talk to an ex unless it causes a problem, for you, him/her, or the new partner. I mean, you were friends once, right?

[downcydeguy]

If my ex tried to contact me, I'd probably have heart failure. I haven't seen her in over 3 years and found out that she moved away a little while back. However, I'd answer her call/text/email if she did make the attempt. I know we'd never get back together but I still care for her well-being. I think it'd be pretty cool to catch up a little.

[BackonTrack]

I have had sex with about 12 or 13 females. Not many. I am 24 years old. Out of those females, i had relationships with roughly 4 of them. 3 of them well, it was more like FWB relationships. One of them was serious though.

 

The one that was serious, the whore cheated on me for many months, lied, deceived me, tricked me, fooled me, then had the nerve to blame me for everything, tell lies on me and even started bragging about her new dude.

She lied to her family, lied to her friends, lied to EVERYONE. When my mind cleared up, and I really sat down and thought about what happen,

I have no words. The only thing that comes to mind is "wow."

 

 

I came to about 7 months later with my bills backed up, my business in shambles and wondering where I was for the last 7 months.

 

I don't hate her or anything, but I am just stating the facts of what happen from my own prespective. I think it all depends on how the break-up occured if you should speak to or not. Other than that, I am still on talking basis with all of my previous girlfriends.

[BKLovesWho]

I contacted my ex after 23 years. She asked me what i had been up to ans I began after I retired from the Air Force. She started after I broke up with her. I should have told her the truth but I could never she "is" the only person that I care what she thinks of me. I told her I was sorry for being such a jerk when we were younger. She said I wasn't a jerk just "very focused" I haven't a clue what that means............