Wife left one month ago.

[Titan]

My wife and I are 28 years old. We have been together for 10 years and married for three before she decided that she wanted to move out for a couple days. Her reason for this is because she got to the point where she hated when I came home and she needed time to think - although she said at that time a divorce was not in her mind.

 

Our relationship has been struggling because of all the same reasons as I"ve been reading her. I took her for granted and all she has done for us, constantly took from the relationship without giving back and I was always complaining and unhappy. I knew she would get aggravated with me but she would always say she loves me, accepts me for who I am and will always be here for me. Well, that changed because she has been dying inside little by little and quit trying to work on our relationship until she got up and left.

 

She moved in with her family, and now she is not sure if she wants a divorce or not. One week after she moved out she called and said that "this is not where she needs to be and we were done" and it also took her ONLY 3 days before she took of her weeding ring. Well, after she said we were done, she called and left a message saying she can't go through with it and she needs more time to think.

 

Just like most men in this situation, I realize I have changes I need to make. In a sense I'm happy she left in order to wake me up, but now I'm scared she may never come home. I still love her with all my heart and promise to her that she would not be coming home to the way it once was. I don't think there is another man right now; however, she has been partying and going out more than normal and she will stay over with friends. I feel as if she is running away from our problmes an not acting like a married woman when she is out. I'm wondering if she even thinks about me.

 

I feel hurt, scared and I've been left high-and-dry sitting here waiting to see if my wife wants to come home. We've talked about councelling, but she says she doesn't want to pay for it.

 

I'm trying to give her her space, but I feel that if we don't work on us and talk about things she will be using this time to toughen up before she walks out. I won't be able to handle my wife leaving me for good. I need her so much and will be lost without her.

 

I have so much to say, but I feel as if I am rambling now. PLEASE ask questions of offer advice and I will be able to indulge more.

 

Aaron

[whichwayisup]

Will she go to marriage counselling with you?

 

I wonder if she is just feeling like she's lost herself. You say you've been together for 10 years, so you both were around the age of 18...

 

. I don't think there is another man right now; however, she has been partying and going out more than normal and she will stay over with friends. I feel as if she is running away from our problmes an not acting like a married woman when she is out. I'm wondering if she even thinks about me.

 

This concerns me. Especially since she's taken her ring off..And reading that she's been out more, staying at friends houses - That's a red flag. She may not be cheating on you, but it certainly IS possible she's open to other people, flirting and getting ego feeds.

[Titan]

It concerns me too, very much; however, my wife is not one to cheat. I realize that people often get in a weird place in their lives that may cause them to do something uncharacteristic and that's what bothers me.

 

Even if she hasn't cheated, she's still running around with her ring off associating with people who are out to get drunk and have a good time. Drinking, dancing, touching, will lead to other things. Especially when she feels liberated.

 

If I stress my concerns to her, she just gets angry and says there's not someone else.

 

I don't want to turn into crazy-stalker guy, but I have so many questions and not enough answers.

[Owl]

Time for some snooping...because I do NOT believe that she's moved out, taken her ring off in less than 3 days, and is totally convinced its completely over without having ALREADY started an affair with someone else.

 

Check her cell phone usage. Affairs require LOTs of communication, and this is a primary means.

 

Check her computer usage...same deal. Email/IM/Myspace/internet history can all tell you a LOT.

 

Check her spending...credit card usage, etc... Affairs are usually expensive too.

 

Ask around...if any of her friends/family are sympathetic with you, they very well may tell the truth.