Treasa Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 It's too early for me to form coherent thoughts on my own, so I'll just say to listen to Lishy. She's totally dead on about everything. I've also been where you are. And I've come a long way. I still have my moments, but I realize more and more as I get older that some things (things outside my control) just aren't worth worrying about. They take precious energy away. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 So anyone know how to get rid of insecurity? It sucks!!!! When you are in a relationship short of marriage, then I a guessing that a little insecurity will always be there. And even when you are married, it remains. It just becomes a lot less. One of the weaknesses of loving someone is it means you are vulnerable. And you may 100% trust someone else, but there still remains that small possibility that it could all fall apart. It may not just be a fear of infidelity. It is also a fear of losing him or her through death. Before I had children, then I would have had a harder time understanding this. A friend said to me years ago, "After you have children then you have this fear that something may happen to them, your wife or you." And it is right. So, getting rid of it completely means getting rid of love. Loving someone is always risky to an extent. However, the benefits of love far outweigh the risks for most people. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 So he is leaving for Vegas tonight. I have a fun girl's night planned though, and I am soooooo excited!!! Now that I live with a guy, I don't get to have as much girl time anymore. We actually had a nice talk last night. He is really excited, but he does say that he will miss me a lot. This thread was interesting, I must say, but I really don't think I have anything to worry about. I'm letting my insecurity get the best of me. So you will be having a night with the girls...as will he. I really don't see the fairness in it. I doubt any guy would feel good knowing his loved one was spending it in a room full of men putting out sexual overtones. I actually think you are justified in being insecure. He is making the choice to honor his friends over you. But that's just the way I see it. He is making the choice to put himself in a situation with other women nearly or completely naked. If that shouldn't cause insecurity, I don't know what should to be honest. I really can't undestand how a man would know this would make his SO uncomfortable but picks naked t&A over his girlfriend. That isn't respect. And all the lines that "he will really be thinking about you, he will really be missing you". are just that "lines". Made to make you feel better but not really want the situation is about. I hardly doubt he is going to be there thinking of her with some 20 year old stripper shaking her implants at him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 I don't think the guy is honoring his friends over LB. He's allowed to have friends and do things with them. I wouldn't last long in a relationship where I didn't have that freedom. Honestly, I don't think the strip club is that big of a deal. So it's some nearly naked girls. Big deal. Men who go to strip clubs, generally speaking, are not looking to make relationships with these people. They are just enjoying the view for a while. Maybe they need that variety. As long as they are not making out/sleeping with them.... LB, just relax and enjoy your weekend. You have a fun night with the girls planned, and you can take some time to yourself this weekend. That's important too. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Okay, people, having read the original post, there is no mention of any planned trip to a strip club. It is simply that LB is thinking there may be one. While I certainly have argued the fine points of why a guy should not attend one for whatever reason without his GF's/wife's permission, I went back and saw that Laurie started this thread based on a "What if...?" She will have a great weekend. Her BF will have a great weekend. And no, he will have one without naked women. The question is...why did LB start this thread? And I think her last post answers it: insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 "I really think he has some form of OCD. He gets anxious whenever things are messy as well. But on the flip side, it keeps me on my toes with cleaning because I'm not a particularly "neat and tidy" person." I think you meant to write, "I really think he has some form of OCD. He gets anxious whenever things are messy as well. But on the flip side, it keeps him on his toes with cleaning because I'm not a particularly "neat and tidy" person and his cleaning his share helps him stay calm and happy," right? LOL! Have a good weekend, and don't fret over what he is doing. Worrying causes wrinkles. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Okay, people, having read the original post, there is no mention of any planned trip to a strip club. It is simply that LB is thinking there may be one. While she didn't say that outright, she did specifically tell him that she does not want him to go to a strip club, and his specific response was that he is going to "endulge his friend." Meaning, if his friend wants to go, he will go along. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 So you will be having a night with the girls...as will he. I really don't see the fairness in it. I doubt any guy would feel good knowing his loved one was spending it in a room full of men putting out sexual overtones. I actually think you are justified in being insecure. He is making the choice to honor his friends over you. But that's just the way I see it. He is making the choice to put himself in a situation with other women nearly or completely naked. If that shouldn't cause insecurity, I don't know what should to be honest. I really can't undestand how a man would know this would make his SO uncomfortable but picks naked t&A over his girlfriend. That isn't respect. And all the lines that "he will really be thinking about you, he will really be missing you". are just that "lines". Made to make you feel better but not really want the situation is about. I hardly doubt he is going to be there thinking of her with some 20 year old stripper shaking her implants at him. Jersey Shortie - not for nothing but, I think you need to start your own thread to give us some insight as to who hurt you so badly to always be on the man bashing defensive. I've been burned many times in my life, but I can't imagine having the outlook you have. With your outlook, why bother dating? I'd suggest you writing your history in another thread, it might make for some interesting conversation. As for the OP, I have already posted my thoughts on this topic earlier, and I'm sure she'll have a good weekend, while missing her bf. And I'm sure he'll miss her too. And if he doesn't, well then she'll eventually find someone who will. Either way. Insecurity is tough to solve, but all this man bashing/hating certainly feeds her insecurity, and I'm not sure how beneficial it is to her thread, so why not create one with your own story? Link to post Share on other sites
Krajt Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Meaning, if his friend wants to go, he will go along. What do you expect him to do? Sit in his hotel room alone while his friends are out enjoying themselves? Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Honestly, I don't think the strip club is that big of a deal. So it's some nearly naked girls. Big deal. Men who go to strip clubs, generally speaking, are not looking to make relationships with these people. They are just enjoying the view for a while. Maybe they need that variety. As long as they are not making out/sleeping with them.... . How can you say strip clubs aren't a big deal? People who go to strip clubs are paying money for sexual satisfaction from someone other then there partner. I don't see how it matters if the guy wants a relationship with them or not.I think a naked chick grinding herself into my man is just as bad as if he slept with or made out with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 What do you expect him to do? Sit in his hotel room alone while his friends are out enjoying themselves? Absolutely not. Re-read what I said. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 I think a naked chick grinding herself into my man is just as bad as if he slept with or made out with someone else. Really? The level of fraternization doesn't make the strip club somewhat better than kissing or sleeping with another women? I mean, there's a lot of guys that primarily go because it's a "guy's night out" thing, not because they want to act on some stripper fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Really? The level of fraternization doesn't make the strip club somewhat better than kissing or sleeping with another women? I mean, there's a lot of guys that primarily go because it's a "guy's night out" thing, not because they want to act on some stripper fantasy. Nope cheating is cheating regardless of where it happens. If a guy wants a guys night out it shouldn't involve naked chicks. Link to post Share on other sites
Krajt Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Nope cheating is cheating regardless of where it happens. If a guy wants a guys night out it shouldn't involve naked chicks. Well it does, so deal with it, or write to Oprah Winfrey about it. The women who are against it, seem very, very insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 LB, what did he do last night? Did he call you? What are his plans for tonight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 27, 2008 Author Share Posted September 27, 2008 LB, what did he do last night? Did he call you? What are his plans for tonight? He called when he got off the plane to tell me he got there safely. They are 3 hours behind us, so he sent me a text message at like 5 am (it must have been 2 there) telling me they were at Denny's. He said he lost a bunch of money playing black jack. He didn't say what exactly they were doing tonight because he just sent nme a text, he'll probably call me today sometime if he gets a chance. I miss him, but I had a great time with my friend last night! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 It will all be fine LB and I am glad you have chilled about it all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 27, 2008 Author Share Posted September 27, 2008 It will all be fine LB and I am glad you have chilled about it all Thanks. I was talking with my friend, and she agreed that it is probably good to have our space from each other since we are together all the time. It's kind of nice to have the apartment to myself, and watch whatever I want on tv! My friend and I rented 27 dresses and we loved it! Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 I think doing things with your female or guy friends are great. But I think it gets taken to a new level when they have to involve a sexual element to it and then make it seem like it's only about the guys/girls night out. When if you are going to a place that is meant to be sexual, it's clearly more about just going out with your friends. Otherwise you would choose a different place to go. Can men not enjoy football games together? Golfing? Cigar bars? If it wasn't about the strippers to some degree, I really think men would be going to these other places. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Aria- Where in my post did I bash men? I really would like to know so that I can be aware of it, as I don't see how I was bashing men anywhere in the post. Maybe if you can show me directly what comments I say are offensive to men, it would help me understand what men thing is bashing them. I think any woman has the right to feel insecure when her man is making the active choice to put himself in a situation with beautiful almost naked women that are purposely there to turn men on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 27, 2008 Author Share Posted September 27, 2008 I think doing things with your female or guy friends are great. But I think it gets taken to a new level when they have to involve a sexual element to it and then make it seem like it's only about the guys/girls night out. When if you are going to a place that is meant to be sexual, it's clearly more about just going out with your friends. Otherwise you would choose a different place to go. Can men not enjoy football games together? Golfing? Cigar bars? If it wasn't about the strippers to some degree, I really think men would be going to these other places. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Aria- Where in my post did I bash men? I really would like to know so that I can be aware of it, as I don't see how I was bashing men anywhere in the post. Maybe if you can show me directly what comments I say are offensive to men, it would help me understand what men thing is bashing them. I think any woman has the right to feel insecure when her man is making the active choice to put himself in a situation with beautiful almost naked women that are purposely there to turn men on. Please don't argue back and forth guys, they will close down the thread if you do. Seriously, I understand everyone's concern. My boyfriend doesn't go to strip clubs on a regular basis, the only reason he is going is for his friend. He reassured me several times that he loves me and would never do anything to betray me. I trust him, and I know he wouldn't. I realize we all have different opinions on the subject, but the truth of the matter is I can't control what he does. Telling him what he can and can't do is "mother-like" and I don't want him to feel that way about me. He reassured me and was understanding of my concern. That shows that he cares about my feelings. I don't feel that he is direspecting our relationship by going because it is a bachelor party. If he did it behind my back and lied to me, he'd be disrespecting me a lot more. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Well it does, so deal with it, or write to Oprah Winfrey about it. The women who are against it, seem very, very insecure. Well it will never happen to me in my relationship. I will not "deal" with him paying trash money to run all over him. If a chick is going to be naked dancing on top of my man it should be me. If you think I am insecure because I consider strip clubs cheating thats fine. The only person who needs to agree to consider how I feel is my SO. I hate Oprah just so you know.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Please don't argue back and forth guys, they will close down the thread if you do. Seriously, I understand everyone's concern. My boyfriend doesn't go to strip clubs on a regular basis, the only reason he is going is for his friend. He reassured me several times that he loves me and would never do anything to betray me. I trust him, and I know he wouldn't. I realize we all have different opinions on the subject, but the truth of the matter is I can't control what he does. Telling him what he can and can't do is "mother-like" and I don't want him to feel that way about me. He reassured me and was understanding of my concern. That shows that he cares about my feelings. I don't feel that he is direspecting our relationship by going because it is a bachelor party. If he did it behind my back and lied to me, he'd be disrespecting me a lot more. Sorry. I just wasn't sure what was male bashing about my post and was curious since I don't see it. Look, all that matters is what goes on between you two. But you did post about it and got some strong responses. I do agree that telling him what he should and shouldn't do wouldn't be cool. What I don't understand how him reassuring you shows he cares. It's very easy to sit someone down and pat their hand and say you wouldn't do this and that. It's not that I think your boyfriend is lying to you. I am sure nothing will happen. But I personally think men in committed relationships going to strip clubs is disrespectful to the relationship he is in. It's alot easier for him to reassure you and go to the strip club then it is to reassure you and not go. I guess what I am trying to say is that reassuring you is nothing difficult on his part accept aknowledging your feelings and going on with what he wants to do. You are the one that still has to deal with the fact he is going while he goes off and parties with his friends and possibly naked women. I don't think you are wrong for being insecure about something like this anyway. And I just see an unfairness in it all but I think to many degress it's still a man's world. Why do they call it "gentlmen's clubs " anyway? It's not like they are even close to being gentlemenly. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Going to a strip club isn't that bad to some women. You need to accept that, Jersey. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Going to a strip club isn't that bad to some women. You need to accept that, Jersey. To some women it is bad and people need it accept that without calling the women insecure and controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 To some women it is bad and people need it accept that without calling the women insecure and controlling. It depends on her reasons, doesn't it? If she trusts her SO, there shouldn't be a problem (unless she has moral/ethical issues with it). You can't make blanket statements re: men and strip clubs. Some guys actually don't enjoy that kind of stuff. Hell, I wouldn't mind visiting one sometime. I'm sure I'd get a kick out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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