He is going to Vegas this weekend!!!!

[Lishy]

Vegas is not the issue here, it goes much deeper!

[Touche]

Vegas is not the issue here, it goes much deeper!

 

Ya think?

 

..........................

[Lauriebell82]

Sheesh, all I read were a bunch of slams to my character and my relationship.

 

I posted this thread not to have everyone tell me my relationship is in trouble (which it's NOT) but how people would feel if in my situation or hear from those who have had similar experiences (like bachelor parties). I'm supportive of him going on this trip (and it's rediculous for me to go, nor do i want to) and he said I don't have to worry about the strip club, he says they are expensive and overrated. I never saw this as a problem or issue in my relationship, I have no idea why everyone else did.

 

People post "topic" threads all the time, I don't get why mine turn into some slam fest. Can it.

 

Oh, and so what if my boyfriend showers after sex? We don't use condoms so...Usually I'll get in there with him anyway.

[torranceshipman]

Bachelor parties are fine in my view, its just the way you come off in your posts-as if you feel a bit disrespected by his behavior...thats why people see red flags and give advice about that.

 

I do admit its a bit icky about the showering after sex thing tho-I personally find that really weird and it'd really put me off a guy if I'm honest. But if you guys are fine with it, then who cares...

 

Thread about that would give some interesting replies tho

[OpenBook]

Tell him to have a great time, don't ask him what he'll be doing, and tell him you'll be out most of the weekend (leave it vague), so that he should leave you a message if he can't get ahold of you. And then actually go out all weekend!

 

It comes down to whether or not you truly trust him.

 

This is one of the most rational and sensible posts I've ever seen here at The Shack. And I completely agree - it levels the playing field. Some call it "flipping the script." And it's very effective. Excellent advice. Well done, Treasa!!

[Lauriebell82]

Bachelor parties are fine in my view, its just the way you come off in your posts-as if you feel a bit disrespected by his behavior...thats why people see red flags and give advice about that.

 

I do admit its a bit icky about the showering after sex thing tho-I personally find that really weird and it'd really put me off a guy if I'm honest. But if you guys are fine with it, then who cares...

 

Thread about that would give some interesting replies tho

 

He told me he just feels gross and he's a neat freak so he wants to shower. He always comes back and lays in bed with me though, but yeah sometimes it is a little annoying when he does that. I'm thinking about talking to him and asking him what he would think about waiting to shower instead of immediately going to.

[Lishy]

LB I am confused as to why are you getting so irate.

 

You have contradicted yourself within an hour and post one thing and then another and then get upset when anyone questions you. i.e one minute you are upset that he may see strippers and the next you say you dont care and hope he has fun - Then you dont care he showers after sex and the next minute you are going to talk to him about it!! wtf!!

 

I, for one, know that I am not saying anything deliberately to wind you up or make you feel bad and yet you make comments to me like I am being mean?

 

Surely you realise that you over analyse even small issues and we are just pointing out that if you could find your reasons as to why you do this you may be happier in the long run!

 

There is no need to bite our heads off

[Lishy]

Oh and you have been given tons of good info and advice and you ignore the lot of it!

[Lauriebell82]

LB I am confused as to why are you getting so irate.

 

You have contradicted yourself within an hour and post one thing and then another and then get upset when anyone questions you. i.e one minute you are upset that he may see strippers and the next you say you dont care and hope he has fun - Then you dont care he showers after sex and the next minute you are going to talk to him about it!! wtf!!

 

I, for one, know that I am not saying anything deliberately to wind you up or make you feel bad and yet you make comments to me like I am being mean?

 

Surely you realise that you over analyse even small issues and we are just pointing out that if you could find your reasons as to why you do this you may be happier in the long run!

 

There is no need to bite our heads off

 

Because, I'm insecure. I already know the reason, I didn't need 80 posts telling me that. That's why I got upset. I may analyze things sometimes, but that's just because of what I do all day I suppose. It's hard to change that kind of thinking pattern. I'm not letting it interfere with my relationship though.

 

I just got pissed that everyone attacked (and yes, attacked) me as always. If I were just some random girl in a relationship posting about my boyfriend this would be a much different thread. I think I'm just done posting threads, because it just leaves me feeling angry.

[Lishy]

I do agree that some posters were unneccessarily cruel but apart from them you do have some good advice.

 

You should not let mean spirited people get you down, they do not know you or your BF, you know how it is with you two.

 

I do still maintain that this is deeper LB and I would love you to sort it out as I know you will be a happier person if you do

[Lauriebell82]

I do still maintain that this is deeper LB and I would love you to sort it out as I know you will be a happier person if you do

 

It's just insecurity and fear of being hurt. I got really hurt by my 2 ex bfs and I haven't really recovered. Trying to have my own life and doing things apart from my boyfriend has helped me seperate myself a little, so I haven't been as attached to him as previously. It's interesting because I think that when I show him that I'm independent and do my own thing it's almost like he is more attracted to me!

 

I did tell him last night that I had some "girl plans" for this weekend, and he looked kind of suprised (happily suprised). So I did take some poster's advice on telling him I had other things to do. And it worked!

[Lishy]

Well it is good that you have changed thing for yourself LB!

 

You have to remember that you live together and he is obviously commited to you or he would not have taken that step. Dont worry about what happens in Vegas because no amount of worrying will change a thing! He would be a very silly man to cheat on you!

[Krajt]

I read the first five pages of this before I got bored, the poster who started this thread has spent most of the five pages I read convincing herself that her boyfriend won't cheat. If she truly trusted him, she wouldn't have to use so much repetition. He's gone to Las Vegas to have fun with friends and what is wrong with him going to strip clubs? Sure, they are seedy, but it's not like he will have the chance to cheat as it's virtually impossible to cheat in a strip club and you have to ask yourself, why would he travel a long distance to cheat when it is easier to cheat on you back in your state? Ok, I suppose the "don't dump on your doorstep comes to mind", but if a man or woman cheats and is smart, they won't get caught.

 

I've given my girlfriend the green light to go to male strip clubs with the rule that she doesn't compare my size to theirs, because lets face it, they are bond to have a bigger penis than I do. I trust her and have no gripes about her going to these places, as long as she is not cheating on me and doesn't cheat me on, that's all that matters and I told what will happen if she does, and she accepted.

 

Your relationship will fail, if you can't get over your mistrust for your boyfriend.

[Star Gazer]

Because, I'm insecure. I already know the reason, I didn't need 80 posts telling me that. That's why I got upset. I may analyze things sometimes, but that's just because of what I do all day I suppose. It's hard to change that kind of thinking pattern. I'm not letting it interfere with my relationship though.

 

Oh yes you are! If you can get this wound up with strangers, you ARE letting the things that bother you and your insecurity affect your relationship. You're really deluding yourself if you think otherwise.

 

I just got pissed that everyone attacked (and yes, attacked) me as always. If I were just some random girl in a relationship posting about my boyfriend this would be a much different thread. I think I'm just done posting threads, because it just leaves me feeling angry.

 

This is (for lack of a better word) an immature response, and quite predictable. However, to an extent I agree with it. But not for the same reasons you think.

 

You think people think neener-neener, here comes LB, we don't like her, let's ATTACK! Not so. Not so at all. The membership of LS isn't 12, LB.

 

We are grown adults and MOST of us give you advice that's well thought out. In doing so, we take EVERYTHING you post about into consideration. We look at your patterns of behavior and thought. We look at how often you start threads about drama in your relationship that doesn't exist. How often you bring up the same issues over and over and over again. How often you demonstrate your insecurity. How often you contradict yourself, and refuse to listen. How often you start threads about your BF being an immature, selfish, cheap twit with immature, juvenile friends who's not ready (or wanting) to commit to you, and how by the end of those threads that you argue against your own initial statements (when people start questioning YOU) by saying how much you trust your BF, how much you love each other, and speaking for him, how he wants to be with you forever, etc., and how you're certain you're about to get engaged, and how you're never going to post again.

 

And within a week you're back to start the process all over again. By all means, post post post! But for once, just once...I'd personally like to see you make efforts to think about and take steps to resolve some of these issues/concerns without first posting to b*tch about it on LS. It's almost as though you're dependent on validation (because of your insecurity) and you get FURIOUS when you don't get it. Perhaps it's time for the counselor to get some legitimate counseling??

 

Now, if you were a random girl posting for the first time, we wouldn't have your history as a backdrop to work with. Yes, your threads wouldn't be as frustrating for those of us responding to you, because with a brand new random person, we wouldn't all be feeling like we're bashing our heads against a wall!

 

HOWEVER, I really think the advice to the newbie random person would actually be the same: Vegas can be dangerous for a relationship, BUT if you TRUST him this shouldn't even be an issue. Seeing as you're starting this thread, it doesn't sound like you really do trust him or the strength of your relationship, particularly if you're so concerned about the influence his friends would have. The fact your BF didn't want you around during his last guy trip (to your house) and showers immediately after sex is also concerning. There are some issues here - trust, insecurity, differing sexual compatibility - that you might want to take a more serious look at.

 

Good luck, LB. We're all rootin' for ya.

[Lucky_One]

Oh yes you are! If you can get this wound up with strangers, you ARE letting the things that bother you and your insecurity affect your relationship. You're really deluding yourself if you think otherwise.

 

 

 

This is (for lack of a better word) an immature response, and quite predictable. However, to an extent I agree with it. But not for the same reasons you think.

 

You think people think neener-neener, here comes LB, we don't like her, let's ATTACK! Not so. Not so at all. The membership of LS isn't 12, LB.

 

We are grown adults and MOST of us give you advice that's well thought out. In doing so, we take EVERYTHING you post about into consideration. We look at your patterns of behavior and thought. We look at how often you start threads about drama in your relationship that doesn't exist. How often you bring up the same issues over and over and over again. How often you demonstrate your insecurity. How often you contradict yourself, and refuse to listen. How often you start threads about your BF being an immature, selfish, cheap twit with immature, juvenile friends who's not ready (or wanting) to commit to you, and how by the end of those threads that you argue against your own initial statements (when people start questioning YOU) by saying how much you trust your BF, how much you love each other, and speaking for him, how he wants to be with you forever, etc., and how you're certain you're about to get engaged, and how you're never going to post again.

 

And within a week you're back to start the process all over again. By all means, post post post! But for once, just once...I'd personally like to see you make efforts to think about and take steps to resolve some of these issues/concerns without first posting to b*tch about it on LS. It's almost as though you're dependent on validation (because of your insecurity) and you get FURIOUS when you don't get it. Perhaps it's time for the counselor to get some legitimate counseling??

 

Now, if you were a random girl posting for the first time, we wouldn't have your history as a backdrop to work with. Yes, your threads wouldn't be as frustrating for those of us responding to you, because with a brand new random person, we wouldn't all be feeling like we're bashing our heads against a wall!

 

HOWEVER, I really think the advice to the newbie random person would actually be the same: Vegas can be dangerous for a relationship, BUT if you TRUST him this shouldn't even be an issue. Seeing as you're starting this thread, it doesn't sound like you really do trust him or the strength of your relationship, particularly if you're so concerned about the influence his friends would have. The fact your BF didn't want you around during his last guy trip (to your house) and showers immediately after sex is also concerning. There are some issues here - trust, insecurity, differing sexual compatibility - that you might want to take a more serious look at.

 

Good luck, LB. We're all rootin' for ya.

 

Nice post.

[Lishy]

For probably the first time ever,I agree with what Star wrote and I hope you look at that post and take note and not offence!

 

No one dislikes you LB, you are too nice not to like!

[Jilly Bean]

It's just insecurity and fear of being hurt. I got really hurt by my 2 ex bfs and I haven't really recovered.

 

 

I did tell him last night that I had some "girl plans" for this weekend, and he looked kind of suprised (happily suprised). So I did take some poster's advice on telling him I had other things to do. And it worked!

 

This is concerning a bit, LB. It shows that you are bringing those past issues right into your new relationship and putting that expectation on your current BF. I know you intellectually know how unfair that is, and also the toll it can have on your current relationship. Easier said than done, right?

 

What was the *it worked* part of telling him you had plans? I don't get that.

 

And lemme tell ya, Baller went to Vegas quite a bit. Between that and SoBe, it is a very popular hang for pro athletes. Sometimes I would go with him, if it was a bring your woman kind of thing, but most of the time it was him and his baller friends alone. There was a never-ending supply of events - this ones charity something or other, this one celebrating something, etc. I never came right out and asked him what he would be doing, but Im not dumb - I know it was strippers and drinking and gambling and smoking cigars and a lot of other things I thought it best I didn't torture myself by asking. Pro athletes get a certain type of treatment in Vegas, which means a lot of heads turn the other way for them to do certain "activities", and I know a lot of guys he knew were totally ghetto and took full advantage of the free pass.

 

Anyhow, the point is that I had a choice - either I sat at home fretting over what he was doing and imagining the worst, or I trusted him to do the right thing by me and be able to have a wild time with his buddies in the process.

 

Trust isn't always easy, particularly when you've been hurt before, but you still really do have a simple choice - either you trust him, or you don't.

 

Don't let your own insecurities eat away at you. What he is doing with his buddies shouldn't concern you - just know that whatever he is doing, he is staying loyal and making the right decisions.

[Jersey Shortie]

In his defense, you do NOT bring your GF along to a bachelor party!

 

 

This is true. It's because men don't want you to see how disrespectfully they treat your relationship when they are with their buddies and naked women.

[Krajt]

This is true. It's because men don't want you to see how disrespectfully they treat your relationship when they are with their buddies and naked women.

 

If that's true, then it is the reason a woman doesn't invite her boyfriend to her girlie get-to-gether.

[JamesM]

If that's true, then it is the reason a woman doesn't invite her boyfriend to her girlie get-to-gether.

 

Actually, my wife would love it if I went, because she loves every chance we can be together.

 

Me...I think I would refuse.

[JamesM]

This is true. It's because men don't want you to see how disrespectfully they treat your relationship when they are with their buddies and naked women.

 

There is truth to this. Guys who are in the company of naked women will feel embarrassed with their wives and turned on without. Yes, there are exceptions.

[Krajt]

Actually, my wife would love it if I went, because she loves every chance we can be together.

 

If it's a woman's bachelor night than I know I would not be invited and I would not care that I wasn't invited. I trust my girlfriend so I have no problem with her being surrounding by half naked men. After all she has a picture of a semi-nude Gerrard Butler on her PC.

 

I would like my girlfriend to give me the same respect and trust. If I was to go on a bachelor's night out with my friends then yes I would go to a strip club, but I would let my girlfriend know and I wouldn't cheat. It seems most women get the impression that men can't keep their pants on based on the misdemeanours of a few Neanderthals.

[bish]

I don't know why everyone is getting all over LB here.

 

Her boyfriend has exhibited selfish behavior before in the past. Seems like partying with his friends, friends that directly disrespected her in her own apartment, is more important to him than her. Pleasing his friends is more important to him than her.

 

And geez, he wanted her out of her own apartment, one of his friends scoffed at her for even wanting to be in it for just a short time beforing heading out to let them have the little fun, she comes back at the end of the weekend, promised he'd make it up to her, and won't even watch one chick flick with her.

 

To me, sounds like her boyfriend is immature and selfish. And if he cares more what his friends think than her, then he can have his friends toss him off and be alone for a while.

[Lauriebell82]

The only reason I posted this was because I was kind of bored and looking for something to do. Isn't that why all of us post on here? Anyway, I'm making a bigger deal out of it as it is. I made plans with a friend of mine to have a girls night on Friday night so I'm looking forward to that. It's been awhile since I had one of those.

 

I know you all mean well, I'm not in denial that I have insecurity issues. Working on them is hard, but I'm trying. When everything is going well in our relationship, I tend to seek out some kind of issue when there really isn't one..maybe for something to analyze or solve. The problem with my profession is that I love trying to help people work out their issues. I get a rush from trying to analyze and solve problems, which is why I love my job so much. I found a book in the bookstore about insecurity that looked interesting so I think I will go buy that. I am really trying here not to create issues that aren't there. And there are none (other then my own insecurity).

 

Oh, and I asked about the shower thing. He said it's because he feels nasty with all his "stuff" all over him (don't want to get too graphic there). We came up with a little compromise, that he would just clean himself off then come and lay in bed with me for awhile, BEFORE going to shower.

[Jersey Shortie]

If that's true, then it is the reason a woman doesn't invite her boyfriend to her girlie get-to-gether.

 

I am more then okay with my man coming with me to the girlie get to gethers. I doubt he would want to. I do not act differently with my girlfriends then when I am with him. I am not out putting myself in sexual situations with other men. I do not disrespect him or our relationship for the 5 hours I might be hanging out with my gfs. I am perfectly okay with him having guys nights out. I just don't understand why there has to be a sexual element of naked women invovled if he really respected his relationship. I think it's a case of guys wanting it both ways at the expense of his women.

 

There is truth to this. Guys who are in the company of naked women will feel embarrassed with their wives and turned on without. Yes, there are exceptions.

 

And that is what can be so disheartening for many women. Not only are we suppose to be okay with him going, we are suppose to feel proud in him and happy when he is obviously choosing to disrespect the relationship. We are suppose to trust a man that is at the start of it, putting himself in a situation with other naked attractive women. I think it's a bit unrealistic to want to be trusted but to be taking an action that logically creates doubt. Even if it's only for few hours, it's still disrespectful to the relationship. And its frustrating when you care about a man and want him to respect you. And strip clubs aren't about respecting your partner.

 

If it's a woman's bachelor night than I know I would not be invited and I would not care that I wasn't invited. I trust my girlfriend so I have no problem with her being surrounding by half naked men. After all she has a picture of a semi-nude Gerrard Butler on her PC.

 

Women, for the most part do not react to naked men the same way men react to naked women. A strip club for women, for the most part, is not the same entertainment it is for men. Hence the reason that *gentleman's clubs* are more popular. Women go as a lark or joke, they aren't being turned on by it. How would you feel if your gf went to be the one stripping? How would you feel if she was surrounded by men staring at her gorgeous body? I believe women more vunerable in this position and men to be more vunerable in the postion of watching the stripper.

 

I would like my girlfriend to give me the same respect and trust. If I was to go on a bachelor's night out with my friends then yes I would go to a strip club, but I would let my girlfriend know and I wouldn't cheat. It seems most women get the impression that men can't keep their pants on based on the misdemeanours of a few Neanderthals.

 

Is it really only a few Neanderthals that have given the impression or is it the realistic stereotype of what seems to be the norm for men in strip clubs? If you don't understand why women get the impression men can't keep their pants on it's because men themselves drill into our head how much they like other attractive beautiful women because they are *men*. Because we see where are man's head turns when he sees a pretty women and the attention she illicits from him. It's a bit unfair to accuse of us of not being trustful but putting yoruself in a situation that is shady. When your man puts himself in a situation with young, attractive beautiful women, barely dressed dancing sexy, you really can't understand the questions and anxiety a woman has over it? We want to trust and respect you to0. We really want to give you those things. But you can't behave in certain ways and expect us to make up for the actions you take that show us what is important to you. There are things you do that either add to the relationship or take away from it. We really want to trust you. But we need to know you respect us and your relationship with us. Going to a strip joint is the exact opposite of showing respect fo a woman and your relationship with her.