Does anybody have anything nice to say about E-Harmony?

[rod_in_gtown]

Now Rod, yours was clearly a bit unrealistic. People's locations can change, but how can I change somebody's height? Mmh?

 

I don't think there's anything unrealistic about wanting to date someone within the beltway in a city of 5.3 million people.

[Shygirl15]

I don't think there's anything unrealistic about wanting to date someone within the beltway in a city of 5.3 million people.

 

I know. I feel the same way about height and blue collar workers.

[Jilly Bean]

"Hey! shallow!" (you crack me up)

 

I agree on the fitness aspect. I consider myself to lead a pretty active lifestyle, I play tennis almost every day and am very conscious of what I eat, but I'm not a "thin" guy. I do not have a gut nor washboard abs, but there are thinner guys out there. I want to date someone who enjoys being outdoors just as much as I do. eHarmony seems to be geared more toward core "emotional" values and it misses out on something VERY important.

 

Physical activity is key in maintaining a good mood and beating depression and stress. Whenever I'm not active for more than a week, I get sad and start feeling sluggish and depressed. I think if more people realized these, they would find that most of the times when they're second-guessing their relationships, they're actually just starving for physical activity.

 

Exactly.

 

Im not looking for an underwear model, but someone who values fitness and makes it a part of their regular routine and a part of their lifestyle. To me, if someone doesn't take care of their health, which is THE most important thing, then I have to imagine they let other key aspects of their life suffer as well.

 

Fit body = fit mind.

 

The core values are important, but not to the exclusion of health or physical appeal.

 

All parts of the equation, and e-harmony seems to miss this.

 

After my e-harmony experience, I really think match.com is the best out there. They really address the basic criteria, and leave the chemistry and emotional compatibility for the in-person meet.

[rod_in_gtown]

I know. I feel the same way about height and blue collar workers.

 

I understand that, I'm not chastising you for having your preference, I'm chastising you for chastising me when I did the same thing that you're doing

 

I got nothing but love for you anyways

[Shygirl15]

I understand that, I'm not chastising you for having your preference, I'm chastising you for chastising me when I did the same thing that you're doing

 

I got nothing but love for you anyways

 

:love: Me too. Say all you want, but I'll not hate you..

[rod_in_gtown]

Fit body = fit mind.

 

The core values are important, but not to the exclusion of health or physical appeal.

 

All parts of the equation, and e-harmony seems to miss this.

 

After my e-harmony experience, I really think match.com is the best out there. They really address the basic criteria, and leave the chemistry and emotional compatibility for the in-person meet.

 

I've not had luck with online dating altogether. I think it's defintiely good for women since the ratio is SO heavily skewed to benefit you, and guys there are playing the numbers game so they cast a wide net by sending messages to as many girls as they can and hope for some of them to get back.

 

I tried contacting 4 that I really liked and didn't hear back from a single one. I saw that they opened their messages but no reply. Rude.

[Shygirl15]

I tried contacting 4 that I really liked and didn't hear back from a single one. I saw that they opened their messages but no reply. Rude.

 

I also don't respond often times, and I expect them to understand by doing that, I'm not interested. Simple. I can't imagine responding to each and every guy that writes or winks at me, sheesh.

[carhill]

I tried contacting 4 that I really liked and didn't hear back from a single one. I saw that they opened their messages but no reply. Rude.

Yeah, pity the poor sot that really puts effort into finding and making introductions of depth to such women. Happy to hear the rude bus doesn't stop by your house very often. I had a bus stop bench put in after awhile so I wouldn't have to sit on the curb

[knaveman]

So...blue collar workers are dumb? I'll be sure to steer clear.

[Poncho]

So...blue collar workers are dumb? I'll be sure to steer clear.

 

 

We are also neanderthal like. Our foreheads stick out and our arms drag on the floor while we walk. Plus, we like to club our women and drag them into our caves.

[carhill]

My wife says I smell like hydraulic oil

[Poncho]

My wife says I smell like hydraulic oil

 

 

I used to smell like burnt gear oil all the time when I was building differentials about 6 years ago. Now, working construction, I only smell of sweat.

 

Hey, maybe that's the problem with blue collar workers. All the sweating washes out any sort of intelligence a person may have. Hmmmm, you think? If it wasn't for Mr. blue collar who would fix Mr. white collar's car, toilet, a/c or furnace, build their big fancy houses, install their cable tv, or for that matter even install their brand new 60" lcd, grow their food, mow their lawns etc, etc, etc????? Without blue collar, white collar would not survive.

[Jilly Bean]

I dated a guy who had a masters in philosophy, was extremely intelligent, yet chose to work as a BMW motorcycle mechanic.

 

I don't care about the color of the collar, so long as we have similar appreciations.

 

The thing with eharmony, is that you often cant tell if a guy who lists himself as a plumber is also into symphony and wine tastings. Then again, you cant either from the attorney...

[carhill]

I used to smell like burnt gear oil all the time when I was building differentials about 6 years ago.

 

Oh, god, gear oil is the WORST! I used to narrow racing rears and smelled like that all the time. It's worse than burnt. Only thing I've smelled worse than that is a corpse.

 

The thing with eharmony, is that you often cant tell if a guy who lists himself as a plumber is also into symphony and wine tastings. Then again, you cant either from the attorney..

 

hmmm.. no place in the matching process for interests and passions?

 

Yes, it is interesting to see how people generalize and/or stereotype based on occupation. I actually have fun with that. It's a wonderfully big world.

[Jilly Bean]

Oh, god, gear oil is the WORST! I used to narrow racing rears and smelled like that all the time. It's worse than burnt. Only thing I've smelled worse than that is a corpse.

 

 

 

hmmm.. no place in the matching process for interests and passions?

 

Yes, it is interesting to see how people generalize and/or stereotype based on occupation. I actually have fun with that. It's a wonderfully big world.

 

No, it totally sucks like that.

 

They consider emotional compatibility to be the only thing that matters. They don't consider occupation, income, height, education, fitness level, etc. to be important qualifiers.

[Shygirl15]

So...blue collar workers are dumb? I'll be sure to steer clear.

 

I never meant to say they were dumb, it's just that I feel I will have a better connection in terms of carrying out conversation with a white collar rather than a plumber. I don't want to get bored listening to plumbing dramas and I wouldn't want to bore him neither with stories he probably knows nothing about. It's just a preference. Just like I have decided that I would only date divorced/separated guys with kids.

[JamesM]

It's just a preference. Just like I have decided that I would only date divorced/separated guys with kids.

 

 

I think you will have more psychological baggage from a div/sep guy than from a plumber.

[rod_in_gtown]

I think you will have more psychological baggage from a div/sep guy than from a plumber.

 

I actually kind of agree with shygirl on this one. She's divorced with kids so she wants someone who can relate to her situation, someone who understands how hard it is to raise kids and be a single parent. It's funny but I feel I have more in common with people who have been through a marriage than with people who haven't.

 

I wouldn't rule them out for not having been married, but I've noticed that there's something different in the behavior of people who have been through a marriage. and I'm not talking about baggage.

[Shygirl15]

lol.. Just received this (no edits whatsoever):

 

"hello

i'm 42 white, athletic. i look 35. in good shape. i workout 5 days a wk. successful. own a restaurant. i have lots of interests.

i enjoy sports, music, playing the guitar, dancing,tennis,basketball ect. ROMANTIC. love candle light dinners.

I can provide pics and more info if interested.

mike"

 

Can anybody give any reason to respond to that? Sheesh.

[JamesM]

Out of curiosity, what are you reasons for not responding?

 

It sounds a little arrogant to me, but part of being on a dating site is selling one's self to others. The question I had was...he likes tennis, dancing, basketball....and then he adds etc. What does that mean...every other kind of sport?

 

Would that translate into a guy who spends his weekend watching ESPN?

 

Wow, it must be a tough world trying to convince others to meet and date. Maybe marriage isn't so bad after all.

[Shygirl15]

(My son's name is James, BTW )

 

That same email can be sent to any other woman on this planet as it refers nothing specific to me or my profile. I mean did he even read my profile? It's all about me, me, me; I'm this, I have this, I like that. He sounds selfish and too much into himself. I don't care he likes sports or not, but I care if he took time to read my profile or not, to which he clearly didn't.

 

The whole email is written like he was in a big hurry for something.

[Rooster_DAR]

Wow, it must be a tough world trying to convince others to meet and date. Maybe marriage isn't so bad after all.

 

Your doomed either way. At least being single offers the advantage of control over your assets, as opposed of losing a least half of everything from a divorce.LOL

[RecordProducer]

I saw the cheesy commercials on TV (I never understood how certain businesses can afford to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on advertising and yet make a $1,000 worth a commercial). So, I decided to try it. Half way through the process of answering the ridiculous questions, I realized that they would not let me browse through profiles, but would match us instead, according to our "honest" answers. That whole power-and-control thing that the website's founder is exercising is completely against the laws of nature. E-Harmony's philosophy is as follows:

 

You idiots have proven that you don't know what's good for you, so WE will tell you who's the right person for you to hook up with. You base your attraction mostly on chemistry, which means looks, which means very few people will hit it off. Well, we've designed a system that will prove that there is a right match for each one of you, no matter how much of a loser you or they are. And if you don't like the people we recommend, don't trust your instincts that this dude is not smart enough (what do you know?) or is a player (we guarantee that everyone answered the questions sincerely, because we told them to do so); just get drunk, close your eyes, sleep with them, and wonders will happen. Just trust us, OK? Our goal is to alter the gene pool; no more doctor-lawyer or waitress-plumber couples. We'll make this world a better place, because WE know best.

 

Read this testimony:

 

"Dear E-Harmony,

 

Since I've used your matchmaking service, my toilet always works and my sewer is never clogged. Thank you so much!

 

Grateful Plumber's Wife"

[RecordProducer]

Out of curiosity, what are you reasons for not responding?

You didn't ask me, but I'll answer your question anyway. Literacy is the first thing I notice when I start reading a profile. The next thing is composition. I don't want to sound like an English teacher, but the cover essay on one's profile, as well as the initial correspondence, are the first tools (and possibly one's last chance) to leave a good impression. I want a smart and educated man, and if somebody doesn't care to present himself as such, it means he is not - and I really don't care to give him the benefit of the doubt. If I can't sense the person's personality, mind and soul, it makes no difference to me whether he likes tennis or baseball, pizza or burgers. And if he didn't have time to write more about himself, why should I waste my time on him?

 

I dated a guy who had a masters in philosophy, was extremely intelligent, yet chose to work as a BMW motorcycle mechanic.

I wouldn't be so sure that he chose to be a mechanic. With a master's degree in philosophy, that might have been his only choice!

 

The thing with eharmony, is that you often cant tell if a guy who lists himself as a plumber is also into symphony and wine tastings. Then again, you cant either from the attorney...

... and you can't tell from his email "hey,there...whats up...i like football and beer.......lemme now if yuo want to know more about my tattoos...." if he was just dumb and lazy or simply rushing to read Emerson under the inspiring sounds of Beethoven.

 

I have decided that I would only date divorced/separated guys with kids.

Please don't be so determined about this one. You might find that some childless people can be fantastic father figures to your kids (like in my case); and you might not be comfortable accepting his kids, as you might now think you'd be.

 

I've noticed that there's something different in the behavior of people who have been through a marriage. and I'm not talking about baggage.

People who have never been married think that compatibility starts with "must eat sushi" and ends with "must be an Eagles fan." They'd be surprised to discover how fervently you can fight about money, children, her parents, his parents, lack of sex or infidelity during a perfect dish of sushi.

[MN randomguy]

I've just spent some time reading this entire thread. So, I'm going to add my thoughts all at once.

 

 

No I am not young Carhill, I'm 31yrs.. wise enough to make some decisions. I know this generalization of mine may cause to miss out on some wonderful men, however I have decided to go with what makes me comfortable, because at the end of the day, I will be the one having to deal with him everyday. I'm just trying to balance out some of my preferences in a guy, and looks like it's not working in my favour this time.

 

This morning, among other lousy matches, there was one that really picked up my interest; a lawyer, smart, good looking, good grammar, looks like he's been around the world a bit.. and a 5'5".

 

5'5" people.

 

Okay, at this point, I think may have to re-avaluate my decision on the 6'1" plumber guy..lol

 

Haha,

 

Yes, a couple of things.

 

First, your advanced age might deter a few guys. I'm 28 childless, want to have kids someday, but, would also like to get to know my wife before marriage for a while. Being that you'd ideally want to be done having children before the woman is 35 for biological reasons, this gives me an excuse to chase younger women. Also, less baggage. Interesting experiment would be to lie about your age, see how many are interested in you at 26?

 

Second, You said something along the lines of it being hard to introduce your plumber BF to your friends. Maybe you need better friends? Plumbing is actually pretty lucrative and intellectually challenging. Many days I wish I were a plumber and if I didn't have to start over I'd take it over my current accounting gig.

 

I've not had luck with online dating altogether. I think it's defintiely good for women since the ratio is SO heavily skewed to benefit you, and guys there are playing the numbers game so they cast a wide net by sending messages to as many girls as they can and hope for some of them to get back.

 

I tried contacting 4 that I really liked and didn't hear back from a single one. I saw that they opened their messages but no reply. Rude.

 

Dude, I tell you what. I tried selling cars a little after college. My experience helped a lot with dating. One thing they taught you in training is that if you get a 10% closing ratio you can get rich. You need to be emailing ALOT more women than that. large quantities also dehumanizes them so it doesn't feel like rejection oddly enough.

 

I dated a guy who had a masters in philosophy, was extremely intelligent, yet chose to work as a BMW motorcycle mechanic.

 

I don't care about the color of the collar, so long as we have similar appreciations.

 

The thing with eharmony, is that you often cant tell if a guy who lists himself as a plumber is also into symphony and wine tastings. Then again, you cant either from the attorney...

 

I also don't buy into the whole education=smart thing. If you've got a masters in philosophy you've either got rich parents, lots of scholarships, or you are not very smart. That's a lot of money to spend on a degree that isn't very marketable AT ALL!

 

My mom and older sister are snobs about education. My sister has a masters degree, was third in her high school class, works as an admin. assistant (secretary) and gets collections calls at my parent's house. I am not impressed.