Ormolu611 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hey fellow Loveshackers. I have not been on here a while, but recently some things have happened that I would like to share. My long term gf broke off with me about a year and a half ago. I have been in absolute no contact for about 15 months. As far as I am concerned nowadays, I feel like me again and am not at all bothered by the thought of her with someone else or anything really about her at all. I am in a relationship with a great girl and things are generally good. Well, it is suprising actually that I have not run into my ex at all in that time span considering that we live about 4 miles apart from each other. Nonethess, I did run into her a couple of weeks ago on her birthday. I was talking with a few friends at a bar and suddenly, she was there standing in front of me. Apparently, she was there with a couple of her friends (one of which is a young kid that I think is probably her boyfriend) and ran into me by accident. Anyway, we spend a few awkward moments asking how each other had been and gave each other a lukewarm obligatory hug, and then I simply said something to the effect that it was nice seeing her. in other words, I was done with the awkward impromptu meeting. She said the same and moved onto her friends. I was so suprised and satisfied that I was not shaken at all and that I was actually completely fine! It is amazing considering how wrapped up I had once been about this woman. She was out of my head and I continued to have a good time with friends, completely ignoring the fact that she was there (and not pretending to ignore her but actually doing it). My friends and I moved outside and got a table. I was there with my guy friend, a girl that I dated briefly (we are friends now) and two of her girlfriends. Suddenly and without warning, my ex sits down beside me. Talk about suprise! Anyway, she seems to want to catch up and tells me about what she has been doing and asks me the same. She also mentioned that it was her birthday (which I knew but did not say anything) and I at that time, wished her happy birthday. I told her about what I had been up to without being very personal at all. I left it very vague. After about 10 or 12 minutes, she left. Again, I did not care. Fast forward 2 weeks. I was out and about with my girlfriend at a sports event and I get a text from my ex out of the blue saying that she saw me entering, and that she was there too, and hopes that I have a great day. What the hell? All of this activity after so long with nary a peep! At this point I feel like, she has got some nerve. What the hell is she trying to stir up so long after the dust has settled? I think that she is just messing with me because she can. She clearly doesn't regret her decision since it had been so long without any kind of contact. She basically cut me out of her life cold turkey, then sends me a text a year and a half later telling me to have a good day???? What the hell? Fact is, I am glad that things turned out the way they did. My current girlfriend thinks that she is just trying to mess with my head for egotistical reasons since she sees that I have completely moved on and that I seem to be (and am) beyond missing her in any way. I tried to decide whether to even respond, then I decided that to not respond would be unnecessarily rude (my girlfriend disagreed) so i just said something to the fact that I hope she had a good day too. I waited about an hour to respond. Then I turned my phone off for about three hours. This whole experience has taught me the real importance of no contact. It is oh so important for healing. Just be prepared for your ex to test you once you emerge out of the woods. And this is not to say that they want you back. I have no doubt that she does not, she is just messing with me, and they will probably try to mess with you. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Listen to your current G/F. Don't feed your ex's ego by responding to her. (Not listening to your current G/F in this situation can make her your ex pretty fast, too. LOL) Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Probably ate her up that you weren't jumping over everyone to give her attention, and didnt mention knowing it was her birthday. If you would have seemed interested in talking and texting, she would have given you the cold shoulder. Honestly, and I dont care how much crap I take, women are notorious for this garbage. They dont want you, they just want you to be unhappy without them. And if youre not, theyll do what they can to try and make you insecure. You should listen to your new gf next time. I wouldnt have given her the time of day. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 As usual I agree with C and B. Your gf may hold it against you for some time to come.Hopefully not. Putting yourself in her shoes, you'd probably say the same thing. Sometimes you can't worry about appearing rude.....especially to an ex. I think you handled it very well OP. Good for you, moving on and reaching the point of indifference. For some it really isn't an easy achievement. And as far as taking some flak B, it'll only come from the guilty. It's not my intention to bash women either, but there are some who like you have said, don't want you, but they dam sure don't want anyone else to have you as well. It's often overlooked as a reason why some exes will keep you in limbo, stay in contact and send out the major mixed messages. Clearly the trait of the super selfish, god forbid you move on and meet someone better, it's their fear that you will see their value for what it wasn't. In many cases your not allowed to be happy until they are....it's amazing how someone will end the relationship but the games go on. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I think I'm in the minority of the LS community who wishes that this NC will result in complete NC forever and ever. I used to hope that Lawrence and I might talk again but after recent events... Nope. I want nothing to do with him at all. Pointless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ormolu611 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 As usual I agree with C and B. Your gf may hold it against you for some time to come.Hopefully not. Putting yourself in her shoes, you'd probably say the same thing. Sometimes you can't worry about appearing rude.....especially to an ex. /quote] Damn it. I agree with each of you guys after reading your points. I should not have responded and now I feel like an ass. Was this just misjudgement on my part? Sometimes I try to be too damned nice in situations that do not call for it. As I think back to what I was thinking, I guess that I saw the simple "you too" text response on my part in the same way as the conversation that I had with her in the bar. In the bar, I spoke to her and was very congenial, just detached. I was neither happy nor upset to see her. I figured that the bland response to her text was sent in the same spirit. Was there really any harm done? Do you guys really think that because I responded with a text that said "you too" that this crazy woman somehow feels that she has me wrapped around her finger again? Am I just naive? My current girlfriend was not what I would call upset about my response or else I never would have done it out of respect to her. It wouldn't have been worth it. I think that she was just concerned that the ex was messing with me and she knows that I have no romantic feelings left for the ex. Nonetheless, I now feel terrible thinking that I might have in any way disrespected my current girlfriend. Sheesh. I guess I did not think of it as a big deal because my current girlfriend sees her ex husband every month or so, but this is because they have a child together. This of course does not bother me in any way whatsoever. I guess I thought it was no big deal since I have had absolutely zero contact in 15 months or so with my ex. This happened a couple of days ago and everything has been normal with my current gf since and it has not been mentioned again. Still, now I am thinking that I acted inappropriately. Hmmm. Thanks for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 O, read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. Great advice in there for being too nice. Link to post Share on other sites
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