Don't know if it's Platonic Love or Romantic Love?

[margot67]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm a 20 year old college junior who is having difficulty distinguishing if what I feel for my best friend is beyond platonic love. I've known him since freshman year, and I can confidently say we are each other's best friends in the entire world. I've been lurking this forum for a while, trying to find if someone had a similar situation, but was always surprised by the use of best friend ("yea, we're bff, we ****ed a couple of times, it's awkward....") Haha, needless to say, my situation is not like that at all. We have been just friends since day one (he has always had a girlfriend) and he is like my long lost twin brother. We finish each other's sentences, can tell what the other is thinking/feeling with just one look, even speak in our weird slang. ANYWAY, the reason I'm posting is because I honestly can't imagine my life without him, and can somehow imagine us being married in the future and having children... and yet I can't picture us making out! Haha, is that strange? I think about him a lot, and whenever I'm sad doing this cheers me up. A hug from him instantly lifts my day. I don't know if I love him or if I am IN love with him, it's really weird. I do think his girfriend is wrong for him though, she is very immature and they don't have a connection at all, in fact I find myself jealous whenever she is around (not much, she goes to different school),wich why I wonder if I like him deep down. I don't see them lasting in the long run. Thing is, he's crazy about this girl (he thinks he doesn't deserve her, he has no idea how amazing he really is) and I could never put myself between them. So right now it's basically waiting for them to break up until I can make my move. If I even should. I honestly don't know if I just love him as abrother or if I am in love with him romantically. As early as freshman year another friend of mine accused me of liking him, stating that whenever I looked at him, I had a "sparkle in my eye". Haha, ok. If anyone could offer their input, maybe like offer a checklist hahha, I just had to put it out there.

 

Thanks!

[Nemo]

I do think his girfriend is wrong for him though,

I guess you don't trust his judgement. Honestly, who better to know who is "right" for him, than him?

 

Anyway, it sounds like he fulfills all of your emotional needs, but you don't want to screw his brains out.

I can't picture us making out!

He's a great friend, which is a very rare thing indeed. Nurture this friendship, and it will blossom into a lifelong journey of mutual discovery. Oh, it's so beautiful that it brings a tear to my eye.

 

But it's pretty obvious that nothing is going to happen beyond being each other's best friends.

[LoveLace]

What him and the girlfriend never break up?

 

I say tell him what you told us - that he doesn't know how amazying he really is. Tell him you can't picture life without him, and see how he responds...probably sounds silly...but you could start with "thank you for being such a good friend to me all this time, you are truly amazing, and I can't picture life without you!"...It's the way you feel, that's the only reason it might be hard to do. And for everytime he knocks himself like that, reassure him of all reasons why you think he's wrong.

 

I think it'd be hard to sort out your feelings without involving him somehow. Because think of how you'd react if he suddenly confessed that he feels the same about you? I think it would make you happy. But there is only one way to find out.

[margot67]

Nemo, I don't know, I'm not sure if I am being completely honest with myself. He's a singer, and sometimes when I hear him sing I'd def want to screw his brains out, hahah. But you're right, he is a great friend, and I will definitely make sure we remain in each other's lives.

 

Lovelace, "And for everytime he knocks himself like that, reassure him of all reasons why you think he's wrong." - really great advice, thank you. He's always awkward when I compliment him, but I just have to make it clear. I *know* I should tell him eventually, but the timing isn't right now. We'll see..

 

Thanks to you both!!

[LoveLace]

Nemo, I don't know, I'm not sure if I am being completely honest with myself. He's a singer, and sometimes when I hear him sing I'd def want to screw his brains out, hahah. But you're right, he is a great friend, and I will definitely make sure we remain in each other's lives.

 

Lovelace, "And for everytime he knocks himself like that, reassure him of all reasons why you think he's wrong." - really great advice, thank you. He's always awkward when I compliment him, but I just have to make it clear. I *know* I should tell him eventually, but the timing isn't right now. We'll see..

 

Well then there are sexual feelings, after all. So you definitely like him. He probably feels awkward with compliments because, I'm thinking his girlfriend isn't very good at making him feel good about himself. She must not be very supportive or encouraging; otherwise he wouldn't say "I don't deserve her". Does that sound like a happy relationship? I don't know if she's either way too nice, or not nice enough, she's not doing something right, she isn't treating him like a friend that needs her to a certain extent. All I'm saying is, one day in his life, he will have to come to realize that he wants a woman like yourself, that makes him feel "deserving". If not, he's just got issues...lol You'll be fine!