He's Insecure

[Farrah]

My boyfriend allowed me to go to weekend vacation with my ex-officemates. To my surprise, the family of my ex-boyfriend went with us (my ex-boss was his aunt). At first i was apprehensive to talk to them, as my bf and I didn't part as friends. But it turned out that we're all okay, talking like old friends, taking everything with a grain of salt.

 

But my boyfriend didn't take it lightly. To him it was an major insult. I don't understand how, but he's really making a BIG fuss that I went out with my ex's family, the family I almost ended up with (the ex and I were together for 8 yrs). I told him it wasn't intentional and it came as a surprise to all of us, so I'm not guilty of any wrongdoings. Still, he felt insulted. A very dirty verbal fight ensued during my vacation, and after.

 

With what happened, he lost his confidence to face up people because of his paranoia that he got ##### in the face.

 

Please don't tell me it's better that I have a relationship with the family of my ex-boyfriend apart from being just the "girlfriend" (I think so, too): I tried reasoning that out, but he doesn't see it that way.

 

We are fighting over it for the past 4 days (and going...) and the scar it left will forever haunt us. We're planning to get married late this year. But how can I ever deal with a man who's so insecure and paranoid?

 

Add to that, for me to have peace, I should only be with him-- not with my friends, not with anybody.

 

I'm so helpless now... no amount of reasoning can make me understand where he's coming from.

[KG]

I think it all boils down to trust. You are talking about spending the rest of your life with this guy. How would you honestly have felt if it had being the other way round. Would you have blown your top? If not, then this is your answer. You know deep down his behaviour is wrong and very unreasonable. If he is trying to control who you see now, then you can be 100% sure it will be alot worse after you get married.

[Farrah]

I think it all boils down to trust. You are talking about spending the rest of your life with this guy. How would you honestly have felt if it had being the other way round. Would you have blown your top? If not, then this is your answer. You know deep down his behaviour is wrong and very unreasonable. If he is trying to control who you see now, then you can be 100% sure it will be alot worse after you get married.

Honestly, if the same thing happened to me, I won't even make a fuss out of it. It's even good to know that he can maintain a friendship with other people outside a failed realtionship. It's so sad to know that it'll get worse.

 

I'm sensitive to warning signs in our relationship that can turn our would-be marriage sour. But I'm still hoping.

[Shirley]

My boyfriend allowed me to go to weekend vacation with my ex-officemates. To my surprise, the family of my ex-boyfriend went with us (my ex-boss was his aunt). At first i was apprehensive to talk to them, as my bf and I didn't part as friends. But it turned out that we're all okay, talking like old friends, taking everything with a grain of salt. But my boyfriend didn't take it lightly. To him it was an major insult. I don't understand how, but he's really making a BIG fuss that I went out with my ex's family, the family I almost ended up with (the ex and I were together for 8 yrs). I told him it wasn't intentional and it came as a surprise to all of us, so I'm not guilty of any wrongdoings. Still, he felt insulted. A very dirty verbal fight ensued during my vacation, and after. With what happened, he lost his confidence to face up people because of his paranoia that he got ##### in the face. Please don't tell me it's better that I have a relationship with the family of my ex-boyfriend apart from being just the "girlfriend" (I think so, too): I tried reasoning that out, but he doesn't see it that way. We are fighting over it for the past 4 days (and going...) and the scar it left will forever haunt us. We're planning to get married late this year. But how can I ever deal with a man who's so insecure and paranoid? Add to that, for me to have peace, I should only be with him-- not with my friends, not with anybody. I'm so helpless now... no amount of reasoning can make me understand where he's coming from.

Hi!

 

Are you sure you want to marry someone who views you as his possession? People are not property. You may love this man dearly, but he doesn't love you the way you think he does. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, and you want them to grow. He wants to stifle all of your chances to grow and be happy. You will be a prisoner in your own home if you marry this man while he has these ideas.