How Will It Affect Him If I Don't Answer His Text?

[bubblegum]

We're broken up but he came over the other night and stayed the night-- we didn't have sex, just kissed a little -- and talked about our relationship a little, but didn't resolve anything, which is fine because I don't think we're ready to do that.

 

So he left on a good note in the morning. But then his texts turned cold and and I asked him what's the matter? He said "nothing, why do you ask?"

 

Should I answer him or just ignore him? He's leaving the country for two weeks so I know I won't hear from him. The reason I'm asking if I should answer or not and not automatically be direct with him is because I'm thinking he might be playing a mind game with me.

 

What do I do?

[bubblegum]

How do I get out of the mind games?

[zicke]

Ignore him, you are broken up. In fact, if he dumped you, which it sounds like from your post---completely and totally ignore him until he sends you a text that isn't childish.

 

He needs lack of you right now if he dumped you. Let him feel it.

[bubblegum]

Thank you so much for replying and offering your persective. No one else has and it makes me feel lonlier than ever.

 

I get confused between being mature and honest with him versus feeding into his mind games. \

 

Can anyone offer perspective about why he'd be cold to me after a nice night together?

[zicke]

This is why he did it---he was lonely, maybe wondering if you were moving on and decided to see if you were still THERE FOR HIM. You were, he moved on.

 

That's why.

 

Let me tell you something, when a man, or a woman for that matter wants to get back together with you, it won't leave you wondering what he means. It will be very clear. He/she will say, in so many words: I made a horrible mistake , I want you in my life...etc...

 

The person will not be ambivalent about you. Period.

 

This man is stringing you along until he finds someone he wants to date. Yeah, it sucks. Been there.

 

You need to move on from him. Move on. He dumped you, yes, wonderful you, let him wallow in that for a long time. A long. time.

 

DO . it.

[D-Lish]

Thank you so much for replying and offering your persective. No one else has and it makes me feel lonlier than ever.

 

I get confused between being mature and honest with him versus feeding into his mind games. \

 

Can anyone offer perspective about why he'd be cold to me after a nice night together?

 

It may have something to do with him leaving, perhaps this is his way of dealing with it... distancing himself to avoid the pain.

 

DO you always answer his texts? Are you always available to him when he wants to chat, or are you one reaching out to him more often?

 

Regardless, whe his last exchange is cold like that... don't go texting him back. Don't reward his rudeness with your attention. It just sets a precedence that he be sweet one moment and rude the next.... and you'll still be there for him.

[bubblegum]

It may have something to do with him leaving, perhaps this is his way of dealing with it... distancing himself to avoid the pain.

 

DO you always answer his texts? Are you always available to him when he wants to chat, or are you one reaching out to him more often?

 

Regardless, whe his last exchange is cold like that... don't go texting him back. Don't reward his rudeness with your attention. It just sets a precedence that he be sweet one moment and rude the next.... and you'll still be there for him.

 

No, I definately don't answer the majority of his texts.. only a nice one, that has nothing to do with "us" on occasion.

 

Ignoring him will get me what though?

[zicke]

Ignoring him will get you your life back...isn't that worth it? It might get him thinking about how he actually does really miss you, but, getting your life back would trump that.

 

Do a search on no contact.

[bubblegum]

Well I guess I already screwed it all up. I finally answered him by saying "did you really think that my texts yesterday meant I wanted to get back with you?"

 

I've told him many times that I don't want to get back, that we have way too many issues to work out, and if we ever did work them through we MIGHT have a chance.

 

Now I think I messed it up by even saying that to him. Did I?

[ahhhchooo]

Stop playing games with him and be straight up - you're probably hurting his feelings.

[Intergalactic]

it's easy - just answer and say that you asked him if anything was wrong because you felt a coldness through his txts. that's all. he may NOT be playing mind games, because trying to communicate anything through txting is really hard. there is no emotion and things can sound really short.

 

if you are broken up, try not to encourage the sleeping over and kissing/cuddling. i did it for a while after our break up, it gave me hope that he would come around and he didn't. it made me emotionally available to him instead of showing him that if he doesn't want to be with me, then all that closeness ends. at the end of the day, you need to look out for yourself and treat this as what it is - a breaking up of your relationship. don't hold onto something which may not be there. once he says he wants to work things out, then you can do the sleeping over and stuff because then you will be back in a relationship.

[bubblegum]

Thanks for all your input. At first he said he was short in his texts to me because he didn't have anything to say. Then he said it was because the kissing/cuddling was too hard, like you pointed out Intergalactic. But I don't know, sometimes I think all he wants is sex, and not to work on the relationship at all.

 

Ugg?!?!?

[BCCA]

sometimes I think all he wants is sex, and not to work on the relationship at all.

 

I would definitely agree. A lot of times, ex's just miss the simple pleasures that a relationship provide, starting with sex. If he's only nice when he wants to see you, and cold as soon as he leaves, there is your answer.

 

If he wanted to work on the relatioship, he would let you know. If he hasnt given you any indication that he does, then its safe to assume he does not. Dont talk to this guy anymore, dont answer his texts, and dont sleep with him at all. Let this one go, it just doesnt sound like a healthy situation for you.

[bubblegum]

Yeah BCCA, I think I give him too much credit regarding missing me, having complex feelings, etc. And maybe he takes advantage of that?

 

He used to say that he doesn't feel things very deeply, that he doesn't feel much at all. Could that be true, can people be like that?

[0hpenelope]

Yeah BCCA, I think I give him too much credit regarding missing me, having complex feelings, etc. And maybe he takes advantage of that?

 

He used to say that he doesn't feel things very deeply, that he doesn't feel much at all. Could that be true, can people be like that?

 

There are people in this world who are like that, yes.

 

Perhaps, he's one of those people who think things too deeply because they want to keep their lives simple.

 

But in all honesty, it doesn't even matter in your situation and in most of the situations here on LS. We can go round and round in circles analyzing what it is he wants and what he's looking for, etc... but in spite of our perspectives and even in spite of his words (because people can and do lie), we still won't know. You still won't have your answer and you're still not happy. The answer could be staring right at you right now and you won't be happy with it...

 

How are you feeling today? I hope you're feeling better.

[bubblegum]

Thanks for asking OhPenelope. I'm feeling a little bit better, but missing him too. A different kind of missing him than because we're broken up, but missing him like I would if we were together because of his trip. I'm so stupid! And I'm already wondering if he'll contact me when he gets back. I have to stop because I'm setting myself up for disappointment, I'm sure.