Lookingforward Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Apparently my NOT responding wasn't the response she wanted? So, now what? Respond or not? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 well, what did the email say to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Apparently my NOT responding wasn't the response she wanted? So, now what? Respond or not? No.. keep ignoring her.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 What did it say? Please, do yourself a favour, just take her husband OFF your friends list. There's no point in keeping him on your list, even if you do enjoy pissing her off from afar. It is possible since she cheated on him in the past, she is assuming now he is cheating on her, kind of like pay back or something. Anyway, don't reply since you didn't the first time around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 It was a message sent to my profile on that site (which says nothing but my name as I'm not paying for it lol) and basically just said the same as the first one. But I just got an actual email to my normal email account as well, again asking basically the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 It was a message sent to my profile on that site (which says nothing but my name as I'm not paying for it lol) and basically just said the same as the first one. But I just got an actual email to my normal email account as well, again asking basically the same things. and WHAT would that actually be? i am in the dark here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 [/b] and WHAT would that actually be? i am in the dark here. asking why I was 'searching' her on the net and why her H is listed as a 'friend' on my profile - it's all in another thread about the first msge Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Did it have a new date on it? Was it the same old message unaltered from the first? I ask, because these sites send out all kinds of reminders with the same old stuff linked to it to get you to browse their sites. Short of anything else, I say ignore her. Now, it seems SHE needs to get a grip. That, and speak with her H. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 Did it have a new date on it? Was it the same old message unaltered from the first? I ask, because these sites send out all kinds of reminders with the same old stuff linked to it to get you to browse their sites. Short of anything else, I say ignore her. Now, it seems SHE needs to get a grip. That, and speak with her H. nope, it was a new one - same things but worded differently - and then there was an actual email to my email account which she wouldn't know. She got it off his computer I'd guess. So now who's been "snooping" and "violating privacy" ?? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 nope, it was a new one - same things but worded differently - and then there was an actual email to my email account which she wouldn't know. She got it off his computer I'd guess. So now who's been "snooping" and "violating privacy" ?? Oh, I agree. I was attempting to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was trying to secure her marriage. Which is certainly her right. But it seems that she is more interested in control. If I was in a bad mood and got those messages, I might be inclined to respond as you suggested in your first thread. I apologize for not giving YOU the benefit of the doubt too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 Oh, I agree. I was attempting to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was trying to secure her marriage. Which is certainly her right. But it seems that she is more interested in control. If I was in a bad mood and got those messages, I might be inclined to respond as you suggested in your first thread. I apologize for not giving YOU the benefit of the doubt too. Well thanks I just feel sorry for both of them - neither seems happy but it's not my problem, as I said. I found out that stupid site send out search 'updates' ALL the time - finally figured out how to delete the 'search function'. It's almost like she's looking for drama. Maybe because there was none at the time exsMM and I were together and then not. Dunno Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 nope, it was a new one - same things but worded differently - and then there was an actual email to my email account which she wouldn't know. She got it off his computer I'd guess. So now who's been "snooping" and "violating privacy" ?? I'd respond to her. I'd tell her that, unlike searching of information in the public domain, unsolicited AND UNWANTED email contact does constitute harassment and online stalking IF IT PERSISTS once the sender has been told clearly that the contact is unwanted. And that your response serves to do just that. And leave it at that. I wouldn't engage with the content of her messages - simply draw a line letting her know that any further attempts at contact would be overstepping it. If she wants answers about her H's behaviour, she's free to approach him for those. I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 It is possible he gave her your email address. It is possible that she knows his password to his email account. You all are assuming that's she's snooping and stirring up drama! It was by not knowing that when you search for someone on that site, the person gets a notification. Obviously if LF knew this, she wouldn't have searched her name. The BS isn't looking for drama, she's trying to figure out what is going on, hense her husband on LF's friend list. Yes - HE is the one she needs to speak to about this, but if LF wants to stop this drama from continuing she has a choice to delete him as a friend. She hasn't, for her own reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
John Who Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Well maybe you should'nt have searched her name in the first place,and try deleting her husband from your list. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Yes, I think also, it would be worth flagging his/her/their email details in your account as unwanted e-mails or 'spam'. That way, they'll go straight into a discard folder, which should empty automatically after a while. Erase everything you can, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Would it really kill you to ease her mind a little and just say oh I'm sorry I was bored one day and just searching old friends? It won't happen again and no we haven't been in touch. Would it really be that difficult or do you enjoy all this? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Would it really kill you to ease her mind a little and just say oh I'm sorry I was bored one day and just searching old friends? It won't happen again and no we haven't been in touch. Would it really be that difficult or do you enjoy all this? EXACTLY!!! This is the easiest way to end the drama. And while you're at it...remove MM's contact from your page as was suggested before. This is SIMPLE...you know exactly how to put an end to the drama...the real question here isn't why she's contacting you...that's obvious...the REAL question is...why aren't you taking the simple steps to end the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Seems LF doesn't want to delete MM from her friends list, she's already said HE should do it. What I want to know is, why she added him as a friend when she saw the friend request. THAT in itself was asking for trouble. YES we all know MM shouldn't have put in the friend request, but obviously HE thinks she is opening the door for something, to keep intouch abit, because he also got the alert from the site that she was searching for him. Maybe he took that as a hint..She took the bait, accepted his friend request and boom! Now we have some fuel to add to his wife's fire. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 LF, before you searched for MM and his wife, how long was the NC between you and him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 As I've said before, I didn't "accept a friendship offer" - it seems this site assumes that if you search and the other person adds you to their contacts it's okay with you - no "request to add" necessary. First I knew of it was an email from the site saying "xxx has added you to their contacts". I don't even know if he actually meant to add me, because if he wanted to contact me he has many other ways of doing that. Makes no sense that he would give her my email address when he hasn't removed me from contacts, so am assuming she hasn't even brought it up with him, and found it by snooping in his computer. Whoever said it's a control issue with her is spot on, that's all it is, and unfortunately for her she doesn't control what I do. Too bad. wwiu, I have no idea which particular search set this off as I did search WAY WAY back last year some time just after it all went south, but did another in May, not sure I searched her in May, seems this site just keeps "updating" the search function - but I figured out how to turn it off now. We were LC from mid June (when he went back) to Sept, then NC since then. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 There's still no reason why you can't respond to her with a short "this was from a while ago, no contact between us, that's it" email, right? Make it clear you're not in contact, and clear you don't want any further contact with her or him. And still no reason you can't remove him from that contact list either, right? Again...this is a simple way to clear up the confusion and eliminate the drama. Why NOT take it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 There's still no reason why you can't respond to her with a short "this was from a while ago, no contact between us, that's it" email, right? Make it clear you're not in contact, and clear you don't want any further contact with her or him. And still no reason you can't remove him from that contact list either, right? Again...this is a simple way to clear up the confusion and eliminate the drama. Why NOT take it? Because frankly I don't want ANY communication with the woman. As I've already said, she doesn't control what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 By not responding, you're ASKING for continued communication with this woman. You can call it anything you like...control, whatever...but at the end of the day...YOU are choosing to keep the games going. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 LF, a quote from your other thread on this subject: As for playing games, why the hell not - I'm entitled to a little amusement at her expense, considering. You never explained WHY you felt this way. And I'm curious...is this WHY you refuse to do anything to actually resolve this issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Terminator Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I don't think the issue is LF's to resolve. Whatever she responds will surely only elicit another response from the W and isn't this exactly what other posters have been advised NOT to do? Surely NC means both the exMM AND the W? Link to post Share on other sites
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