Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 This is simple...his wife suspects that something has started back up between them, as a result of LF's search that she conducted several months ago. If LF wants the wife to quit contacting her, all she's got to do is verify that there has been NC between LF and her husband. That's it. The wife has no other reason to contact LF...and from what I've gathered, made no attempt to contact LF at any point PRIOR to this...it wasn't until the husband added LF as a "friend contact" on some website that brought this all up. The fix is simple. Its easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Let me add...I don't think LF "owes" the wife anything at all. I'm not suggesting this for any reason to support the wife. I'm suggesting it because its the best way to extricate LF from the madness. And it confounds me that LF refuses to take measures to get out of the situation. Which is why I suspect that LF is ENJOYING this. Link to post Share on other sites
Terminator Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 This is simple...his wife suspects that something has started back up between them, as a result of LF's search that she conducted several months ago. If LF wants the wife to quit contacting her, all she's got to do is verify that there has been NC between LF and her husband. That's it. The wife has no other reason to contact LF...and from what I've gathered, made no attempt to contact LF at any point PRIOR to this...it wasn't until the husband added LF as a "friend contact" on some website that brought this all up. The fix is simple. Its easy. Shouldn't the wife be verifying that with her husband? What makes you think she would believe LF? The wife needs to leave LF out of the marital dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 What makes you think she HASN'T asked her husband about this? But...the other part of this is that she has lots of reasons to believe that her husband would lie if there WAS contact...no? Wouldn't it be wiser to go BOTH routes to verify this? WHY should the wife leave LF out of it? This is all a direct result of LF's search...of LF's actions. I don't see what's wrong with the wife asking, personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Terminator Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 What makes you think she HASN'T asked her husband about this? But...the other part of this is that she has lots of reasons to believe that her husband would lie if there WAS contact...no? Wouldn't it be wiser to go BOTH routes to verify this? WHY should the wife leave LF out of it? This is all a direct result of LF's search...of LF's actions. I don't see what's wrong with the wife asking, personally. I'm only assuming that if she had asked the H, she would have also insisted he remove LF from his contacts. As far as it being all due to LF's actions, she certainly didn't go knocking on their door, it's only an internet search after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I'm only assuming that if she had asked the H, she would have also insisted he remove LF from his contacts. As far as it being all due to LF's actions, she certainly didn't go knocking on their door, it's only an internet search after all. That ended up sending an email notification...leading to him somehow being added to LF's contact list on a web page, and resulting in his wife being concerned about renewed contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Just like a short, 2-3 sentence email could END all of the drama as well. None of this is rocket science. Link to post Share on other sites
Terminator Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Just like a short, 2-3 sentence email could END all of the drama as well. None of this is rocket science. Owl, no offense, but you're assuming a response from LF would be the end of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 No offense taken. And you're right...it IS an assumption. Its possible that this wouldn't end the communication. That's a risk. But the odds seem a lot more likely that it would. Given that the wife never attempted to contact LF prior to having a concern about NC being broken, it makes sense that once its been verified that it hasn't been, she'd likely go back to NC as well. And, realize she's not just asking if NC is broken or not...she's asked point blank WHY LF searched for her and her H. Its a valid question...there's no reason why LF shouldn't/couldn't answer it, is there? If the answer is likely to result in the wife going away...there's value in taking the risk, no? Right now, the wife continues to contact LF seeking answers...this is likely to continue for a while until she GETS those answers...but there's no clear motive for continuing once she has them, is there? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I'm betting blocking her on e-mail would help. Why would she choose to not take such a simple step? Actually...that would be LF's other option too. Block the wife...no more contact from her that way. Block him in case the wife attempts to use his email account as well. This makes good sense to me too. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Taking off MM as a friend would probably be the best way to end it all and the kindest to W but obviously LF doesnt want to do that for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Taking him off wouldn't just be best for the wife, would it? Wouldn't ending all this drama and game-playing and continued stress be in LF's best interests too? Link to post Share on other sites
Terminator Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 No offense taken. And you're right...it IS an assumption. Its possible that this wouldn't end the communication. That's a risk. But the odds seem a lot more likely that it would. Given that the wife never attempted to contact LF prior to having a concern about NC being broken, it makes sense that once its been verified that it hasn't been, she'd likely go back to NC as well. And, realize she's not just asking if NC is broken or not...she's asked point blank WHY LF searched for her and her H. Its a valid question...there's no reason why LF shouldn't/couldn't answer it, is there? If the answer is likely to result in the wife going away...there's value in taking the risk, no? Right now, the wife continues to contact LF seeking answers...this is likely to continue for a while until she GETS those answers...but there's no clear motive for continuing once she has them, is there? I went back through the threads and read what the W allegedly wrote to LF and nowhere is there a concern expressed about breaking NC. The questions she asked LF weren't about NC being broken; she is asking LF to justify searching for her and having her H on her contacts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 What makes you think she HASN'T asked her husband about this? But...the other part of this is that she has lots of reasons to believe that her husband would lie if there WAS contact...no? Wouldn't it be wiser to go BOTH routes to verify this? WHY should the wife leave LF out of it? This is all a direct result of LF's search...of LF's actions. I don't see what's wrong with the wife asking, personally. Which if true means she has far bigger problems in her M to worry about than whether I did a search on her LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Which still shows that you're deflecting the issue to try to say there's something wrong with her or her marriage. Why should that matter to you one little bit, if your intent is to avoid being a mix in the game? Or was my speculation right, and this really is all just about the game for you? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 LF why dont you just delete him as a friend? It seems like such a simple thing to do. And it might make W feel just a little bit more comfortable. Thats not your job but a nice side effect. More importantly it might help get you off of her radar. She has bigger fish to fry as you say, but it would be one less thing for her to focus on. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 After reading through the others' posts and thinking about this a bit, I think something is up. I know that LF said that she wasn't in an A with MM because he was separated and planning to get a D. But he may actually be having an A now and could be using LF to cover it. I think the W is contacting LF because he has been stone-walling her when she asks him. He probably gave the W the email address so that she could contact LF and get the answer that they aren't in contact to help keep his cover. It is a huge assumption that the W will not contact LF again even if she explained the search situation, but if he is lying to her and LF saying that she isn't in contact with him allays her fears, she probably won't contact LF again unless her suspicions are on overdrive. I hate to say this, but it may be in LF's best interest to contact her and let her know about the automatic notification and friend/contact add when a person is searched. I think the W is hunting for info into possibly suspicious behavior on the part of her H. Either that or I have an over active imagination. (LF sorry for discussing you in third person. Just trying to make up my story Link to post Share on other sites
DealingWDrama Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 AS a wife, I'm telling you that if you do not respond to her initial request - you are asking for a world of verbal, written, and perhaps oral bashing. She is obviously not ok with the fact that you contacted or looked up her or her husband...their marriage must still be in shambles or else she would have laughed at the thought of you looking her up. Her H on the other hand - he needs his little tooshie kicked for allowing you to be on his friends list or whatever it is. It's your decision as to how to handle the situation - but if you wish to be drama free...the truth will always do that for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 27, 2008 Author Share Posted September 27, 2008 AS a wife, I'm telling you that if you do not respond to her initial request - you are asking for a world of verbal, written, and perhaps oral bashing. She is obviously not ok with the fact that you contacted or looked up her or her husband...their marriage must still be in shambles or else she would have laughed at the thought of you looking her up. Her H on the other hand - he needs his little tooshie kicked for allowing you to be on his friends list or whatever it is. It's your decision as to how to handle the situation - but if you wish to be drama free...the truth will always do that for you. If I wanted drama I'd just fwd her email to HIM and say "tell your wife to stop emailing me"... but that WOULD be breaking NC ... and I'm not about to (with either of them) How was I to know that clicking on the "sender" would take me to her profile? Gotta love it ... grrr Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 You're already IN the drama, LF. Link to post Share on other sites
DealingWDrama Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 LF - I see and understand what you are saying...the fact is you were the OW in a relationship...the W thinks that you are still in the relationship with the H, but you aren't. On one hand I think that this is simply screaming insecure wifeypoo but on the other hand you were a little out of line breaking the NC by looking them up on the internet in the first place. However, if you decide to reply - that's fine too. The W and the H will have to make their own peace with the situation and deal with it themselves. Trust is a B to rebuild once an A has occured...it can be done, but it isn't your place to have to help them rebuild it. I have come to a new understanding as a W in a once triangle situation.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 29, 2008 Author Share Posted September 29, 2008 Sorry, but I don't see looking someone up the internet as breaking NC lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 29, 2008 Author Share Posted September 29, 2008 You're already IN the drama, LF. Nope Owl, no drama at my end Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lookingforward Posted September 30, 2008 Author Share Posted September 30, 2008 Well, on further investigation it seems if you're a paid member on that site (which she is) you can send a message that will go to the other person's email directly rather than to the site profile. So...I take it back that she was snooping around to get my email address. Still glad I didn't respond to the email and give her my real email addy though, as she is 'visiting' my profile on a weekly basis. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 as she is 'visiting' my profile on a weekly basis. All because you searched her out first. If you hadn't done that, none of this would be happening to you. You could put her on block so she won't see your profile. Link to post Share on other sites
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