I want her back

[Desperate]

I ended my relationship with my girlfriend over 6 weeks ago. It took me 4 weeks to realise I want her back. I love her deeply and would do anything to get her back, I am so lonely without her. She is saying I have hurt her too much and she can't trust me. I can understand what she is saying as our relationship was heading to marriage. I said some horrible things to her and she feels she is just to scared incase I hurt her in this way in the future. Is there anything I can do, or should I just accept this and try to get on with my sorry life.

 

Thanks in Advance.

[Sula]

You have to consider whether you feel these emotions because you really love her or because you're lonely and suconsciously don't like the idea of facing the big changes in your life. LIke they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

Here's the clincher when it comes to breaking up. If you get back together, the old problems you had resurface because they were never resolved. You never worked them out, you broke up instead. It's normal for her to try to protect herself from being hurt again.

 

About 63% of marriages end in divorce or separation. And, unfortunately, when interviewing couples over the long term, happiness does decline with age. The thing about relaitonships is that they grow and change as a matter of course. And sometimes, especially if there's not enough true communication (which is the case in about 70% of relationships), people grow and change at different rates, causing a difference to form between them that wasn't previously there, which eventually widens the rift until thy break up.

 

Analyze your reasons for wanting this. The number one reason people seek counseling in America is relationship problems. Why? Because they don't look at their relationships or themselves honestly. To persue something just because it makes you feel good is not the key to happiness. You need compatibility, honesty, equality, respect. If those were and will be there inthis interaction, then persue it. If not, look to something else.

 

Good luck.

[Tony T]

Your life isn't sorry because you want somebody back. Nature abhors a vacuum. You are lonely and missing that companionship you had when you were dating.

 

But there was a very compelling reason you ended your relationship and I'm sure you gave it a lot of thought before you did. That same reason or reasons would still be there if you got back together, assuming you tried hard to correct the matter.

 

You did the right thing...now move on. There are so many others out there whom you can be with without doubts. When you are ready and with the right person, it will all come together.

 

I hope you will consider living your life in the forward mode and not looking back. Always have confidence that your feelings are correct at the time. Of course, they can change in the future but know that they were right on target at the time you took action.

[Desperate]

Thanks for the advice guys. To be honest I never really thought about it before I left her. I wasn't happy, I felt there were things that needed changing, I was picking holes in her when the whole problem was with me. I realise now she is the only person for me. We did have bad communication and I just allowed this to eat me up, I am a very quiet person by nature whereas she wanted to talk about things and I constantly shut her out which lead to many heated arguments. I really don't blame her for not taking me back, I was such a bad boyfriend and I have hurt her beyond belief. I can now see clearly and I realise if I changed my attitude and not expect her to be perfect then everything would be alot easier.

 

Anymore advice would be gratefully appreciated. Do you think I am wrong in trying to get this woman to get back with me. Have I done too much damage?

[Sula]

Yes. You are wrong trying to get back together with her and it would be best for you to move on.

 

Why? Read my first post. You are fundamentally different people with different needs. It would be healthier for you to find someone you're more compatible with and for her to do the same.

[Shirley]

Thanks for the advice guys. To be honest I never really thought about it before I left her. I wasn't happy, I felt there were things that needed changing, I was picking holes in her when the whole problem was with me. I realise now she is the only person for me. We did have bad communication and I just allowed this to eat me up, I am a very quiet person by nature whereas she wanted to talk about things and I constantly shut her out which lead to many heated arguments. I really don't blame her for not taking me back, I was such a bad boyfriend and I have hurt her beyond belief. I can now see clearly and I realise if I changed my attitude and not expect her to be perfect then everything would be alot easier.

 

Anymore advice would be gratefully appreciated. Do you think I am wrong in trying to get this woman to get back with me. Have I done too much damage?

Hi!

 

It's never too late to go with your feelings. It may take longer this time because you have already hurt her. I guess it all depends on how forceful you were when you shut her out. Did you lash out at her by putting her down? It sounds to me like she wanted you to be there, to talk about feelings or whatever, and you wouldn't. Women need intimate conversations once in a while. And they need to know that the man they love cares about their feelings. Be open about your feelings to her and show her that you care how she feels. Start by telling her that you love her, and you're sorry that you hurt her. Tell her that her feelings really do matter to you. And make sure you are calm when you say it.