reached a sitution in my life where everything seems out of control

[tanita]

I hope someone can help me co my life is breaking apart.

 

I am a 26 year old woman who is going through a crisis.I feel so bad. I cannot even sleep at night and all this is affecting my work.

 

I have reached a sitution in my life where everything seems out of controle and things are so bad i do not know what to do

Since my story is so long,i will give you some ideas of what is wrong and i hope someone can help me with advice on how to cope.

 

1) Since my boyfreind cheated on me,i drink everyday to try to forget.Now, i may becoming alcoholic cos not a day goes by that i do not drink,sometimes as early as noon

 

2) My grandfather died a week ago and it has been havoc in my family,which has led to many conflicts between me and my mom and my dad.....

 

3) I come from a very conservative family so leaving and living on my own is not an option

 

Drinking every day makes me do and say nasty things with my family and my still boyfreind.I go to work with headaches,hangovers and as i said my work is affected

 

Yesterday,i got in a fight with my parents and my dad left the house.This was the first time and he came back later.In the mean time,i had to go out so i did but i was feeling so bad,i drank so much,called home every 10 mins to see if he came back.Needless to say,i had a terrible time,cried on my bf shoulder,was screaming at him...

 

Any way,hope you get the idea.I have got to get a grip on myself so i will not become an unbearable person.I am depressed,hurt and every day,i am going more and more down the pit!!!!!HELP ME

[Curt]

First of all, my condolences on the loss of your grandfather. It's never easy to lose someone in your family, and I know the sorrow firsthand.

 

With respect to your feeling that things are out of control, a few things are going to be necessary.

 

1. If you have to drink in order to forget his infidelity, then perhaps it is best to break it off with him. If you are emotionally wounded to this extent, then staying with him is sure not hurting him, but it sure as heck is hurting you...and apparently it's not helping with the relationships you have with your family. If you want to forgive him, and make it work, then you're both going to have to get into counselling and FAST.

 

I have to be honest though...I'd be packed and out of there in a jiffy if I was struggling through this kind of pain over someone else's infidelity. No conservatism would keep me locked in a place I wasn't happy. Don't let it do that to you, either.

 

2. You need to talk to your family about what has been going on so that you can get support. Of course, this may have to wait until after the funeral, etc. In the meantime, you'll need to talk to friends, so that they can help you through.

 

3. You may need al-anon if you really can't shake the booze. Fact is, I think the booze is just the crutch you need to forget the unpleasant feelings of your boyfriend's infidelity.

 

Just some ideas for thought. Hope it helps in some small way.

 

Curt.

[Oxydol]

You need professional help. Life is tearing you down and your reliance on liquor will only bring you down further into the pit.

 

At the moment, you are in a deep state of grief. Grief over the loss of your beloved grandfather and grief over the betrayal of your less worthy boyfriend.

 

The first thing is to see your physician. You are likely suffering from depression (not a-simple-case-of-the-blues kind) and you might need medical treatment for that in the form of medications and/or therapy.

 

You will also need to enter a substance abuse programme as Curt suggested.

 

I might also suggest dumping your boyfriend. If he isn't a help then he is definitely a hinderance.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world getting yourself sorted. It won't be an easy road, but if you are able to take each day as it comes, you'll find yourself in a better position to cope.

 

*hug*

[BklynGuy]

I am 24 years old and recently went through a similar situation. I was depressed and poisoning myself everyday with cigarettes and alcohol. I used them to escape the problems I was having in everyday life. The previous repsonses are correct. You need to get rid of your bf or get into relationship counseling. But cheating ISN'T love!! You should go see a therapist and cut your guy loose. I have come to realize that sometimes you get lost and just need time alone away from those you know to find your way again. My advice would be to cut off your bf and go to counseling by yourself. After some time away from him and dealing with the loss of your grandfather, everything will probably become clear for you. Best of luck! "Sometimes in life you have to be your own hero!"