My bestfriend is being a cheat and I'm not sure if I should say something.

[confusedfriend]

********* I posted this on the dating thread too - but I think it belongs her *****

This is my first time posting on this forum, so sorry if its out of place or silly sounding. This is long, I am sorry. I needed to explain this as best I could because I feel like a bystander who needs to stop a train wreak from happening.

 

My friend was in a LDR for about three years. He always hated being in a long distance relationship, but loved his ex, and did not want to hurt her.

 

This summer, the ex was really busy with work for about a month and a half, and in that time, my friend met a new girl. I do not really know if he told the new girl about his ex, when I ask about this he tells me to piss off. I think he probably mentioned his ex (who he was dating at the time), to the new girl, maybe once or twice.

 

His ex visited him about a month ago and she knew something was wrong. She started asking me if I knew anything, but I kept my mouth shut. Eventually she figured it out for herself, that my friend was losing interest in her, and investing himself in this new girl.

 

So she dumped him on the spot and cried to me about it for a while (we had a decent friendship, and I guess she wanted to talk to one of his friends). For a while she kept asking for him back, and he would not have it. He started seeing the new girl, and the ex backed off.

 

 

 

My problem is this:

I found out my friend is still having phone sex and internet sex with his ex. He told me he is still attracted to her. He does not want a relationship, but she says she does not either, so he thinks it is okay. BUT he is also casually dating the new girl he left his ex for. The new girl seems very shy and quiet, he mentioned to me how she gets depressed easily. They have been casually dating since he broke up with his ex. He told me they are not exclusive yet, it has not been discussed, so he is just going to let things happen. If him and the new girl end up serious he will stop fooling around with his ex.

 

 

I feel like I've stood by and seen too much messed up **** happen. His ex is obviously trying to get him back, and the new girl has no clue about my buddy fooling around. Should I intervene? When I talked to him last about this he did not seem to understand the severity of the situation. He says he loves his ex but doesnt want a relationship with her, and as for the new girl he'll let things happen if they happen... is he doing the right thing? I do not know. I also suggested to my friend that maybe this new girl is a rebound, even though he could have his ex back if he wanted, it seems like this new girl is just something to keep him from getting lonely. Any suggestions?

[TigerCub]

Well from what you've said, he's not exclusive with the new girl, so he's free to do whatever he wants, he's not promising her anything and it is probably understood by both parties. Until they're exclusive they can both seek out other types of relationships and who's to say that the new girl isn't seeing someone else in the meantime as well.

 

As for the ex, well if she wants him back or not, it really doesn't matter, she's responsible for her actions, and if fooling around and keeping things going with your friend is what she wants, she'll have to deal with the consequences of that.

 

I understand that you're concerned about your friend's behavior, and personally, I think he's an a$$ for cheating in the first place, but I don't think its your place to intervene. Why do you feel you have to? Who do you think is being wronged in this situation now? And honestly, do you feel you need to put a stop to this because he's getting attention from 2 girls and you may be a little jealous? (I'm not saying that in any mean way), just an honest question.

[confusedfriend]

And honestly, do you feel you need to put a stop to this because he's getting attention from 2 girls and you may be a little jealous? (I'm not saying that in any mean way), just an honest question.

 

 

I guess I am a little jealous. My friend, his ex and I hung out online a lot, playing various games. She seemed cool. Never understood why she went for a guy like him, she was so positive and active with her life and hes pretty lazy. lol

 

As for the new girl... I'm not jealous of him there, but she was actually in a class him and I had together, so I know her vaguely. I feel like she needs to know whats going on. Well I thought felt that way. I guess if my friend is not exclusive with her yet, then you are right, they are both free to do their own things. From what I can tell though, this new girl is very very emotionally invested in my friend already. When I go over to his place to chill, if shes talking to him online she is always acting really sad and whiny to get his attention. She seems kind of needy and maybe more emotionally invested than he is. Shes a freshman in college, and from what my friend says, really tame and never dated before. My friend on the other hand is a senior and has played the field.

 

I really do not know. Maybe I am just jealous and looking into things too much.