New here -- need an objective view

[blossomingbutterfly]

After a more than 20 year marriage, I recently became divorced. In the year and a half it took for the divorce and the year since it became final, I worked very hard to protect my heart from feeling anything but friendship for men. Recently, I met a man who I became close to. This was in a setting where I stayed temporarily at his place of employment; we enjoyed each other's company and sometimes intimate conversation. When it was time for me to leave, we had a tender goodbye and I cried. He had inquired about my dating/sex life, and I told him I didn't date and was not looking for that type of relationship. He is also divorced and has dating issues and told me he had not dated for several years because he had issues with women. I did give him my phone number, but when he asked for my address so he could come pick me up and take me out, I wouldn't give it to him. He said that would change. It did change, and I let him know. He did not ask me out again, and did not come to my home. I visit this residence regularly because I have other friends there, and the gentleman and I continued to be friends. There was some flirting and some playful touching and more intimate conversation, but nothing more. In time, my feelings for him started growing into more than friendship. This frightened me. We started having miscommunication and little issues -- we always made up. A situation arose which made me feel it was necessary to share with him that my feelings were growing and I was scared. Things became tense between us. I had a text message in my drafts which was meant for a girlfriend and I accidentally (honestly) sent it to him. It referred to an evening I spent with another guy. Now he won't speak to me at all, won't answer (maybe doesn't even read) text messages I send him, won't look at me, and leaves the room if I walk in. I have apologized for my mistake in addressing the text message, but I don't think I need to apologize for spending time with another man. We were at a party, we met, we enjoyed each other's company. Nothing more. I don't feel like he should care if I spend time with someone; he isn't asking me out. Some who know him have told me he is interested in more than friendship and that he didn't ask me out a second time because he's "paying me back" for not going out the first time. Some say he only uses women and I need to run. Some men I am close to tell me that his reaction is because even though we are not dating, we became close and he wants me for himself. I feel like he thinks I was lying when I told him I don't date because when we spoke about the text message he referred to the other guy as my boyfriend. I am pissed because he thinks I lied, but I'm really more concerned about how to save our friendship. I don't know why, but this man has really gotten to me and our friendship is so valuable. Until the text message, I would have done just about anything in the world for him; now I am just confused. He is so very special and I guess I want him in my life in whatever type of relationship he wants -- friends (with or without benefits) or dating (with or without sex). How in the world do I apologize to a man who won't even look at me, talk to me or stay in the same room with me? Everyone asks what's going on with us -- he looks so unhappy and so hurt. I don't know how to make it better.

 

Thanks for listening and for any advice.